grilled pork tenderloin a la rodriguez with guava glaze and orange habanero ?? what think ye

Dinner

I am hopefully having my first dinner party here this coming Wednesday. Hopefully. I need to find a recipe, or a few recipes...emily, I thought about your blackberry thing. that was yummy. Yall, PRAY I find a job. I applied at several places yesterday. i am sorta worried, but when you worry, you take it out of God's hands. Right? I am trying to remain calm, but please pray.

Dishwasherness

So...before I got married, I despised the dishwasher. When I got married, the dishwasher got a twin. The first dishwasher was an actual electrical mechanism in which streams of water blasted the food molecules to smitherines. The second dishwasher I refer to, post wedding day, were my hands. I no longer had the electronic mechanism which I whined about unloading, so much whining. Well...now, I have a electrical mechanism again, and for the first time since my introduction to this house, is has been used this very night. Welcome dishwasher, we shall name you, Gertrude.

Today, was suprisingly lonely. A very down day. I thought of Damon much, missed emily, etc.. I think of Damon daily, but there are days where the thinking of him and missing him, hits a different kind of mark. The kind of day where the ache that I experienced right after he passed, returns in a somewhat lesser form. I don't know why I feel the need to explain my feelings about my husband and how much I miss him, etc.. Regardless of what anyone thinks, I love/loved the man with all of my heart and soul, and miss him and think of him daily. Why do I worry about what people think, that they might think I am over him and don't miss him. That couldn't be farther from the truth. There are just some days, like I have said...the pain is worse. Today was such a day. I miss you babe. I miss him. Man, I miss him.

I got a new rug today. A floor rug that had been a store sample or something, like the ones they hang up for people to see I think. Well it is 100% wool. Its super thick and plush and NIIICe. My momma got it at the goodwill for $39 bucks. Can you believe that??? It hasn't even been walked on!! (atleast that is what she is under the impression of, and it looks brand spankin new!) She got my coffee table at the used furniture store, and it is soooo cute. $24.99. My house feels decorated yall. Like, decorated!! My coffee table is soooo cute, and me. It's all wood, and round and just cute. actually oval, but it's "classic american" style, I think. That is what I was told anyway. I don't really know. It is funny. My living room has wrought iron, chrome, asian theme, early american, heavy wood pieces...its very eclectic, but I think it works. I am so blessed. Blessing for the day, getting super cute things for cheap-ola!!

Tonight, I made dinner for my momma. Pancakes. :) I know, not the typical, but they have been sounding good for a long time. And, I can't tell you the last time I had pancakes before tonight.

Funny thing for the night: bringing my mommas black lab over to "spend the night" with her "cousin" Honey, and seeing Tigger and Junior fluff their tails up huuuuge!

Please pray for me to find a job soon. PLEASE!

Poor Momma

My momma was sick yesterday after the funeral, so she asked me to bring her sprite and come spend the night with her. So me n honey went to spend the night.
The funeral was very pretty, and very deendee. She would have been pleased with it. I am just having a hard time with realizing she is gone now too. It's like you get it, but yet you don't. I love my deendee, to be honest, I wish she could be all better and still be here. But I am glad she is done suffering and in heaven with Jesus.

Today I am going to spend looking for a job and unpacking some more. And, hopefully finding my camera chord so that I can post the pictures of my house, that I HAVE taken already.

In closing...I would like to thank the academy...just kidding. No seriously, lastly, please pray for a friend of mine. Most importantly they need Jesus, that will take care of every other problem. Pray for Damon's coworkers.

