I don't mean to be a downer. I guess I been thinking lately. I feel like an outsider.
I mean my personality is enough of a freak as it is. I just feel like I don't fit in any where. The young single people I used to hang out with, must see me as different now that I am married. It seems the carefreeness of "hanging out" is gone. I just want to fit in and have FRIENDS. Like close friends. People who I call everyday and vice versa. I try to fit in, never seems to work. Often times I feel very very uncomfortable. I don't know what it is about me. I'm like bug repellent, not that people are bugs. But I repel them somehow. I try to be shy and quiet. I keep confidences. I try to be entertaining. I try to please people all I can. I'm scared that at assembly I will be walking alone to my car with nothing to go do. I know it's about God and getting closer to him and deeper in Him. But, as a young person, the fellowship is just as important to me. Not in the same sense as before, because I am now married and not "looking" or whatever. But HANG OUT HAVE FUN friends! I know a lot of people will have family at assembly. I won't. I will have my nephews and Bro and sister in law, who aren't to big on going out just for fun. I don't know what to do. Awhile ago (5 or so years) I actually had to PRAY for a friend and God sent me Sylvia. Now she and I are both married and 2000 miles apart. Makes hanging out hard. I don't understand what is wrong with me. Please pray I will fit in with people. Not the worlds standards, that is not what I am talking about. But friends...I want friends.
Again, Sorry to be such a downer. Esp. with everything going on. And...Lyndi, welcome!
Monday, August 07, 2006
Thinking...
Posted by Kasey at 11:05 PM
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5 comments:
Kasey, I know exactly what you mean. I feel like I'm too much of a freak for the unmarried people, and too much of a freak for the married people (with the exception of a select few, and they are FAR FAR away). Plus I am slow to make friends. I can be very outgoing, but put me in a group of people and I will be the one in the back waiting on someone to talk to me. And I don't usually call people because I don't want to push myself on people if I'm not SURE they want to be friends with me.... I know that to have friends one must show himself friendly and I think I do that in my own quiet way...
Anyway, I say all that to say that you're not alone in feeling like you do, and good grief, let's meet for lunch when you get back! :-)
Wow! Story of my life, even in Blogsville. Sometimes I get the impression (true or not) that some would rather I not comment on their blogs even. I can be in a totally crowded room, everyone laughing and having a blast and feel totally alone. When I try to fit in, I still feel like a square peg in a round hole. I have, like you, prayed for a friend who was right there for me to hang out with and God has, at times provided a very close friend for me. However, right now, my best friend lives many miles south of me, so I have no one again. What is the answer...wish I knew. (So what good am I? ~grin~) The only thing that I do know is that God can and will see you through all of the awkwardness. He will be there to help you fit where you can and to help you enjoy every day in spite of the fact that your best friend may be halfway around the world from you. That may be a comfort for you and it may not, but as Gracie said, "be yourself". Don't try to be anything else for anyone else because you will be far more miserable doing that than you are without anyone to hang out with. As for being at the Assembly and heading for the car not knowing where to go or what to do...if you find yourself in that situation...find the us, the Shuler's and Cabales's...you can hang with us. We may be older, but we do know how to have fun! Oops! Sorry...Devin and Lyndi aren't exactly old. ~hee hee~
I don't want to take away from the fact that you feel left out but just wanted to remind you to be thankful for having all the youth you do at Antioch. I wish I could have the same.
I am sorry ytou feel that way!
It is kind of funny, but I have felt the same way.
Your single friends drift away when you get married.
Your married friends drift away from you when they start having kids.
Sometimes maybe you can find comfort in knowing that others feel that way too and your not alone.
In knowing that your really not alone.
Love,
Sister Net
Thanks for all the comments. They all in their own way are appreciated. I guess I further my loneliness because I am an only child and for the most part didnt have people to interact with. My friends at school would backstab me, even in early elementary school. But, God is my ultimate friend. I know this, but I also know he created Eve for Adam. So, that must mean he doesn't want us lonely...my husband is truly my bestest best friend, but sometimes I need other friends too. Damon won't exactly enjoy watching a buncha girly movies and putting homemade facials on his face :p. Thanks for the advice again, and Erika, I know...be thankful and bloom wherever I am. You are right!
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