Icky numb chicky

Well, I have my real fake teeth now. *pauses for snickers of crowd* My bridge is done...my face is numb. From about the middle of my bottom lip all the way to my ear...oh wait...its fading, now its only halfway up my cheek. I am glad to be done with that. Blech. I do not like the prying feeling of them trying to get a "temporary" crown off. But I am thankful to have the ability to dental work, teeth are so small, but when there's a problem you feel it in a big way.

I am feeling lonely. Yall already know this, but I miss Damon. I am scared. Scared of new changes, scared for leaving here, scared to leave Emily. Yet, I am also so excited. Excited to be near family again, to be back in Idaho, to have my new home. I guess you can be scared and excited at the same time. I will miss Emily. I will miss a loooot of people, for sure. Emily has just stepped in a huge gap, and I am so thankful to the Lord for her. I pray He bless her double fold for what she has been to me. Before Damon died...I didn't really have any other best friends. I had friends, but he was my best friend, he was who I hung out with. It was great, he is truly the bestest (yes I just said bestest) friend I have ever had. So I am thankful to the Lord for Emily. God gave me much support through all of my friends here in TN. I cannot thank them enough for all they have been to me. But you can't beat a best friend, someone who brings you vicks when you can't breathe, someone who will wear a mask and endanger themselves and their health so you won't be lonely. TOOT TOOT, there ya go Em, I have offically tooted your horn.

In other news...I ordred papa johns for dinner. YUM. Since packing, i dont have much motivation to cook. My house is in enough of a mess. Or shall I say, brad and rachel's house. :)

Sonic Commercials...

...are so funny! Those guys crack me up. If it is possible to be cracked up, I am not an egg ya know....yeah yeah, lame joke right?...I digress

have you noticed...that...I...like...those three little...dots. For the rest of this post I shall try to stay away from the ... there I go again.

Seems I am writing about nothing. I got a couch and loveseat today, off of craigs list. It is in Idaho of course. It is my red color, YAY. Ever since I got a red couch (my current couch, which I will use in my "office") I have fallen in love with the red couch idea. It just brings so much warmth. So, i got a great deal, hopefully, momma has to check it all out Friday night when she picks it up.

I read Sister Net's blog today, how she feels about Brother Bobby, is how I feel about Damon. God gave me a miracle the day I met Damon. I love that man, I will always carry him in my heart.

Remember, God careth for you.

Owww

Confession...I am a hypochondriac (spelling?)...can't watch ER...because I will have whatever they are talking about in that episode. And..I just don't enjoy the show, but anyway...my back is hurting. In the lower left, right over the kidney area. I can't tell if it is strained muscle or what. Beings the fact that I have been freaking out about my health lately, I can't directly tell if it is serious or not. Disclaimer** boys don't read**

It seems similar to monthly cramps...how its in the front and then around to the back...but my back started first, this morning it has moved to my lower abdomen as well. But, its not that time. Soo...I don't know what it is...I just need prayer for this to go away, please. Its kind of a nagging dull pain. I wish it would go away. Today it has hurt a bit more.

Momma's Birthday Present

This is momma's birthday present from Daddy and I. Yellow because its her favorite color, red for the years she raised me, and white for the time Damon was in her life and his pure example.

Happy Birthday Momma, mim u bunches.

I am up

Early early early. Woke up and can't sleep. Thinking about my mistakes yesterday, how I need to change my lifestyle habits before I kill myself. So positive huh. Let me clarify, when I say change my lifestyle before I kill myself...I mean taking care of my body. How I eat, drinking water, exercise...SLEEP. I am not taking good care of my body. This is the Lord's temple, and I haven't been doing my part. I don't want diabetes or high blood pressure, I want to be healthy. Ultimately the decision is in my hands, so pray for me as I try to make those decisions. I was healthy when I was engaged because I had motivation. I wanted to be beautiful for my husband and I bought that wedding dress in a smaller size. i ate right, still didn't drink enough water though, exercised DAILY. Most times 7 days a week, and the sleep was lacking then too...but I atleast had two of four and I felt good. Plus i was in love, which I am sure helped. I WANT to take care of this body the Lord has given me, I don't want to be slack concerning this.

