Better?

Is this color of text better?

I just realized last night, that Caetie and I have the same blog template. Sorry girl :( I wouldn't have done that if I had been paying attention and checked your blog first. But as it stands, I just re-entered all my links not to long ago, and since you lose them (grrr) anytime you change your template, I am going to wait awhile before changing it again. But I will.

I am soooooo tired. We stayed up late last night eating breakfast for dinner and watching a movie.

This morning was sorta weird, I left the house early in hopes of getting to work early so that my bosses might let me off early to be with momma. The traffic was HORRENDOUS. I was stuck in hermitage for about 30 minutes, and was over 15 minutes late. So, I am kind of thinking maybe I won't ask to leave early. I dunno, will think about it.

I really miss Damon. I want to express my thankfulness to the Lord for all He has done for me. I hope you all have a great day. And I mean that.

Waffles...mmm

Momma made dinner tonight. Yum yum. After church we went to Wal-Mart and got supplies for a fabulous dinner. Waffles, hashbrowns, turkey bacon, OJ. YUM.

I cried tonight...about Damon. It is so weird...I still think about him EVERY single day, sometimes I cry, sometimes I don't. But it seems to hit at weird times.

I am gonna try to get off early tomorrow if work will let me. Since momma is here.

Penguins, penguins, penguins!! I am so excited and thankful. My dear friends have been supplying my growing collection of penguins. I love him.

Goodnight. God is, good!

A Good Story

Years ago I received a cylinder in the mail that turned out to be an exquisite, custom-made Jim Schaaf bamboo fly rod and Bill Ballan classic reel—costly fishing gear that I could not have afforded. An enclosed handwritten note said simply, “I wanted to do something for you.” To this day I have no idea who sent it.

Poet William Cowper also had an anonymous friend who sent gifts to him but never revealed his name. Cowper’s comment on receiving each gift was always the same: “Anonymous has come.” I think of that phrase often whenever I fish with that rod: “Anonymous has come.” I will always be grateful to my unnamed friend for his kindness and love to me.
All through our lives God showers us with His goodness—gifts of truth, beauty, friendship, love, and laughter, to name but a few—and we behave as if we don’t know the source. God has been our anonymous Friend.

But He doesn’t wish to remain anonymous. If you want to know more about your secret Friend, read the Gospels, for He is seen most clearly in Jesus. Love has always been in God’s heart, but in Jesus it “appeared.” God, revealed in Jesus, is your kind and merciful Friend. Will you acknowledge and thank Him today? —David H. Roper

With thankful hearts give praise to JesusFor His blessings without end;Let’s give to Him our full devotion;He’s our Savior and our Friend. —D. De Haan

Our dearest friend is but a shadow compared to Jesus.

The wedding was beautiful. Megan was a lovely glowing bride and Micah a handsome and totally in love looking groom. I am sooooo tired, and have a headache. I think tonight we are gonna watch a movie, order pizza, and maybe go to town for some Christmas stuff.

Hi

Well.....as i type this, I am ready to go ni ni.

cupcakes are done. praise the Lord we go them done in time. I am thankful for my momma and rachel. I wouldn't have been able to do it without them.

I have a heaaadache. Shew

Need to be up by 5:30 tomorrow morning.

The rehearsal went great, and I am so blessed to meet some more of the family!

I guess that's a night. I am ready for sleep. I miss Damon. God is able, and still God and I will praise Him!

Onions...tears...

My eyes...waaaaaaah. They are burning!! I have my GB casserole in the oven, my turtle pumpkin pie is done. And I am thinking this recipe for the pie IS a keeper!!



The house is about as clean as it is gonna get:)



I have my clothes in the dryer, need to do my hair. I am in pretty good shape right now. Need to make the fillings still and fold a load and a half of laundry.



To everyone who has called/texted/commented me a Happy Thanksgiving, thank you. I love you and appreciate your care!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYBODY!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING IN HEAVEN DAMON!!!

In the words of...

