Todays Flavor

Blueberry Lime Poleta. YUM. Tangy.

It's Raining It's Pouring

No old man snoring! YEE HAW, RAIN! This place was beginning to get a wee bit brown. Beginning...no, it was just plumb brown!

Davids Bridal didnt have any gloves I liked...22.00 was the cheapest. Guess I will hit party city like the others. Assembly for me, starts tomorrow. I haven't even packed yet. My house is clean, so I won't have to worry about that. Looks like I won't get my lawn mowed before I leave, I should have done it last night. I need to leave BY 7 in the morning. At the latest. I have printed off my directions to the hotel (which will be my first stop) then directions from the hotel to assembly. I hope I find everything okay. It will be weird to be without Damon. Doesn't feel right. I am sad today. I am just grrrrrrrrr'd at the moment. If that makes sense

Well, I think I was going to talk about something else, but I have forgotten. Perks to getting older. :)

I can't decide

I put a new song on here....I can't decide if I like it or not. I have thought about it more than once...this song came out a few months (I think it was a few months) before Damon died and he, not knowing he would be dying very shortly, really liked the song. He commented how he liked it...how true it would become for me. Now, I am sure he didn't tell Peter that he wouldn't enter heaven's gates until I got there, but the sentiment of the song is what I am talking about. I just can't decide if it makes me happy in remembering him, or sad, in the fact that he is gone from earth. Yet he is present with the Lord. *sigh* I rarely explain myself correctly, atleast it seems. Damon got me, he understood me 9 times outa 10. I miss him, I miss us, I miss our life and dreams together. You know, the wedding was wonderful, but life together each and every day, was so much more fun and rewarding. I miss that life. He was happiness. Pure and simple. Don't take your loved ones for granted, life IS fragile.

by the way...here is the popsicle website...though it has no information other than a address. Pure YUMMINESS

GUESS WHAT WEIRD FOOD I ATE!

if you know then you can't share!!!!!


guess now!







give up?





give up now?





one more time...




.....okay, I KNOW you give up now. So I will tell you.


I ate.....





*drum roll*





A rose flavored popsicle. They are called poletas or something, i.e. Mexican Popsicle. My bosses kept raving about them and I told one of them that I had never had one. She said okay we will go get you one. As I looked over the flavors....I saw the word ROSE. I asked her, what does a rose flavored popsicle taste like? She said...."it tastes like a rose smells" Let me tell you, it was soooo good! YUM I think it even had little pieces of crushed rose petals in it. So small, like cinnamon. Anyway, I don't know how much it was, it seemed like a designer popsicle or something, my boss paid. If you want to try one, let me know and we will sooo go there. It really tastes like a rose smells. I just thought I would blog about my exciting event of the day!

Laptop Update

PRAY PRAY PRAY! I should be getting my laptop back either today or tomorrow. I soo want to get it back before I leave for Idaho. *sigh* PRAY!

Appreciative

That is what I am right now, for my family. Mainly, I want to talk about Michael, my nephew. He is a great young man who is learning and growing so much in the Lord. He is more like his uncle than he realizes and if he keeps it up will become just like Damon. Which I hope he does keep this up! I love you Michael, you are a great nephew, and though I have had my sadness lately...you really have done more for my heart than you will ever know. I find you becoming some I can talk to, someone who is a good listener, and at the same time gives good advice. You are not just a family member, I feel I can say you are a friend. My friend. Don't worry about mowing my lawn, lol...as you know Damon didn't always mow it, sometimes I did. I can still take care of it. I am glad the Lord not only gave me Damon, but three wondeful nephews who bring sunshine to my life. You are an amazing young man Michael, you are not a boy any more. That scripture about putting away childish things is becoming your life now. You are becoming a man of the Lord and that is a wonderful thing to see. I was so proud of you Sunday morning and I can just imagine it would have made Damon smile. Keep your chin up, Damon and I were and are sooooo proud of you. I love you, your Aunt Kasey

Good/Bad

There is a paint crew here in the office today. The sound of the roller going over the wall is strangley comforting and almost lulls me to sleep. Yet going in and smelling the paint, and seeing the same paint tools that Damon used, brings back many memories. I never thought I would marry a painter, or that the painter profession would seem "hot", but it is. Damon was a hottie hard working man, and I am glad he was mine. Anyway, so now I am sort of sad. I feel numb today. This week is starting hard. You think you are doing better, then it feels the complete opposite at times.

Monday

As you know, today is monday. I was at work a little after eight this morning and working a half day today. I have alot to do today and am glad it is cooler. I am hoping atleast 10 degrees cooler. The humidity was noticeable yesterday, yuck.

The laptop still isn't back. I am getting aggrivated, I know there are worse things in life. Seriously. But Damon gave that to me and I him, as our Christmas present. I want it back! I am somewhat worried about Tigger too. I just need to pray and leave him in Gods hands. Yep, God cares about my cat, because it is a desire of my heart so He cares. He is doing fine, but I leave soon for assembly and making sure his meds are administered properly and so on. Well it just worries me.

I dont need to take up any more time posting at work, pray for me. God knows the needs. I want to make heaven, more than anything.

HELP!

I am trying to put a song on Michaels blog...well, I would if I could even FIND it online. Good Directions by Billy Currington. If someone much wiser out there can find a way or find a code for me to do this with, I would be very much appreciative. Danke.

My eyes are tired, I have been thinking about Damon a lot today. As usual. I don't like the fact he is gone, and to be honest I wish he was here. I know God's plan is even bigger than I can see at this moment but I feel alone and without my best friend, the love of my life. I refuse to be mad about the situation, but I don't think there is anything wrong with wishing it could change.

I have a REALLY busy week this week. SIGH. But as the Bible says this is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Monday I need to clean my car out and mow the lawn and clean house. Tuesday I am running around a lot. Wednesday I need to pack for assembly. thursday I drive up early morning for PON practice. WOO...my birthday is soon. I wish he was here, 4 years ago on my bday he proposed.

the demo derby was awesome. I feel I got my fill of redneckisms for the night and am good for another month or so. I wish they had them more often though.

