Questions, Peace.

Pray, I have lots of questions that I need the Lord to direct me with. Where to go, what to do, my feelings, life. ETC.!

Peace, I need it. I am lots of turmoil today. LOTS. I just need His peace.

Hello Today

VBS was fun last night, a lot of fun. The team I was on won one of the outside games, and personally I think my creative challenge team is going to win too ;) I am just kidding for anyone who does not know me. I mean I really really want to win, but I don't want to be a bad sport either.

I am wearing my new dress today and it is soo cute. I got it 40% off and its a navy blue cotton wrap dress. Surprisingly modest too!

I am struggling a lot with my mind lately..it seems. I just want to make it to heaven and want every action helping that desire. Not hindering. I dunno how to explain it, I just feel weird.

My laptop is out for a couple of weeks, maybe even three, it looks like. The only internet I have is at work, or if I go to a friend's house who has it. So, that is why I am not emailing or commenting too awful much. I miss Damon.

Last Night, Today...and VBS. Oh and the weekend too.

Last night was a hard night for me. I wanted to go home...yet I felt REALLY lonely when I got there. So, after making a pizza and reading my book and drinking a jones soda...at 9:30ish PM I went to walmart to buy something. Anything. Mainly, I was looking for the hair stuff I used at Morgans Sunday morning. I REALLY liked it and it did a good job on my hair. Wouldn't you know it, they didn't have it. It is Aveeno something. I normally don't buy aveeno, but this stuff WORKED. I check the isles THREE times, nope nada zilch. So...oh and I know I can't buy the pain away, I am aware I need to be careful about filling myself with "thing" to make me feel better. I pray I ALWAYS stay that way. Wouldn't you know it though...I go fully prepared to buy stuff and my mother and husband are still inside of me and I am too cheap to buy anything. That wasn't an insult, actually now that I am older and wiser, I think it is smart to be cheap or shall I say...thrifty. I bought a shirt, some face wash stuff, body wash stuff (that I used at morgans that smelled GOOOD), a pair of shoes and a few other things. I found a few things, but not much. Funny how when you want to find something, you can't and when you DON'T want to...there is a STORE full of things you could see yourself having. *sigh*

I find myself feeling depressed from time to time lately, and jealous. I know..I need to get over it...just pray for me.

I let Morgan Fox AND Chandler Fox drive my car. I don't know how wise I am, but they both did good. I think I freaked Cha out a bit though, he was just kinda close to a ford's bumper in the drive through and I was freaking. No scrapes though. I think I might have really been praying at some point. Not that he isn't a good driver, I guess it's different when I am in the back seat. I don't worry. But when I am up front and see everything...shew.

Mini Golf was really fun and I had a good time. At some points I think I am gone too much and staying toooo busy. But, what am I to do. It's like I want to go home and relax, then I get there and after a half hour I am ready to go again.

I am soo excited about VBS tonight. A week long distraction and hopefully more than that. I really want to press into the Lord and what He has for me and everyone else. YES I am looking forward to the fun and games, but my soul is looking forward to resting in my Saviours arms and relaxing. I just need Him to hold me. I am team leader for one of the extreme challenge things. I am against two other teams...all I can say is. Put on your game face...yall are going DOWN. muwaahahahahha

Today, well, I am at work. I want to buy a Toby Mac CD. Oh and good news, I get to pick up my Cd's of all my data from the hard drive today. WOOHOO, thank you for praying. I am so glad that stuff is safe!

bye

Sunday Morning

Lets just say mini golf with 8 people takes a REALLY long time. There were 4 of us that got a hole in one last night. Me, Morgan, Michael, and Chandler. I think Chandler won though, not really sure. We had a fun time but I wish we had gotten home earlier. :( I have to teach (want to teach) Sunday School and I feel bad because I haven't studied as I need to. Its for the little ones but I like to put some more time into it and prayer. Anyway, today is volleyball/soccer with the youth. I will do volleyball, but I have NEVER been a soccer person. We shall see. bye, pray for me, hard night last night.

TOMORROW!!! Opry Mills

Tomorrow Tammy Trent is singing at Opry Mills at 1PM. I SOOO wanna be there. She is a widow too, even lost her husband on vacation, like I did. I wanna see her sing and maybe talk to her. Though I am not counting on it to happen. I am hoping to make it, I will have to work out VBS set up and the mail coming and getting Morgan. I am hoping Morgan can go with me, maybe she can get a little diva singster inspiration and make smyrna famous!!

A Productive Evening

So...last night was a good one. As far as getting things done goes. I mowed the lawn and weed eated, and used the blower to clean the deck off. I watered my flower bed and even my lawn too. Inside I dusted, vaccumed, swept, mopped, did dishes, cleaned the kitchen up and even did some laundry. Oh, and I cleaned the bathroom too. I could have gone more in depth and cleaned the shower, but didn't feel like it. At any rate, I got a lot done and felt purdy good about the whole evening. I EVEN read some more of my book and just chilled out.

Yesterday was a WEIRD day for me. I don't quite know if I have had one like that yet. I was pretty sad throughout the day, I would think of Damon and just cry. I looked at his pictures and just kept telling the Lord over and over "look how perfect he was" "we were perfect together", but I realized that God already knew that. That is why I had the pleasure and blessing of being his wife, if only for a short time. It made my life complete for a little over three years and changed my heart for all of eternity. When I get to heaven I am going to thank Jesus and then Damon for all that they accomplished for me. I don't want to be a "take take taker" but I guess you don't "fully" realize things until those things are gone. I knew I was tremendously blessed by Damon and our marriage, but man...I was ABOVE tremendously blessed. I can't even explain the thankfulness I have for my man and our marriage. I HOPE I blessed Damon even half as much as he did me. I mean I hope I fully returned the favor to Damon, he was just soooo much to me that I hope I was that I made that much of an impact on his life as well. Anyway, after my very very rough emotional day, I finally found which way was up that evening at bed time. No, I don't have the answers for my questions about life or where I should go or what to do, but I know this. If I give it to God, I can't go wrong. If I acknowledge Him, the Bible says He SHALL, not might, but SHALL direct my paths. Check out this scripture: Psalm 91:11 For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways. That was encouraging to me. Even though I feel miscombobulated, God IS with me in everything. Cool huh.

