Friday

*hmmm, thinks, what should I write*

How is it that I am drawing so many blanks lately??

Tomorrow is gonna be busy. I am wanting to clean the house, decorate, get my SS Lesson together, and the basket all ready for tomorrow night.

I have some Christmas shopping to do, but hopefully not too much.

Right now, I am listening to Christmas music...its so comforting. It reminds me of Emily. I decorated at my cubicle space today. I hung red ribbon on the top edge, then have alternating shapes, sizes, of red, clear, and white snowflakes hanging from behind. I of course have penguin stuff here too. I think I have three penguins in the area. Make that four. I have cranberries (fake ones) hanging around the entry way, and a big red bow that is sooooo purty at the back side of my cubicle. I feel Christmasy. Even though Christmas is not decorations, Christ is Christmas, but I enjoy the decorating aspect of it all. The only thing that could make this better, would be Damon. And to be in Idaho, watching him try to ski again...that was so funny. I wish I had pictures...but if I had brought a camera that day, it probably would have gotten broken anyway.

I leave you with this. Oh, and Sister Connie, thanks for commenting on my blog...that makes me feel great!

"Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord. "
1 Corinthians 15:58

Bed Time

I am wore slap out. :) God is soooo good. We went to service in Murfreesboro tonight and it was a huge blessing. God is our Healer, Friend, Father, Encourager, Savior, He is just so good. Though it is a long drive, I don't think I could have had a better night anywhere else.

Right now, it is after 10:30, I need to sleep. My eyes are sleepy, and work will come early.

Cherish every moment, every breath of life. Don't take a single step for granted. Love deeply, honestly, and wholely.

Gina Just Called...

I am assuming a lot of you have read on Valeries blog about her step daughter Sarah being in a car wreck. Gina just called me to tell me that they ran a test on her brain and she is not showing any signs of brain activity at all. They are going to run another test in a few days...because they think the test results might be because of the heavy sedation she is under. Sarah is only 16. Gina is concerned about her salvation. I hope that doesn't sound harsh, but the reality is, we will all have to face eternity one day. I would love more than anything for Sarah to come out of this, and I KNOW I serve a God who can make that happen. But, most importantly, pray that whatever happens, she will give/has given her heart to Jesus. Pray for her brain to be fine and completley restored, pray for Frank and the family.

Hi

Pray for Erika and Lance, and Kailee as they travel today. I think Maddie is along for the ride, so she will probably be okay, but just pray for their general traveling safety and happiness on the trip! I am so excited to see that baby!

I made garlic chicken stuff last night, mmmm, it was soo good! Now, don't tell anybody it was one of the skillet sensation meals that all you do it open, pour, and stir. That still took some amount of effort to do all of that, so it can be considered cooking.

hmmm...I am drawing a blank. I guess I will get off here for now.

Not Aspartame

It must not be aspartame...because i had diet lemonade today, that I am pretty sure is sweetened with aspartame. AND, I can drink the Sierra Mist Diet Cranberry stuff, which has aspartame...now what? What is it, in Diet Coke that makes me SICK.

Am I Ready?

Am I ready for the Lord's return? You know, all this Israeli peace talk stuff has got me thinking how near His return must be. It kind of scares me to be honest...just because I am a thinker, and want to figure everything out. But God's ways are higher than mine. So what I can't imagine, understand, or figure out...just scares me. I am trying to just have faith and trust, and wait upon Him. Something that sticks out to me, is the parables about the 10 virgins and the two working in the fields...they were still doing what they normally did, only they were ready when the bridegroom came, or when the call was made. They were going about life, but they had made provisions to be ready at any moment. Sometimes, I just wish Damon was here, so he could help me and encourage me. It seems harder to go along without him. But I want to do my best, I want to be ready. I don't want to be scared, I just want to make it. Am I the only one that thinks like this?

Busy, right?

I need to be busy...because being busy means you have things to do. I have many things I could do. yet, have I done them tonight? newp...

My eyes hurt, i need to read my Bible. I am fighting loneliness. Pray for me. I just need to focus on the Lord and let Him rejuvenate me.

G'night.

YAY!!! THANK YOU JESUS!

My Deendee, a.k.a. Grandma, is doing MUCH better. WAHOO!!!! Thank the LORD! I don't know if i requested prayer on here, but my momma might have on her blog...she was admitted via the ER to the hospital yesterday for swelling in her legs. It was so bad she couldn't move. She has some kind of disease with her liver I think that causes fluid build up. Pray she will continue to do well, and do her therapy!! Pray for her to love Jesus!

Diet Coke?

There is something in it that makes me feel SICK. Regular coke I am fine...but diet makes me feel nauseous and shakey. Aspartame maybe??

4:30 AM, Airplanes, Coffee...mmm

I set the alarm for 4:30 so momma could get up and ready to head home. I miss her already. :( It is kind of weird, how I am supposed to be all grown up now and try to act as such, but it was nice to be taken care of while she was here. She did ALL my laundry I think, then ironed, and folded...wow. She did my dishes...it is not because she did these things that I love her. I love her just because, but that was icing to the cake to get mommied again. I liked it. Pray for her as she travels. Dad took the day off to pick her up at the airport. Isn't that sweeeet. I think it is.