Saturday Happenings

I am super lazy today...sort of. I woke up at 11ish, that rarely happens and it felt GOOD. I am getting perpetually sore. I dont know if it is from working out or what, but I am sore almost every morning I wake up now. I think I remember being like that when I was working out for the wedding. I had lots of dreams about Damon last night, they weren't good. Makes me sad. I had to go get my oil changed for the second time today. Damon always did it for me. I dont like him NOT changing my oil. I am heading to the fair tonight to the demolition derby, my Damon would be proud. I love that man. See yall later

Favorites

Friday Nights and Saturdays have been my favorite for the past three years. Now, they represent loneliness and the fact I will have to TRY to find someone to hang out with. When Damon and I were together, we could do anything, big or small and it was a blessing and fun. Now it is just not the case, I feel very very lonely and sad right now. It is 2 something and I am thinking what am I going to do tonight. He is gone, gone for good until heaven. I am husbandless. It's a very very sad thing to feel alone. I need a best friend again, Damon was my best friend. He was my everything besides the Lord. He filled every need, he was perfect. Dont take your loved ones for granted.

Friday Night

Well, it is Friday night. I officially have NO plans and am feeling lonely already. I am just one big sob story, huh. I guess it is just me, the cats, and honey. :(

Hello

I posted a new post on Damons Memorial Website. Go check it out if you would like.

I am hoping to get more word on my laptop this weekend and hope to have it back BEFORE assembly.

Pray for me to get back on a financial schedule. I know it may seem a weird request, but when Damon was here we ran smoothly and had a schedule as to what bills were paid on what paychecks etc.. Well since he went to Heaven (I dont like using the word "died") the Lord has really blessed me by people giving me the support they know how to give, which is monetary...not bragging, just the truth. I just paid the bills whenever they came in so that I wouldn't have to worry about them. INSTEAD OF waiting till paycheck Friday to actually sit down and write them out in a organized way like Damon did. I didn't get married until I was 21 and had had a checking account since I was 16 and had bills that I paid, but when I got married Damon just continued in assuming the bill payor responsibility. It is weird to get back into the swing of things and I am having somewhat of a struggle with it. I want to be a wise and good steward of the money God blesses me with. He knows I would rather have Damon here and live in a shack then have all the money in the world and be without my love. It IS a blessing and a responsibility before the Lord though and I just need to do my part and get back on a schedule with things. I am stressing over it and I want to do the right things. I hope this makes sense.

I need to get to work. Pray for my work situation, having so many bosses is stressing me and I want to be where the Lord wants me. I dont want to quit just because things get rough.

prayers, me

ANOTHER NEW BLOGGER!!!

Check this out!!! We have yet another new blogger amongst us!

Yvonne!

Comment away people! You KNOW you want too!

Asthma

stinks. It really does.

Miss, Miss, Miss.

I invited one of Damon's painter friends to church yesterday (I invited him to come Sunday). I haven't heard back from him. GRRRR. I am going to invite the other via email today, I think. There were two that really were on Damon's prayer list from work and so I am trying to invite them. Bro Jerry said something that stuck with me last week, he said if we knew we only had two weeks until Jesus came and we KNEW He was coming at the end of those two weeks who would we be bringing to church and what would we do to get them there. I thought of this one person that Damon has had on his prayer list, I would be begging him to come to Jesus. My family too of course, first and foremost, but for some reason this person and my dad immediately came to mind. Pray for him to come and the other guy too. They need Jesus. We all do and I just want them to be saved. I am debating on bugging the one guy yet again since I still haven't heard back from him. I dunno, I want to be wise in it all. If that makes sense. Pray for my dad and Damon's. They both have took this hard. My dad feels like he failed Damon because he couldn't help him, as he was right next to Damon the whole time up to the ride to the ambulance. He blames himself, and Richard, well he doesnt have the Lord and doesn't know how to deal with it.

I keep thinking about Damon. Two weeks ago I had a really really rough week. Last week was purty good, this week is a mix. I think about him a LOT, and miss him, yet sometimes I am happy too. It is weird. I love him still, with everything in me. He was my miracle, Damon has taught me so much. Our life together was amazing and beautiful and truly was a 3 year 2month and 30 day gift from God. Though Damon is gone, I can keep those memories and time in my heart and hopefully keep the legacy of what we had together, alive for much longer then the three years we had together.

Bellsouth gets my stinky award for the day. They have put Andy and Yvonne through the ringer and they better be getting some kind of money back for what they have done to them. It is the worst customer service and product I have seen in sooooo long. HORRIBLE. Not to be mean, but the truth.

Just a reminder, my birthday is coming up. SEPTEMBER 8TH, so remember :) I accept cash, check, or visa...JUST KIDDING!!!

Happy Birthday Wendy!

Icky Chicky

I used that phrase a long time ago and Damon liked it, so I thought I would use it again. I don't know if you gathered from the title, but I am SICK. YUCK. My throat hurts, I have drainage, and my ears are plugged. Not to be gross but I am spitting all the time from all this drainage...or using a tissue. Whichever is easier at the moment. I woke up feeling like I couldn't breathe. I dunno, seems like since Damon died I have been freaked out from time to time about not being able to breathe. Fear is from the enemy, but just please pray for me about that.

I worked out again last night, lifted weights till my arms ached and then did my treadmill. I even did incline, I shaved about 4 minutes off my time and I was pretty proud of myself. Thank You Jesus! He is helping me with will power to do this. I am sure of it. I had forgotten what got me into my weight loss groove when I worked out. I don't so much look at minutes as acheiving a distance goal. That is what it is all about for me is making my distance goal regardless of minutes. After I reach the distance I want I cool down for a minute or so.

I got new hairspray because I ran out, same brand but different level...well it is making me sneeze....the smell. I hope I remember this next time I need hairspray. The other stuff smelled better and didnt make me sneeze.

