Ar-Kansas

Michael, Rachel, myself and the fellow arkansians had a fun night tonight. The arkansians would be Matthew and Bekah, Rachels brother and sister. We played mini golf, and did the batting cages, and Michael, Matthew, and Bekah did the go karts. Bekah won the second time. Lots of fun and Michael saw a WHOLE new side to Rachels personality. I won't go too much into details, because...well lets just say it is something that Damon and I's sick personalitys and fascinations with the many facets of feces would enjoy...but Rachel is to embarassed to admit to it. :) I love my husband...he made life so fun. We had the weirdest shared interests...such has passing gas and feces. I know, most of you are grossed out. And don't worry, it was not like we are weirdo's that REALLY were truly obsessed, but more of a running joke to gross other people out. :) Anyway..enough on that subject.

Sometimes I am afraid people will see me smiling or laughing, or reading my blog about something fun I did and wonder why I am not sad, like I didn't love Damon enough or something. I guess I feel guilty for having a good day sometimes. The truth of the matter is, I loved and continue to love Damon MORE than I ever knew possible to love any human being and I will NEVER forget my wonderful husband, and I DO want him back. But, if a good day comes my way from the Lord, I need to take Him up on it. In reality the bad days do come and they are very hard to get through, the break in the clouds, or silver lining are a welcome time for me. The Lord gives me those times so I CAN bear the pain through Jesus Christ. The pain is sooo great and so deep, that I need these moments. Damon would want me to make it, to live, to breathe, to go on. I want to do those things FOR him, to live in his legacy and to continue his memory in every life possible. Yet, it also saddens me, because my life is now without him. That is very hard. I wish it were different, God has another plan and I have to accept it and try to please Him within this storm in my life. It is hard to lose the man I became ONE flesh with. So hard. I wish he was here.

I need to go to bed for the night, work in da mornin. Pray for me, and I pray for my blogger buddies and love ya.