Secondly...I feel bad. I don't seem to know what the line is when defending myself with services providers, i.e. verizon. They were trying to convince me that I was going to have to pay an early termination fee for Damon's phone yesterday, when it specifically says you don't have to pay if a person dies. I haven't been ready to cut his line, don't know if I was yesterday really either, but needed to do it. Because he passed away over seven months ago, it seemed like they didn't want to really help me and wanted to charge me. I had to get pretty bold and I don't want to be wrong. I got kind of loud, the person told me they understood, and I told them that unless they were a widow then they didn't understand. Other people heard me, they agreed that I needed to stand up for myself. YET, I work every single day trying to be a light for Jesus, so am I wrong for being like that? I don't want to shame His name in any way. I feel bad. I just feel like I was wrong.

Just pray for me.

Today is my momma's Birthday...Happy Birthday momma. I mim u (code word for love you)

i am such a copy cat

My age.


1 of my favorite foods...I know I know...it aint food, but YUM.


Favorite color: That would be a BLUE lobster :)


Favorite Movie (in this case, tv series)


Someone I love: and boy do I love him.


Middle Name...pronounced Marie, but spelled like...


Place I would like to visit:


Favorite Animals:




One of my favorite places to be: This is a picture close to Stanley Idaho...beautiful eh.


Lastly...one of my nicknames...given to me by my dad, in honor of Beavers best friend on the show Leave it to Beaver,

I am a Homeowner...well almost

You heard right. I have bought a house. Or atleast the sellers and I have agreed on an offer. Of course nothing is final until I close, but as I said...we have agreed on the offer part. It is soooo cute. The Lord really worked this out for me, sometimes I feel like I am to forgetful to thank Him. So thank You Lord. Here are some pictures...

The house the Lord blessed me with




The Kitchen


My Living Room


The Back Yard

Heavey Laden

I REALLY need some prayer. Yall please please please pray for me. I am feeling very overwhelmed. I am worrying about my health, about moving, missing Damon, etc. etc....I feel like i am going to go crazy. I need God to help me, pray for me to know how to brake through. i want my mommy.

Wow...that girl is tall.

I was just watching a story on Fox news...and this guy was holding some girls hand (he was dropping out of the presidential race...though i have never seen him I dont think) anyway, he was waaaaaaaay shorter than the girl. I dont mean a little, i mean like 6 inches, thats a lot. I know, that has any bearings on anyone's life how, moving on.

I didn't go into prayer tonight. The Church of God in Antioch is having prayer all this week starting at 7. We are supposed to join collectively as a body to pray. I don't like missing stuff like that, I feel guilty. To be honest, I would rather feel guilty than not. If that makes sense. Anyway....i was tired, and felt like I was falling behind on packing, so I decided to stay home. At 7 I knelt down to pray at my home, and I have decided something...God, thank You for letting me pray. For letting me know You. He didn't have to let us know of Him, yet He chose to suffer so that we might. I am thankful. I want to be all that I can be for God, even if I am tired. Lord willing, tomorrow is Band Meeting, then prayer Saturday night. I did get one box packed tonight. Seems harder to pack drawers that are similar to junk drawers, which is what I did tonight. Hard to organize.

I finished my latest book, amish story, great book. Written by Wanda E Brutstetter. Or something like that, the last name was long.

Well, i am off to go read and try to get to bed early, I really need to try doing better on bed time.

It is coooold. I hope everyone has a wonderful night of rest, and that you love God more today than yesterday.

Pray, again

Please keep praying...I am really having a day with missing Damon. Please pray for me, and Sister Lynn.