Okay...and I admit (thanks to Wendy's comment about Michael sounding like my needy comment self :p) that I am getting a bit jealous of all the comments that Michael is giving bekka while his AUNT whom has bought him many a buffalo wing and dr pepper and has encouraged him in this WHOLE smokin hot pursual deal, gets hardly a hello!! Where's the love anymore! ;)

Okay, peace out homies...oh, I am going to have to get a hard drive enclosure, or pay CompUSA to back up my data for me. Good news is, the hard drive is fine. Mr P just didnt have the necessary hardware to save it. Metro is apparently a bit archaic when it comes to new technology. My laptop is 8 months old and he said the technology was too new for what he had. At any rate I am ready to get this done, cus I am missing my wireless at home :(

I hope lots of people are coming to church tonight to help set up for VBS. peace and love.

One more for the night

I still have no pc at home, thus no internet.

I do not intend to be a sob story, but PLEASE pray for me today. I don't know, but today has been very very very hard for me. I am in need of a miracle from Jesus. I am broken today. I can't convey the pain, because a) I don't want my momma to worry, and b)I couldn't describe what I am feeling. I could try, but it would do no good.

I know, my blog is a downer. I am sorry to depress anyone. Part of me wants to hang out with someone tonight, anyone (of my friends of course) to take my mind off of things...but I need to work at home. I have a lot to get finished before VBS set up and morgan spending the night, and VBS next week.

Love and prayers always.

Rough Day

That would describe how my day has been...rough.

Currently I am feeling: lonely, sad, bothered, worried, somewhat bitter.

The bitter part is at myself though, no worries. I miss Damon, I miss our life together. I am lonely. I miss being held and kissed, and told "I love You" and that I am "beautiful". I miss those things. In short, I miss my husband. I miss waking up every day to hear his annoying alarm go off and to see his sweet face sleeping. I miss hearing his voice when he called me "babe". I miss going to side jobs with him. I even miss cutting grass with him. I miss the way he said my first and middle name together and how he would call me sweet heart. I miss how he would hold me when I was scared or worrying, and what it felt like to lay on his chest and the whole world would go away. I miss how he held my hand and rubbed my thumb while he was holding it. I miss how hug me. I miss how he looked into my eyes. I miss the way he talked to our dog when he got home and she was so excited to see him. I miss his excitment over a new toy for his truck or for painting. I miss seeing him pull in the driveway at night after working a long day. I miss going out for buffalo chicken. I miss going grocery shopping to provide a good dinner for him and the way he would compliment my dinners. I miss the dreams we shared together, the dreams that didn't come true. I miss being wanted and cared for, being someone's one and only. I miss his trueness, his balance with God, his ability to make me happy and make my worries fade. I miss his strength, both physical and spiritual. I miss seeing him every single day and calling him on my way to work each morning, and at break, and lunch, and on my way home. I miss talking to him. I miss belonging to him, having him as my own and vice versa. My heart is absolutely broken, my mind in torment, which way is up? Lord heal me and hold me, let me serve You until I see You face to face. Guide my heart, my mind, my soul, my everything so that I may please You. Impress upon me YOUR will above my own, and bring EVERY thought into subjection under Christ.

My Wednesday and Weekend Plans

Last night was sooo fun!! I had the EASIEST extreme Bible pictionary challenge. My word to draw was "three", and I was hoping that my team would simply count(one, two, three) when I drew three little lines. Sure nough' I can count on Josh Yohe to take one for the team! WOOHOO!! I think the funniest "drawee" of the night was Tammy Fox. They took almost three minutes to guess what word her drawing was, and then find the scripture. That's okay though, she's still cool. Then I played basketball...sort of. Seeing as all the people out there had real shoes on, and Katie, Morgan, and I had flip flops on...I was kind of scared for my feet. They play pretty rough and I didn't want to get stomped or hurt. As it was I got hit in the mouth, but it wasn't too bad. Oh, I messed up a few times by not getting the ball, but I had one spotlight moment. Someone threw me the ball and BAM (in best morgan voice) nothin but net. *sings "we are the champions". Oh, and the pictionary team DID sing that song after we BEAT the other team, the losing team, you know...that Tammy was on. Should have drawn faster Tam :p JUST KIDDING, you KNOW I am.

Michael got Bekka some beautimou flowers last night! He splurged a bit with the money, but they were beautiful and she REALLY liked them. I am not sure if there were 12 or 18, I think maybe just 12.

This weekend, Morgan is sposed to be spending the night and we are setting up for VBS Friday, Saturday, and part of Sunday. I know Josh is wanting to get the youth together to play volleyball on Sunday afternoon, so we shall see. I LOOOVE Volleyball and am HALFWAY decent at it. Am thinking of trying to get a group of the youth together to go do putt putt on Saturday night or something. I guess I am staying busy, maybe too busy.

I am still struggling with my mind and thoughts, and emotions. As much as all of you tell me not to worry. I do. I am trying to do better. I understand...I have gone through a huge upset in my life, but I still can't fight the worries that I am somehow not pleasing God. Now...for those of you who don't know..disclaimer here...God is not the author of confusion and this worry is brought on by nothing but myself. NOT HIM. (for those who read my blog that do not know me personally) I am just simply trying to do my best for Him, yet I feel like I do not know which end is up anymore. I am struggling with a few things that some know about and I really want the Lords will in them. I am trying. My power went off at 4:30 this morning. So I prayed for a long while then it came back on and I fell asleep. I want the Lords motivations in my heart. YES I am human, but I want to be an obedient human.

Anyway...that is my blog for now. Still havent gotten my Laptop back from the IT guy at work. :( NO internet for a long while I guess.

Hi momma, I know you're reading.

I love you Damon Broyles, forever and always.