Now to the coffee part of my title, I just tried a new creamer flavor, Marshmallow Mocha, mmmm. Not as good as the vanilla caramel brownie, but good.

I am going to be buuuusy this week, and tonight I will need to get the house cleaned up REALLY good so I can be ready. I wonder if my nephews would wanna come see their Aunt tonight. :) I miss my boys! They talk about their nickname "the boys"... I can't tell if they like it or not, so I need to ask. If not, I will have to come up with something else.

Welp, have a wonderful, blessed, God honoring day!

Better?

Is this color of text better?

I just realized last night, that Caetie and I have the same blog template. Sorry girl :( I wouldn't have done that if I had been paying attention and checked your blog first. But as it stands, I just re-entered all my links not to long ago, and since you lose them (grrr) anytime you change your template, I am going to wait awhile before changing it again. But I will.

I am soooooo tired. We stayed up late last night eating breakfast for dinner and watching a movie.

This morning was sorta weird, I left the house early in hopes of getting to work early so that my bosses might let me off early to be with momma. The traffic was HORRENDOUS. I was stuck in hermitage for about 30 minutes, and was over 15 minutes late. So, I am kind of thinking maybe I won't ask to leave early. I dunno, will think about it.

I really miss Damon. I want to express my thankfulness to the Lord for all He has done for me. I hope you all have a great day. And I mean that.

Waffles...mmm

Momma made dinner tonight. Yum yum. After church we went to Wal-Mart and got supplies for a fabulous dinner. Waffles, hashbrowns, turkey bacon, OJ. YUM.

I cried tonight...about Damon. It is so weird...I still think about him EVERY single day, sometimes I cry, sometimes I don't. But it seems to hit at weird times.

I am gonna try to get off early tomorrow if work will let me. Since momma is here.

Penguins, penguins, penguins!! I am so excited and thankful. My dear friends have been supplying my growing collection of penguins. I love him.

Goodnight. God is, good!

A Good Story

Years ago I received a cylinder in the mail that turned out to be an exquisite, custom-made Jim Schaaf bamboo fly rod and Bill Ballan classic reel—costly fishing gear that I could not have afforded. An enclosed handwritten note said simply, “I wanted to do something for you.” To this day I have no idea who sent it.

Poet William Cowper also had an anonymous friend who sent gifts to him but never revealed his name. Cowper’s comment on receiving each gift was always the same: “Anonymous has come.” I think of that phrase often whenever I fish with that rod: “Anonymous has come.” I will always be grateful to my unnamed friend for his kindness and love to me.
All through our lives God showers us with His goodness—gifts of truth, beauty, friendship, love, and laughter, to name but a few—and we behave as if we don’t know the source. God has been our anonymous Friend.

But He doesn’t wish to remain anonymous. If you want to know more about your secret Friend, read the Gospels, for He is seen most clearly in Jesus. Love has always been in God’s heart, but in Jesus it “appeared.” God, revealed in Jesus, is your kind and merciful Friend. Will you acknowledge and thank Him today? —David H. Roper

With thankful hearts give praise to JesusFor His blessings without end;Let’s give to Him our full devotion;He’s our Savior and our Friend. —D. De Haan

Our dearest friend is but a shadow compared to Jesus.

The wedding was beautiful. Megan was a lovely glowing bride and Micah a handsome and totally in love looking groom. I am sooooo tired, and have a headache. I think tonight we are gonna watch a movie, order pizza, and maybe go to town for some Christmas stuff.

Hi

Well.....as i type this, I am ready to go ni ni.

cupcakes are done. praise the Lord we go them done in time. I am thankful for my momma and rachel. I wouldn't have been able to do it without them.

I have a heaaadache. Shew

Need to be up by 5:30 tomorrow morning.

The rehearsal went great, and I am so blessed to meet some more of the family!

I guess that's a night. I am ready for sleep. I miss Damon. God is able, and still God and I will praise Him!

Onions...tears...

My eyes...waaaaaaah. They are burning!! I have my GB casserole in the oven, my turtle pumpkin pie is done. And I am thinking this recipe for the pie IS a keeper!!



The house is about as clean as it is gonna get:)



I have my clothes in the dryer, need to do my hair. I am in pretty good shape right now. Need to make the fillings still and fold a load and a half of laundry.



To everyone who has called/texted/commented me a Happy Thanksgiving, thank you. I love you and appreciate your care!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYBODY!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING IN HEAVEN DAMON!!!

In the words of...

...a friend... "my dogs be howlin" (or something to that affect), translation, my feet hurt. :) I have officially baked all 180+ cupcakes. I have cleaned the bathroom, and the backroom, the kitchen has almost everything done. I need to dust and vacuum the living room, and bedroom, and make the fillings for the cupcakes. I also need to do my GB casserole, mashed potatoes, and my pumpkin turtle pie. After that, momma's here!! I am ready to go "ni ni". That means night night. That brings up another topic, for some reason I started saying ready to go sleepy night night. I don't remember if I originally shortened to its final present version, or if it slowly transformed into it, but the saying became "go seepy ni ni". Damon would ask Honey at bed time, "Honey go seepy ni ni"? Another person in our church said they started using that saying because of me. It is funny. But I am really ready to go seepy ni ni.