...a friend... "my dogs be howlin" (or something to that affect), translation, my feet hurt. :) I have officially baked all 180+ cupcakes. I have cleaned the bathroom, and the backroom, the kitchen has almost everything done. I need to dust and vacuum the living room, and bedroom, and make the fillings for the cupcakes. I also need to do my GB casserole, mashed potatoes, and my pumpkin turtle pie. After that, momma's here!! I am ready to go "ni ni". That means night night. That brings up another topic, for some reason I started saying ready to go sleepy night night. I don't remember if I originally shortened to its final present version, or if it slowly transformed into it, but the saying became "go seepy ni ni". Damon would ask Honey at bed time, "Honey go seepy ni ni"? Another person in our church said they started using that saying because of me. It is funny. But I am really ready to go seepy ni ni.

Sometimes, I get so sick of being human. Seriously...the spirit is truly willing, but the flesh weak. I just feel like somtimes I make a lot of little mistakes that I wish I would just argh,......not make!

After Megans wedding I will be ordering my candle scents. I already have a few orders, but if you all have something you are wanting, let me know.

pray for Bill, he is sleeping a lot, and needs the Lord to touch his heart. Please pray for his family. Pray for me, I miss Damon. I know the Lord is there, each and every day, or I wouldn't have any form of happiness. I am happy, but not Damon happy. Does that make sense. I know God is my completeness, but I also know He created that part in each of us that wants the husband/wife relationship. Damon completed that, and now, I am empty. I have his memories and cherish them, but I MISS my husband. I am still completely and hopelessly in love with him. It just doesn't seem real. They have his grave marker up. If anyone wants to go see it, let me know (if you don't remember where it is at).

Lastly, may the Lord bless you and keep you, and may He make His face to shine upon you. Happy Happy Thanksgiving.

One of those days...

man, this day started fine! I just spilled my lunch on the floor in the break room after I heated it up, noticed a nail in my already once patched tire that is running low on tread, got my lunch splattered on my skirt. :( I love you Jesus, help me to have a good day and take care of all this for me. please.

THE WINNER IS...

Keep praying for Bill, please.

Secondly...I am trying to get sick. I have been popping echinacea for a while now, and yesterday I tried Zycam like Emily said. I just feel like it's the beginning signs of a cold. I don't have time to be sick. Please pray it goes away.

Momma comes in tomorrow night. YAY

I had WEIRD dreams last night!

Hmmm....people are starting to decorate for Christmas at work, I want to set up. Can you guess the theme I want to go with this year? Penguins. For him. I miss him. Not to mention he was sooooooooooooo hot. hehehe

So what is everyone cooking for Thanksgiving? I have done nearly the whole meal before, but this year I am only doing green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, and...i found a recipe for a pie yesterday that I am thinking of trying. It seemed pretty easy, but I don't know if it is too easy to be good. Seems like any thing dessert wise, usually takes effort to be really yummy. There are a few exceptions though, maybe this would be it. Its a turtle pumpkin pie.

Oh and the poll is closed, looks like the winnner for FAVORITE THANKSGIVING DISH....



MASHED POTATOES WITH GRAVY!!!



As a born and raised Idahoan, you can imagine I completely agree with and understand the findings of this poll ;)



Have a great day. God is good, amen!

yee haw

Chocolate cupcakes....CHECK!! I officially baked atleast 84 chocolate cupcakes tonight. wooohooo.... I had to sample two of them that weren't pretty. I couldn't give meg anything but purty ones, right ;) and let me say...mmmmm mmm! Now I have packed most of them in their ziploc bags (megan I even bought the real ziploc brand for you, I normally buy the cheap ones, but thought I needed the zip top for this occassion since I don't want any bad cupcakes. So now....tomorrow, the yellow. I think I will also be making the fillings tomorrow. Then should I have extra time on thursday, I might fill them so that all I have to do is (with help) decorate them on Friday.

Early Bird, No Worm

Last night...are you ready....wait for it...drum roll please *pauses for building drum roll* I went to bed at 8:30pm!!!!! As in asleep at 8:30!! WOOOHOOOO. THANK YOU JESUS! Of course going to bed that early meant I woke up about three times in the night, but oh well! I feel just different. My eyes are still burning a bit, but my body feels better. Amazing what rest can do.

The boys spent the night last night again, my three nephews, for anyone reading who may not know me to well. I had a major headache last night, and I am afraid I was a party popper going to bed that early, but Michael had had a headache the night before so I think he understood. I heard him saying "make sure you make as little noise as possible" or something to that effect. All together now...awwwwww aint that sweet. It is nice having noise in the house, they are more than noise though, they are my nephews and I love them. We are going to be making a fort Thursday in the back yard. How cool is that. I know Damon is in Heaven, but I still want to try to be part of what he was to them. I can try, and try I am.