Fruit Tea

Has anyone ever had it. I am not talking about the mango teas by snapple or fruit flavored green tea's. Its like they literally mix regular tea with pineapple and orange juice. Or something like that. Its from Calypso Cafe, some jamaican inspired place. Anyway, it isn't as good as the Lunchbox's but it is pretty good. I had their calypso nachos...and I was SO hungry. I had eaten a granola bar and it was 12 and I was ready to eat, well...the nachos didn't hit the spot. I barely ate a 1/3 of them and threw them away. I dunno why. Just didnt fit my appetite today. *sigh* I am feeling bothered too...again, I dunno why. I just want to make it to Heaven. That is all I care about, and my family and Damon's making it too. What is WRONG WITH ME!

Two Nephews and Walmart

My favorite little man came over last night, that would be the mini me of Damon...NOAH! And Michael too. Except Michael had one main topic of conversation for the night, and I don't think I need to tell you all what it is for you to guess. BEKKA BEKKA BEKKA! Goodness. He wants to get you more flowers by the way, but I didn't know if that would be okay or not (with the fam)...so who knows. You might get some you might not. :) Guess I need to call Rachel about this.

Anyway, they helped me grocery shop. I think I need to take Michael more often, he pushes my cart for me and Noah is our entertainment, makes shopping somewhat fun. I am not a big shopper. I don't even like malls. YUCK. I dunno why, I don't really like chocolate either. Hmm, I am not your typical gal I guess. I bought some roses for Damon too. 18 red ones. I miss him.

I guess I don't have much to write about these days. Michael will have internet this weekend at his house. Since my laptop is down and out at the moment, the only internet connection I have is at work and if I go to a friends. I could go to the Library too, just haven't done that yet.

Life is soooo uncertain. *sigh* I don't know where my pathway is taking me, Lord shine Your light please. I say that sincerely too, I really want to know HIS will for my life. I need to reserve a room for assembly, but then I need to figure out when I am going for a visit to Idaho. I dont know what to do.

Hold On- 33 Miles

I saw this group at Opry Mills a couple weeks ago. This song really touched me and the circumstances of my life right now.


Hold On
by Jess Cates/Wendy Mills

I've been there a thousand times
Felt the rain like a thousand knives and it hurts
I know it hurts
I've been there like a fighter plane
Trying to fly my way thru a hurricane and it's hard
I know it's hard
Don't be afraid
You'll make it thru
Just call out to me
And I'll come running to you

Chorus:
Hold On
Hold On
When the current pulls you under
And your heart beats like thunder
Just give me your hand
And hold on
Hold on
Until the storm is over
And I'll be fighting for you
Just give me your hand
And Hold on

Verse 2
I'll give you hope
I'll give you faith
And if it's dark I'll light the way for you
For You
By your side until the end
Until you're standing tall again
I'm here
I'll always be here
Always be here
ANd if the tide sweeps you out to sea
When your strength is gone and it's hard to believe

Hold On
Hold On
When the current pulls you under
And your heart beats like thunder
Just give me your hand
And hold on
Hold on
Until the storm is over
And I'll be fighting for you
Just give me your hand
And Hold on

Hold On
Hold On
When the current pulls you under
And your heart beats like thunder
Just give me your hand
And hold on
Hold on
Until the storm is over
And I'll be fighting for you
Just give me your hand
And Hold on

Hard Drive Day

I get my HD pulled today, I hope everything is good and my data can be backed up. Looks like I will be without my laptop for atleast a couple of weeks. This IS REALLY SAD. How am I going to post everyday to Damon's blog and so forth. His memorial?! :( I don't like to get on too much at work because I need to be working not blogging. I need to clean my house and weed eat, and grocery shop, and and and...*sigh*

I am going through the WEIRDEST emotions lately. Have I mentioned that, I am sure I have. I mention almost anything that is on my mind. If you know me, you know I have few secrets...hello world..here's Kasey.

I don't really know what to blog about, except that I went through a tank of gas from Thursday night to Monday night...goolllly. 41 buckaroo's 4 days! All for the sake of hanging out with people. Life is so weird now. SO WEIRD. I cannot even begin to understand mysefl anymore, atleast it seems.

Uhh...what to say...Well, I need to get busy.

I miss you my sweet penguin and I wish you were here.

Oh...I want to get a jeep wrangler, something to sling mud with. That would make damon happy. Not a new one or anything a nice old used one!

The Riddells

I am here at the house...the Riddells House. Good/Bad news on the laptop. I am going to have to send it away to HP. Which means they will clear EVERYTHING that might be anything on my pc. Which means....(I like that term "which means") I need to get my hard drive "slaved" to another PC so I can back everything up. I love you Damon Broyles...and I wish you were here.

I didn't get accomplished what I had planned to do today. I did however help the fox girls get their blogs set up.

Have I mentioned I miss Damon. :( Do you KNOW how perfect he was for me?! DO YOU KNOW! Well if you don't, he was amazingly wonderful to me and I loved/love him more than words could possibly describe.

DRUM ROLL PLEASE

YET ANOTHER NEW BLOGGER!!!! Tammy Fox!

Check it out and maker her feel welcome!

Check it Out!

*hears trumpet playing loudly in the distance* Folks, we have a new blogger among the ranks.

Introducing:

Morgan Fox

http://sunshine94.blogspot.com

Guess what else?! Tammy is going to be getting one too! Woohoo, more on that later.

Next we are trying to convince Chandler!

So anyway, please go check her blog out, you know how people that are needy..such as Morgan and myself, well we loooove comments. Make her feel special. Peace out home fries!

Laptop Update

I have been told...he thinks it is the Mother Board...that he (the IT guy) is 90% sure that is what it is and that I would not lose any data if that is the problem. It is still under warranty, I guess I will be making a run to CompUSA tonight.

