His Birthday

I did a few special things on his birthday yesterday. I gave blood in his memory. You see Damon was a 2 + gallon blood donor. The last time he gave blood, we gave it together, same room, same time...it was so sweet. Sat in the recovery area together and everything. 4/05/07. So, they happened to be having a blood drive here at work yesterday, which also happend to be his birthdya, I thought it was a good way to honor him. You know what...sometimes I get panicky and I just prayed for the Lord to make me calm. It was the best blood giving experience I have ever had. Didn't even hurt really when they pricked my finger to test my iron. Which I am proud to say was at a 41, way above the required 38. GO ME. Blood pressure normal, pulse normal, temperature normal. The girl who was prepping my arm to stick the needle in said I had a hard vein. Not hard to find, hard to the touch. They said that means I have a good vein wall, which is great I guess. Well she had that cuff tight, my fingers started tinglin and my arm was a bit blue, she said look at that vein pop up, can you see it. UH NO, I couldn't see my vein popped up and ready to donate. YUCK. Those needles are fairly big ya know, but surprisingly, it doesn't really hurt. Soon as that thing was in, shoo...the blood flood gates were a gushing. I was racing the girl next to me to see if I could beat her time. Wouldn't ya know...she bled out in 5 minutes 2 seconds, I bled out in 5 minutes 10 seconds. GRR... Enough about blood...i hope someone hasn't passed out. teehee That was all for Damon though, I normally give anyway, but this day was specially for him.

After that I left work a little after noon. I went and picked up one dozen red roses, one dozen white, and a boquet of yellow flowers. I wanted a dozen yellow roses, but they were in bad shape so I didn't want to get those. Red for love, white for purity before the Lord, Yellow for Damons favorite color. It was really pretty. Yvonne, Judy, Richard, and myself all went out there. His grave marker is beautiful, and I am very pleased with it. We cried, but we were okay. It was POURING and I got soaked. PLEASE pray I don't get sick. After that, Judy took Yvonne and I out too lunch for Damon's birthday. I even got sugar free apple pie, YUM. Then yvonne and I went and cleaned out Fridge and Freezer at Damon's grandmothers house. That was our celebration I guess you could say. It wasn't a horrible day, filled with sadness, it was good. NOt wonderful, but good. Of course all of us probably cried here and there, but it wasn't dreadful. That is God. His great grace and mercy.

So here I am today...I need to decide on for sure icing recipe for Megans yellow cupcakes. Pray I get everything done. I am nervous. I want it to be perfect, as I am a perfectionist. I have a FULLLLLLLL weekend. I love you all, and thank you for your prayers!

The Greatest Birthday Present

To My Wonderful Husband,On Your Birthday, In Heaven:

My Dearest Love, today you are in that eternal glory land rejoicing at the feet of the Savior you served for so many years. Below you, are your loved ones, remembering that on 31 years ago this very day, you came into their lives and brought so much joy. Though on that autumn day of times past you brought a beautiful light into this world, we are also saddened because it reminds us only a short time ago, we had to say goodbye to you until time is no more. It hasn't been easy Damon. We love you, with all of our hearts, with all of our souls. And, with God's great and wonderful grace, each day, we are making it.

As your wife, I have a huge hole in my heart. God created you, just for me, and of that I am convinced. However, now as I write this, I sit alone on the couch (though I am never truly alone, as I have Jesus holding my hand all the way). The very couch that once held our dreams, our problems, our every day as we sat and talked and listened. My heart hurts, my hand no longer feels your touch, my lips are empty, my eyes can no longer behold the smile I saw deep in your soul. In you, by God's grace and mercy, I found love, I found hope, I found happiness. Through God you completed me Damon. We shared love, life, laughter. Every day was an adventure, every day a joy. I learned from you, you taught me to love unselfishly. I can't say we learned over night, but through our journey of life and love and marriage together, we learned baby. Slowly, but surely. In Christ we found comradeship, in Christ we found the meaning of life, in Christ we found each other. I am still completely, truly, deeply, madly, in love with you, my groom. Thank you Jesus for accomplishing all of these things in and through the husband you gave me.