Tigger finished one of his medicines today, two more to finish and he is feeling mighty frisky! Pray for honeys side, that bump that sposed' to be operated on, it seems to move and go down then kind of get bigger. Weird. I just want Jesus to heal it, I want Damon's princess to be okay. He loved the dog, and I don't wanna lose her. She wasn't just a dog to him, he called her his daughter. Pray for this stray dog I have seen around my house...the poor thing is mid size and kind of cute and looks like it has mange :( it limps and is sort of skinny. Well...honey chased it this morning, mind you it is quadruple the size of her. I tried to call it back, but it kept running :(. I hope it finds a good home and its mange goes away.

I am sad today. I dont think I had bad dreams last night, but I keep thinking of Dollywood and that day. It may sound weird...I just wish, I wish I hadn't taken life and Damon for granted. Every day with him was a gift and I didn't even realize. Now he is gone and I will never have another day as his wife and live the joy of life of being with him. I will see him in heaven, I know this...I have to do my part to make it, but it won't be the same and at that point I won't care. I am just saying...I wish I would have realized how fragile life was, and just lived every day perfectly and not got mad over stupid things. People say its part of being human and being married, I just wouldn't have done a thing if I had known I would have only had 3 years 2 months and 30 days with the most wonderful man I will ever know. Good grief...I am crying now. Have a good day.

Sooo...today's Tuesday.

I had bad dreams again. I hate them. I got to see Damon in my dream, but it wasn't a good one. He was a ghost. Part of me wants to scream why DO I HAVE to be the widow amongst the crowd. Why can it not be someone else...then again, I wouldn't want anyone else to have to go through this, because it is awful. I miss Damon, I don't want to have to go through life without my husband. He wasn't just my husband, he was my best friend, my encourager, he held me accountable before the Lord (if that makes sense)he was my hero, my example, my sunshine, my happiness. He was amazing. Now he is gone and I am alone (physically) and it is hard. The part I loved about Damon is in heaven, yeah his body was part of him and as my husband that was great too, but I can't think about him being in the grave. The Bible says to think on whatsoever things are lovely...I keep replaying that day at Dollywood in my mind. I wish I could do things over. Instead of crying and being hysterical I should have been with him holding his hand. I wasn't with him, I should have never left his side. Why does this have to be Your will Lord. I am no one to question You Lord, because You know the why's and what for's...It just hurts so much and You know that too. As hard as this has been and as much as I have felt isolated and alone, I feel like my relationship with the Lord has become strangely sweeter. It is very hard to explain. The Bible also mentions He will become our husband, that is what I need. I can hardly wait to see my beloved Damon again, and I want to make it to heaven so much more. I hope that is okay to say.

On to other news, I should be (hopefully) getting my laptop back this week sometime... They say they are shipping it the 25th which is Saturday but maybe they might ship it earlier.

I need prayer on finding a few things of Damons. I cannot find his ipod charger cord, it is not where he normally kept it. I cannot find the restore CD's to his old pc, and I cannot find a key that belongs to Judy. Please help me pray I find those things.

I cleaned the house last night, it felt good. I still have yet to cook, maybe some day again. Just brings back so many memories and is much easier to eat a microwave dinner or go out. I worked out last night too! Gooooo me. I didn't do much, a half mile, but for someone who hasn't worked out in a long time I guess it will work. I jogged a good speed for a part of it so that got my heart rate up. I can measure it on my treadmill. I popped little house into my DVD player and went to town. I lifted weights for awhile too, until my arms were aching. I did curls, then from my side straight out horizontally, and then put my arms back behind my waist and curled forward. Needless to say, I feel a bit sore today. But that is good! I need to kick my crunches in now! I feel almost in shape...hahahaha!

I found a trick for Tiggers medicine...I feed him only at morning and night...and I bought wet food and wait till he is bugging me to eat, then roll the pills into the food and make a little ball that he just chomps down. GO ME! He was starting to get pretty feisty with me over the medicine. I got mad at him and said "DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I SPENT ON YOU!" As if he would understand and cooperate a little more. So anyway...he is doing better and thank you all for praying.

Have a good day.

Blah Blogger

I dont want to blog today. ha, I obviously must. Not a long one though.

Rough day, bad dreams...I miss Damon, I am sad. He truly loved me and just was perfect for me. I want to find a hole and crawl in it and not come out for awhile...

SO MAD!!!

I hope it is okay to vent about something really quick. The Vet charged me TWICE for Tiggers care. It is NOT just a small 20 or 50 bucks either. I saw yesterday that there are two charges on my statement. I called them about it they said they needed a printout from the bank. I go to the bank and get a printout, take it to the vet. They are to call me today. Sure enough they do, saying...they need another printout with the bank emblem on the paper saying it for sure had been charged twice. Well poor me, the charges are both still showing under pending so NOTHING can be done. GOOOD thing I had money in the bank to cover their HUGE mistake that they can't do a thing about. THIS MAKES ME MAD! If i was in a bind financially, then this would be a huge huge huger problem than it already is. I said well when it isn't pending how long will it take to get it credited back, she says she will do it immediately but it is up to my bank as to how long it will take to actually go back in. THIS ISN'T MY FAULT yet no one seems to care that a huge financial error has been made on their part! GRRR

Finally Friday

SHEW! Anyone else tired like me?! I am one weary girl! The cat, though I love him and am so thankful to Jesus that he's feeling better, keeps me up at night! He wants out (that is how much better he is) and yowls for me to pay attention. I wear ear plugs and can still hear him over the fan. Am I complaining after praying so hard for him to be okay? I am sorry if I am, just explaining why I am soooo tired. I was up a lot last night from it.

I got my treadmill, it is sitting in it's box ready for me to build tonight. This weekend I am ORGANIZING AND CLEANING!! I need to put all of my important documents in once place and all my pictures in one place. I am tired of everything being spread out. I also need to buy some kind of chest of drawers or decorative boxes for my damon corner. I have several love letters/cards from him or to him that I don't want to lose. I want it all in one place where I KNOW where it is and if I find more things can carry it to it's designated area and not have to worry about losing something. I have to hold on tight to everything of our time together. As the song says "I don't wanna miss a thing" (by aerosmith)although I am sure used in different context. Also purchased one of those fire proof safes for all my important documents, that makes me feel better. I bought new flowers for Damon last night, Yvonne went with me to his grave. I try to get two colors when I buy him flowers...red for my love and yellow because it was his favorite. As long the arrangement has that in it I am usually happy. Last night's has a sunflower in it.