My Laptop

Some may find this silly, but God cares. I NEED you all to pray for my laptop. The Tech guy here at work can't even get it to start up and he said that usually denotes a serious hard ware problem. I have not backed up quite a few of the pictures that are on there and they HAVE been deleted from my dig. camera. Which means...if I lose those pictures of Damon and our life together I am gonna be heartbroken. PLEASE PLEASE pray it will be okay. PLEASE. Just long enough to back stuff up so I don't lose it.

I am really worried about this.

Weird

I have had a weird weekend. Good and Bad. I am just having a hard time with my emotions...realizing Damon is gone. I just can't seem too. It feels sooo weird. Like he's been gone for ages yet, I can't comprehend it and can't believe he IS gone. I just feel like a big jumbled mess inside. I guess I can't really describe all of my emotions on here. I feel bothered. I miss my husband. I wish he was here, I wish I had him. He made me happy. I have NO idea what to feel. WHAT is normal...yes I laughed this weekend and had fun. Then I thought about things and felt like a big doof and would cry. I mean...I just don't know. *BIG SIGH* I REALLY need you all to continue to pray for me. I miss him, so much. I just wish he was here.

McDonalds

Thats my dinner tonight. I am at the fox's right now...I am sad...see ya

Big Book

I finished my 507 page book today. I think I started it Monday. Its a whopper of a book. A bit depressing, yet makes you want to keep reading. Its "A Voice in the Wind" by Francine Rivers. I guess I need to pass it to Rachel now.

I hope this doesn't sound whiny. But I feel lonely. I know God is always there, but He created woman so man would not be alone. Though Damon's passing is God's PERFECT will, and I don't question it...I am feeling the void right now. I guess I can't convey the feeling of what it is to lose your life's love, your soul mate. *sigh* my loss, is Heaven's gain and I will praise Jesus.

Tonight seems dreary.

Good Grief Charlie Brown

I think I am conceited now, thanks Michael. :)

Layout

I am ready for a new one...the pink is starting to get to me. I need to change it something else, yet I don't like spending the time to actually do that. It took me months to get up the go to'ness to create this one then by the time I was done I was soo happy. Now, I want to change it, yet I don't have the determination yet. Any volunteers.

Becki- I am horrible and said I was sending your fry sauce, but haven't yet. *sigh* I am bad.

Today is proving to be a bit better. I got one dream about him last night, woo hoo! I have a sinus headache and feel like I am getting sick. I have had some symptoms but just little ones...I know mom, ECHINACEA. Just haven't done it yet. Tonight I want to do something, yet I wanna stay home because I need to weed eat and clean the house a bit. I also need to grocery shop again. I want to buy a house too, but I can't do that. I need to wait until I am not acting out of grief. And I don't know where I would buy one at. My life...needs direction. Waiting on the map quest from Jesus though, in the mean time I will just sit down and enjoy the ride.

I love you Damon, and I miss you.

peace homies

Pray

I really need you all to pray for me. I am struggling right now. The Lord is still my King and my Helper. I just really really am missing my beloved Damon right now. I need Jesus to take this pain for me. I need Him too. I am okay momma, please don't worry. Jesus is holding me.

Hard Day

Please pray for me. This is proving to be a hard day. I miss my lover. I don't say that to sound gross or wrong, but that is truly what he was to me. Lover of my heart and soul, and I was the same to him. I loved everything about him and now it is gone. I will see him in Heaven, but that doesn't help the loneliness right NOW. Maybe it does...too some extent. I just really really miss my sweet husband.

One Month

Today is one month since the day Damon beat me to Heaven. July 19th. He died June 19th. I am having a new sort of emotions hit me lately. I hope it doesn't sound bad, but I miss the way he loved on me. I am lonely, he was my best good friend. He was my love, I had a verse in Song of Solomon 3 that reminded me of him. He was my true love, my hearts desire.

My Baby

I love my husband. I am so glad I know what love is now, our life together was such a blessing and taught me so many things. thank You Jesus for Damon.

I wish he was still here, but he isn't. I really wish he was here. *sigh* I miss him.

WOW

I just read bekah's (or is it bekka) blog. But I don't know how to comment, help. :( Do you have it set up for comments Bekah? Bekka? :) Btw, I will tell Michael and YES I WILL embarass him....well, maybe I could go easy on him.

My computers sound is not working. I don't know how to fix it, I am going to have to take it to someone. Damon always did this :( Oh and just so people who prayed for me will know. I had good dreams :)

Sad

That is me...I am sad. I miss my husband. I miss my best friend. I miss my love...I just miss him. Plain and simple. Rachel, Matthew, Rebekah, Michael and I went to a free concernt tonight. The group is called 33 miles, they are pretty good and some of their songs were really uplifting. They are Christian by the way. It was fun, I just kept thinking about Damon and what he is doing in heaven and how I cannot believe he is gone. I miss him so bad.

Oh and go check Michaels blog, see my link section for the address. He wanted me to post FOR him, about his fun times with a perty girl from Arkansas. :)

No Title

I seem to have a hard time thinking of a title....so I will just ask you, as I know a lot of you are, to pray for me. My day has started a bit rough, memories and so on and bad dreams. But God is making it better. I have to remember reality and not those awful dreams. Damon DID love me until the end. I HATE these dreams, I HATE them.

Ar-Kansas

Michael, Rachel, myself and the fellow arkansians had a fun night tonight. The arkansians would be Matthew and Bekah, Rachels brother and sister. We played mini golf, and did the batting cages, and Michael, Matthew, and Bekah did the go karts. Bekah won the second time. Lots of fun and Michael saw a WHOLE new side to Rachels personality. I won't go too much into details, because...well lets just say it is something that Damon and I's sick personalitys and fascinations with the many facets of feces would enjoy...but Rachel is to embarassed to admit to it. :) I love my husband...he made life so fun. We had the weirdest shared interests...such has passing gas and feces. I know, most of you are grossed out. And don't worry, it was not like we are weirdo's that REALLY were truly obsessed, but more of a running joke to gross other people out. :) Anyway..enough on that subject.

