Sunday, February 07, 2010

Am I Ready?

Just a disclaimer...this is MY blog. MY thoughts, NOT yours. If you don't agree, fine...you have every right to disagree. But if there is any negativity, please keep it to yourself. :) What I am blogging about today, is very personal, and very much my decision, and very close to my heart. I ask that you respect my feelings.

This will be my third Valentine's Day without my husband. I love him, and I miss him. Most of the time I do pretty good, by the Lords help. But, I wonder if I am ready to love again. When I got married, I took it seriously. Believing what I believe according to what the Bible says, Marriage is for life. Until death do you part, regardless of what may come in that union. The only cause for remarriage is death (your companion dies) or Fornication (finding out your spouse has a living companion, i.e. they were previously married). It's a strong stance, I know, but check out the Bible, and it will back those statements up. I find myself widowed, for whatever reason God saw fit to take my wonderful husband home. He was amazing, my everything besides the Lord, my knight in shining armour. He was perfect. I will always, always, and I mean ALWAYS, love HIM. I wish he were here, but I can't change that he isn't. And, I miss having companionship, being loved, and adored, and taken care of. Sure, I haven't been blind since Damon passed, and I have noticed men, I am human. But have I really been ready to love? It's a big step. I can't really imagine opening my heart to anyone else again. It will be awkward. Very awkward. My plan was Damon, till death, or the rapture. To even conceive of loving someone else is odd. However, I think that my time to be open to that possibility again, has come. I can't change my circumstances, they are what they are. I love Damon always and forever, but I know he would want me to be happy and find love again. Should it happen, it will have to be God's will. My prayer has been that should love come my way again, that the love be just as strong, or not at all. And, that as much as I love Damon, that I won't compare that person to Damon's perfectness. I only want love again if it will be just as great in it's own right. I will always love my Damon. Should love come my way again, I must leave it in God's hands to be done in HIS way and His time. And even if I only had love for the time I had my Damon, I will have been a surpremely blessed woman. I miss you Damon, I love you. Whatever the future holds, he was my first love, my husband, and will always be in my heart. To REAL Love.

6 comments:

Tammy Washburn said...

I will pray for you. One of the blessings of God is true love, and He can bless you with it again. God created our hearts to be flexible in His hands. When God brings you someone to love as a husband again, it will not diminish your first love. It will complement it. I personally know a couple who were both widowed and are now happily married to each other. When asked if they ever think or cry over their first spouses...they shared that they do cry over their first spouses..only now they cry with each other. I thought that was very sweet.

Unknown said...

i'm happy for you kasey, that's a hard place to reach after losing someone you love that much. may your heart always cherish the love you had and may it be open to all the love the future holds.

Tonya Laster said...

Kasey, only you and God will know when it's time. I hope no one tries to tell you otherwise. My prayers are with you. <3

Anonymous said...

God Bless you kasey baby, i love you, i love your damon.

J.N. Bonilla said...

Hey Sister I look at your blog once in a while. My wife and I have been praying for you since day one. I know if you continue to stay close to the Lord he will direct your footsteps. We love you sis!

Benjamin said...

Its hard to believe that he has been gone for 3 years, it seems like yesterday that me and nick would help him mow yards or stay at his little arptment and have pizza and watch movies. or wake up on a saturday moring and run into room to wake him up so he could play sega with me... I cant believe i dont have him to talk to when richard was being himself or to get to go on a little side job.. I cant believe i cant tag along with him to church or jump in his truck and go mudding with him... I miss him so much, Not many ppl know but my uncle damon died a day before my birthday 3 years ago on june 19th so to have a good birthday is not going to happen. But nomadder what i go visit him everytime i go home to visit richard. and sit there and just talk to him and relive all those wonderful times i got to share with him.. I hope your doing with everything, been a long time since ive heard from but im sure everything is going good with you..... I love you damon and miss you everyday..