I need prayer

I have been struggling a lot with anxiety lately...fear over health is coming back up, fear over displeasing the Lord, I am tired yall. I know, it's easy to say it's just the enemy Kasey, or its your mind...I KNOW that...but try being in the middle of the storm, and it isn't so easy to stop. Mabye it is only that way for me. I don't know. I watched Damon and Me's wedding video last night, and our honeymoon video...I miss him. I miss him bad. We had something amazing, for that I am thankful, but I am also heart broken. I want him back. I really want my best friend back. I love him. I am lonely.

Brrr

My feeties are cold. You think it is cold in TN, momma said it was 7 degrees in idaho. YIKES. I got the back yard cleaned up today, with the help of michael. I had straw out there that the boys were playing in, well I didnt break it down good enough and it was messy looking so I raked it all up into piles and he put it into that back of the truck then we went and threw it over the bluff on the lake. paul is hoping it might grow some grass over all the rocks. (paul, andy's dad) I also put some more grass seed out and covered it with a bit of straw. I also got some of the garage cleaned up today, and some of Damon's clothes packed. Do you realize how weird it is to pack the clothes I bought for him, the pants he was wearing when we first met. We had love, real true love, we dated, I had flowers, valentines day cards, someones hand to hold, someones hug to fall in to. All the things us ladies get giddy thinking and hoping about when we are on the search for Mr. Right, or Mr. Wonderful. So many memories, so many things that are gone, in the snap of a finger. It is so odd to me. This solidifies he truly is gone, and that is hard. As I was packing, I realized it wasnt as hard as it could have been, and had the thought on God's grace. God is my daily portion, like that song...His eye is on the sparrow. Jesus IS my portion, a constant friend is he. Damon isn't dead, he is in heaven right now, praising God. he is in heaven because he SERVED God, every day, lived it for Jesus. I want to live up to the legacy my wonderful husband left.

In other news...oddly, I suddenly smell onions. Have a good day.

Packing

blech...I DO NOT DO WELL with packing or in situations where I PERSONALLY have to take charge and organize stuff. Literal stuff, I can handle organizing events, or whatever...but making sense of all I need to pack. I feel sooooo overwhelmed. Where do I start, what do I keep, what do I let go of. Adding to my confusion is not wanting to let go of things that were Damon...it may sound weird to you all, but i still have the bag of cans from the last dr peppers he drank. I have his empty paint cans, his left over 2x4's from building honey's dog house. I don't want to let go of these things...so most likely, they will get packed, or I will atleast keep one of certain things. I have been crying over him soo much lately. I feel like the Lord has given me peace about this, that i am doing the right thing, that He will take care of me...but it is still hard letting go of all that Damon and I shared here, even if it is silly really old empty dr pepper cans that probably still carry Damon's DNA. Laugh if you must...but that is how I think. This is the house where I transitioned from girl to woman. From immature, to atleast hopefully a little more mature, from single to wife, helpmeet. Lately, I have been thinking about how good I really do have it. Even with Damon's loss, there are those who are much worse off out there in the world. God has been good to me, He has a plan that is bigger than what I could EVER begin to imagine. All things work together for our good, IF we love God. I want to be a female version of David, a woman after God's own heart. I want that soooo much. I guess thats my thoughts for now.

Pain...

...though never easy, sometimes, necessary.



Thanks for sharing Vic.

owww....