Sometimes I am afraid people will see me smiling or laughing, or reading my blog about something fun I did and wonder why I am not sad, like I didn't love Damon enough or something. I guess I feel guilty for having a good day sometimes. The truth of the matter is, I loved and continue to love Damon MORE than I ever knew possible to love any human being and I will NEVER forget my wonderful husband, and I DO want him back. But, if a good day comes my way from the Lord, I need to take Him up on it. In reality the bad days do come and they are very hard to get through, the break in the clouds, or silver lining are a welcome time for me. The Lord gives me those times so I CAN bear the pain through Jesus Christ. The pain is sooo great and so deep, that I need these moments. Damon would want me to make it, to live, to breathe, to go on. I want to do those things FOR him, to live in his legacy and to continue his memory in every life possible. Yet, it also saddens me, because my life is now without him. That is very hard. I wish it were different, God has another plan and I have to accept it and try to please Him within this storm in my life. It is hard to lose the man I became ONE flesh with. So hard. I wish he was here.

I need to go to bed for the night, work in da mornin. Pray for me, and I pray for my blogger buddies and love ya.

Amsouth

They are mean. I understand they have to obey the law, that is fine, but you could treat people with some care. They knew my husband had died, they knew I was trying to take care of things...yet they were inconsiderate and acted like it was a chore to help me. Makes me upset. You know, why, why can people NOT be nice? I know why, they need Jesus. I didn't go in there rude, I simply asked for some help. Although I will say it was very hard to continue to be nice when he acted that way. I tried though and probably could have done better. I just don't know the line of not letting someone treat you poorly and being mean. I don't wanna be walked on, but feel like if I say something then I am being rude. Sigh. Just pray for me, this stuff is hard enough...let alone all of this mess.

Home

I am home now and thank you to everyone who prayed. I won't say it was an easy trip because it wasn't but God seems to give me moments of sunshine that make the clouds bearable. If that makes sense. I dont really know what to post. I seem to be having a lot of different emotions. I am in a "miss" mood lately. I am just thinking about Damon and just wanting him with me and feeling lonely. God will never leave me, I know I am not a lone. Yet I think this is normal to wish for Damon like this. I want to please the Lord in all things like he did. Damon was SUCH an example to me, I so desire to be like Jesus first and then Damon. Damon was Christlike, and he was an example I can remember and really know what a pure example was. Pray for our families and myself. I know you do, and I thank you all. I love and appreciate everything. May God bless you and keep you and may He make His face to shine upon you.

Still Here

At the hotel room. It is the last day of state convention and I am tired. There have been some great services, but it has been hard without Damon here. I guess it's the hardest it's been in awhile. I love that man and I wish he was still with me, and that's okay. But, I can accept that God has another plan and I must live according to His will for me. I might not like this part of the plan and wish I could change it, that is okay too, but recognizing He knows best is the main key.

Damon is my hero, and was a wonderful man. Wonderful is not even the word to describe him. I mean you could partially describe him with that word, but I don't know if I could find one word that would cover all of his facets. He was amazing, wonderful, caring, compassionate, a child of the King who did all he could to please Him, and he was/IS my love. He loved me with a great love, bigger than I could have ever thought of or dreamed for the story of my life. And I will love him forever and always for that. That love will change in heaven, but I don't guess it will matter there. I will see him again, and that is awesome. I miss him immensely. The ache sometimes just makes me break down and I cry/scream/cry some more. I guess that is normal.

Well, I hope everyone stays safe and happy today and that you serve the Lord with all your heart, soul, and mind. I want to do the same.

Motivation

It came last night. I vacummed, dusted, swept the kitchen, did laundry AND folded laundry. I even packed. WOOOT! I slept fairly well last night, and only woke up once. I don't really remember any dreams and the cat was silent all night. I seem to wake up thinking of Damon. I really miss him, he was so much for me and to me. I love you Damon with all my heart. Well, pray for me today at work and the trip to Cleveland.

luv n prayers,
Damon's Kasey

SCREAM!!!

I am screaming right now! I am feeling EXTREMELY lonely. I MISS DAMON! I am praying too, Jesus can help me. Right now I am really hurt.

Lots to do...

As the title denotes, I have lots to do. The motivation is slow in coming though. I baked fries tonight because I kept thinking about Becki and the bottle of fry sauce sitting in the fridge. She told me to enjoy it, so who am I to question my elders?

I need to pack for convention tonight because I am probably leaving directly from work tomorrow. Life seems so weird now. I would ask that you pray for me as I travel through the chattanooga area tomorrow. That was one of the last places, happy places, we went through before Damon went to heaven. In my mind it feels bitter sweet, but I know the Lord will help me. I bought a red shirt for the VLB part of the convention because I didn't have any VLB colors...I just remembered a red and black shirt...oh well it was pretty cheap at wal-mart. I am so excited to turn in Damon's offering that he had been working on. Change to change the world. I love him and I want to do this for him. I wish he was with me, but he is in my heart and I am sure the conventions in Heaven are waaay cooler!

I can't say I have had an easy day. I don't think I have had an easy day since he went home, but some days have been easier than others. Yesterday was good, until the memorial service. It was a great memorial service, and I hope I conveyed the point I was trying to get across. But, it brought up so many memories. Sometimes I feel like, I can't believe he is gone. There are other times that I realize, this side of heaven, I won't see Damon in my every day life anymore. That is sad. The love of my life is gone from me. Yes he is present with Jesus, but he is NOT present with me. Physically. That is hard. Then there are times when it feels like he has been gone for ages, yet I can't believe the time that has passed. Sometimes, I am happy for him and determined. Then I feel sad and ,not that I am mad at God, but just the circumstances that seem so unfair. I have so many emotions. I guess I know one thing (and I keep saying it, but it's true) that I want to make Heaven more now, than ever before. That I want to be like my husband was, and like Jesus.

I need to clean up the house and so many other things. I wish he was here. Have a good night.

Pray for Me Please

I am having a rough morning. I know God is with me, but I also know this is normal to miss Damon. Just please pray for me. I am pretty sad.