Answered Prayer

I felt well enough to have the get-to-gether at my house tonight...did you hear that? "My house" haha, woot woot. Actually, it isn't mine, but the Lord's and I am thankful He has let me borrow it. I had forgotten what it is like to have my family around, like around around. Drive 20 minutes around. It is SO nice. You all have no idea. I am thankful for the time I had in TN. For Damon. He was my miracle, truly, from Jesus. I would not trade that time in TN for all the money in the world. It taught me things, the Lord working through that time, taught me things. It was very hard for me to leaven TN, but I am thankful to be around family again. I got to see my cousins tonight. My beautiful baby cousin Aubrie, looks just like her momma, I am proud to be her cousin, though I can't help but want to say "auntie". After nearly everyone had left, my cousin Troy was still around and sat to talk with us. He looked me directly in the eye and said, "you are doing good Kase, I'm proud of you." Shew....bust out the kleenex. I told him I was proud of him too, he is doing so well, and I am so proud of him. I love all of my family. I wish my deendee (Grandma) wasn't gone. She was kinda like the glue that held things together. I look foward to meeting her in Heaven though. I just ate some YUMMMY pizza. MMMM. I am hoping I don't regret it. The minister doing my grandmother's service is staying in my guest room. I am glad I had the guest room all decorated. I have taken pictures of the house, and when I went to get my chord out of the camera case to put it on my laptop, I couldnt find it. So please pray for me to find my chord, specially if you wanna see pictures. Love you all, night.

Gag

Y'all PLEASE pray for me. I did all that work yesterday in hopes of having my house ready for the family meeting thing tonight. Well, guess what....I was throwing up this morning, along with well...my other end wasn't to happy either. I will leave it at that. My mom is giving me till noon to feel better, then she will be moving the meeting at that point. I only threw up once, well about 5 different times in one period. I tried to throw up again, but nothing came up. My stomach started hurting last night after I ate dinner, so who knows if it is actually sickness or something with my food. I was so excited to have my family come over and see my house. Seriously...I have to hours to feel normal. Pray i do.

OUCH!!!!!!!!

Ouch ouch ouch!! Today, in between services, was spent decorating. We, sybil and I, were hanging the curtain rods up, she couldn't push hard enough on the drill, so I got up on the latter to try and see if i could. I got thing pretty well taken care of and was stepping off the later when OUCH! I caught my heel on the edge. I sorta screamed, mom said "is there any blood" and sybil said "no". Then I looked down. YES, there was blood. Lots of blood. Now I am not talking cutting an arterie bleeding, but it was BLEEDING. So much so that as I limped to the bathroom I left blood stains on the carpet. Even with trying to hold my foot up. By the time I got to the bathroom it was running down my foot and on my other leg. Momma had me put my foot in warm water. You could see it draining out in the water, like little beads. YUCK. Its a v shaped gash on the heel, where you walk, so it hurts. Yes, I am a wuss. I don't know how deep it is, but I would say 1/8 of an inch maybe. Mom made me wrap it after I took it out of the tub, she dried it and put a bandaid on it. Tonight after church, I went and got peroxide, generic neosporene, and bigger bandaids. Still hurts though.

I am thankful for my home, and for how the Lord has provided for the desires I have had for a long time. I would trade it all to have Damon back, in less than a second, I would trade it all. But that is not my path in life. I am so thankful that even in my heart break, God still provides dreams. I know my husband and my grandmother would be proud of me. I imagine they are having a great time in Heaven. I miss my Deendee. I miss my husband.

No slow downs...

A fellow friend and recent mover, summed it up this week...Moving is not for sissies. We got in Tuesday night around 7pm and parked everything, then em and I slept on my super cute red couch cushions. I visited my grandma that night around 10pm, she was very good and I was able to speak with her clearly. The next morning I got up and took Em to the airport, then my dad, my grandpa, mom's neighbors sons, Nick and Ryan, came over and helped me unload the truck. We put my big furniture in the house, then dispersed boxes between the kitchen, the garage, and the bedrooms. Everyone left around noon, I then unpacked some more boxes and called pizza hut. I hadn't gotten any groceries yet, so pizza it was. I unpacked about 20-30 boxes, got cable, phone, and internet hooked up, then took the penske truck back. Around 6:30 Wednesday night I went to nursing home to be with my grandmother. Most of the family was there, and that is where I spent the night, coming home to let honey out and take a shower. I got to see my cousin Troy which I haven't seen in so long. When he walked in I just hugged him and hugged him. I haven't gotten a hug like that in a long time, it felt so good to be surrounded by my family, especially the ones I haven't seen in so long. I cried and he let me cry. It was releasing, freeing. At the nursing home Thursday, and believe it or not, though it was a horrible reason to be there (as I wish my Deendee was perfectly healthy) thoroughly enjoyed my family and spending time with my cousins. We stayed there all day, again only leaving to eat and shower. Around 11:00 that night, I was in the room alone, and got to sing to her and talk to her. She passed away around 12:30 Friday morning. We all went home, and got to bed around 2-3ish am. Got up the next day and the family got together for funeral arrangements. Pray for our family, my grandmothers service is Tuesday at 11. Yesterday and Today have been spent taking care of family things, then I went to walmart and got some house stuff and groceries. FINALLY! I get to have a curved shower rod. WOOHOOO, cus my bath in the master is rounded. Isn't that neat! Today I am going to be unpacking and decorating some more. I have greaaaat motivation, as the family is meeting at my house Monday night to get together and share memories with the person officiating her service. I don't really know how to arrange or decorate, so my friend Sybil is coming over tomorrow between services to help. I am thankful to the Lord that I got to see my grandmother, and re bond with my family again. I am thankful that in the midst of all the chaos, and not really being able to unpack much, that He has blessed me with a house. My blessings are daily, and He is gracious. May God put a smile on your face today, and more importantly, may you put one on His.