Your Mom and my Mom, miss you. You shared a love for each that was special, and deep. Your mom loves you and thinks of you, her life is obviously so different now. My mom talks of how you made her feel special, like she mattered. Thank you Damon, for loving my and my family, for being a man of integrity and embracing all that was part of me.

Your Dad and my Dad. Richard has had a hard time, but I believe the Lord has helped his heart. I know it was your greatest desire to first make heaven, and to serve the Lord. To see your family saved would be right up there as well. He misses his son babe, and that is understandable. I am thankful you got to give him that father's day card before we left. That we got to see him one last time. I have gone to the car show with him and Michael. I am trying to be what you would have me to be for your family. My dad has had a hard time, he wishes he could have done something to make your body okay, for you to still be here. I thank the Lord for my brother in law, Andy, because whatever he said (from the Lord) on that night not too long after you made heaven, has changed my daddy. He loved you Damon, so very much. Thank you for taking good care of his baby girl.

Your sisters, they miss you as well. Yvonne loves you with all of her big sister heart, and like me, but in a different but just as important way, has a hole that only you could fill. And Jesus of course. He is healing us all Damon, sometimes slowly and sometimes quickly. But we will always miss you, and that is okay. Yvonne misses her little brother, her sunshine. I know how you loved her and Fancy Damon. How you would have done anything you could for them.

Your nephews miss you too. Michael has had the hardest time without you. You were his best friend and his confidant. But I do believe God provided him with one of the greatest summers after your passing, of his life. He has a girlfriend, he plays football with the youth, he has taken great care of me. You would be so proud of him. Zacchaeus and Noah make me smile, though I have discovered I am not as cool as you, I know that I am trying to at least be some of what you were to them, as I can. I wish I had gotten to know Rachel, John, and Ryan more and hopefully will still have that chance, and though they were not as much a part of our life together, I know you wanted to spend more time with them. I remember taking Ryan out to eat at Famous Dave's and the fun we had. I am fairly sure they still think of their Uncle from time to time and it is only fond memories.

Your friends: they miss you. You touched and impacted more people than you realize. Every day, you lived the life. The life of a true holy, godly, man of God. Jesus radiated through you. Each one has grieved in different ways, but you have been thought of many many times. Memories of how you affected each life, have probably run through different ones minds, several times. I am trying to reach out to your work crew. Some have even come to a church service since you made it to heaven, how amazing is that. Thank the Lord for it.

I know I have not covered every person, milestone, or memory that you have been a part of, but at least it has helped me to write these things and has hopefully encouraged someone else on this day, your birthday. I won't say it has been easy. Easy to live, easy to comprehend why, easy to do anything without you here. It hasn't. But GOD HAS REMAINED TRUE. As you wrote in the Bride's Bible you gave me, "with the Lord, we can make it thru anything". God's grace and mercy has, and continues to be sufficient. He sees the bigger picture.

As you are in heaven, enjoying the greatest birthday present ever, we are here rejoicing for you and missing having you by our side. If I could say one thing to you my beautiful and handsome husband, it would be, thank you. Thank you for loving me and being the greatest joy of a man I have ever known. Thank you for letting the Lord use you as my personal miracle. Thank you for effecting my heart for eternity. Thank you for all that you were, and all that you remain as in my heart. Thank you for letting the Lord use you to do all of this in my life. I love You, Damon Broyles, and my love...Happy Birthday in Heaven.

Always and Forever,

Your Bride, Kasey Murri

Snackage

So I have a new snack (in my continuing effort to be more healthy) that I really like. Don't gag. Vanilla Yogurt, with almonds, and craisins, mixed all together. YUMMY. I really like this yogurt too, it's a new brand I tried. It's that activia by Dannon, meant to regulate your digestive tract. Even if you don't really need regulating it is good for helping to keep you healthy. I would suggest/recommend it to anyone! Plus it tastes yummy.

I am taking a half day tomorrow. For Damon's birthday some of the family are going to his grave. I want to buy him roses and something else to put on there. I am running low on money, I wish I had more so I could buy his little light thing that I wanna get. Its solar powered and looks like a lantern. He was my light, and I want that to be represented. He was a light to lots of people.