Sometimes, I get so sick of being human. Seriously...the spirit is truly willing, but the flesh weak. I just feel like somtimes I make a lot of little mistakes that I wish I would just argh,......not make!

After Megans wedding I will be ordering my candle scents. I already have a few orders, but if you all have something you are wanting, let me know.

pray for Bill, he is sleeping a lot, and needs the Lord to touch his heart. Please pray for his family. Pray for me, I miss Damon. I know the Lord is there, each and every day, or I wouldn't have any form of happiness. I am happy, but not Damon happy. Does that make sense. I know God is my completeness, but I also know He created that part in each of us that wants the husband/wife relationship. Damon completed that, and now, I am empty. I have his memories and cherish them, but I MISS my husband. I am still completely and hopelessly in love with him. It just doesn't seem real. They have his grave marker up. If anyone wants to go see it, let me know (if you don't remember where it is at).

Lastly, may the Lord bless you and keep you, and may He make His face to shine upon you. Happy Happy Thanksgiving.

One of those days...

man, this day started fine! I just spilled my lunch on the floor in the break room after I heated it up, noticed a nail in my already once patched tire that is running low on tread, got my lunch splattered on my skirt. :( I love you Jesus, help me to have a good day and take care of all this for me. please.

THE WINNER IS...

Keep praying for Bill, please.

Secondly...I am trying to get sick. I have been popping echinacea for a while now, and yesterday I tried Zycam like Emily said. I just feel like it's the beginning signs of a cold. I don't have time to be sick. Please pray it goes away.

Momma comes in tomorrow night. YAY

I had WEIRD dreams last night!

Hmmm....people are starting to decorate for Christmas at work, I want to set up. Can you guess the theme I want to go with this year? Penguins. For him. I miss him. Not to mention he was sooooooooooooo hot. hehehe

So what is everyone cooking for Thanksgiving? I have done nearly the whole meal before, but this year I am only doing green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, and...i found a recipe for a pie yesterday that I am thinking of trying. It seemed pretty easy, but I don't know if it is too easy to be good. Seems like any thing dessert wise, usually takes effort to be really yummy. There are a few exceptions though, maybe this would be it. Its a turtle pumpkin pie.

Oh and the poll is closed, looks like the winnner for FAVORITE THANKSGIVING DISH....



MASHED POTATOES WITH GRAVY!!!



As a born and raised Idahoan, you can imagine I completely agree with and understand the findings of this poll ;)



Have a great day. God is good, amen!

yee haw

Chocolate cupcakes....CHECK!! I officially baked atleast 84 chocolate cupcakes tonight. wooohooo.... I had to sample two of them that weren't pretty. I couldn't give meg anything but purty ones, right ;) and let me say...mmmmm mmm! Now I have packed most of them in their ziploc bags (megan I even bought the real ziploc brand for you, I normally buy the cheap ones, but thought I needed the zip top for this occassion since I don't want any bad cupcakes. So now....tomorrow, the yellow. I think I will also be making the fillings tomorrow. Then should I have extra time on thursday, I might fill them so that all I have to do is (with help) decorate them on Friday.

Early Bird, No Worm

Last night...are you ready....wait for it...drum roll please *pauses for building drum roll* I went to bed at 8:30pm!!!!! As in asleep at 8:30!! WOOOHOOOO. THANK YOU JESUS! Of course going to bed that early meant I woke up about three times in the night, but oh well! I feel just different. My eyes are still burning a bit, but my body feels better. Amazing what rest can do.

The boys spent the night last night again, my three nephews, for anyone reading who may not know me to well. I had a major headache last night, and I am afraid I was a party popper going to bed that early, but Michael had had a headache the night before so I think he understood. I heard him saying "make sure you make as little noise as possible" or something to that effect. All together now...awwwwww aint that sweet. It is nice having noise in the house, they are more than noise though, they are my nephews and I love them. We are going to be making a fort Thursday in the back yard. How cool is that. I know Damon is in Heaven, but I still want to try to be part of what he was to them. I can try, and try I am.

Tonight I will be making cupcakes, cleaning, more cupcakes, laundry, cupcakes, cleaning, cupcakes. :) It will be fun. I need to mow the lawn before momma gets here though too, I think I will do that thursday. They usually let us out early the day before a holiday break here at work. I am hoping they do that again. If they do, I will be mowing tomorrow when I get off, then getting my food that I am doing for Thanksgiving done. Momma will come in thanksgiving evening YAY. The Riddells are celebrating Thanksgiving with us, double yay. Then Friday early we might get up and shop a little, though I doubt it. Then Rachel is coming over to help me and momma decorate the cupcakes. Then we are off to the rehearsal. I will set up the books I guess, run through the rehearsal and look at reception stuff, as far as singing. I wish Damon was here...makes some of this hard without him. The memories. They are all good memories from my rehearsal and wedding, but now that my husband that I shared all those things with, is in heaven, it's just kinda weird/sad.

That is all for now. Have a good day. I love you Damon.

Three Days

Three days till my momma gets here. Speaking of my momma... she posted a post, go see. Momma You can add her to your friends lists too please.