February 22, 2008

My Grandmother entered eternity, peacefully today, February 22nd around 12:30AM.

She was an amazing woman. She tought me my love of cooking, she made my youth memorable and awesome. She loved us and cared for us like you hope grandmothers will. She loved my grandpa with all of her heart, and he loved her back. She made amazing pancakes, tacos, and sandwiches. Not to mention butterscotch pie, thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. Her home was a place of refuge. The memory of her brings comfort and sense of home, of belonging.

I was able to get in to see her Tuesday night around 10PM. She was pretty clear in her state of mind. She told us, that since we had made it back safely, that now she could stop worrying. She told me she would come see my house and she would get better. I told her I would pray that Jesus was right next to her bed, she said He is. Wednesday night I got there again around 6:30PM and she was in and out of being alert. The whole family (for the most part) was there and stayed the night. Sleeping in chairs, on beds in other rooms. We stayed all of yesterday, only leaving to showers or change clothes, or get food. Last night, I had a moment alone with her in the room. I told her I loved her, thanked her for different things she had done in my life, whether it be actual things, or teaching me things, or how she loved Damon. I told her we would be okay, to go if she was ready, that we would hurt but would be okay. Then I sang to her. Precious memories...though I could not remember the words much, so I made up my own version. I sang amazing grace too. It was around 11:30 when I laid down. My uncles woke me up around 12:30 and said, tell Deendee goodbye. She was gone.

I love her, and I will miss her, and last night my heart was broken. Pray for our family. Love you all. sorry i havent been updating much, been kinda busy around here.

Wyoming

We are in Laramie, Wyoming right now. Got stuck here last night because of a wind advisory. 65mph winds, no pulling trailers. I am pulling a trailer. As we were on our way here, just outside of Laramie, past Cheyenne, we saw a semi trailer ripped in half, where it had been blown over. That was freaky. The snow was hiding the road off and on, looked like a snake coming towards you on the road. It was SUPER windy. So, around 2ish, we decided to stay here. Not the plan, but the smart thing to do. Dad was feeling better last night, but this morning, not so great. Just wanted to give you all a update. Pray for us as we continue today, they said the winds die down in the mornings...so here we go. All praise be to God, for His protective Hand on us.

From the Hotel Room

Hola, live from the Ramada in Nebraska. :) Today has been LONG, but thank the Lord, we are safe and in rooms for a good nights rest. I drove the whole time today, a solid 15 hours. SHEW. Emily offered to drive, but I was nervous to be honest, because she has never pulled a trailer and it was WINDY today. BAD. My knuckles even hurt for a while from griping the steering wheel so hard. I heard the wind was throwing the Penske truck around today too.

I will make this short, as it is late, but PLEASE pray for my daddy. He thinks he has gotten food poisoning. He has been throwing up. We all stopped for lunch at cracker barrel today, and his sandwich came out with the turkey not hot, but not cold, like room temp. He ate it anyway, I am thinking that was it. He thinks it might have been the mayo. Just pray for him, it is miserable to be sick, let alone sick and traveling. Love you all. God loves you more!