I had coffee again this morning, and I have a new favorite creamer, vanilla caramel brownie. I think I have talked of that flavor before.

I have a lot going on this next two weeks, pray for me. PLEASE. I love You Jesus. Guard my heart, my mouth, my soul, my eyes, my all. I love and miss you my wonderful husband, Damon Broyles.

Dinner,Yum

I made dinner. emily came over and ate dinner, and drank coffee, and helped me find the songs for Meg's wedding. I made Meat Loaf, Mac n cheese, corn bread with my daddys honey on it, and brocolli/cauliflower (it was a mix). I drank a cup of coffee with my vanilla caramel brownie creamer and one splenda and almost two glasses of water. Hows that for a play by play of the evening. I started listening to some of the songs that Damon had downloaded for his ipod. Brought back memories...listening to the songs for Meg's wedding...memories. I had real, true, genuine, deep, love. Real love. I had it. I am so thankful. I miss him. I love him.

Always On My Mind

I woke up with a song on my mind this morning...."bless the Lord, oh my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy Name". I truly want that thought to ALWAYS be on my mind. Lord whatever lies within me, bless YOUR Holy Name. If every thought is blessing Him, then I will be upright in His eyes. That is what I want. More than life.

I don't much time...I missed Damon a lot more yesterday than normal. I always think about him and wish he was here. But some days I just cry. Last night I looked down at my bed, the place he normally would have been at bed time and realized he wasn't there, and he wouldn't be there anymore. I don't know if I had ever had that thought. I miss my love, my husband, my very very best friend aside from Jesus. He completed that part of my heart that God created me with. I have some thoughts I want to write a little devotion up about, I feel like the Lord might help some others with the thoughts I had on my mind last night.

Pray for me...I feel like I am fighting a cold sort of. My nephews are somewhat sick, and I have a lot to do. Cupcakes to make, songs to learn for the reception, and one for the wedding, mommas comin in soon, thanksgiving, just please pray for me.

Damon's 31st birthday will be this Wednesday. Please say a prayer for me, for both of our families. Please. love u all.

Failing

I I I....

I need prayer. I feel very much like a broken and undone human being right now. If you haven't noticed, I am very hard on myself. God is not like this to me, it is me. He convicts you and checks your heart, but you can take it further and make yourself miserable. I want to please the Lord with all of my heart. I do. I miss Damon. I miss him so much. I love him. I love him. I love him.

CHECK IT OUT!

New blogger.... You know you wanna know who it tis'

I guess I need to blog

So...I am blogging. GRRR....I am kinda upset right now. I am so miscombobulated. I really want to please the Lord. Yet I feel like I make mistakes ALL the time. Okay not all the time, but I just feel like I am messing up so very very much. Sometimes I am too hard on myself. God help me to KNOW your perfect perfect will. God I love You, I need You, MORE THAN ANYTHING that this world or life can offer. I need You. Help me to back up those words with actions.

I need to put some lotion on my hands...dry. YUCK. The boys are here. I miss my mommy. I miss my sister in law. I miss my daddy. The boys threw the football around with some neighbor boys today. Zac said one of them is a popular boy at his school. Would be cool to have a neighborhood outreach of some sort. I don't really like chocolate too much, but the lovers kiss filling. Shewee, it's so good. I haven't read my Bible yet today. I don't think. I have read a Daily Bread, but I need to spend more time with the Lord.

Tonight, i am going to get Megan and Micah's shower gift. I remember that time in my life, it was so exciting. Makes me happy and sad, and reminiscent. I love you Damon Broyles.

And the consensus is...

So Micah and Megan have chosen....*drum roll please*

Yellow cake with raspberry filling.

Chocolate cake with "lovers kiss" filling.

The lovers Kiss frosting is chocolate kisses melted down in heavy cream with marshmallows then folded into real whipped cream and dyed red for all that lovey dovey looking ambiance that the color red represents.