I spent a lot of money at Wal-Mart last night. SHEW. I wasn't wasting it really either. between groceries, and getting a gas card for my car and baking supplies. MAN o MAN. And, I got these lawn ornaments that you plug in, they are sooo cute. They are PENGUINS!!! The one has his arm around the other, it's precious. Hopefully Momma and I will have time to decorate for Christmas while she is here. Yvonne got me a windsock with a Penguin on it. I have a pretty good collection of Penguins started now. It's funny, when Damon was here, I called him my penguin and he referred to himself as my penguin, but I didn't really collect any penguin stuff. Now I have started to get it from people, and myself have started to notice TONS of penguin stuff. Okay, not literally...but seriously, I have never noticed so much penguin stuff until this year. Weird.

Please say a prayer for me. I don't mean to keep sounding like I am just SOOOO busy, it's just that I have a lot to do this week (like several others) and am already tired from lack of sleep and not enough water or good food. I just need more time. Pray for it all to go smoothly.

Bye bye....I love you Damon.

Alone feeling

I miss Damon. I REALLY really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really, times a billion, miss him. I love him. I guess I wish like Jesus did, (tho not the same, cus what Jesus did was sooo much more) that this cup would pass from me. I miss the love of my life.

A long long long, accomplishing day.

I want to start off by thanking my LORD and Savior, Jesus Christ, for His help, strength, grace and mercy. I am ever in HIS debt for all He is and has done for me. I have literally seen miracle upon miracle in my life in the last 4-5 months. God's ever sustaining, and never changing hands have held me up even when I could not see it.

This morning I woke up at 745ish and laid there till 8ish. I read my Bible, then got up and got ready, hooked the trailer up to the truck, went and bought 8 bales of straw for the hay ride tomorrow at church. Question...why is it called a hay ride when they usually use straw?? Then took the kitty to the vet for his vaccinations. Was back home but 9:30ish. HOW good is that. See, that is Jesus helping me manage time. I was out the door and at Emilys and my time I was told to be there, 10:30. If yall knew how far it was from my house, to where the straw and vet was, then back to my house, then to smyrna, you would just see how God helped me. Then we had practice. Emily and I are singing for Megans reception. I was sooooooooo, soooo soooo soooooooo nervous. My hands got clammy and cold and I almost cried. I started too. The first song...was rough. I got okay at it, but i am still not totally comfy with it. The last song though, thank the Lord, went much much much better. I love to sing, and truly feel like it is my talent given to me of the Lord, and i am so thankful for it. My voice is the Lord's and not mine, I don't ever want to forget it either. emily was AMAZING with her song. I don't wanna mention titles, as I want things to be a surprise. She just sounded so good. Josh is such an encourager, even when Em and i had a hard time, he was encouraging us.

After all that we went and did soem last minute running around and set up the rest of the stuff for the shower. I played one of the new games on Crystals Wii and did good. I was kinda surprised. Then the party began. Megan did so good! She had a great time, and I am glad she is getting to experience this time in her life. it is amazing.

I am gonna go, bed sounds like it is calling my name!

Love,me

Bill

Bill is not doing well. Please pray for his family, mostly his soul. PLEASE. You can see a picture of him on my friends blog. She is on my link list under Melissa.

Damon posted this

eight months ago...how true it is.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

I Believe....

I believe -. . that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do. I believe -. . that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change. Remember that! I believe -. . that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. Even if you think you can't. I believe -. . that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love. I believe -. . that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life. I believe -. . that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be. I believe -. . that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. I believe -. . that you can keep going long after you think you can't. I believe -. . that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. I believe -. . that either you control your attitude or it controls you. I believe -. . That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. I believe -. . that money is a lousy way of keeping score. I believe -. . that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time. I believe -. . that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up. I believe -. . that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel. I believe -. . that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated. I believe -. . that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. I believe -. . that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief. I believe -. . . that our background and circumstances may have influenced who weare, but we are responsible for who we become. I believe -. . that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever. I believe -. . two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.I believe -. . that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you or by people that you don't even know. I believe -. . that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.I believe -. . that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being. I believe -. . that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

posted by painterman at 1:24 PM 1 Comments

Rough, grrr...grrr

Please pray for me...I am having the day start out rough! I don't need to go into the why's...I am just sad. I need help. I need God to bring sunshine for a little while. I don't want to complain, maybe I am already. I just need help Lord. Please make the sunshine to come soon.

From Damon?

A friend of mine just sent me a email with a power point presentation called "who packs your parashute". The essence of the story was about a fighter pilot who got shot down into enemy territory in the vietnam war. He survived because of his parashute and lived to tell lots of people about what he had learned. Sort of a motivational speaker. One day, a man came up to him and said you are so and so, the man said yes I am, how did you know? He responed, I packed your parashute. The pilot wondered how many times he might have passed that man by because he was just a "lowly" sailor, and he a great fighter pilot. As I said...in essence it talked about people who come into your life and add so much and how you can learn, that you need your mental shute packed, your emotional, and your spiritual shute all packed. And how the people in our lives do this for us. Not to over look what we think might be unimportant. At the end of the power point presentation there was a picture to the side of a yellow rose, a penguin with its arm around a smaller baby penguin and a text under neath in a different language. I went to alta vista babel fish and found that it was FRENCH! French was the language Damon took in high school and still sometimes used when talking to me. It was Prends Soin De Toi...in english that is, "take care of you." I don't believe in oh Damon is speaking to me from the grave...but is it okay to think that might have been a little message from God from Damon maybe? I don't know. I guess it's kind of like the time I prayed to see Damon at the airport knowing he was gone, then there was that sign in the place where he would stand waiting for me that said "wet paint". It is kind of like that I guess. I thought it was neat.