Yall please pray for me. I had to go to the dentist today. I am getting a bridge put in and today they had to do the prep work for the permanent stuff they will put in on january 31st. I was born with two teeth that had no permanent underneath the baby teeth. As long as the tooth is alive there is no problem, when i was 13ish one of the two teeth started having problems causing my gum to abscess. Thus, they pulled it. Since that time I have had a spacer to keep my teeth from shifting, I was supposed to have it removed and something permanent put in by the time I was 21...I am 25...you can imagine it was about time to get things taken care of. My gum had started to grow up around the spacer as it got bent or whatever, the thing had been in there 10 plus years...so I guess it did pretty good. well, (sorry if this is gross) they numbed me, and numbed me, and numbed me....man o man, it is still there a little bit and my appt was at 1:30. anyway...my jaw is hurting a bit now, and of course my gums are somewhat sensitive. I want my mommy. They had to drill two of my teeth (the ones on either side of the space) down to nubs and put temporary crowns on them. My poor little nubby teeth. :( i am thankful to have that spacer thing out of my gums though. This morning, before i left for the dentist, i had to fill out an OJI (on the job injury) form at work. I was delivering some tests to a school this morning, and had to carry tubs up stairs to the main office, and as I was leaving...or sometime around there...noticed a tightness in my back, then a sharp pain when I would turn to the right. I thought its probably just a muscle pull and not to report it, then I thought if there is something wrong and I don't report it, I am going to be in a mess. So, i ended up filling out the form. My back is still tight and sore, I have no idea what I did to it. That was my day. i am glad I am can still move, thank the Lord for only a pulled back muscle, some have it worse. Thank the Lord I can afford a dentist and have my teeth taken care of. In all things, I want to be found praising Him.

Sis. Lynn

Please pray for Sister Lynn and her family. Her dad passed away last night. I know to some extent what she is feeling right now, and she needs the arms of God to wrap around her, as they already are and hold her while she cries. Pray for her. Please.

The Call

I just got a phone call from my mom...the doctors just told her some pretty discouraging news regarding my grandma. Please pray for my grandma, I call her Deendee. I am glad I am moving home so soon. Will write more later.

Unexpectedly...now

For awhile, and I hope this comes across right, I have been doing really well as far as missing Damon. I think about him EVERY day, but I hadn't been crying and tore up. Well, lately I have reaaaaallly been thinking about him and crying. I miss him so much. I still don't get that he is gone, or comprehend it, almost 7 months later. I still want him back. I still wish he was by my side, and I was his help meet. I miss my husband, I am still so in love with him. I want Damon Broyles back. But...I wouldn't want to bring him back from Heaven, he'd probably be mad at me. lol. I just have been having a rough week or so. I miss my man, he was the greatest person I will ever know. I had a miracle hand delivered when I met and married him. I am thankful to the Lord that He gave Damon to me. I have so many regrets though, so many things I wish I could have been better for him. I wish I would have told him I loved him more, would have given up on having my way more, would have submitted more (though I tried), sadly...I wish I had learned he really was right 99.9% percent of the time, BEFORE he passed away. Love the ones in your life, hold them tight, forgive them, and be respectful to them. One second can change your life here on earth until time is no more. Heavy post, I know...but it is on my heart today.

Gina's Momma

Please pray for Gina, Valerie, and Sonya's Momma. She needs the Lord to intervene for her. She needs prayer for her mind, healing for her mind and soul. God knows and God can give her peace. Just please pray.

And the Golden Globe winner is...

SLEEP. *crowd roars* Yay, thanks to anyone who prayed. I slept sooo well last night, I didn't wake up ONE SINGLE TIME until 5:45. Tell me that aint good, and we know all good things come from God!! And, to top that off...I don't remember dreaming, so woo hoo double!! I just wanted to thank the Lord for this gift and for all the prayers, a good nights sleep makes such a difference. You sometimes forget what it is like to feel rested. I got a box of downy drier sheets the other night when I was grocery shopping, I normally buy the walmart sheets or something else because downy to me (cheap girl) is so expensive, but they were out of walmart and after looking at the other prices I finally just bit the bullet and bought downey sheets...man, they smelled up my house..YUM. I just had them sitting on top of the microwave because I hadn't put them in the laundry room yet, and my whole house (almost) smelled sooo good. I think I need to make a downey candle. YUM YUM.