Tonight I will be making cupcakes, cleaning, more cupcakes, laundry, cupcakes, cleaning, cupcakes. :) It will be fun. I need to mow the lawn before momma gets here though too, I think I will do that thursday. They usually let us out early the day before a holiday break here at work. I am hoping they do that again. If they do, I will be mowing tomorrow when I get off, then getting my food that I am doing for Thanksgiving done. Momma will come in thanksgiving evening YAY. The Riddells are celebrating Thanksgiving with us, double yay. Then Friday early we might get up and shop a little, though I doubt it. Then Rachel is coming over to help me and momma decorate the cupcakes. Then we are off to the rehearsal. I will set up the books I guess, run through the rehearsal and look at reception stuff, as far as singing. I wish Damon was here...makes some of this hard without him. The memories. They are all good memories from my rehearsal and wedding, but now that my husband that I shared all those things with, is in heaven, it's just kinda weird/sad.

That is all for now. Have a good day. I love you Damon.

Three Days

Three days till my momma gets here. Speaking of my momma... she posted a post, go see. Momma You can add her to your friends lists too please.

I spent a lot of money at Wal-Mart last night. SHEW. I wasn't wasting it really either. between groceries, and getting a gas card for my car and baking supplies. MAN o MAN. And, I got these lawn ornaments that you plug in, they are sooo cute. They are PENGUINS!!! The one has his arm around the other, it's precious. Hopefully Momma and I will have time to decorate for Christmas while she is here. Yvonne got me a windsock with a Penguin on it. I have a pretty good collection of Penguins started now. It's funny, when Damon was here, I called him my penguin and he referred to himself as my penguin, but I didn't really collect any penguin stuff. Now I have started to get it from people, and myself have started to notice TONS of penguin stuff. Okay, not literally...but seriously, I have never noticed so much penguin stuff until this year. Weird.

Please say a prayer for me. I don't mean to keep sounding like I am just SOOOO busy, it's just that I have a lot to do this week (like several others) and am already tired from lack of sleep and not enough water or good food. I just need more time. Pray for it all to go smoothly.

Bye bye....I love you Damon.

Alone feeling

I miss Damon. I REALLY really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really, times a billion, miss him. I love him. I guess I wish like Jesus did, (tho not the same, cus what Jesus did was sooo much more) that this cup would pass from me. I miss the love of my life.

A long long long, accomplishing day.

I want to start off by thanking my LORD and Savior, Jesus Christ, for His help, strength, grace and mercy. I am ever in HIS debt for all He is and has done for me. I have literally seen miracle upon miracle in my life in the last 4-5 months. God's ever sustaining, and never changing hands have held me up even when I could not see it.

This morning I woke up at 745ish and laid there till 8ish. I read my Bible, then got up and got ready, hooked the trailer up to the truck, went and bought 8 bales of straw for the hay ride tomorrow at church. Question...why is it called a hay ride when they usually use straw?? Then took the kitty to the vet for his vaccinations. Was back home but 9:30ish. HOW good is that. See, that is Jesus helping me manage time. I was out the door and at Emilys and my time I was told to be there, 10:30. If yall knew how far it was from my house, to where the straw and vet was, then back to my house, then to smyrna, you would just see how God helped me. Then we had practice. Emily and I are singing for Megans reception. I was sooooooooo, soooo soooo soooooooo nervous. My hands got clammy and cold and I almost cried. I started too. The first song...was rough. I got okay at it, but i am still not totally comfy with it. The last song though, thank the Lord, went much much much better. I love to sing, and truly feel like it is my talent given to me of the Lord, and i am so thankful for it. My voice is the Lord's and not mine, I don't ever want to forget it either. emily was AMAZING with her song. I don't wanna mention titles, as I want things to be a surprise. She just sounded so good. Josh is such an encourager, even when Em and i had a hard time, he was encouraging us.

After all that we went and did soem last minute running around and set up the rest of the stuff for the shower. I played one of the new games on Crystals Wii and did good. I was kinda surprised. Then the party began. Megan did so good! She had a great time, and I am glad she is getting to experience this time in her life. it is amazing.

I am gonna go, bed sounds like it is calling my name!