Him

I miss him. I had a really good day, but the memorial...great as it was, well I just miss him now. He was more wonderful than words can describe. I miss him...that is just what I feel right now...miss'ish.

Sleep

I slept fairly well last night, and my cat wasn't even bad. I left him in the house with me instead of putting him in the laundry room and he only meowed a little bit. I am hoping he is getting used to being inside. I got up before my alarm and now I need to get ready for work. I know that I need to be thankful for a job, however I am just dreading going in today. PLEASE pray for this situation. I don't even want to go in with the news I received yesterday.

I posted on Damon's memorial page today. www.damonbroyles.com
I am hoping to have a guest book option at some point so that it's a bit easier to comment.

I miss Damon today, like always I guess. Some days are harder than others, and sometimes it is moments. I have so many questions as to why and so on. I am not blaming the Lord, sometimes it just feels so unfair. I know that God will bring this time about for my good, someday. I just have to remember how God blessed me with Damon even though it was for a short time. He was truly a wonderful amazing man that changed my life for the better.

Have a good day.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs! I MISS him. I miss my husband horribly. I want him back. It was his time to meet Jesus, I know, but I still miss him and I still want him back. I don't like being without him. I am lonely.
I WILL get through this and it will only be God that does get me through it. My feelings, He understands them all, and He cares, AND He can handle them. I don't feel theres anything wrong with missing and wanting Damon back. I am not mad at God. I know it was Damon's appointed time, but that doesnt make the hurt go away or me not want him back.

Pray for me and about my job. I got some news that has really upset me today. Currently I am only working part time, just until I can get back on my feet so to say. Well, I already work for two people. I am a secretary to the Math and Science coordinators (one for each subject) for Metro Schools. They decide the curriculum etc.. (I think anyway) for all of metro's 74,000 students, etc.. Well as you can imagine I have been busy enough in the past where I was really pretty stressed. They have restructured my department and I found out today that they are putting another boss over me. So now I will be working for three different departments. The bad thing is, my cubicle neighbor is my new bosses soon to be former secretary and I have seen how she has treated my cube neighbor and the stress. I don't WANT to work for her, let alone have someone else added to me. I dont know what to do. This really really makes me unhappy. I talked to Damon about it before vacation and I really can't remember what he said, except he probably would have said something like "well, just see what happens". I know Damon has worked for people that he really didn't want to, he pressed on. Part of me wants to say this is a door shut, another part wants to say, be a witness to this woman. Not that I am some great person, but if damon's death as taught me one thing, its that Heaven and Heaven alone are the only major gains in life and really all that matters. If we miss Heaven, we miss it all.

If you all would PLEASE pray. I just feel lonely and sad. I don't mean to be a downer on my blog, but I really just need the Lord to uplift me. I need some friends to come over or something.

Good Thought for the Day

It took a miracle to put the stars in place;
It took a miracle to hang the world in space.
But when He saved my soul, cleansed and made me whole,
It took a miracle of love and grace! —Peterson

God's grace gets me through every day. I may not see it or feel it, but when the day is done I can look back and realize this time in my life would be impossible without my Jesus.

I miss you Damon and I love you soo sooo sooo much. I look forward to Heaven.

Have a good day.

Remeberance Service for Damon

Location:
The Church of God
Antioch, Tennessee

6065 Mt. View Road
Antioch, TN 37013
Phone: (615) 641-2449

www.tcoga.com
www.thechurchofgodantioch.com

Date: July 11th
Time: 7PM

I would love it if you can come, Damon was a wonderful man and continues to be a light in my heart and soul- and example to my spiritual path.

Love and Prayers,
Damon's Kasey

First Day Back

I worked a half day today. I am thankful to the Lord for helping me. It was pretty hard to go through the motions this morning, but God is faithful and I made it. I will continue to work half days (Lord willing) until I can figure a few things out.

Pray for our (me and damon) neighbor, Mr. Ryan. I felt to go talk to him about the Lord, and Damon and I went a couple of months back and I didn't really get much out. I asked him if i could bring him some CDs of church services and he didn't want them. My Brother in law said he has talked to him straight about the Lord and that Mr. Ryan wasn't receptive to that either. Well, he is supposedly on his death bed. I went to the hospital today to visit him and they couldn't find his name. I need to check his house, but would prefer not to go alone. I just need wisdom. I want to pleaes the Lord on this.

I miss Damon a lot, and I wish I had him back. I know he wouldn't want to come back right now, but I also know that he wouldn't have wanted to leave me either. I must remain faithful and I will see him again. The Lord is my helper and I need all of His help I can get. Pray for me. luv, Damons Kasey

Sunday

I miss my husband. A lot. I found some old cards from him today, they warmed my heart yet reminded me of how easy it is to take life for granted. I just always thought I would have him right there with me. I never thought I would be without him in this life. Don't take your loved ones for granted, whether its your mom or dad, your brother or sister, or even your spouse. You never know what could happen. I know that it was Damon's appointed time to meet the Lord, yet I still miss him and God knows that. God knew before I ever met Damon, that one day we would be married and so deeply in love, and that three years, two months and 30 days after we became man and wife, that Damon would beat me to heaven. He knew the strength I would/do need to make it each day without the love of my life. I never knew before my sweet Damon, that you could ever love one person so much. I love him so much it hurts. The pain I have sometimes is awful. I guess I am scared that everyone will forget. I am going to have to live without him, day in and day out. I don't like that, but I choose to live and live for Damon and I's Savior, because I want to make it to heaven. I want to see my beloved's face again someday. Honestly, I wish this wasn't the plan for my life. I don't like it, I really don't. Yet who am I to tell God, ummm your plan is wrong. God knows the end from the begining. I just want to make it. Love n prayers, Damons Girl

A Good Thought

Run the race with eternity in view.