I think Yvonne and Andy are getting a new computer tonight, Michael is excited and so is Yvonne. OH yeah, I forgot, Tam guess what...I bought weights too! So I can be buff looking like you. They are only 10 pounds each. I bought the cheapest ones, they are kinda ugly and manly looking but as I said, they were cheap. :)

Well, I think I the boys are coming over tonight. FINALLY. It's been a long time! I got my PON white skirt, now I need to find a shirt. I think my shoes from the wedding will work. They are white satin ballerina slippers. I will get gloves from a bridal shop, its the easiest. I need to call on my laptop, it's been out three weeks today!

Bye! Oh and thank the Lord this week has been easier than last. I haven't been nearly as depressed and down. Yes, I still think about Damon A LOT and cried for him last night, but it's been better. THANK YOU JESUS.

Dilema

I hope I spelled that word right, in the title. Tigger came home last night...you can so tell he is feeling back to himself, for the most part anyway. I am thinking now that I look back on things, that he had been exhibiting symptoms for about two weeks before this all happened. When I moved him to inside only he would meow and meow and meow, so much so I bought ear plugs so I could sleep at night. Well, the last couple of weeks I had been thinking "man, he's finely calming down" cus he would sleep a lot and wouldn't meow hardly at all. Now that I know he was sick, I am thinking that this is why he was so calm, because last night, mr. earplug returned. THAT CAT! I love him though, crazy as he is. My dilema is, he is on three medications and I am leaving for Idaho in about 2.5 weeks. He has to be on the medicine for the next THREE weeks. By the time I leave two of the three meds will be done and the one left is only to be given once a day. I have thought of doing three things. One of which is boarding, however I found out I can't do that. Tiggers yearly vacc's were due about the time Damon passed, and well I just been doing other things and haven't thought too much about Tigger's vacc's since that time. He has to be up to date to board and I can't get him vaccinated until after he's off the medicine, which is while I am in Idaho. Scratch that. Secondly, I have thought of flying him to Idaho with me...I know, it's crazy but atleast I could guarantee he gets his meds and could watch for any reoccurence of symptoms. But I am doubting that is going to work. Lastly, paying Michael to give him his meds once a day and check on him give him a print out of the symptoms, call the vet, let them know I will be out and if for some reason tigger needs to come in, I will pay upon my return. Not that I look forward to spending anymore, and since Jesus took care of Tigger, I don't think I will need to pay anymore. So what do yall think?

I am really looking forward to going to Idaho soon. It will be nice for a break from everything. I am getting a treadmill tonight too, so I can work off some of my junkless trunk...hahahaha, get it wendy and tam.

I had weird dreams about Damon last night, really weird. I just wish he was here. Last night I was looking at pictures and realizing, I haven't held his hands or felt him holding me in a really long time. He will never be here to hold me again, it was just a weird thought, I didn't really like it. :(

Tigger

WOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!! Praise the LORD! He is going to be fine and is feeling much better! THANK YOU JESUS! THANK YOU JESUS! THANK YOU JESUS!!!

Tigger had the lesser severe from of the two blood diseases and the doctor said he is feeling so much better he is actually getting kind of grumpy. Thats my tigger. He isn't the touchy feely cat like normal cats when he is himself. He was all calm when I took him to the doctor that is how sick he was. OH I am sooo relieved. SO relieved, thank You Jesus again!

Today

I need to keep this short, I am really busy at work.

In my life news:
No word on Tigger
Laptop still isn't back
Took in the picture and wording for Damon's marker today
really busy at work
Need to get his trucks spark plugs changed
Honey has a bump on her ribs that the vet told me a while ago to watch and see if it got bigger. It has gotten bigger, now I am worried about her too. *SIGH*
I am wanting to make a scrapbook of Damon and I's life together
I am ready for my trip to assembly and then Idaho.
Lastly, I miss my husband and I love him and want him here with me.

EHHH!

Firstly about Tigger, the vet called last night and said that Tigger had eaten and drank so that was good. If they could continue to get him to eat then it looked pretty good. I know that is Jesus and no medicine! Continue to pray, please! I should get a call back today to see which form of blood disease it is.

I did a lot of business type of stuff today for Damon. :( Today is 8 weeks. *sigh* 8 weeks ago today around 2:50ish...my life changed forever. FOREVER. I miss him and want him back. I ordered his grave marker today, and I think it is going to be really nice. I have to find a good picture of him or of us together because I am having it set in his marker so people can see his lovely face. :) I am having the scripture he put in my Bride's Bible put on his marker too, in hopes it will touch atleast one person. I hope he would have liked what I picked out. There were so many choices and I wanted soo many different things. It is like how can you describe a person and their life and their characteristics and heart in one small space. What I am thinking I will have his marker say is:

A loving husband, son, brother, and friend. Damon served his Saviour humbly in all ways. "No good thing will He withold from them that walk uprightly" Psalm 84:11b My once in a life time love, my penguin, I love you forever and always. Love- Your Bride
(I am not sure if I have that scripture quoted just right, but will for sure double check for the grave marker)

The marker I selected can have as many words as you want (that will fit) at no extra cost. So with that saying and the picture with his name and date of birth and date of passing as well as the vase, I hope it will look nice. I hope I have done things how he would have and that I have honored him. Damon deserves to be honored and respected for the way he was to me and how he served the Lord, how he treated others. I am hoping this is coming out right. All honor and glory goes to God, He created my precious Damon. Does this make sense? I hope so.

Last night I mowed, weedeated, and watered the lawn. I watered my poor flowerbed. Man this heat and lack of rain is getting us! In Idaho we have built in sprinklers because it is dry there normally. But I know Tennesseans are used to more rain, right?? I miss Damon, did I mention that.

Well, this is me signing off.