Love,me

Bill

Bill is not doing well. Please pray for his family, mostly his soul. PLEASE. You can see a picture of him on my friends blog. She is on my link list under Melissa.

Damon posted this

eight months ago...how true it is.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

I Believe....

I believe -. . that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do. I believe -. . that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change. Remember that! I believe -. . that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. Even if you think you can't. I believe -. . that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love. I believe -. . that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life. I believe -. . that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be. I believe -. . that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. I believe -. . that you can keep going long after you think you can't. I believe -. . that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. I believe -. . that either you control your attitude or it controls you. I believe -. . That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. I believe -. . that money is a lousy way of keeping score. I believe -. . that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time. I believe -. . that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up. I believe -. . that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel. I believe -. . that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated. I believe -. . that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. I believe -. . that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief. I believe -. . . that our background and circumstances may have influenced who weare, but we are responsible for who we become. I believe -. . that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever. I believe -. . two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.I believe -. . that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you or by people that you don't even know. I believe -. . that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.I believe -. . that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being. I believe -. . that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

posted by painterman at 1:24 PM 1 Comments

Rough, grrr...grrr

Please pray for me...I am having the day start out rough! I don't need to go into the why's...I am just sad. I need help. I need God to bring sunshine for a little while. I don't want to complain, maybe I am already. I just need help Lord. Please make the sunshine to come soon.

From Damon?

A friend of mine just sent me a email with a power point presentation called "who packs your parashute". The essence of the story was about a fighter pilot who got shot down into enemy territory in the vietnam war. He survived because of his parashute and lived to tell lots of people about what he had learned. Sort of a motivational speaker. One day, a man came up to him and said you are so and so, the man said yes I am, how did you know? He responed, I packed your parashute. The pilot wondered how many times he might have passed that man by because he was just a "lowly" sailor, and he a great fighter pilot. As I said...in essence it talked about people who come into your life and add so much and how you can learn, that you need your mental shute packed, your emotional, and your spiritual shute all packed. And how the people in our lives do this for us. Not to over look what we think might be unimportant. At the end of the power point presentation there was a picture to the side of a yellow rose, a penguin with its arm around a smaller baby penguin and a text under neath in a different language. I went to alta vista babel fish and found that it was FRENCH! French was the language Damon took in high school and still sometimes used when talking to me. It was Prends Soin De Toi...in english that is, "take care of you." I don't believe in oh Damon is speaking to me from the grave...but is it okay to think that might have been a little message from God from Damon maybe? I don't know. I guess it's kind of like the time I prayed to see Damon at the airport knowing he was gone, then there was that sign in the place where he would stand waiting for me that said "wet paint". It is kind of like that I guess. I thought it was neat.

His Birthday

I did a few special things on his birthday yesterday. I gave blood in his memory. You see Damon was a 2 + gallon blood donor. The last time he gave blood, we gave it together, same room, same time...it was so sweet. Sat in the recovery area together and everything. 4/05/07. So, they happened to be having a blood drive here at work yesterday, which also happend to be his birthdya, I thought it was a good way to honor him. You know what...sometimes I get panicky and I just prayed for the Lord to make me calm. It was the best blood giving experience I have ever had. Didn't even hurt really when they pricked my finger to test my iron. Which I am proud to say was at a 41, way above the required 38. GO ME. Blood pressure normal, pulse normal, temperature normal. The girl who was prepping my arm to stick the needle in said I had a hard vein. Not hard to find, hard to the touch. They said that means I have a good vein wall, which is great I guess. Well she had that cuff tight, my fingers started tinglin and my arm was a bit blue, she said look at that vein pop up, can you see it. UH NO, I couldn't see my vein popped up and ready to donate. YUCK. Those needles are fairly big ya know, but surprisingly, it doesn't really hurt. Soon as that thing was in, shoo...the blood flood gates were a gushing. I was racing the girl next to me to see if I could beat her time. Wouldn't ya know...she bled out in 5 minutes 2 seconds, I bled out in 5 minutes 10 seconds. GRR... Enough about blood...i hope someone hasn't passed out. teehee That was all for Damon though, I normally give anyway, but this day was specially for him.