You know I have wanted to go to heaven ever since I have been serving the Lord. I guess everyone wants to go to heaven. But there is a difference in wanting to go to heaven and LIVING to go to heaven. Making decisions every day that will help you attain your goal OF heaven. Responding kindly when you want to bite the persons head off, remaining calm when traffic is ridiculous, letting your nephews know the right way to behave when really you would just like to tell them to knock it off. There is a difference between sin and fault. No, it may not be wrong to get upset at the traffic, but yes it would be wrong to be screaming and cussing at the driver who just made you mad. However, what I do with the anger makes the difference. God gave me the emotions that I am feeling. The sadness, anger (not at Him though, thankfully), hurt, doubting. But I wonder, did He give us those emotions to be used as WE typically use them. For instance, fear. There are two different kinds of fear, one is to fear the Lord i.e. reverance or respect, and fear from the enemy which has torment. I hope this makes sense. I guess I say all of this because I have gone through a gauntlet of emotions, but God is big enough to handle all of this and even though I may not be able to understand a thing. My God can handle ME. He can direct my heart, if I have to cling to Him with a single thread, he will make sure that thread hangs strong. My heart is to please HIM. Plus, I want to see Damon again too :)

love n prayers,

Damons Girl

Pray

Pray for me. I just need prayer. I want to make it to heaven so badly...yet I feel like my emotions are raw and that I am not thinking about Heaven enough. I want to have a pure heart. I am just thinking...I am a brooder by nature.

A New Blogger

Michael, as in my nephew, has joined the blogging ranks. check it out.

Michael

comment for the lad :)

:(

Why isn't anyone commenting anymore? yes I am still needy. So commment! oh and please ;)

I went grocery shopping and it was hard, but not impossible. I know the Lord will help me through each step. I think I could take a nap. I feel really sleepy, but I dont know if that is good because I have had trouble sleeping through the night and I think I would sleep better if I was REALLY tired.

store

I guess I need to breakdown and buy some groceries. I am thankful that I have access to food and the means to buy it. I know there are people out there starving. I just am so used to cooking for him. I didnt really cook before I got married, except on holidays. I liked to cook and was a good cook, I just ate out or whatever mom or dad had made. But I can't keep eating out for the rest of my life, a its not healthy, and b it is getting expensive. I need to go to the store today to get some copies of photos made and buy some flowers to take to his grave, so I will go grocery shopping then. I also need to pick the cat up at the vet. He had an abscess in his paw. I wish he would stop fighting. I also need to get ready for state convention. I am so excited to turn in Damons mission offering that he had been working on. I can't really remember my dreams to well, I know I had some. I got the opportunity to talk to Damons dad last night. I believe he is softening before the Lord, so pray for him. His name is Richard. Pray for my dad too, I can see a difference in him as well. I miss Damon, and I wish he was here. I love that man and always will, I say it a lot, but he is my hero. My example. I am so very proud of him.

I Wish You Were Here

I love you Damon Broyles and you are soooo wonderful. I know you are in heaven, but you are here with me, in my heart. Forever and always babe. I am so so so glad you are my guy. I love you baby with all my heart and soul and will see you in Heaven some day. That is my goal Damon, to make Heaven. WITH ALL MY HEART I wanna make it there. JESUS hold my hand, all the way to Heaven. PLEASE over ride my heart and soul with You Jesus. Always. May I always bless you and serve You. ALWAYS.

Pray for my daddy and Richard (Damons dad). Pray for Michael too. Pray for me. Pray for us all.

Thursday, and missing him

I miss Damon today. I don't want that to sound bad, like there is a day that passes where I don't. But yesterday wasn't bad. Today I am thinking about my husband. I asked the Lord to tell him I love him, that he IS my hero still, and that he is my blessing. I hope the Lord can tell them stuff like that in heaven. I HOPE. I want him to know how very very much I love him and how he (by Gods mercies) has changed my life so much for the better, and how many others lives he has changed. He was such an amazing person, and he didn't even realize. I guess that's good because then we would all be conceited if we knew what good we did, right. *sigh* I miss you Damon Broyles and I wish you were here. I really do. I know you are in heaven, but if I could, I would wish you back. Cus' I love you with all my heart and all of my soul, and all of all of me. If that makes sense. I love you Damon boo boo boo. A lot A lot A lot. We used to say stuff like that when we were dating. Well, if anyone wants to call me today they can. I have to go to the vet. Not for me, for the cat.

Heaven, YES! PLEASE!

I JUST WANT TO MAKE IT TO HEAVEN!! I just wanna make it! I need prayer. I don't seem to understand my emotions. I don't ever want to cling to anyone or anything but my Jesus. Please pray for me. I know my Lord is there for me, I KNOW it. I just want to bless and please Him in ALL I do. I need help understanding my thoughts right now. I love my husband, and I wish he was with me.

Living In His Legacy

Today, I continued a Damon tradition. I am not sure who knows or who doesn't, but Damon used to cut lawns as a side business. He had at one time I think up to 12 lawns that he cut by himself (and sometimes with his nephews) and we continued to cut after we were married. I believe we only cut them for the one season after we were married...I can't remember if we cut them the second year of marriage or not. ANYWAY...I say all of that to say this. Damon has one lawn left that he had continued to cut because it is so close to the house and I am not sure if he just wanted to try to help the people out as they are older. Well, the boys and I tackled that lawn today. I hope the Lord let Damon see it :) hehehe. I have cut it before, but I had all three nephews in the truck and Honey was riding shot gun, along with Michael. I have pulled a horsetrailer a long time before I ever met Damon, but his lawn trailer, in my opinion is hard to hook up. So, I prayed that the Lord would help me and it actually went more smoothly than I can ever remember before. We got everything loaded up and were finished in about an hour. Of course Damon had it done that quickly by himself, and I had Michael's help and then the two younger ones used the blower to cleanoff the porch and walkways (I hope anyway). I just hope that he could see all of us and was laughing. It wasn't sad, and there are no tears in heaven, so I try to keep everything happy for Damon so that he might see bits and pieces of my life and know that I love him and will be okay. I need to get cleaned up now though, sweat and fresh cut lawn are a unique smell. They actually remind me of the times I had with Damon. However, I think clean smells better. :) So, talk to you all later. Pray for me today. I usually wake up thinking about him, but just a FYI and praise, I don't think I had bad dreams last night either. So PTLord.