GRR

So it's NOT the plants :(

The vet just called. His prognosis is "guarded". He thinks he has a blood infection brought on by a blood sucking parasite such as a flea or tick :( I buy that expensive flea medicine and apply it every month to two months. We didn't start it as early as usual this year cus' it is so expensive. He is getting a blood smear and sending off to the state lab. If it is one sort of blood infection his prognosis is very good, if it is the other ( I can't rememeber the medical words) then it is very grim. God is God, and He cares. Pray for Tigger.

I think I know why...

Turns out some of the plants I have from the funeral are poisonous to cats. Who'd a known! :( Peace Lilies are VERY poisonous and there is also another plant I have (my favorite) that I found out is poisonous too, its the Dwarf Schefflera. I think that is what it is called anyway. Google for a pic of the second one if you want. I have brought some of the plants here to work to make the place a little more homie, looks like I might have to bring some more in or put them up where he can't reach them. Pray he is okay, I wish I would have known before I had them on the floor. The reason I even suspected this, is because I found some stalks of the second plant I mentioned on the floor this morning. Before I noticed them, the vet had asked me if there was anything he could have gotten into, I didn't think so, then noticed the plants. I just called to let them know. Pray for my Tigger. :(

My Kitty

Well, I don't really know where to start. When Damon and I had been married about a month he brought me home a sweet little bitty two week old kitten. We named him Tigger Woods Broyles. He is all black with yellow eyes. I had to bottle feed him and make him potty. If you don't know mother cats have to lick (sorry to gross ya out) their kittens to get the little ones the tinkle and poo sensation. WHICH I DID NOT DO (FOR WENDY;)I used baby wipes or warm moistened paper towels. So I was in many ways his kitty mommy. As he got older we introduced him to outside and he began spending more and more time out there. Well, before Damon died I was starting to get sick of all the fighting and the scratches and absceses. Not to be gross or anything. After Damon passed I noticed he was limping, and upon further inspection noticed he had an abscess IN his paw :(grr. I found two more spots making a total of three absceses. Mind you the cat IS neutered so why he feels the need to fight, I guess I can chock it up to not neutering him soon enough. I didn't like keeping the cats inside much because of Damon's asthma. I would vacuum the couch and behind things to make sure our house was relatively clean and it wouldn't affect my husband. Tigger was probably outside 80% of the time. Well after Damon passed away I was at my wit's end with that cat. I couldn't keep taking him to the vet all the time for absceses, and I hated seeing him all tore up. I decided to convert him to full time indoor. Fast forward to yesterday, I get home and notice Tigger staggering and his gums were almost white, which means a lack of oxygen. I called the ER vet and they said to bring him in. I am thinking I just lost Damon, this cat is something Damon gave to me, I can't lose him too! The vet's prognosis wasn't good, the treatment wouldn't guarantee he would even live. His liver wasn't doing well, for some reason. It was 12 times the normal reading and he needed a blood transfusion. I know, you are probably thinking, all of this for a cat! Well that cat is a part of what my husband gave to me, one of his gifts and I don't want to lose him! I figured (while praying) that I would try atleast once (with treatment) and if it didn't work then and only then would I put him down. They put a cathetar in him, injected him with steroids and put a fluid iv in him and gave him the transfusion. His temperature at it's highest was almost 105. Normally it should be 102. He tested negative for Feline Lukemia which was good. I asked for prayer at church last night, I just didn't want to lose my cat that Damon gave to me. Well, I had to be at the vet by 6:30 this morning. He was doing "a little better" according to the nurse. I read the notes and his fever had gone down to 101. something and it said "Kitty is feeling much better". He isn't out of the woods by any means yet and I had to take him to a normal vet this morning straight from the ER vet, but God is in control. I have learned everything is in God's hands. You can be loaded with med's and they may or may not do their job. Its ultimately in His hands. Pray for my Tigger. PLEASE. Yes he is "just" a cat, but he is mine and a gift from my husband and God cares because I do, so it's important.

In other news....my green beans were okay I think. Not wonderful, but still perty good. The welcome back was fun and whoever made the chocolate pie thing, YUM.

I think the Lord really answered some prayers for me last night, because I am not aching nearly as much today. I was having a SUPER hard time last week. BAD. God has made me okay for today and I am going to live in Today and try to bless Him in all that I do. I was reading Damon's planner last night from 2003. It had some of the cutest things marked, like the day he proposed to me and how many days til' he saw me. OH that man was so wonderful!

I neeeed to find my white outfit for PON, a blowdryer, mine died...and hairspray. I also need to get hotel reservations for the assembly. Still haven't done that yet. I hope I can find one.

Love n prayers, me

Heya hey

Well, I am still at the Fox's. Thus the internet connction. I miss Damon, so much. I think this week has been one of the hardest so far, and frankly I just wish I had my husband aka love of my life aka best friend ever in the whole wide world aka most wonderful man ever aka my miracle, back. I want him back yall!!!

We went to emily's graduation today, I screamed for her! I even got shushed a bit. Then we went to Famous Daves and I got the briscuit, which has become my BBQ favorite. Morgan and I then went shopping for WMB stuff for the PON, no such luck. As the saying goes anway. I got some cute clothes today too though. The store was having a 40% off sale and I got the cutest denim skirt. Tammy and Morg like. Speaking of Morg, we got a little sumpin sumpin up our sleaves for the gong show. Be there or be square. Sept. 28th, I think is the date.

Well, my honey puppy is in my lap and I love her and am so glad Damon brought her home to me. I love You Jesus. Thank You for You.

Tomorrow is the pastors welcome back, and I need to make a batch of green beans. Love yall.

Tonight

I officially have no plans, so if you do...call me. :) I'm desperate. Helps me be happy if I stay busy.

A song, from Bekka, by Avril

Ironically, Damon thought Avril Lavigne was cute. Not in a "oh I want to drop you and date her" kind of way, he just thought she was cute. Well, if you know me then you know I look NOTHING like Avril. I was always somewhat jealous of this. Yet Bekka emailed me this song and it is sooo true. *sigh* so thanks Bekka.


I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cried
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
And when you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah Yeah

All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me
Yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

Sometimes....

