Maybe I am just a total failure. I have no clue, but I REALLY must be horrible at understanding this wife thing! I didn't know that when you got married your opinion no longer mattered, nor your feelings! I thought yes, I submit ultimately, but my thoughts still matter and we work together for a common solution. Maybe I am wrong. Can SOMEONE explain to me how I am supposed to be?! I am REALLY trying hard to just let my wants and desires go and do whatever Damon asks of me. I am REALLY trying. And I am not talking about moving people. I am talking about little things. The man is working constant over time. This week at VBS he is working three of 5 nights of it. I WANT my husband there, yet if I mention that I would rather he be there I make him mad. So...am I NOT sposed to tell him what I want? Grrrr.......I am so mad and so confused at the same time. I love my husband with more than I even know how to describe. I just must be doing something wrong. I am really at a loss. And...if you have advice for me, I appreciate it, but don't sugar coat it. Just TELL me where I am wrong.
Titus 2:3-5
[3] The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
[4] That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
[5] To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
I have the loving my husband part down, I love my animal children. I am NOT a keeper at home. I work two jobs, but am quitting one. I try to be a keeper at home as much as possible. I am for the most part good. I am really working on being completely obedient. So that leaves...Sober, discreet and chaste.
As defined by Webster:
Sober- 1 a : sparing in the use of food and drink : ABSTEMIOUS b : not addicted to intoxicating drink c : not drunk
2 : marked by sedate or gravely or earnestly thoughtful character or demeanor
3 : UNHURRIED, CALM
4 : marked by temperance, moderation, or seriousness
5 : subdued in tone or color
6 : showing no excessive or extreme qualities of fancy, emotion, or prejudice
Discreet: 1 : having or showing discernment or good judgment in conduct and especially in speech : PRUDENT; especially : capable of preserving prudent silence
2 : UNPRETENTIOUS, MODEST
3 : UNOBTRUSIVE, UNNOTICEABLE
Chaste:1 : innocent of unlawful sexual intercourse
2 : CELIBATE
3 : pure in thought and act : MODEST
4 a : severely simple in design or execution : CLEAN, SPOTLESS
synonyms CHASTE, PURE, MODEST, DECENT mean free from all taint of what is lewd or salacious. CHASTE primarily implies a refraining from acts or even thoughts or desires that are not virginal or not sanctioned by marriage vows
I hope this doesn't come across as complaining...I'm not, I just need to better understand this.
BTW, Vickys classes have been awesome!
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Am I missing something?
Posted by Kasey at 7:09 AM
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8 comments:
What are your long term goals for your marriage?
Your husband at VBS now OR for you to be a stay at home mom one day?
You can work two jobs now to meet that goal Or your husband can work overtime to meet that goal.
This has nothing to do with your thoughts or submission.
VBS is for children. Your husband may be feeling the pressure to prepare for your future children so THEY can go to VBS.
VBS in Antioch has two age groups. Gleaners 5-11 and VLB's 12-35. So our VBS is for adults as well. :) All our welcome.
"all *are* welcome"
btw...who are you anonymous?
Thanks Erika :) I think I was voicing frustrations more because I was in a "mood" more than anything else. I guess when we disagree I feel like such a failure. I know he cares about what I want and think and feel, and don't want to portray he doesn't. I just get "down" about a few things. With us working so much lately, I want to spend any time possible together. If that makes sense, and Erika I KNOW you understand that.
I have 2 things....
Most men have problems listening! Yes they hear us but they don't "get" what we are saying. I tell Danny nicely yet firmly. These are my FEELINGS. They are NOT open for discussion. I just wanted to share my feelings. Do NOT fuss at me over my dreams/desires/opinions/feelings.
We tend to see everything from our own point of view... Look at his. They feel like failures if we say we want something and they don't have the money for it. In "man brain" they hear you need to work more cause I want something! They don't "get" that we want their time more than things. I try repeatedly to tell Danny. He is just now getting it.
The other day we sat down to make a budget and we are TIGHT with the money. He takes that personally cause he feels his role is to provide for the family. He says he has to work 10 hours over every week to help us meet our bills. I have to help him understand that we need him around and the best solution for everyone is to cut back on spending and just work 1 hours over a day. That is 7 hours overtime. Not bad. They put a lot of pressure on themselves in the money department.
If your house is messy or dinner isn't cooked well you feel like you failed. If he is unhappy with you, you feel like you failed. On the other hand... if you don't get what you want, he feels like he failed. If a bill can't be paid, then he feels like he failed. If you are broke after you pay everything on payday he feels like he should have tried harder. Ya see?
Think about all the things you say you want and how much pressure that puts on him to work for it. Then you want to be with him only to whine later about wanting your horse and a house and kids and blah blah blah... that is the way men think. They think we are wishy washy.
We are just dreamy. I want a house. I want a car. I want new clothes. I want a vacation... BUT I have to remember when I say those things Danny thinks he is failing in his love for me cause he can't provide all my wants. He doesn't realize that as long as I have him I am happy with whatever my circumstances are even if my "feelings" are shared openly and dreamily.
You get what I am saying? You have to drill that nicely into Damon's head everytime you want to share your feelings. Only then do they sometimes "get" what you are saying and wont make an arguement of your "feelings and dreams and opinions." Those things should never be argued. Maybe discussed. :D
Hollah.
Thank the LORD!! I refreshed 10 times and my post was gone... I come back a few minutes later and there it is... I was TOTALLY NOT gonna post that again! :P
Hollah :D!
Why does it have to be you doing something wrong?? Does your god teach that everything is automatically a woman's fault?? It isn't your fault if he gets mad when you try to express yourself. Maybe he just needs to be more understanding. Men are weird like that, you try to communicate and they get mad. everything goes in one ear and out the other it seems like. As long as you are trying your best, you are doing nothing wrong. No one expects perfection, perfection would be boring. All you can do is try.
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