After that I left work a little after noon. I went and picked up one dozen red roses, one dozen white, and a boquet of yellow flowers. I wanted a dozen yellow roses, but they were in bad shape so I didn't want to get those. Red for love, white for purity before the Lord, Yellow for Damons favorite color. It was really pretty. Yvonne, Judy, Richard, and myself all went out there. His grave marker is beautiful, and I am very pleased with it. We cried, but we were okay. It was POURING and I got soaked. PLEASE pray I don't get sick. After that, Judy took Yvonne and I out too lunch for Damon's birthday. I even got sugar free apple pie, YUM. Then yvonne and I went and cleaned out Fridge and Freezer at Damon's grandmothers house. That was our celebration I guess you could say. It wasn't a horrible day, filled with sadness, it was good. NOt wonderful, but good. Of course all of us probably cried here and there, but it wasn't dreadful. That is God. His great grace and mercy.

So here I am today...I need to decide on for sure icing recipe for Megans yellow cupcakes. Pray I get everything done. I am nervous. I want it to be perfect, as I am a perfectionist. I have a FULLLLLLLL weekend. I love you all, and thank you for your prayers!

The Greatest Birthday Present

To My Wonderful Husband,On Your Birthday, In Heaven:

My Dearest Love, today you are in that eternal glory land rejoicing at the feet of the Savior you served for so many years. Below you, are your loved ones, remembering that on 31 years ago this very day, you came into their lives and brought so much joy. Though on that autumn day of times past you brought a beautiful light into this world, we are also saddened because it reminds us only a short time ago, we had to say goodbye to you until time is no more. It hasn't been easy Damon. We love you, with all of our hearts, with all of our souls. And, with God's great and wonderful grace, each day, we are making it.

As your wife, I have a huge hole in my heart. God created you, just for me, and of that I am convinced. However, now as I write this, I sit alone on the couch (though I am never truly alone, as I have Jesus holding my hand all the way). The very couch that once held our dreams, our problems, our every day as we sat and talked and listened. My heart hurts, my hand no longer feels your touch, my lips are empty, my eyes can no longer behold the smile I saw deep in your soul. In you, by God's grace and mercy, I found love, I found hope, I found happiness. Through God you completed me Damon. We shared love, life, laughter. Every day was an adventure, every day a joy. I learned from you, you taught me to love unselfishly. I can't say we learned over night, but through our journey of life and love and marriage together, we learned baby. Slowly, but surely. In Christ we found comradeship, in Christ we found the meaning of life, in Christ we found each other. I am still completely, truly, deeply, madly, in love with you, my groom. Thank you Jesus for accomplishing all of these things in and through the husband you gave me.

Your Mom and my Mom, miss you. You shared a love for each that was special, and deep. Your mom loves you and thinks of you, her life is obviously so different now. My mom talks of how you made her feel special, like she mattered. Thank you Damon, for loving my and my family, for being a man of integrity and embracing all that was part of me.

Your Dad and my Dad. Richard has had a hard time, but I believe the Lord has helped his heart. I know it was your greatest desire to first make heaven, and to serve the Lord. To see your family saved would be right up there as well. He misses his son babe, and that is understandable. I am thankful you got to give him that father's day card before we left. That we got to see him one last time. I have gone to the car show with him and Michael. I am trying to be what you would have me to be for your family. My dad has had a hard time, he wishes he could have done something to make your body okay, for you to still be here. I thank the Lord for my brother in law, Andy, because whatever he said (from the Lord) on that night not too long after you made heaven, has changed my daddy. He loved you Damon, so very much. Thank you for taking good care of his baby girl.

Your sisters, they miss you as well. Yvonne loves you with all of her big sister heart, and like me, but in a different but just as important way, has a hole that only you could fill. And Jesus of course. He is healing us all Damon, sometimes slowly and sometimes quickly. But we will always miss you, and that is okay. Yvonne misses her little brother, her sunshine. I know how you loved her and Fancy Damon. How you would have done anything you could for them.

Your nephews miss you too. Michael has had the hardest time without you. You were his best friend and his confidant. But I do believe God provided him with one of the greatest summers after your passing, of his life. He has a girlfriend, he plays football with the youth, he has taken great care of me. You would be so proud of him. Zacchaeus and Noah make me smile, though I have discovered I am not as cool as you, I know that I am trying to at least be some of what you were to them, as I can. I wish I had gotten to know Rachel, John, and Ryan more and hopefully will still have that chance, and though they were not as much a part of our life together, I know you wanted to spend more time with them. I remember taking Ryan out to eat at Famous Dave's and the fun we had. I am fairly sure they still think of their Uncle from time to time and it is only fond memories.