Damons Kasey

I'm not gonna tell you again!

Are the words that just came from Noah's mouth, as he threatens his much older and heavier brother to stop tormenting him. They add some interesting highlights to life.

Do you ever feel like you just open your mouth when you shouldn't. Sometimes it is so much easier to unload and vent about someone and their injustice to you, than to do as you should and just take it to the Lord. I feel like a failure at that, and Lord I am sorry. I don't know when it is a need to talk to someone and when not to. I don't want any words coming out of my mouth that would displease the Lord. I want to be careful. *sigh* any advice.

I am so glad the Lord blessed me with such a wonderful man as Damon.

Oh yeah, pray for Damon's truck. It needs a spark plug changed, (i think), and he always did that and I don't know how much it will cost. God can make it better.
luv n prayers
Mrs. Damon

home alone

no, not the movie. Me. I am home alone. Well, just me and Jesus. :) I have cleaned house, even mopped and did some laundry. I put Damon's clothes away finally. I am wearing his Dr. Pepper shirt that he was wearing that Day. I had to fix it, but it looks pretty good. Okay, I take back the title...the boys just walked in. My nephews. Okay, well bye. pray for me. I miss him so much, but I will make it with the Lords grace and mercy.


love,

Damon's Kasey

GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

Why isn't ANYONE posting??!??!! I know camp does NOT last 10 days. I am really, REALLY, really wanting to read something new. Not to mention I need comments myself. I don't want to sound needy, but I AM. So post, comment, and post some more. :(

I miss him, and am cleaning house. Cept for right now because I am on the pc. SIGH

Tuesday

I miss my husband. I had a dream about him last night, but it wasn't bad. Wouldn't mind if I had more dreams of him that were good. :) I love him and I want him back. I guess that won't happen though so I am keeping him alive in my memory and heart. I wish I could touch his face just one more time. I must wait until heaven to see him again, and though seeing him in heaven wouldn't be as monumental as it would be here on earth (because we will be more focused on God) I am still sooooo looking forward to seeing his beautiful face. Damon is the most amazing man I will ever know. I am so grateful for that, although I would like it more if he was here. I say that a lot, but it's true. I know he is in heaven, but I would still rather him be here until we could make it TOGETHER. Like in the Rapture or something. :)Then I could have and hold him everyday.

Pray for Tammy, she has a really bad headache/migraine. I am the only one up at the moment. Aside from the dogs. Morgans ear is really hurting so she is still in bed.

Andy mowed my lawn for me yesterday, and I had to go to Wal-Mart *sigh* to get the oil changed. Damon always did that for me. One time he even helped me so I changed the oil myself (with a lot of his help of course). I was so proud of myself. I wish I had helped him more so I would know how to do it today. I got a bunch of pictures developed last night. I got some frames and need to get a few more. One of them, he looks sooooooooo good (he looks good in all of them, but this one is like he's giving me a model stare or something, wowza). I could kiss the picture, but I don't want to mess it up. I hope that is alright to say that. :)

Pray for me, for the familys. Mom said dad is still taking it very hard. Not that we all aren't, but he needs the Lord. So does Damon's dad. Pray for them all to give their hearts to the Lord. That is what Damon would have wanted.

A New Book

Sister Maudie gave me a book that I am really enjoying. It is called The Grieving Christian (I think!). Praise the Lord, I don't remember a bad dream last night. WOOHOO! Thank You Jesus!

I miss Damon, I love Damon, I want Damon back, and that is okay. My husband was/is the love of my heart and life and I am forever grateful to the Lord for letting me experience TRUE love. Damon is my hero and my example. I love him with all of my heart and soul and look forward to seeing him in heaven. My beloved hero has made his goal and destination.

I am at Tammy and Steve's right now trying to protect honey from Morgans very hyper Dakota! Poor honey! My cat got in a fight last night with the stray cat Damon had started feeding. I was right there and they would NOT stop, I was hitting them with a stick and kicking them (not really hard)and they just wouldn't quit. I felt bad for the stray cat because he is still younger and smaller than my cat and he had tried to walk away but Tigger went after him. I am scratched up on my arm and finally got Tigger away from him and in the house. I am a huge animal lover and wouldn't normally have done all that but if you had seen it, it was horrible. I am tired of Tigger fighting. We got him neutered too late in his life and its like he still thinks he is a Tom Cat. grrr

Continue to pray for me, I miss Damon, and I want him back...A LOT! But I will stand with my Jesus. I refuse to let the devil get a hold of me. GRRR, he makes me mad.
Oh yeah, pray for autumn, she goes home today. Safe flight and all.

luv n prayers- Mrs Damon

Blessed

If you read this before 6pm central time, pray for me. I am singing a new soundtrack tonight. Older song, but new song for me to sing. Anyway, I am singing Blessed, made popular by Rachael Lampa. I can do about 95% of it, but this one part...well, sometimes I hit it, and sometimes I don't.

I wanted to go to Brother Pruitts funeral tomorrow, but don't know if I will make it or not. I need to finish all of my thank you cards from everyones attendance and giving at the funeral and all of the cards I have received in the mail. I really appreciate all of the support.

I miss Damon today, like everyday, but I have been thinking about him a lot today. I know I can do all things through Christ, so I know I can make it. It's still the hardest thing I have ever faced in my life though. His Word says He will NEVER give me more than I can handle, so obviously I can handle this. I need to think positive. I am not gonna let the doofus devil steal my joy. he can't have me, so he needs to get over it! Better yet take it up with my God.

I am at Crystal and Emily's right now, we are watching some movie and it is about time to get going to church. Pray for me. I keep reading the highlighted verses in Damon's Bible and they bless me so much. I knew I had a wonderful man, but the more I read what he had highlighted, the more I see how amazingly wonderful a man the Lord blessed me with. I love him so much and I miss him, and I am hanging on to Jesus so I can be at that "glad reunion day". I love you Mr Broyles, love your Mrs'