...you may be tired of another sad blog from me. Oh well, here it comes. Not that I don't care, but this is a place for me to release in a small part some of my feelings. NO, I don't share all of what I am feeling, but some of it. And that helps. I am feeling the aching return. I miss Damon beyond words and it hurts, so so so bad. Sometimes, like tonight, I feel like I am going to go crazy and it just hurts too much. I went to his grave this evening. I feel like I messed up today, oh God just please take the pain. I don't feel like I can take another step unless HE sends His angels to move my feet for me. I hurt, I hurt more than people can know. I lonely at the house. I don't want to seem like a big sob story, and if I come across that way I apologize. I don't know what to say or do, I pray and try to make it, but sometimes the pain seems almost inbearable. I have learned not to say I am doing better because it seems a bad day hits after that. God has done amazing things for me, HE has carried me thus far and I know He won't let me down in any way shape or form. I don't want to minimize what He has done for me, and obviously if this was too much for me He wouldn't have given it to me to bear. I don't want to fail my God, I don't want to make wrong decisions. I am blogging from the library, the last time I was actively coming here was when Damon was alive. I miss him, only my God knows how much I miss the man I met and fell in love with. The man I gave my heart and soul too. Oh God help me. PLEASE. I want to make it to Heaven so badly, soooo badly. Sometimes it would seem easier if He would call us all home now. I miss Damon, I MISS HIM. I keep saying that, I know. But, I am alone at home. I am so lonely. How am I going to face every day without my man? I can hear Tammy right now "by God's grace and mercy". I wish this cup belonged to someone else and not me. I am weak Lord, help me to hold on, help me to please and bless You. I miss my husband and I am hurting more than I could describe to one person. I feel so alone Jesus, so extremely alone and sad. I miss Damon, oh God he was my miracle and my hero. God help me. PLEASE help me, I need you to stop the rain for awhile Lord Jesus, my Savior.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
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6 comments:
By God's Grace & Mercy
Kasey grief is a long road and the Lord will go with you the entire trip...No it's not what you want, yes you hate every minute of being without Damon, however you just have to go through it...Unless someone has experienced your loss, they have no idea the depths of hurt you can go through and still live...Jesus knows the pain you feel, he can save and he can heal...Take your burdens to the Lord and leave them there...That is a daily choice, some days are easier than others, but every day you put one foot in front of the other in victory with Jesus is one step closer to seeing Damon again forever...God bless you and keep you, I pray he makes his face shine upon you and gives you peace...
Kasey...hey I am Sara, Wendy's friend. I just wanted you to know I pray for you every night. I have no idea how you feel or what you're going through, but don't feel like a failure for hurting. Don't feel like a failure for feeling sad. God knows how you feel. He has been there. Even Jesus prayed for the cup to be taken from him, if it was God's will. Jesus has felt the sadness and heartbreak. You clearly love the Lord and are trusting in him. You're human, so of course you have overwhelming emotions, but God will bring you through this. Just keep trusting in Him. When you're sad, tell Him. When you're hurting, tell Him. When you're mad, tell Him. He already knows, and He's not mad at you for feeling that way. He wants to be the one you lean on. He wants to be your Comforter. I'm praying for you.
--Sara
I love you so much Kasey. God will continue to see you through all of this. He loves you so much and its comforting to know he understands are heart and the pain we feel, like no one else does. I'm sorry for the hard days. I wish I could wipe them away but you must believe that this is all for your good- you will come out all shiney and better...Job 23:10 (from Sunday) ...he knoweth the way I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.
Thankyou Jesus for Kasey, Thank you for her desire to serve you. Right now Lord please minister to her the peace that passeth all understanding. Lord, please wrap her up in your arms and comfort her..please Lord continue to heal her heart, please Lord continue to carry her....please Lord help us all to receive your comfort...Lord help us all to see that your ways are higher than our ways and that you know what we need before we do. I love you my Lord and savior and I thankyou for your mercy and grace. Thank you for Damon, thank you for all the friends who are praying for Kasey and our families as we go on..Help us Lord to always look to you...Lord thank you, thank you. Your word says that you inhabit the praises of your people, help us Lord to honor Damon's legacy by praising you...help us to remember to praise you in everything...YOU are worthy of all honor and praise and glory....thank you mighty God...Thank you, Lord for hearing our hearts cry....Thank you.
Sister Kacey, Please don't feel that you need to apologize for expressing your feelings on your blog. This "cross that you have been called to bear" has caused alot of us to examine our own lives and service to God. As well as our relationships with our family memebers. For any of us to voice our feeling on your loss, can't every be a comfort to you. Be encouraged in knowing that many of us will never tire of hearing your heart felt feelings, and know that we will always be praying for you. Only our Great Big God can give you comfort and He will.
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