I have an announcement, to those of you who didn't know already...I am moving back home to Idaho. I miss my family, my grandma is starting to go down hill, I feel I am at a place where I am not making this decision based solely out of grief over Damon's passing. So I will be moving back to the great mountain air which I love, February 17th. Pray for me, pray the move, pray for everything. I want to be in God's will above all else, and serve Him with my whole heart. Serve Him with a PURE heart. I want Jesus to be not only my master, but my first love, my friend, my everything.

Sooo....

please pray for me and my dreams. I have been having dreams lately about Damon that are sad. I don't mind happy ones, but these are about me knowing he is gonna die and telling him that he's going to die, or about him leaving me....i just don't like them AT ALL. I keep waking up several times in the night...it hasn't been like this in a while. I used to wake up a lot in the night, but then for a long while would only wake up maybe once or twice. Now I am waking up 4-6 times a night and that is plain annoying. I just need yall to pray that I can stay asleep through the night and that those kind of dreams, will go away...because seeing Damon like that...it is just hard.

I have officially watched ALL of season three of little house that Emily got me for Christmas...I didn't think I had, but yep, sho nuff, I have. Now I want seasons 4-8 plus all the Christmas specials and extras. Laugh if you want, but I was a huge Laura Ingalls fan when I was a kid, and like Little House still...the books, the show, and how it is family friendly.

Pray for my grandma, they had to put her cat to sleep yesterday. He wasn't drinking or pottying, he had some kind of disease that he had to take meds twice a day to potty and eat right, well he was up to three times a day with the meds and they had stopped working. The vet said it would only get worse and it was best to put him down. She got that cat right after my Grandpa died. Mom said she was doing pretty good, but still just pray for her. She also might be moving to a different place, one that takes care of her better.

everyone have a wonderful day, for God cares for you.

9am...*smile*

First: Thought of the Day
He knows our burdens and our crosses,
Those things that hurt, our trials and losses,
He cares for every soul that cries,
God wipes the tears from weeping eyes. —Brandt

If you doubt that Jesus cares, remember His tears.

That is what time I got out of bed....that felt sooo good to rest. I was a new mommy for all of about 5 hours last night. Nada (Damon's grandmother) bought a puppy. She HATES dogs. She wanted it to be a guard dog. It was a 8 week old Jack Russell, oooooh sooo cute. So I went down and negotiated and bought it from her. She just doesn't need a dog, it wouldn't have been happy. Well, I see Andy later on and he said Yvonne had wanted it. I told him she could buy it from me for half of what I paid, so Yvonne came and got Jack, who she renamed Stubby, after work last night. I was cutting his nails, because they were so long. I accidentally cut one too short and it bled, I felt bad :( poor guy. I was just trying to help and made it worse. He was soooo cute. He went and pottied on the yard twice last night and had NO accidents in the house, he doesn't like pizza crust, but does like puppy milk bones. And he ate three of them, I think. Well, it was nice to atleast have him for a short while. I know he will loooove Yvonne and she will love him.

I need to go grocery shopping and get my oil changed....guess I am gonna go, see ya!

A Song For Me

I have a new song for life....I believe it is called "He knows my name". God truly knows our name. He knows our heart, our future, what we will accomplish each day, our dreams, our hopes...all of it. He KNOWS my name.

Dinner calls...

For the Day

Quote for the day:

"In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?"

Pray for my grandma, she isn't doing well. I am concerned...please pray she gives her heart to Jesus.

I cleaned house last night, somewhat anyway. Though I didn't want to, I knew I needed to. I still have some Christmas stuff to put away, well a lot. I haven't even taken down the lights yet. My dinner was yummy, and easy. Whole grain lean pockets, with turkey, cheese, and brocolli. Dipped in ranch. YUM. I was going to actually cook cook, but after some grocery shopping...i was wore plumb out. I am trying to eat more healthy as well. I got a mango, a organic orange, two grapefruits, strawberries, some other kind of fruit, chicken to make healthy buffalo chicken tonight, the weight watchers meals, bottled water, and some organic protein drink. Oh and low fat milk, and butter, because butter is better for you than margarine, i have heard. Pretty good huh. Now, I just need to make myself eat all that fruit. I am so picky with fruit, but i am TRYING to do better. blech. I need to be thankful I have money to buy fruit though, huh. Anyway...moving on.

on...hmmm...actually, I think I am done. Have a good day.

