So...

Praise the Lord. I am going through a lot emotionally right now. It's like I realized both of my grandparents on mom's side, are gone now. I knew that before, but its when it clicks...that its hard. Then Damon gone, well losing him is the single hardest thing I have ever faced. and you know, I still cry for him, no, it's not as frequent now. BUT, it is still really hard, when I realize I wam without him and our time together is done. Then, the things going on with losing my Uncle...*sigh*. It is just very hard. My job is remains a stressful blessing. Blessing because of the consistent money, but stressful because though I am starting to get more and more things in my brain...I feel like a bother to my trainer, and our personalities seem to clash. I started crying twice at work today because of some things there and the stress of it. Before when I had a bad day, I could rest in Damon's arms and he would hold me, listen to me, then give me advice or we would pray when we faced tough times. For some reason, God took Damon ( and I am not angry at Him for it) because Damon's time on earth was finished. But I wonder...since my time is obviously not up...am I wrong to want him here to hold me through it all?? I have been told to seek the Lord in this time, to see where He would have me be. To let Him become my husband. I have prayed and tried to let that happen, and hopefully have, but is it still wrong to desire Damon's presence?? I cant stress it enough, tell the ones you love, that you LOVE them with all of your heart, take every single day, and breathe it in and live it, and don't have any regrets. you NEVER KNOW your loved ones last second is. It only takes that one second to change your life forever. Please, appreciate your loved ones. God would have us to do so. I started this by saying praise the Lord. Momma always tells me, when going through a rough time, to praise the Lord. So, Lord, even though right now I am broken- I praise You, because You know the way.

As humans, we all make so many mistakes and we make them daily. We are commanded to love, forgive, and treat others as we would treat ourselves. Am I doing that? The Lord has shown me lately, on an area I need to improve. Though, I may not be completely comfortable with a particuluar person, regardless of how I feel, I am commanded to love them. If someone has wronged me, I need to forgive them, or the Lord cannot forgive me. It is so much easier to hold a grudge, then let go and pray. But if we don't let go, if I hold onto that hurt, I won't make heaven. So friends, if I have ever failed you, I ask you to please forgive me. I have tried to be in the Lords will, work for Him, and honor Him. But, I fail, and if we are all honest, we have allllll failed. Many times. Love one another, forgive one another, pray for one another, in this world, we all need it.

May God be near you this night.