Officially

This will be my last post for awhile, unless the hotel we stay in has free wifi. Comcast is on their way to pick up my modem. Or should I say, their modem. I was up until almost two am cleaning last night, and the kitchen looks sparkly. Just odds and ends left now. I pick up my dad and driving crew in a couple of hours. Pray for me. I have been struggling with my mind lately, I want to please the Lord in all I do. All I can't understand, I want to be as a little child and simply trust. Anyway, pray for our safe travel, and I have a special unspoken for my family. Love you all. Very much.

supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

I am wore out! Thank the Lord, He answered my prayers. My request to Him was to get everything loaded in the truck by end of Thursday. YAY. Thanks to some strong men in my family, aka Andy and Michael, we got everything loaded. For the most part. Now are left the odds and ends and cleaning. I got loooots of cleaning. As of tomorrow evening, I won't have internet. So who knows when my last post will be. Pray for us as we travel. For safety and to get along...hehe. I miss you Damon Broyles. Shew...if I could have him here, I would, there's lots of things I would do/change/etc..

Momma

my momma comes in today around 2pm. Less than a week left in the house that I became a wife. The house I cooked our meals for Valentines, Anniversaries, every days. The house I cleaned to make my husband proud, the house I decorated to make it a home. This is very hary. Somewhat necessary, but hard. Now I am moving to my own home, for the next stage in life. I am 99% packed. We load tomorrow. My internet gets cut off Saturday evening. Have a good day in Jesus.

Check!

Garage...CHECK! You heard right folk, the garage is PACKED, and done!!!! WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo

Can ya tell I am excited? Now...my house looks like a "pig pen". Man, tis messy. My goal for tonight is to fill most of the holes in the walls with putty and touch up with paint. Speaking of paint, if you need to paint, support your local ICI store or Sherwin Williams. I knew the paint color name for our living room and kitchen, "church street". I could not find any left over in the places Damon kept paint. I didn't think it was Sherwin Williams because he only started to use them regularly about a year and a half ago. But, I knew they could mix colors to another paint companys color. So I went to sherwin williams first, the guy told me they didn't have record of him buying that paint at all, and it wasn't a sherwin williams color. He looked it up and said it was a ICI color. He told me the cross sections of where to find the closest ICI store...which would be downtown nashville. UGH...I prayed for the Lord to help me find it. Sho nuff' I found it. Thank the Lord! I went into the ICI store and the guy remembered Damon and mixed it up for me. He asked me how much I wanted, I told him just a quart because it was only for touch ups. He then said the smallest it came in was gallons. I said that was fine, just give me the normal price (he offered to give me a good price) because I am not a contractor. The other guy came around and said, we are going to take care of it for you. I asked him if he was sure? He said yes, and gave me the gallon of paint for FREE. To top that off, I needed to sanding sponges to do some work on the trim, and I was fully prepared to atleast pay for those, he told me he would take care of those too. HOW SWEET! Thank you ICI! So today after finishing the garage, I have started to fill the holes in the wall from all the pictures I had hung. I will sand it down and hopefully paint tonight. The plan for tomorrow is get EVERYTHING finished packing (not to much to go) and out to the garage in a nice neat stack. Then get the house as clean as possible. Momma comes in Wednesday. I want to deep clean everything Tuesday night and wednesday. Then thursday I will pick up the penske truck and we will load everything HOPEFULLY all on Thursday. Friday I am hoping to take it easy and relax. Then Saturday the driving crew arrives. We head out EARLY sunday morning and are aiming for Nebraska by the first night (thats a 16 hour drive).

Please pray, I have a possible job interview the friday after I get into Idaho.

Tore Plumb Up

Yall PLEASE pray for my grandma. She is really sick and needs the Lord to intervene. God knows the need.

Secondly, I am REALLY worried about Honey. Like I said, since October, every couple of months she has a round of seizures. She gets three of them in a row, in about a 15 minute period. She had one in October, a round in December, and just today. That dog is my baby. I know to pet lovers it sounds silly, but you have no idea how many times I have just held her and felt better or cried with her over Damon. She is essentially my child (as best I know how or what a child would be like, I am not truly a parent, so I know I don't understand) and I love her. I love my dog. I want her to be healed and okay. The vet says it is normal, once they turn five, to start to get these....but...it's terrifying to watch. She curls up to one side, becomes blinded looking, she can't follow you, gets very dazed...cannot walk straight at all, shakes, its hard to see. I am tore up.