I wanna...

go to this...
Point of Grace Christmas

Blogging From Home

I am actually blogging from the house. How cool is that? I need to make it quick because I want to leave early for work today. I was up really late last night, and only got about 4.5 hours of sleep. I prayed for the Lord to double my sleep as I knew the hours wouldn't be much. This morning I don't feel to bad! I am almost done with the cupcakes. I have the chocolate buttercream frosting left to make and then frost the remaining cup cakes and I am DONE with the taste testing part. Next comes the 200 of the chosen flavor. I wish Damon was here. Just thought I would intercede that comment right there. Hmm...what else?... Well, I am drawing a blank right now, so just continue to pray for Bill, and have a great day!

Make it Five

Make that five different kinds of filling. I dont like the Mango.ICK.

Internet is back, I got a really good comcast man tonight. One who actually fixed my internet. He asked me if I remembered him...because he had come out here on a service call before...that all came up because of Damon. I am just thankful that the Lord has helped me with so many things. Damons truck was only 80 bucks to fix. That is AWESOME. I was expecting to pay so much more.

Shewee!!

Life is moving SO fast! I miss Damon. But I know where he is. Thank You Jesus for the most wonderful husband, best friend, love any woman could ever ask for.

Last night was spent cooking, cooking, and more cooking. 200 cupcakes...wedding....three weeks....wowza! I have two kinds of cupcakes and will have 6 different fillings with two different frostings to choose from. My feet were hurting. Not only did I bake/cook, I cleaned the house up, organize a few things and took Damon's truck to the shop. Michelle called me last night, a girl from our church, needing a ride. I am glad she feels like she can call me, I want to be there for people. I want to be the real mccoy so to say. I am not tooting my own horn, but when the rubber meets the road, you either are or aren't what you say you are. And I want to be Christlike. This morning I got up, got ready for work, curled my hair (though it still isn't too great looking) vacuumed, swept, put a new (old) comforter on the bed, and did some more straightening. I was late to work though, did not read my Bible, and only prayed for a little bit. Bad on me. I think I am the Martha type personality...I think that was the one that was busy working while the other (Mary I think) was worshipping Jesus. I need to work on that too, Lord help me. Atleast to worship and pray more while I work.

Hmm...comcast is coming out again, turns out the other guy was wrong. I sure hope they fix my internet soon :). I waited all this time for my laptop, hahaha, now no internet!

Momma comes down in about two weeks or two and a half! I have candle orders...shew! Pray for the world. Pray for Bill, Pray for Damon's friends...pray pray pray! have a great day!

A Heavy Heart...

I am feeling very heavy hearted tonight. Life seems so inconsequential in life and death situations. I won't say it was easy to lose Damon, it wasn't. But I knew where Damon went, and where he is. Having someone die, that you don't know if they made it or not. Or someone who is dying and doesn't know the Lord. Shew, God help me. I feel so inadequate as a worker of His. There are so many around me, lost and deceived. I want to tell them about the Lord and His word. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying how wonderful I am, I am nothing. Only by God's GRACE and MERCY, am I alive and living for Him today. I have a responsibility to my Lord, to myself, to this world. God help me to KNOW when You call me to go, to go, to do, to please You. Heaven is real, so is Hell. So is eternity. I want to make it. I really really do. Continue to hold Bill up in prayer. I am pasting the last post on my blog here again, so it's still on top. Pray pray pray. PLEASE.

Please, all who read this, pray as soon as you can. My mom sent me an email about a friend of hers. They have been family friends since I was a young child (maybe even before I was born) Her father in law is on his death bed and isn't saved.

His name is Bill and he knows of Jesus but doesn't KNOW Jesus. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray. It's gravely important. He has been on dialysis three times a week, something is wrong with his kidneys I believe and has caused him to become very very sick. He is going out into eternity soon, unless God has other plans.

URGENT PRAYER REQUEST

Please, all who read this, pray as soon as you can. My mom sent me an email about a friend of hers. They have been family friends since I was a young child (maybe even before I was born) Her father in law is on his death bed and isn't saved.

His name is Bill and he knows of Jesus but doesn't KNOW Jesus. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray. It's gravely important. He has been on dialysis three times a week, something is wrong with his kidneys I believe and has caused him to become very very sick. He is going out into eternity soon, unless God has other plans.