Your friends: they miss you. You touched and impacted more people than you realize. Every day, you lived the life. The life of a true holy, godly, man of God. Jesus radiated through you. Each one has grieved in different ways, but you have been thought of many many times. Memories of how you affected each life, have probably run through different ones minds, several times. I am trying to reach out to your work crew. Some have even come to a church service since you made it to heaven, how amazing is that. Thank the Lord for it.

I know I have not covered every person, milestone, or memory that you have been a part of, but at least it has helped me to write these things and has hopefully encouraged someone else on this day, your birthday. I won't say it has been easy. Easy to live, easy to comprehend why, easy to do anything without you here. It hasn't. But GOD HAS REMAINED TRUE. As you wrote in the Bride's Bible you gave me, "with the Lord, we can make it thru anything". God's grace and mercy has, and continues to be sufficient. He sees the bigger picture.

As you are in heaven, enjoying the greatest birthday present ever, we are here rejoicing for you and missing having you by our side. If I could say one thing to you my beautiful and handsome husband, it would be, thank you. Thank you for loving me and being the greatest joy of a man I have ever known. Thank you for letting the Lord use you as my personal miracle. Thank you for effecting my heart for eternity. Thank you for all that you were, and all that you remain as in my heart. Thank you for letting the Lord use you to do all of this in my life. I love You, Damon Broyles, and my love...Happy Birthday in Heaven.

Always and Forever,

Your Bride, Kasey Murri

Snackage

So I have a new snack (in my continuing effort to be more healthy) that I really like. Don't gag. Vanilla Yogurt, with almonds, and craisins, mixed all together. YUMMY. I really like this yogurt too, it's a new brand I tried. It's that activia by Dannon, meant to regulate your digestive tract. Even if you don't really need regulating it is good for helping to keep you healthy. I would suggest/recommend it to anyone! Plus it tastes yummy.

I am taking a half day tomorrow. For Damon's birthday some of the family are going to his grave. I want to buy him roses and something else to put on there. I am running low on money, I wish I had more so I could buy his little light thing that I wanna get. Its solar powered and looks like a lantern. He was my light, and I want that to be represented. He was a light to lots of people.

I had coffee again this morning, and I have a new favorite creamer, vanilla caramel brownie. I think I have talked of that flavor before.

I have a lot going on this next two weeks, pray for me. PLEASE. I love You Jesus. Guard my heart, my mouth, my soul, my eyes, my all. I love and miss you my wonderful husband, Damon Broyles.

Dinner,Yum

I made dinner. emily came over and ate dinner, and drank coffee, and helped me find the songs for Meg's wedding. I made Meat Loaf, Mac n cheese, corn bread with my daddys honey on it, and brocolli/cauliflower (it was a mix). I drank a cup of coffee with my vanilla caramel brownie creamer and one splenda and almost two glasses of water. Hows that for a play by play of the evening. I started listening to some of the songs that Damon had downloaded for his ipod. Brought back memories...listening to the songs for Meg's wedding...memories. I had real, true, genuine, deep, love. Real love. I had it. I am so thankful. I miss him. I love him.

Always On My Mind

I woke up with a song on my mind this morning...."bless the Lord, oh my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy Name". I truly want that thought to ALWAYS be on my mind. Lord whatever lies within me, bless YOUR Holy Name. If every thought is blessing Him, then I will be upright in His eyes. That is what I want. More than life.

I don't much time...I missed Damon a lot more yesterday than normal. I always think about him and wish he was here. But some days I just cry. Last night I looked down at my bed, the place he normally would have been at bed time and realized he wasn't there, and he wouldn't be there anymore. I don't know if I had ever had that thought. I miss my love, my husband, my very very best friend aside from Jesus. He completed that part of my heart that God created me with. I have some thoughts I want to write a little devotion up about, I feel like the Lord might help some others with the thoughts I had on my mind last night.

Pray for me...I feel like I am fighting a cold sort of. My nephews are somewhat sick, and I have a lot to do. Cupcakes to make, songs to learn for the reception, and one for the wedding, mommas comin in soon, thanksgiving, just please pray for me.

Damon's 31st birthday will be this Wednesday. Please say a prayer for me, for both of our families. Please. love u all.

