Veg-i-tu-buls

For lunch I went to cracker barrel and had the smothered grilled chicken with carrots, green beans, and hashbrown casserole. I took off part of the cheese and bacon from the chicken, and ate all of my veggies except the little bits that were hard to get off the plate and did NOT eat all of my hashbrown casserole, though that was one of my favorite parts. Tonight I am gonna do some light grocery shopping and try to buy lots of vegitables and fruit. And more water.

Today has been an okay day, pretty good. Struggles off and on, but okay. I miss Damon, as always, but some days are more bearable. I was thinking this morning as I stood on the porch how much God has changed me since Damon died. How His grace has brought me through moment by moment, though I couldn't necessarily see it. You see, when Damon first passed the mornings when I would wake up were so eary, so alone, so sad. I just wanted to sleep...this morning as I stood on the front steps looking out I realized I wasn't that way anymore, and truly my grief, though still present, has changed. God is so good. I wish I could be more for Him. I feel I fail so much and I really want to do my best. I won't say that I don't have hard times, because that wouldn't be the truth. I won't say it isn't hard to be alone, and come home to a house where my husband used to wait for me with a beautiful smile on his face. That would be a lie too. It is hard, very hard, but it is like I heard recently...we don't know what would be on the other side of what God's will if He had given us what we truly wanted. Yes I want Damon back, but God knows the future and the reason why it was Damon's time. Like the king in the Bible who requested more time and it was given him and in the end it was for the kings downfall. I am not saying my husband would have fell, or that I would have fell should he have remained alive. I AM saying that for whatever reason, which I don't really like, there is a reason and I just need to rest in that reason. Because who knows, if I had got what I wanted, what the future would have held. I can say, that for three years two months and thirty days, I had the most wonderful blessed life a person could ask for. I had a husband who deserved so much and loved me despite my weaknesses and downfalls. As a country song goes, I could not ask for more. Thank you Lord. Thank You for Damon.