His Birthday

I did a few special things on his birthday yesterday. I gave blood in his memory. You see Damon was a 2 + gallon blood donor. The last time he gave blood, we gave it together, same room, same time...it was so sweet. Sat in the recovery area together and everything. 4/05/07. So, they happened to be having a blood drive here at work yesterday, which also happend to be his birthdya, I thought it was a good way to honor him. You know what...sometimes I get panicky and I just prayed for the Lord to make me calm. It was the best blood giving experience I have ever had. Didn't even hurt really when they pricked my finger to test my iron. Which I am proud to say was at a 41, way above the required 38. GO ME. Blood pressure normal, pulse normal, temperature normal. The girl who was prepping my arm to stick the needle in said I had a hard vein. Not hard to find, hard to the touch. They said that means I have a good vein wall, which is great I guess. Well she had that cuff tight, my fingers started tinglin and my arm was a bit blue, she said look at that vein pop up, can you see it. UH NO, I couldn't see my vein popped up and ready to donate. YUCK. Those needles are fairly big ya know, but surprisingly, it doesn't really hurt. Soon as that thing was in, shoo...the blood flood gates were a gushing. I was racing the girl next to me to see if I could beat her time. Wouldn't ya know...she bled out in 5 minutes 2 seconds, I bled out in 5 minutes 10 seconds. GRR... Enough about blood...i hope someone hasn't passed out. teehee That was all for Damon though, I normally give anyway, but this day was specially for him.

After that I left work a little after noon. I went and picked up one dozen red roses, one dozen white, and a boquet of yellow flowers. I wanted a dozen yellow roses, but they were in bad shape so I didn't want to get those. Red for love, white for purity before the Lord, Yellow for Damons favorite color. It was really pretty. Yvonne, Judy, Richard, and myself all went out there. His grave marker is beautiful, and I am very pleased with it. We cried, but we were okay. It was POURING and I got soaked. PLEASE pray I don't get sick. After that, Judy took Yvonne and I out too lunch for Damon's birthday. I even got sugar free apple pie, YUM. Then yvonne and I went and cleaned out Fridge and Freezer at Damon's grandmothers house. That was our celebration I guess you could say. It wasn't a horrible day, filled with sadness, it was good. NOt wonderful, but good. Of course all of us probably cried here and there, but it wasn't dreadful. That is God. His great grace and mercy.

So here I am today...I need to decide on for sure icing recipe for Megans yellow cupcakes. Pray I get everything done. I am nervous. I want it to be perfect, as I am a perfectionist. I have a FULLLLLLLL weekend. I love you all, and thank you for your prayers!

The Greatest Birthday Present

To My Wonderful Husband,On Your Birthday, In Heaven:

My Dearest Love, today you are in that eternal glory land rejoicing at the feet of the Savior you served for so many years. Below you, are your loved ones, remembering that on 31 years ago this very day, you came into their lives and brought so much joy. Though on that autumn day of times past you brought a beautiful light into this world, we are also saddened because it reminds us only a short time ago, we had to say goodbye to you until time is no more. It hasn't been easy Damon. We love you, with all of our hearts, with all of our souls. And, with God's great and wonderful grace, each day, we are making it.

As your wife, I have a huge hole in my heart. God created you, just for me, and of that I am convinced. However, now as I write this, I sit alone on the couch (though I am never truly alone, as I have Jesus holding my hand all the way). The very couch that once held our dreams, our problems, our every day as we sat and talked and listened. My heart hurts, my hand no longer feels your touch, my lips are empty, my eyes can no longer behold the smile I saw deep in your soul. In you, by God's grace and mercy, I found love, I found hope, I found happiness. Through God you completed me Damon. We shared love, life, laughter. Every day was an adventure, every day a joy. I learned from you, you taught me to love unselfishly. I can't say we learned over night, but through our journey of life and love and marriage together, we learned baby. Slowly, but surely. In Christ we found comradeship, in Christ we found the meaning of life, in Christ we found each other. I am still completely, truly, deeply, madly, in love with you, my groom. Thank you Jesus for accomplishing all of these things in and through the husband you gave me.

Your Mom and my Mom, miss you. You shared a love for each that was special, and deep. Your mom loves you and thinks of you, her life is obviously so different now. My mom talks of how you made her feel special, like she mattered. Thank you Damon, for loving my and my family, for being a man of integrity and embracing all that was part of me.

Your Dad and my Dad. Richard has had a hard time, but I believe the Lord has helped his heart. I know it was your greatest desire to first make heaven, and to serve the Lord. To see your family saved would be right up there as well. He misses his son babe, and that is understandable. I am thankful you got to give him that father's day card before we left. That we got to see him one last time. I have gone to the car show with him and Michael. I am trying to be what you would have me to be for your family. My dad has had a hard time, he wishes he could have done something to make your body okay, for you to still be here. I thank the Lord for my brother in law, Andy, because whatever he said (from the Lord) on that night not too long after you made heaven, has changed my daddy. He loved you Damon, so very much. Thank you for taking good care of his baby girl.

