Heartache

Please pray for a co worker of my moms. The coworker's nephew was hit by a drunk driver last night and was killed, he was 19. This is a great trauma for the family. Life is so so so short. I find myself to be somewhat of an extremist. In all areas of life (almost) I think I find that I am either all or nothing. It is black or white with me. That can be good, or bad. After last night's service I feel so inadequate. There is so much, we as humans, don't understand. Life seems so normal, so routine, we can easily be lulled to sleep by all that goes on around us. I don't want to miss the rapture, I want to be perfected. Though I don't understand the concept of a lot of things, I want to blindly trust Him, and walk hand in hand with my Jesus toward Heaven. There is so much work to do, how do I start, where do I start? What do I do? Recently I started praying with my Dad, one time just him and me, another with him, mom and me. This is really hard for me, but I want my daddy to know Jesus like I do. I am so private when it comes to my walk with the Lord, if I struggle I don't want people to know (not like backslid, just trials), when I pray i am just private about it. It is hard for me to pray publicly especially in front of loved ones. The day Damon passed away, I prayed hard, harder than I think I have EVER prayed before, and I did it in front of my father and everyone else around. NO, I didn't get the answer I THOUGHT should happen, I got the one that needed to happen. But I am hoping that through all of that, and the "this" (meaning every day life now) since Damon has passed will have an impact on not only my father, but the rest of my family, and his, and all that we knew. God's plan is bigger. No, I don't "LIKE" this part of the plan. I didn't WANT to be a widow, BUT, I serve a God who is bigger than my problems and has a plan even bigger than I can really see. He said He is coming back soon. I don't want to teeter totter around and miss it. God just help me to make it. This is no joke, I know when God says something, He means it. I want to make it. I just need to find the fine line between working hard, and feeling so inadequate and worried that I let it get me down.

I played the drums last night at church. It was kind of fun ya know! I used to play actively in High School. I played bass and snare in marching band, set in Jazz, percussion section in concert. I played set for about three to four years in Idaho at church, then just sorta quit for different reasons. I had told a few people at church that I played. Josh Y. being one of them. Well it was a huge blessing for Brother Dennis to be there last night, and sis Beverly wasn't able to come so Josh played piano. He normally covers drums...he asked me to play them for song service. For some reason I just went on up there. Well the Lord I reckon. I have wanted to before...just never got up the nerve, last night it just flowed and happened. I have found that is how life is, atleast for me. I worry and stress about this way or that, but it seems that God just directs my steps so they flow together. I may not realize that I am on the path until a few days later, but He DOES direct it. Even something as small as playing the drums. I really really need to set up the set...lol, that sounded funny, anyway...if I am going to play I need to set it up to fit my arm/leg lengths, etc.. I admit...I wanna play again now. I do need to practice fills. I have always been to skeered to actually do a fill in front of people. Loudly anyway.

Thanks to the Lord my first craft show as a candle maker went wondrefully! I sold all nine of them and have orders for more!! It was fun, exciting, hard work, and totally rewarding!! So far, I have gotten good reviews about them!! I had some left over wax in one fragrance so poured it into a jar, and let it set. I had left overs from another and poured that on top of the other after it had set, so now I have a really pretty brown and orange (Spices Wassail/Pumpkin Souffle) candle. :) It is burning really evenly too. I am impressed!!

Well, the verse playing through my mind is one I also saw on Tam's blog this morning. I thought about it last night and then saw it there this morning, must be the Lord huh! Psalm 27:4 "One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in his temple"