First off EVERYONE CHECK MY MOMMA'S BLOG OUT! She says no one comments, let's show her we care!
http://kdbaby1.blogspot.com
There are so many good and bad things going on in my life right now. I can't spend to much time on them right now as I have work to do. I just wanted to blog a bit that didn't have to do with Brad. Mainly because A) I haven't heard any updates and B) I am in a blogging mood. If there is a blogging mood.
Do you ever feel like your life is at a standstill, a fork in the road, you don't know which way to go? Am I the only one that feels like this?
Do you ever want to change who you are, and act differently so you more reflect what YOU think the "norm" should be?
Do you ever feel like a failure and you are just sad?
I guess I did myself in today as far as happiness. I know what things bother me and bind my day up with sadness. Yet I look at them anyway....I went to a web page about mistreatment of animals. It showed bears in asia who are kept in small cages with a cathetar permanently attached to their gall bladder to collect the bile. So many other things...I hate how people mistreat animals. God did not create them to be treated like that. No we aren't to worship them, but we are to take care of them and treat them kindly. This has so gotten me down, am I silly to pray for these animals that are being tortured all over the world? I do, I pray for them. When I was younger, I would pray every night for the people and kids all over the world who were starving or being abused that God would give them a moment of rest and peace, and for the animals the same thing. Does God really want me to return to that child like faith that He will take care of even the "BIG" small problems of the world. I know Gods main goal is salvation of souls, but I also know He cares about what I care about.
I miss my home, and my family. I have been gone just over two years now from the only life I ever knew. I love my husband, with all my heart. Marriage is work, its had its wonderful ups and sometimes it awful downs. But I wouldn't trade it for anything in this world. I still miss my family though. I miss my animals, I left them all when I got married. It isn't fair to them. My one horse had to be put down after I left because she got injured, my other cat had to be put down because she had a stroke and was suffering. My Aunt died due to complications of a liver transplant, my whole family...they are changing. I am not there. Am I the only one to feel this way? I want to go home.
I am not complaining...don't mistake me....God has been so merciful to me, ME Kasey B...and I am a member of THE Church of God! WHO would have thought that I would ever be found worthy in His sight!? I am so thankful for all God has brought me through. I just need a breakthrough. I need direction. I need answers. God I need you to show me what to do, how to be, I need something and only You can fully understand what I need. Please Please help me.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
A post about now
Posted by Kasey at 11:30 AM
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9 comments:
No , you are not the only one that feels that way....I think at some point and timein our lives we feel very much the way you have described....keep the faith honey, God is on the throne, HE knows of you and how you feel, HE will take care of your heart. you may not understand now, but in time you will. I too wonder if things will ever be different, but we have to be obedient to HIS leading and guiding, the best thing to do right now is just be still, HE is working, we just can't see it with our natural eye is all. Keep the faith, i love you and am praying for you...momma
Kasey, my husband served 20 years in the Air Force. During those 20 years, I experienced the same thoughts and feelings many times. So many changes taking place in the lives of my family and friends back home and I wasn't a part of it. I felt like I was missing something important and for my personality, to feel like I'm missing something is not an easy pill to swallow. But...through it all, God was my strength and my refuge and most of all, my comfort. He will see you through this and some day, you will be able to help someone else who is facing the same or similar feelings in their own heart. Hang in there! Let that child-like faith that you spoke of draw you closer (than ever before) to God.
I appreciate all the advice....as hard as it has been to leave. I don't feel I am one of those girls who makes their husband miserable. I am happy here. I have a great church. My thing is I want to settle down. Find a place of my own, have kids. I can't do that right now for reasons I will leave un said. Nothing bad, just private. If I am going to stay here, I want to bring my horse. I can't just keep expecting my parents to take care of her. I want my own home, a place to "nest" lol so to speak. I know we don't always get what we want. It's just been two years of waiting. I am getting weary a bit, I would like Jesus to "take the wheel" soon. :P
I have always wanted a place of my own, a place to settle down and raise a family, but after 20 years in the military and now in the pastorate...I've come to realize that any place that my husband is, is my nesting place. You are young and just starting out...God will help you find your way through this maze of homesickness and longing.
I hit the enter button twice, so I deleted the second one. Sorry!
Hye Girl, I'm right there with you. We will celebrate 2 years in May. I've been in Montana for almost 2 1/2. I did live near my sister for a while, but not anymore. All I can say is that these godly women are so right. I had a very hard time leaving hime I lived in the same house until I 17. Change has never been a strong point for me. Last year when we felt like we should move to Havre I wanted to die inside. But I remembered a prayer that I had prayer sometime before. "God, take me out of my comfort zone and teach me to serve you and my husband unconditionally." Ouch! DOn't pray that until you are ready. :) Point being, look back at your prayers, have you asked God to help you grow or change at all lately. I think sometimes we forget that GOd does answer our prayers. I don't know if any of this is relevent for what you are feeling, but know that I love and care about you.
Man....I wrote a big long post in response to yall and it lost it..Pluto must have got it! :P
Just pray for us. We need to find the LORD's will. Not Damons will or Kasey's will. GODS WILL! Hey..isn't that a song! haha.
Thanks Mandie, I appreciate the kind words! I still think there should be a how to for dummies book written on submission.
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