I feel fear hitting me lately. Fear over a lot of things. PLEASE pray for me. This is not how God wants my life to be.

Honey

please say a prayer for Honey. She has been having seizures every couple of month since October. She had onewhen I was in Idaho at Christmas, and just had one today. I don'tlike them, they scare me. Thevet says it's normal...but still. :(

What now...

I can't think of a title...well yes I can..."what now".

Packed half of the garage today, Damon's things. i miss him. I miss him so much. I miss that he knew how to fix nearly anything, that he was a man's man. I miss how he took care of me. I miss all of him. You know, there are so many "new" things in my life...new house, new life as a widow, new start...but its my past that has built who I am. It is my past that I cling to, because in my past is my love. Damon. I love him. I love him still, with all of my heart. I don't even know what to say. I am glad for him, truly. But, I MISS my husband, the man I gave my heart and life to, to become one with. I miss him a lot.

A Poem

"Kasey"
by Megan M. Peter

There once was a girl, bright-eyed and bold
Who wanted to live a story yet untold
She dreamed great dreams, to touch the sky
And never was afraid to ask "how" and "why"

Her dreams took her away from family and home
From the only place she'd ever known
And gave her a man to love and be loved by
Who would wipe away each tear she cried

A stage to sing on, pour out her heart
And bring to light what was in the dark
Children to each and raise in the lord
Handing each of them the Word, their Sword

Soon the girl began to change, learn, and grow
And radiate with a beauty that could not but show
Even though home far away still called her name
She knew that she was there for a purpose, with none to blame

But when tears poured out and tragedy struck
She knew it was more than just luck
That had brought her there from where she'd been
And that would someday help her heart to mend

For even though her heart was broken and torn
She knew that she was never alone
With friends by her side and God in her heart
She was ready to make a brand new start

Not a new life, but one in the same
Ever trusting in His wonderful name
Carrying with her memories of a happy life
Of the days when she was a new bride, a wife

Though the memories still brought pain and tears
They also caused smiles to appear
And gave her the strength to carry on
When all hope seemed lost and gone

A new chapter of her life is about to begin
Filled with possibilities without end
Dreams old and new to achieve
Finding beauty in all that she seems

Now she wakes each morning to the golden sun
Ready to face whatever ay come
Living life by cherishing each moment
Once a girl, now a woman

Amazing Video

Work

Today is my last day at work. I am sad. Really sad. I will miss these people who provided me hugs, laughter, condolence, at all the right times, and even when I didn't want to hear them. They loved me, welcomed me, made me a part of their group. I am leaving. I can't say it enough, it is sooo bittersweet. Remain in TN, leave my family, Move to Idaho, leave my friends, and coworkers. I miss Damon at times like this. I miss him a lot, but, this solidifies that change is around the corner, the quickly coming corner. They are having a going away party for me today. My heart aches...I wish I could wrap everyone up and bring them with me. I really wish. Or, that I had enough money to live in both places. Damon gave me a card about this time last year wishing me the best on my new job. It has been the best job ever, I am so thankful Lord. Thank You for my husband, my job, the life You have given me. Let me continue in Your will, taking whatever wind of change blows my way, seizign the day that You have made. Provide for me in the missing, the longing, and the excitement, Your grace to live as You would have me to.

Pray for me, its going to be a hard yet good day.