Quote of the Day

This hard place in which you perhaps find yourself is the very place in which God is giving you opportunity to look only to Him, to spend time in prayer, and to learn long-suffering, gentleness, meekness-in short, to learn the depths of the love that Christ Himself has poured out on all of us.

Elisabeth Elliot

Again

So I have somehow done something to my back, again. Blech

Did you know on average americans eat 18 ACRES of pizza a day?!! crazy huh. I just heard that on TV, should I believe it? ;P

Now for some pictures.

This is the road going in to the valley on our way to get our Tree.


Is this picture not hilarious??? Honey is wearing momma's hat.


The place where we cut our tree down.



Idaho Sunrise


Our Charlie Brown tree!


Momma and Daddys decorations


I thought this pic was cool

Specially Special

Please say a prayer for a special un spoken of mine. I really need the Lord to speak to my heart on this matter. I seek to be in Gods will above all else in my life.

not much going on...watching my new episodes of Little House on the Prairie. Thanks Em.

sigh........so that is it. I love the Lord, and thats more important than anything. I want to love and honor Him with all I have.

Weird

I feel...weird. pray for me.

My Title

When I was in Idaho, visiting my Grandma, I saw a sign that really spoke to my heart. So...I made it the title of my blog. "Peace is not the absence of fear, Peace is the Presence of God". Tell me that ain't good. :) I think it is.

Tomorrow, Emily and I are hanging out. She has been a wonderful friend to me, spent many a night at my house helping me be less lonely. Tomorrow, I finally return a part of the favor. AND, we exchange gifts, I hope she likes hers.

I have a resolution for this year...to love God with all of my heart, soul, and mind. That will take care of EVERYTHING. I know that I am nowhere near, or feel that I am not what I should be as a person, a friend, a sister in the Lord, a daughter, a grand daughter, a co worker. Who knows what this year holds for me, but this year I want to hold to God more than ever. That I do know. I want healing for many things, peace, understanding, growth.

It is funny, while in Idaho, I got to spend so much more time with Honey because I wasn't gone so much. Now that I am back to work, I miss my puppy. I miss holding her and loving on her. That dog, as Damon called her, Daddy's princess, has been such a comfort. I love her and she loves me. I guess if you aren't a huge animal lover, this may sound weird. I have always looooved animals, and am such a mush mush when it comes to them. Damon loved animals, but not as much as I. But Honey, she made even him become mush mush for her. He loved her so much, and she was truly "a daddy's girl". To me she is not "just a dog" she is my friend, and my companion. She is a comfort from the Lord.

It is soooo cold. If only we would get some rain, that when it hit the freeeeeezing air, we could have "buckets of snow"...as emily would say. She would even settle for "one bucket". It was 18 degrees driving in this morning. It was 13 in Idaho a few days ago. BRRRR..

Have a good day.

Pray For Me

I really need you all to pray for me. I have been dealing a lot with fear over my health lately....I just need prayer. I know where fear comes from, but I am tired from being sick. Just please pray for me. please.

Bye Bye Christmas Tree

My tree is officially out on my front yard. Sad. My FIRST real Christmas tree as a full fledged adult. It served me well, and still smells amazing. I am home now...and my cat seems somewhat miffed. He is totally grumpy. To top that off, I feel like I am getting a cold. Pray for it to go away. I miss my family. My grandma isn't great. My mom and dad...i just miss them. I miss my horse. I miss Damon most of all. Well...sorry to be all down ;), happy new year! God is good, amen.