YAY YAY YAY!!

Emilys Bible is HOME! Praise You Jesus!

Emily

Please please pray for my dear friend Emily to find her Bible. I know what it's like to have one missing, and it is awful. Specially when it is YOUR Bible. It becomes like a friend, which the Word is Jesus, so He is our friend, duh it is one. Logically...anyway. Please pray she can find it, that the Lord will set it in her lap somehow. PLEASE.



Retreat was good, very convicting...if that is the right word. Sister Bishop preaches strong sound preaching, and it makes you want to do your best, to live up to all the God has called His people to do. There are so many things I do not understand, but I do not want to be fearful. I simply want to do my part and my best, God will handle all the rest. (that rhymed...unintentional though) God made the trip pretty good. I was concerned how things would go, but deep down couldn't help but feel He would handle it all. I won't say that the entire trip was easy, or a breeze through the park. It wasn't. But it wasn't horrendous where I was pitiful and miserable. It had tough moments, and moments filled with Joy. I have a feeling God is holding me up, even when I don't feel like He is or see it. Well, my angels are. The ones He sent. I prayed for my family, for them to be saved. For some needs in our local church. For my dear Sister in law and all that she is facing. I couldn't help but feel all the pain going around and wonder what to think. But God is the answer to our pain, somewhere He has an answer and HE WILL bring it to pass. We just need to do our best until then. Whether its five minutes from now, or five years. God knows and will bring the victory.

Pray for me...I am making Megans cupcakes for taste testing this Thursday. I need to take my car in to the mechanic, Damon's truck, Comcast is coming out to fix my internet connection, I need to clean and get things set up for winter in the house. Bring space heaters in, bring the ferns in. I can't let them freeze, Damon gave those to me two and a half years ago. I have candles to make. Seems like there is a lot more to do when there is only one to take care of it all. God is still able. I miss Damon. I miss him so much, he was so gorgeous, mind, body, soul. OH MAN, I was a blessed woman to have him. I got my dream husband and I am so thankful. Because, God literally dropped him into my lap. There is no way I could have picked a finer man on my own. Thank you Jesus for Damon.

Today

I head out for Ladies Retreat around 1-1:30ish. Pray for me. I can't help but feel the Lord is going to provide whatever it is I need to not only get through the weekend, but glory through it. Pray for our safety and His Healing hand to be upon me and all of us.

Pray for my sinuses...headache city. Not horrible, just a throbbing somewhat dizzy ache. I am not driving, don't worry momma. I have one rule for this ride, well it's em's car so I have to discuss with her. Nothing but Christmas music. :)

I made two batches of stuff to bring for Ladies retreat. Blackberry gooey cake, and pumpkin gooey cake. mmmmm.

Again

Please pray for me. I need His help letting go of a situation, and bringing a remedy to my heart.

Fairness

I am well aware that I am not the only one in life who suffers hardship. Sadly it has taken this time in my life, and losing my husband, for me to really understand pain and being at the bottom of the pit of despair. As I think about how my life "has turned out" the human side of me feels like it is unfair. Emily and I were talking last night about how we are ready for some fairness. Yet, God is fair. He sees what we cannot see at the moment. The big picture so to say. If I had my choice, I wouldn't be a widow already. I would have held onto my husband and loved him until time is no more. He would have been here, and I would have been in his arms and the world would be right. I would not be wondering how I am going to do this, or that, or why his truck is messing up. Or why people say one thing and do another and it hurts so bad. I would not be feeling lonely or empty. I would be smiling into and losing myself in those beautiful green eyes of his. He would hold me and let me cry, and I would have someone with skin on. We would laugh together again, I woudl make his dinner, and when the world seems in disarray I could sit next to him and be okay. But that isn't how the story goes for this girl. God gave me three WONDERFUL amazing beautiful years, 2 awesome months, and 20 fabulous days of pure bliss as Damon Broyles wife. So even if it never feels fair God, please give me the grace to still praise you as the Rewarder of those who diligently seek You. God Your grace is sufficient, help me to cling to it, even when I feel like I am continually falling.