Your sisters, they miss you as well. Yvonne loves you with all of her big sister heart, and like me, but in a different but just as important way, has a hole that only you could fill. And Jesus of course. He is healing us all Damon, sometimes slowly and sometimes quickly. But we will always miss you, and that is okay. Yvonne misses her little brother, her sunshine. I know how you loved her and Fancy Damon. How you would have done anything you could for them.

Your nephews miss you too. Michael has had the hardest time without you. You were his best friend and his confidant. But I do believe God provided him with one of the greatest summers after your passing, of his life. He has a girlfriend, he plays football with the youth, he has taken great care of me. You would be so proud of him. Zacchaeus and Noah make me smile, though I have discovered I am not as cool as you, I know that I am trying to at least be some of what you were to them, as I can. I wish I had gotten to know Rachel, John, and Ryan more and hopefully will still have that chance, and though they were not as much a part of our life together, I know you wanted to spend more time with them. I remember taking Ryan out to eat at Famous Dave's and the fun we had. I am fairly sure they still think of their Uncle from time to time and it is only fond memories.

Your friends: they miss you. You touched and impacted more people than you realize. Every day, you lived the life. The life of a true holy, godly, man of God. Jesus radiated through you. Each one has grieved in different ways, but you have been thought of many many times. Memories of how you affected each life, have probably run through different ones minds, several times. I am trying to reach out to your work crew. Some have even come to a church service since you made it to heaven, how amazing is that. Thank the Lord for it.

I know I have not covered every person, milestone, or memory that you have been a part of, but at least it has helped me to write these things and has hopefully encouraged someone else on this day, your birthday. I won't say it has been easy. Easy to live, easy to comprehend why, easy to do anything without you here. It hasn't. But GOD HAS REMAINED TRUE. As you wrote in the Bride's Bible you gave me, "with the Lord, we can make it thru anything". God's grace and mercy has, and continues to be sufficient. He sees the bigger picture.

As you are in heaven, enjoying the greatest birthday present ever, we are here rejoicing for you and missing having you by our side. If I could say one thing to you my beautiful and handsome husband, it would be, thank you. Thank you for loving me and being the greatest joy of a man I have ever known. Thank you for letting the Lord use you as my personal miracle. Thank you for effecting my heart for eternity. Thank you for all that you were, and all that you remain as in my heart. Thank you for letting the Lord use you to do all of this in my life. I love You, Damon Broyles, and my love...Happy Birthday in Heaven.

Always and Forever,

Your Bride, Kasey Murri

Snackage

So I have a new snack (in my continuing effort to be more healthy) that I really like. Don't gag. Vanilla Yogurt, with almonds, and craisins, mixed all together. YUMMY. I really like this yogurt too, it's a new brand I tried. It's that activia by Dannon, meant to regulate your digestive tract. Even if you don't really need regulating it is good for helping to keep you healthy. I would suggest/recommend it to anyone! Plus it tastes yummy.

I am taking a half day tomorrow. For Damon's birthday some of the family are going to his grave. I want to buy him roses and something else to put on there. I am running low on money, I wish I had more so I could buy his little light thing that I wanna get. Its solar powered and looks like a lantern. He was my light, and I want that to be represented. He was a light to lots of people.

I had coffee again this morning, and I have a new favorite creamer, vanilla caramel brownie. I think I have talked of that flavor before.

I have a lot going on this next two weeks, pray for me. PLEASE. I love You Jesus. Guard my heart, my mouth, my soul, my eyes, my all. I love and miss you my wonderful husband, Damon Broyles.

Dinner,Yum

I made dinner. emily came over and ate dinner, and drank coffee, and helped me find the songs for Meg's wedding. I made Meat Loaf, Mac n cheese, corn bread with my daddys honey on it, and brocolli/cauliflower (it was a mix). I drank a cup of coffee with my vanilla caramel brownie creamer and one splenda and almost two glasses of water. Hows that for a play by play of the evening. I started listening to some of the songs that Damon had downloaded for his ipod. Brought back memories...listening to the songs for Meg's wedding...memories. I had real, true, genuine, deep, love. Real love. I had it. I am so thankful. I miss him. I love him.

Always On My Mind

I woke up with a song on my mind this morning...."bless the Lord, oh my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy Name". I truly want that thought to ALWAYS be on my mind. Lord whatever lies within me, bless YOUR Holy Name. If every thought is blessing Him, then I will be upright in His eyes. That is what I want. More than life.

I don't much time...I missed Damon a lot more yesterday than normal. I always think about him and wish he was here. But some days I just cry. Last night I looked down at my bed, the place he normally would have been at bed time and realized he wasn't there, and he wouldn't be there anymore. I don't know if I had ever had that thought. I miss my love, my husband, my very very best friend aside from Jesus. He completed that part of my heart that God created me with. I have some thoughts I want to write a little devotion up about, I feel like the Lord might help some others with the thoughts I had on my mind last night.