Failing

I I I....

I need prayer. I feel very much like a broken and undone human being right now. If you haven't noticed, I am very hard on myself. God is not like this to me, it is me. He convicts you and checks your heart, but you can take it further and make yourself miserable. I want to please the Lord with all of my heart. I do. I miss Damon. I miss him so much. I love him. I love him. I love him.

CHECK IT OUT!

New blogger.... You know you wanna know who it tis'

I guess I need to blog

So...I am blogging. GRRR....I am kinda upset right now. I am so miscombobulated. I really want to please the Lord. Yet I feel like I make mistakes ALL the time. Okay not all the time, but I just feel like I am messing up so very very much. Sometimes I am too hard on myself. God help me to KNOW your perfect perfect will. God I love You, I need You, MORE THAN ANYTHING that this world or life can offer. I need You. Help me to back up those words with actions.

I need to put some lotion on my hands...dry. YUCK. The boys are here. I miss my mommy. I miss my sister in law. I miss my daddy. The boys threw the football around with some neighbor boys today. Zac said one of them is a popular boy at his school. Would be cool to have a neighborhood outreach of some sort. I don't really like chocolate too much, but the lovers kiss filling. Shewee, it's so good. I haven't read my Bible yet today. I don't think. I have read a Daily Bread, but I need to spend more time with the Lord.

Tonight, i am going to get Megan and Micah's shower gift. I remember that time in my life, it was so exciting. Makes me happy and sad, and reminiscent. I love you Damon Broyles.

And the consensus is...

So Micah and Megan have chosen....*drum roll please*

Yellow cake with raspberry filling.

Chocolate cake with "lovers kiss" filling.

The lovers Kiss frosting is chocolate kisses melted down in heavy cream with marshmallows then folded into real whipped cream and dyed red for all that lovey dovey looking ambiance that the color red represents.

I wanna...

go to this...
Point of Grace Christmas

Blogging From Home

I am actually blogging from the house. How cool is that? I need to make it quick because I want to leave early for work today. I was up really late last night, and only got about 4.5 hours of sleep. I prayed for the Lord to double my sleep as I knew the hours wouldn't be much. This morning I don't feel to bad! I am almost done with the cupcakes. I have the chocolate buttercream frosting left to make and then frost the remaining cup cakes and I am DONE with the taste testing part. Next comes the 200 of the chosen flavor. I wish Damon was here. Just thought I would intercede that comment right there. Hmm...what else?... Well, I am drawing a blank right now, so just continue to pray for Bill, and have a great day!

Make it Five

Make that five different kinds of filling. I dont like the Mango.ICK.

Internet is back, I got a really good comcast man tonight. One who actually fixed my internet. He asked me if I remembered him...because he had come out here on a service call before...that all came up because of Damon. I am just thankful that the Lord has helped me with so many things. Damons truck was only 80 bucks to fix. That is AWESOME. I was expecting to pay so much more.

Shewee!!

Life is moving SO fast! I miss Damon. But I know where he is. Thank You Jesus for the most wonderful husband, best friend, love any woman could ever ask for.

Last night was spent cooking, cooking, and more cooking. 200 cupcakes...wedding....three weeks....wowza! I have two kinds of cupcakes and will have 6 different fillings with two different frostings to choose from. My feet were hurting. Not only did I bake/cook, I cleaned the house up, organize a few things and took Damon's truck to the shop. Michelle called me last night, a girl from our church, needing a ride. I am glad she feels like she can call me, I want to be there for people. I want to be the real mccoy so to say. I am not tooting my own horn, but when the rubber meets the road, you either are or aren't what you say you are. And I want to be Christlike. This morning I got up, got ready for work, curled my hair (though it still isn't too great looking) vacuumed, swept, put a new (old) comforter on the bed, and did some more straightening. I was late to work though, did not read my Bible, and only prayed for a little bit. Bad on me. I think I am the Martha type personality...I think that was the one that was busy working while the other (Mary I think) was worshipping Jesus. I need to work on that too, Lord help me. Atleast to worship and pray more while I work.

Hmm...comcast is coming out again, turns out the other guy was wrong. I sure hope they fix my internet soon :). I waited all this time for my laptop, hahaha, now no internet!