...there are certain memories that just hit you. You know, it's like you have a hard time remembering much from the past yet something will trigger a memory and you think, wow, I haven't thought about that in a long time. This morning was just such a case. I was driving to work thinking about Damon and his asthma attack that took him, for some reason it made me think of the lady who used to be on Bible Answers, Micky something...and her son. He died of an asthma attack too. I told Damon when that happened, which was about two years ago, that it really scared me. I didn't want him to die, I wanted him with me. I was scared by this death because my husband had asthma too and if the Lord didn't intervene or the medicine didn't work then there wasn't much you could do for an attack. What hit me the hardest in this memory was what Damon said in response to my fear, he said "if it's my time to go, it's my time to go." That was comforting to me in a way. He wasn't scared, he was comfortable in the fact that when God called him than it was his time and he was ready. I hope this makes sense. I miss him terribly, horribly in fact. I miss him soooo sooo soo bad. But, I guess y'all knew that. I had a dream about him last night, kind of good but kind of bad. In the dream I knew he was going to die (from an asthma attack) and I was getting to do things with him one last time. Like feel his biceps. hehehe. I hope that is okay to type that. I was riding in the truck with him, my old white truck I had when we first got married. It wasn't altogether good, but atleast I had a dream about him. I been praying for them for a long time.

Go AWAY!

I cannot seem to shake this aching. EEEEH! It just looms over me. I miss him, it hasn't been this bad in awhile. I mean I don't expect to be over him or anything, not at all...just the ache, it's hard to bear. Oh Lord Jesus I wish he was here. I don't like this at all, I miss him so bad I am hurting.

Battlefield of the Mind

Okay, so I am SOOOO thankful for church and fun and excitment in the Lord. AND, friends who I can go out and play basketball with on the court and forget for a little while, the pain going on. My mind forgets (or atleast I don't think about it as much) when I am busy doing something I enjoy. Last night after service I played basketball with the usual group and it was just so much fun. I realized on the way home, when I began thinking about Damon and how much I miss him, how fun it was to play and that I had actually been happy for awhile. Thank You Jesus for basketball with friends.

Sorry I am a bad blogger and not commenting or blogging as much. I was busy at work yesterday and I still don't have my laptop at home. :( I hope to have it back in a week, but it might take longer.

So, I am open tonight, no plans...if anyone is doing anything fun just let me know. ;) Do I sound desperate or what!

I need to find a white ankle length dress. No such luck so far, hopefully soon though.

Oh and I am officially on facebook. Although I don't know the link since I can't access it here at work.

Well, cya. I love you Damon Broyles and miss you so very much.

I know, I know...

...you may be tired of another sad blog from me. Oh well, here it comes. Not that I don't care, but this is a place for me to release in a small part some of my feelings. NO, I don't share all of what I am feeling, but some of it. And that helps. I am feeling the aching return. I miss Damon beyond words and it hurts, so so so bad. Sometimes, like tonight, I feel like I am going to go crazy and it just hurts too much. I went to his grave this evening. I feel like I messed up today, oh God just please take the pain. I don't feel like I can take another step unless HE sends His angels to move my feet for me. I hurt, I hurt more than people can know. I lonely at the house. I don't want to seem like a big sob story, and if I come across that way I apologize. I don't know what to say or do, I pray and try to make it, but sometimes the pain seems almost inbearable. I have learned not to say I am doing better because it seems a bad day hits after that. God has done amazing things for me, HE has carried me thus far and I know He won't let me down in any way shape or form. I don't want to minimize what He has done for me, and obviously if this was too much for me He wouldn't have given it to me to bear. I don't want to fail my God, I don't want to make wrong decisions. I am blogging from the library, the last time I was actively coming here was when Damon was alive. I miss him, only my God knows how much I miss the man I met and fell in love with. The man I gave my heart and soul too. Oh God help me. PLEASE. I want to make it to Heaven so badly, soooo badly. Sometimes it would seem easier if He would call us all home now. I miss Damon, I MISS HIM. I keep saying that, I know. But, I am alone at home. I am so lonely. How am I going to face every day without my man? I can hear Tammy right now "by God's grace and mercy". I wish this cup belonged to someone else and not me. I am weak Lord, help me to hold on, help me to please and bless You. I miss my husband and I am hurting more than I could describe to one person. I feel so alone Jesus, so extremely alone and sad. I miss Damon, oh God he was my miracle and my hero. God help me. PLEASE help me, I need you to stop the rain for awhile Lord Jesus, my Savior.

September 8th!!!

That is my birthday, so don't don't don't forget. I will be 25!!! MAN, a quarter century. Man, OLD.

Today has been a hard day, and I won't get my laptop back for another two weeks probably so I am at the Fox home posting. I miss Damon.

I dunno, I just don't feel much like blogging right now, so I will see y'all later.

OLD

I turn 25 in 33 days!! MAN! OLD! Damon proposed to me 4 years ago on my birthday. :( I miss him.

I miss...

...you guess it, DAMON! I miss him so bad, sooo soo oh so bad. You know when we were dating and engaged I would miss him. But I knew there would be a time somewhere down the road where I would see him again. Now, this is final. There will be no more Damon as I know him. YES I PLAN WITH MY WHOLE HEART on seeing him again in heaven some day, and then it won't matter, but Damon as I know him will not be the same Damon there. I can't understand the passing from this life to the next. No one can. I think about what he thought when he went from conciousness and walked through Heaven's gates. I wonder wonder wonder. I won't understand until it is my time. I miss him. So very much, he was so amazing and wonderful and I can't hardly believe that the man I shared my heart and life with, the innermost part of my soul, that man is not with me. It feels odd and off kilter. I want him back.

Goodwill

So, I am wearing my super cute new looking skirt from Goodwill today. It is in awesome shape and I think I paid 2 or 3 bucks for it. I got another skirt from good will that I tooootally like. It's a coldwater creek and is sooo soft, I paid 4 for it. I like goodwill now, I wouldn't have said that before I don't guess, but the older you get the cooler that once non-cool things, become. If that makes sense.