Pray for me...I feel like I am fighting a cold sort of. My nephews are somewhat sick, and I have a lot to do. Cupcakes to make, songs to learn for the reception, and one for the wedding, mommas comin in soon, thanksgiving, just please pray for me.

Damon's 31st birthday will be this Wednesday. Please say a prayer for me, for both of our families. Please. love u all.

Failing

I I I....

I need prayer. I feel very much like a broken and undone human being right now. If you haven't noticed, I am very hard on myself. God is not like this to me, it is me. He convicts you and checks your heart, but you can take it further and make yourself miserable. I want to please the Lord with all of my heart. I do. I miss Damon. I miss him so much. I love him. I love him. I love him.

CHECK IT OUT!

New blogger.... You know you wanna know who it tis'

I guess I need to blog

So...I am blogging. GRRR....I am kinda upset right now. I am so miscombobulated. I really want to please the Lord. Yet I feel like I make mistakes ALL the time. Okay not all the time, but I just feel like I am messing up so very very much. Sometimes I am too hard on myself. God help me to KNOW your perfect perfect will. God I love You, I need You, MORE THAN ANYTHING that this world or life can offer. I need You. Help me to back up those words with actions.

I need to put some lotion on my hands...dry. YUCK. The boys are here. I miss my mommy. I miss my sister in law. I miss my daddy. The boys threw the football around with some neighbor boys today. Zac said one of them is a popular boy at his school. Would be cool to have a neighborhood outreach of some sort. I don't really like chocolate too much, but the lovers kiss filling. Shewee, it's so good. I haven't read my Bible yet today. I don't think. I have read a Daily Bread, but I need to spend more time with the Lord.

Tonight, i am going to get Megan and Micah's shower gift. I remember that time in my life, it was so exciting. Makes me happy and sad, and reminiscent. I love you Damon Broyles.

And the consensus is...

So Micah and Megan have chosen....*drum roll please*

Yellow cake with raspberry filling.

Chocolate cake with "lovers kiss" filling.

The lovers Kiss frosting is chocolate kisses melted down in heavy cream with marshmallows then folded into real whipped cream and dyed red for all that lovey dovey looking ambiance that the color red represents.

I wanna...

go to this...
Point of Grace Christmas

Blogging From Home

I am actually blogging from the house. How cool is that? I need to make it quick because I want to leave early for work today. I was up really late last night, and only got about 4.5 hours of sleep. I prayed for the Lord to double my sleep as I knew the hours wouldn't be much. This morning I don't feel to bad! I am almost done with the cupcakes. I have the chocolate buttercream frosting left to make and then frost the remaining cup cakes and I am DONE with the taste testing part. Next comes the 200 of the chosen flavor. I wish Damon was here. Just thought I would intercede that comment right there. Hmm...what else?... Well, I am drawing a blank right now, so just continue to pray for Bill, and have a great day!

Make it Five

Make that five different kinds of filling. I dont like the Mango.ICK.

Internet is back, I got a really good comcast man tonight. One who actually fixed my internet. He asked me if I remembered him...because he had come out here on a service call before...that all came up because of Damon. I am just thankful that the Lord has helped me with so many things. Damons truck was only 80 bucks to fix. That is AWESOME. I was expecting to pay so much more.

Shewee!!

Life is moving SO fast! I miss Damon. But I know where he is. Thank You Jesus for the most wonderful husband, best friend, love any woman could ever ask for.

Last night was spent cooking, cooking, and more cooking. 200 cupcakes...wedding....three weeks....wowza! I have two kinds of cupcakes and will have 6 different fillings with two different frostings to choose from. My feet were hurting. Not only did I bake/cook, I cleaned the house up, organize a few things and took Damon's truck to the shop. Michelle called me last night, a girl from our church, needing a ride. I am glad she feels like she can call me, I want to be there for people. I want to be the real mccoy so to say. I am not tooting my own horn, but when the rubber meets the road, you either are or aren't what you say you are. And I want to be Christlike. This morning I got up, got ready for work, curled my hair (though it still isn't too great looking) vacuumed, swept, put a new (old) comforter on the bed, and did some more straightening. I was late to work though, did not read my Bible, and only prayed for a little bit. Bad on me. I think I am the Martha type personality...I think that was the one that was busy working while the other (Mary I think) was worshipping Jesus. I need to work on that too, Lord help me. Atleast to worship and pray more while I work.

Hmm...comcast is coming out again, turns out the other guy was wrong. I sure hope they fix my internet soon :). I waited all this time for my laptop, hahaha, now no internet!

Momma comes down in about two weeks or two and a half! I have candle orders...shew! Pray for the world. Pray for Bill, Pray for Damon's friends...pray pray pray! have a great day!

A Heavy Heart...

I am feeling very heavy hearted tonight. Life seems so inconsequential in life and death situations. I won't say it was easy to lose Damon, it wasn't. But I knew where Damon went, and where he is. Having someone die, that you don't know if they made it or not. Or someone who is dying and doesn't know the Lord. Shew, God help me. I feel so inadequate as a worker of His. There are so many around me, lost and deceived. I want to tell them about the Lord and His word. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying how wonderful I am, I am nothing. Only by God's GRACE and MERCY, am I alive and living for Him today. I have a responsibility to my Lord, to myself, to this world. God help me to KNOW when You call me to go, to go, to do, to please You. Heaven is real, so is Hell. So is eternity. I want to make it. I really really do. Continue to hold Bill up in prayer. I am pasting the last post on my blog here again, so it's still on top. Pray pray pray. PLEASE.