Ugh!!!! (in a good way)

I LOVE my church family here in TN. For the most part I didn't know what tonight would be. Based on question I was asked, and secret conversation I thought something MIGHT happen. I got a going away service tonight at church. I cried, I laughed, I sang. I am not bragging on these people in a boastful way, I just feel so loved and I am excited to share what happened. Morgan sang, shew...that girl, Katie, man her heart is so encouraging, Tam sang, JOSH YOHE SANG....that boy, he is soooo sweet, Chandler Fox came up and said a little speech for me, (10 years cha! HA!) Rachel and sweet Sara, I am going to miss everyone, but that little girl...my heart. My nephew Michael, my goodness, i love that boy. Andy Stephens even came up! Emily, my dearest friend, had the best "blessing" speech of the night. She knows me, probably the best of anyone (cept for Jesus and Damon), and I am going to miss her. I got to sing with her last night, and it went so well. I sang amazing grace last night for Brother Hall, and I want this to come out the right way, but as I stood up there singing, thinknig about the Lord, and the fact I am leaving...It was "a moment". A moment I will remember, for the rest of my life, that was my night. It may sound weird to people, but the Lord blessed me with that moment, and I am thankful. It is weird to have all the attention on you, to hear what others think of you. As loud and in your face as I am, when the attention is really on you, its kind of a weird feeling. I found myself fidgeting a lot. I could burst tonight, with love, admiration, thankfulness. I am sad to go. It is such a bittersweet thing. I am ready to be with my family, to have my new house, it is all so exciting. Yet, so daunting. i am leaving Damon, our memories, my friends, my church family. It is so surreal to be leaving in less than two weeks. I don't know what to feel. I will miss them more than they know, more than they will ever know. I love them with all my heart.

Small Bathroom With...

...Me, Emily, Honey, Tigger, and Jr.

I am thankful to the Lord Emily stayed the night last night. We were watching a moving when I heard this nagging ring. I put the tv on mute. The tornado siren was going off in Old Hickory. We turned the movie off and turned on the news. I can't tell you how many times that siren went off last night. We spent probably an hour or so (off and on) in the bathroom, as it is the only room with no windows. She was in the tub on a quilt, and I was on the floor with a quilt, both cats and honey were all chilling out. I had a candle going just in case. We prayed and I called a few people to pray. We are safe thank the Lord. Pray for the families this morning, who have lost their loved ones.

Thanks for all ofyour prayers about yesterday, everything went fairly well at the doc.

I need to get off here, and go to work.

Pray for Me Tomorrow

Please say a prayer for me tomorrow. I am going to the doctor in the morning for a general physical while I still have insurance. I am going to mention the fact I am still having pain in my back, and some other things. I am worried. I don't like going to the doctor for a few reasons, they weigh you, and sometimes they make you uncomfortable, and what if something is wrong. I am such a pesimist, I automatically assume the worst with my health recently. Since Damon died, and since I got pneumonia and bronchitis I have been such a worrier and wuss over my health. I know I could do better with taking care of myself. I feel like I am making steps at eating better, I am trying to drink more water. I know that I need to give my worrying over to the Lord. I try and try. Then it will start small or i will just get caught up in it. I have said there are two constants in my life, I want to serve the Lord, and I want to make it to heaven. God knows my heart, my failures, my faults, my goods, my bads...I want Him to be pleased with me. I want a pure heart, i want to be free of worry. I say all of that to say, again, please just pray for me to be at peace tomorrow, for everything to look good. Please.

Freeing

There is something freeing about getting tired enough of something, that you do something about it.

I AM a conqueror in the Lord. I WILL make it to heaven by His grace.

Galatians 6:9
"And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not."

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Man, I am happy right now. Thank You Jesus for JOY JOY JOY JOY down in my heart, WHERE? Down in my heart! WHERE? Down in my heart, I've got the JOY JOY JOY JOY Down in my heart TODAY!!!!

Do You Ever?

Get fed up????!!!! With yourself??!?!!! I sure do. Seriously...ya know, i have been told I am too hard on myself, but it boils down to wanting to please God in everything. Sometimes I am hard on myself, but i'd rather be to hard than complacent. Today...I was trying to merge into traffic, nicely (for once, I am really bad about that) and this dude SPEEDS up and will NOT let me in. Normally I am a all gas and breaks girl, but this time I did this nicely. So ya know what I did??? you ready??? I SUNK to his level and HONKED at him. Not lightly, it was a blaring "rude mr. mean driver man!!!" I let my self get ahold of me. Some may think that a normal reaction, but I of all people, should realize how small a thing like that in the grand scheme of life, really is.

I NEED to pack tonight, but I have zero motivation. I got some for a little while, but its fading again. I have been lacking on sleep so my bed sounds really good right now.

Good night