Yesterday was sort of a hard day for me. I REALLY miss Damon. There are days that are better/or worse than others. Yesterday was a rough day. I miss everything about him, and it seems I still can't really believe he is gone. GONE. sSorry if I am depressing anyone, just my thoughts I guess. I love him, the more I think about him the more I realize how amazing he was and how wonderful our life together had become. When I wrote my checklist for the perfect man, God put more in Damon than I could have ever handpicked myself. Amazing to know that God chose the man I would marry especially for me and how HE knows so much better what I would want/need in my spouse. I hope I gave as much of myself to Damon as he did for me. I think back on the mistakes I made through our married life, getting upset over nothing. I wish I could take it all back. Never take life for granted, NEVER. Things that seem big, are not. Oh I wish I could take back every mean thing I ever did or said. Not that I was just a big grump all the time, but good grief, I could have done things so much better.

Pray for me and about my future. I want more than anything, more than life itself to be in the perfect will of God and pleasing Him and serving Him until I walk through Heaven's gates. God let it be so and mould my heart to be a woman after Yours. Now, would be the time, if i wanted to go to college...to do so. Or if I wanted to take a lesser paying job, but one that I would love. I have always said I would love to work in a retirment center in some form or fashion. I don't know how, I don't particularly want to be a nurse or a care person, just someone that actually sits and talks to them or organizes fun time. Shows that there is someone there to care! I could go to college and get my associates degree. My dilemma is, I am making more now than I ever have before (not to be bragging, but only by God's grace and mercy) and I am scared to let go of this wage and benefits because I doubt I would find it again and I DO have to take care of myself now. That is the reality of it. Yes Damon took care of many things and I am so thankful that he took care of me even after he made heaven, though I would trade it all and be a popper to have my man back. I just need wisdom and direction. I want God first and foremost.

I am really missing our laptop. :( I called last week and still haven't heard back from them. It is going on two weeks and I WANT it back! GRRR. I miss internet at home.

Looks like I will fly to Idaho for a couple of weeks in September, I am looking forward too it. It is strange that I have two homes now. TN truly is home now, and so is Idaho too. Weird. I just wish DAMON WAS HERE! AAAAHHHH! Did I mention I wish he was here?!

I kept embarassing Bekka last night, muwaahahaha. Not in a mean way, but it was so cute. As Josh and Chandler would say..."once again, no one was embarassed" See, a group of 10 of us went to play putt putt Saturday night. Well, almost all of us went out to eat at Jim n Nicks afterwards and Bekka and Michael were sitting next to each other. I was sitting across from them next to Cha and Josh and I being the wonderful Aunt that I am kept teasing them, (not mercilessly, I am not a monster) and Josh would say (rather facetiously) "once again, no one was embarassed." or something like that, making the point that I infact was embarassing them over and over again although I think they liked it. So last night, I was teasing Bekka and Michael again, and Chandler turned around and said to the effect of, once again, no one was embarassed. I guess ya had to be there. Damon would be cracking up over all of this. I hope I am doing his job and mine with all the teasing.

Well, I hope you all have a good day. Love, me

Damon's memorial

I posted something new. My Penguin

Forgot to mention

That I got SOAKED last night! UHHHH!!! I avoided one mishap by sis amy (she is trying to do paybacks because of one small little tiny incident that took place earlier this week muwaahahahaha!) when she tried to bomb me with a water baloon. She missed and I got her! THEN, good ol' (and I do mean OL, as in OLD) Brother Bryon took a BIG bowl and filled it with water. I saw him doing this but did not think it was meant for me. WRONG. It was for me. So, I not only was a poor beat boxer last night, I was a wet beat boxer. Be afraid people, I don't know when or where, but I WILL get you.

So the saga continues...

I am really starting to feel old. I know I know...I am 24 almost 25 and that is not remotely old. But I am starting to see younger and younger ones all around me and I am on the older end of the VLB Age group. *sigh* Rachel and I were the ONLY older VLB's last night in class. I just feel old. WHEN did time happen? I graduated HS almost eight years ago, that is just wrong!

The story on the saga is...the cross competition. YES I KNOW, it's not about winning. yada yada. I DID pray about what our cross should define and what it should be about, and we have worked super hard and that thing is suuuuuuuuuper massive. I did the spiritual side of it, but just as much as I have done all that I am still competitive. I STILL want to win. That is me and that is how it is, NOW I will say, if I got in a really wrong attitude about it and threw a fit y'all could smack me down and say "whatchou talkin'bout willis"!!! I saw another team's cross last night (with permission of the team leader from that team) and I have to say it is AWESOME. If they won, even though I want to win, I could see why. It's really really really put together and I think it just looks great. It's clean and streamlined, in design, super awesome. We have yet to stand ours up and I am getting to church early tonight IN HOPES that it will stand up okay. I don't think people know how big it is. But its about 12 feet tall and 8 feet wide. So...it's big. I just want it to stand, I have anchoring provisions at church, I am hoping the bottom level will hold the weight though.

I miss Damon. I have been thinking a lot about him today. I was talking to my momma a few nights ago and it's almost as if I feel guilty because I don't have more sad days. By no means am I over the love of my life. I think of him often, I read the love letters he wrote me and look at our pictures, I am still completely in love with him. He was my hero, he IS my hero, yet I wonder why I am not as sad as others still seem to be. I know God is my helper and I don't want to discredit anything HE has done for me, but I don't want people to think I didn't love Damon or that I am over him already. It's not the case! I WILL ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS love that man, goodness he was totally supremely wonderfully amazing. I wish he was here. He made life complete. I think I can say that, because even in God's perfect creation of Adam HE said it wasn't good for man to be alone. Though Jesus is my all in all, I think/know He also created that part of our life that loves to be filled by a Godly companion. I hope that made sense.

In other news...I have a few things I need to do. Get Damon's trucks spark plugs changed, the lawnmower's engine looked at, and....well, I can't remember. Those are the main two things I am thinking about fixing wise. His truck didn't start having issues until after he went to heaven, otherwise he would have fixed it before vacation. I miss him, man I miss him. He was so HOT! (i know, i know...don't gag at my mushiness, or if you don't agree. tis' my opinion and i'm stickin' to it!)