Please, all who read this, pray as soon as you can. My mom sent me an email about a friend of hers. They have been family friends since I was a young child (maybe even before I was born) Her father in law is on his death bed and isn't saved.

His name is Bill and he knows of Jesus but doesn't KNOW Jesus. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray. It's gravely important. He has been on dialysis three times a week, something is wrong with his kidneys I believe and has caused him to become very very sick. He is going out into eternity soon, unless God has other plans.

URGENT PRAYER REQUEST

Please, all who read this, pray as soon as you can. My mom sent me an email about a friend of hers. They have been family friends since I was a young child (maybe even before I was born) Her father in law is on his death bed and isn't saved.

His name is Bill and he knows of Jesus but doesn't KNOW Jesus. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray. It's gravely important. He has been on dialysis three times a week, something is wrong with his kidneys I believe and has caused him to become very very sick. He is going out into eternity soon, unless God has other plans.

YAY YAY YAY!!

Emilys Bible is HOME! Praise You Jesus!

Emily

Please please pray for my dear friend Emily to find her Bible. I know what it's like to have one missing, and it is awful. Specially when it is YOUR Bible. It becomes like a friend, which the Word is Jesus, so He is our friend, duh it is one. Logically...anyway. Please pray she can find it, that the Lord will set it in her lap somehow. PLEASE.



Retreat was good, very convicting...if that is the right word. Sister Bishop preaches strong sound preaching, and it makes you want to do your best, to live up to all the God has called His people to do. There are so many things I do not understand, but I do not want to be fearful. I simply want to do my part and my best, God will handle all the rest. (that rhymed...unintentional though) God made the trip pretty good. I was concerned how things would go, but deep down couldn't help but feel He would handle it all. I won't say that the entire trip was easy, or a breeze through the park. It wasn't. But it wasn't horrendous where I was pitiful and miserable. It had tough moments, and moments filled with Joy. I have a feeling God is holding me up, even when I don't feel like He is or see it. Well, my angels are. The ones He sent. I prayed for my family, for them to be saved. For some needs in our local church. For my dear Sister in law and all that she is facing. I couldn't help but feel all the pain going around and wonder what to think. But God is the answer to our pain, somewhere He has an answer and HE WILL bring it to pass. We just need to do our best until then. Whether its five minutes from now, or five years. God knows and will bring the victory.

Pray for me...I am making Megans cupcakes for taste testing this Thursday. I need to take my car in to the mechanic, Damon's truck, Comcast is coming out to fix my internet connection, I need to clean and get things set up for winter in the house. Bring space heaters in, bring the ferns in. I can't let them freeze, Damon gave those to me two and a half years ago. I have candles to make. Seems like there is a lot more to do when there is only one to take care of it all. God is still able. I miss Damon. I miss him so much, he was so gorgeous, mind, body, soul. OH MAN, I was a blessed woman to have him. I got my dream husband and I am so thankful. Because, God literally dropped him into my lap. There is no way I could have picked a finer man on my own. Thank you Jesus for Damon.

Today

I head out for Ladies Retreat around 1-1:30ish. Pray for me. I can't help but feel the Lord is going to provide whatever it is I need to not only get through the weekend, but glory through it. Pray for our safety and His Healing hand to be upon me and all of us.

Pray for my sinuses...headache city. Not horrible, just a throbbing somewhat dizzy ache. I am not driving, don't worry momma. I have one rule for this ride, well it's em's car so I have to discuss with her. Nothing but Christmas music. :)

I made two batches of stuff to bring for Ladies retreat. Blackberry gooey cake, and pumpkin gooey cake. mmmmm.

Again

Please pray for me. I need His help letting go of a situation, and bringing a remedy to my heart.

Fairness

I am well aware that I am not the only one in life who suffers hardship. Sadly it has taken this time in my life, and losing my husband, for me to really understand pain and being at the bottom of the pit of despair. As I think about how my life "has turned out" the human side of me feels like it is unfair. Emily and I were talking last night about how we are ready for some fairness. Yet, God is fair. He sees what we cannot see at the moment. The big picture so to say. If I had my choice, I wouldn't be a widow already. I would have held onto my husband and loved him until time is no more. He would have been here, and I would have been in his arms and the world would be right. I would not be wondering how I am going to do this, or that, or why his truck is messing up. Or why people say one thing and do another and it hurts so bad. I would not be feeling lonely or empty. I would be smiling into and losing myself in those beautiful green eyes of his. He would hold me and let me cry, and I would have someone with skin on. We would laugh together again, I woudl make his dinner, and when the world seems in disarray I could sit next to him and be okay. But that isn't how the story goes for this girl. God gave me three WONDERFUL amazing beautiful years, 2 awesome months, and 20 fabulous days of pure bliss as Damon Broyles wife. So even if it never feels fair God, please give me the grace to still praise you as the Rewarder of those who diligently seek You. God Your grace is sufficient, help me to cling to it, even when I feel like I am continually falling.