Before Midnight...

I have started a bad habit since Saturday night. I was up late, consequently "early" Saturday night/Sunday morning cleaning. Since then, I did the same thing only about a hour or so earlier on Sunday night. Last night I didn't get to sleep until 1'ish or right after. Now it is after midnight and I am here again. Grr. TLC on Monday nights has my favorite show, 17 kids and counting. That show is really good and CLEAN! I try to be pleasing to the Lord in what I watch, which is mainly food network and HGTV and TLC on Monday nights. I have failed, but I want to be upright in what is before my eyes. I guess I have the TV so it isn't silent. I miss Damon. That goes into today, which is now yesterday, at work. I had a rough day. I care more about what people think of me, than some may realize. I am a big people pleaser. I just want you to like me. My personality is not everyone's cup of tea. But Damon loved me as I was. I felt completed by him. God fit me perfectly for Damon and vice versa. Today was just one of those days, where I felt so out of place with everyone. Then I sort of aggrivated my boss at the end of the day, which I didn't mean to. I felt so disconnected tonight at service. I really would love to have my husband here. He made it all seem okay. But as I listen to the song playing on my itunes, "There Will Be A Day" by Jeremy Camp, I am reminded that my peace has to come from God and that at some point, if I keep living for Jesus, There WILL be a day...no more tears, no more pain, no more fears. There will be a day when the burdens of this place will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face. God help me, in all my failures, to learn, to grow, WHEREVER You lead, whatever may come my way. Until You wipe away my tears. But I have to KEEP living for Jesus. There are days I am such doof. Mistake after mistake. God help me to be all You would have me to be. Going along with that though, the Bible talks about (obviously not word for word) how the wise man, when he falls, gets back up. He doesn't stay down. So, in my failures, I don't want to wallow on how dumb I am, but rather let my heart be "God help me to learn in this, and not do it again". I want to make every day count for Jesus. I may be the only "Bible" someone might ever see.
This post has seemed sorta down, that leads me into my mom, I am proud of her. She is broken with the job situation, but she still praises the Lord. I need to work on that.

I leave you with the Lyrics to the song I mentioned.
There Will Be A Day, by Jeremy Camp

I try to hold on to this world with everything I have But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that trys to grab The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth, that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings That there will be a place with no more suffering

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face But until that day, we’ll hold on to you always

I know the journey seems so long You feel your walking on your own But there has never been a step Where you’ve walked out all alone

Troubled soul don’t lose your heart Cause joy and peace he brings And the beauty that’s in store Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting

I can’t wait until that day where the very one I’ve lived for always will wipe away the sorrow that I’ve faced To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery this is why this is why I sing….

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face

There will be a day, He’ll wipe away the stains, He’ll wipe away the tears, He’ll wipe away the tears…..there will be a day.