I am sad VBS is coming to a close. Sometimes I wish time would stop so you could enjoy things longer. Morgan and I did our beat boxing last night, Wendy said it was embarassing. I hope it turned out good, Megan wants us to do it again tonight and get it on video. HAR HAR, nooooo. Tis' going to take some serious convincing to repeat that ON video.

In closing... CHECK IT OUT!

HUMPH!!

I write a nice long entertaining, somewhat chipper blog, and I have ZERO comments. GRRR. Yet I write a 20 word or less post about the new yummy cinnamon sunchips and it says I have 11 comments (two of which were deleted) HELLO! COMMENT!

Another NEW BLOGGER!!

*drum roll please!!**

Antioch Youth Blog

The new and cool and hip blog for The Church of God Youth at Antioch!! Please read, and comment and read some more, then comment again. It is new and we want to get as much involvment as possible. PLEASE. Pass the word around! I will beg publicly if you wish!


Last night was sooo fun at VBS! My team, well the team I was on, won the relay race. It was fun yet gross. I do not do well with bananas. I am very very picky, they have to be ripe. (not black, but starting to turn brown) If they aren't ripe it just is sick to me. Well wouldn't you know, the first station we had to race too (there was 5 of us and we all had to do whatever was at each station, there were 5 stations) was to eat a full banana and act like a monkey. I gagged but finished it off. Oh it was hard for me, I was sooo trying not to gag. I think I did just once, maybe twice. THe next station you had to sing "I'm a little teapot" while doing the motions, the next station you had to reach into a bag and grab whatever it was (no looking) and eat it. I got apple sauce, THANK YOU LORD! If I had gotten the vienna sausages...oh man YUCK! The next thing was to sing Jesus loves me in an animal voice, and the final station was to drink Lemonade (although this wasn't very sweet, kinda gross if you ask me) without using your hands. Our team had the quickest time of 4 minutes and 31 seconds! WOOOHOO Josh's team won the wood chuck again, this is war. I don't want them to win!!!! You have to answer these riddle/questions from the Bible, whoever has the right answers wins Whipple the Witnessing Woodchuck for the night. My team has won once, Josh's twice. Whoever wins it the most gets something, what I am not sure, but something. So its 2 to 1 right now. GRRR. Our cross is really starting to look good although I am getting panicked because we have one night left and it isn't finished. We have to take it down and put it away every night so you cant really leave things as they are! :( I hope it works out, I am seriously going to be praying today. I don't wanna let the team down.

I was out really late last night. I was trying to help Andy and Yvonne get their virus wear updated and turned on. I think they have already been hit with something though, because the pc is going suuuuper slow. I got it downloaded and then the computer just shut off so I am going over there today and calling bellsouth to complain nicely. :)

I love you mommy! Just wanted to send a shout out to you :)

that's all folks. And remember, check out Antioch's cooolest hippest blog ever

YUM

NEW Sun Chips Cinnamon Flavor. They taste like churros, yummy yummmy yummmmmy!!

Okay...so here's the story

You have not, because you ask not. Sister Vicky's class last night really got me to thinking. **Oh, and I will jump to a happier-not-so-deep mode of convo in a minute.** When I feel like the sky is beneath me and the floor above my head (another words, I don't know which way is up) I need to pray ALL the more. I don't like the general population to know my problems. In reality, yes I am a not so quiet person (no comments Wendy), but when it comes to private or spiritual matters for the most part I don't like anybody and everybody to know. I am very select with who I tell. It is even hard to pray in front of people sometimes. Not because I am ashamed I don't feel, just because it's a private communion with God and I don't want the whole world (so to say) knowing what I am struggling with or praying about. IF that makes sense. At any rate, I am a worrier. There I said it. A constant muller, is that a word. Not mullet, but mullER. I mull things over. I don't even know if I am spelling that right. Glass half full, broken on the floor, kool-aid everywhere type of gal. Damon helped me so much in this area. In fact, he hoped for my deliverance of worrying and for his memory and my love for him I would TRULY love love love for the chains to be broken for me. I have to do my part though. I want to please the Lord with all of my heart and soul, and I want the desire to remain so forever and always. So back to Sis Vickys class, it was about praying and in my opinion pressing to pray. I want to press to pray, and I asked the Lord to teach me to pray. Yes, I pray daily throughout the day, but Lord God teach me to prevail and pray and press. So that was my thought, I have not because I ask not. I talk to my select few about problems, but how often do I really take it to Jesus (the one who DIED on the cross for me) before I go asking for advice. Nothing wrong in advice, that is not my point, I just need to pray about things more before anything else. I hope I have gotten my line of thinking across. I seem to have troubles at that.

Okay, now to happy things. Is it okay to feel cute, cus I felt cute last night in my new 40% off dress. I like sales, don't you! I hope it is not bad to feel that way, I don't want to be wrong or anything, my utmost concern is still looking modest YET cute and I hope I accomplished it. I liked the dress, and I am wearing my new skirt today. I don't think I will wear it tonight though because she said we are having a relay race and to dress accordingly. Or something like that. I have worn navy blue two days in a row now. Navy blue was our wedding color, one of them anyway. Pale Yellow and Navy blue, with cream and white flowers.

Oh and my team won Wipple the Witnessing Woodchuck last night! GO TEAM!

I have been praying about our cross too. I REALLY want to beat Josh and I hope that isn't bad :) I finally have my thought for the main theme. "He paid a debt He did not owe" I am not going to elaborate much more on that because I have a feeling there are traitors in our midst. :p

Would you guess it, but I won the vocal challenge last night! Not me, miss big mouth. You could either sing, or talk, but whatever you did you had to do it continuously. I did both and it was harder than I thought it would be.

Today I am working a full day and will have to rush rush rush after I get off to pick up a few supplies to use on the cross tonight then head to the riddell fort. Oh and bekka, if you really want to leave me 60 comments than feel free, but you don't have too. I am going to miss you guys. Mainly I will miss teasing you and your brother. I am glad I finally got him to laugh without threatening him. GOLL-EEEE I am going to miss the Arkansas accent too. Since you two have been here I have even heard it come out in Rachel too! I wish yall would MOVE here. I know someone else does too *cough cough* Michael.

well, ta-ta.