Momma comes down in about two weeks or two and a half! I have candle orders...shew! Pray for the world. Pray for Bill, Pray for Damon's friends...pray pray pray! have a great day!

A Heavy Heart...

I am feeling very heavy hearted tonight. Life seems so inconsequential in life and death situations. I won't say it was easy to lose Damon, it wasn't. But I knew where Damon went, and where he is. Having someone die, that you don't know if they made it or not. Or someone who is dying and doesn't know the Lord. Shew, God help me. I feel so inadequate as a worker of His. There are so many around me, lost and deceived. I want to tell them about the Lord and His word. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying how wonderful I am, I am nothing. Only by God's GRACE and MERCY, am I alive and living for Him today. I have a responsibility to my Lord, to myself, to this world. God help me to KNOW when You call me to go, to go, to do, to please You. Heaven is real, so is Hell. So is eternity. I want to make it. I really really do. Continue to hold Bill up in prayer. I am pasting the last post on my blog here again, so it's still on top. Pray pray pray. PLEASE.

Please, all who read this, pray as soon as you can. My mom sent me an email about a friend of hers. They have been family friends since I was a young child (maybe even before I was born) Her father in law is on his death bed and isn't saved.

His name is Bill and he knows of Jesus but doesn't KNOW Jesus. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray. It's gravely important. He has been on dialysis three times a week, something is wrong with his kidneys I believe and has caused him to become very very sick. He is going out into eternity soon, unless God has other plans.

URGENT PRAYER REQUEST

Please, all who read this, pray as soon as you can. My mom sent me an email about a friend of hers. They have been family friends since I was a young child (maybe even before I was born) Her father in law is on his death bed and isn't saved.

His name is Bill and he knows of Jesus but doesn't KNOW Jesus. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray. It's gravely important. He has been on dialysis three times a week, something is wrong with his kidneys I believe and has caused him to become very very sick. He is going out into eternity soon, unless God has other plans.

YAY YAY YAY!!

Emilys Bible is HOME! Praise You Jesus!

Emily

Please please pray for my dear friend Emily to find her Bible. I know what it's like to have one missing, and it is awful. Specially when it is YOUR Bible. It becomes like a friend, which the Word is Jesus, so He is our friend, duh it is one. Logically...anyway. Please pray she can find it, that the Lord will set it in her lap somehow. PLEASE.



Retreat was good, very convicting...if that is the right word. Sister Bishop preaches strong sound preaching, and it makes you want to do your best, to live up to all the God has called His people to do. There are so many things I do not understand, but I do not want to be fearful. I simply want to do my part and my best, God will handle all the rest. (that rhymed...unintentional though) God made the trip pretty good. I was concerned how things would go, but deep down couldn't help but feel He would handle it all. I won't say that the entire trip was easy, or a breeze through the park. It wasn't. But it wasn't horrendous where I was pitiful and miserable. It had tough moments, and moments filled with Joy. I have a feeling God is holding me up, even when I don't feel like He is or see it. Well, my angels are. The ones He sent. I prayed for my family, for them to be saved. For some needs in our local church. For my dear Sister in law and all that she is facing. I couldn't help but feel all the pain going around and wonder what to think. But God is the answer to our pain, somewhere He has an answer and HE WILL bring it to pass. We just need to do our best until then. Whether its five minutes from now, or five years. God knows and will bring the victory.

Pray for me...I am making Megans cupcakes for taste testing this Thursday. I need to take my car in to the mechanic, Damon's truck, Comcast is coming out to fix my internet connection, I need to clean and get things set up for winter in the house. Bring space heaters in, bring the ferns in. I can't let them freeze, Damon gave those to me two and a half years ago. I have candles to make. Seems like there is a lot more to do when there is only one to take care of it all. God is still able. I miss Damon. I miss him so much, he was so gorgeous, mind, body, soul. OH MAN, I was a blessed woman to have him. I got my dream husband and I am so thankful. Because, God literally dropped him into my lap. There is no way I could have picked a finer man on my own. Thank you Jesus for Damon.

Today

I head out for Ladies Retreat around 1-1:30ish. Pray for me. I can't help but feel the Lord is going to provide whatever it is I need to not only get through the weekend, but glory through it. Pray for our safety and His Healing hand to be upon me and all of us.

Pray for my sinuses...headache city. Not horrible, just a throbbing somewhat dizzy ache. I am not driving, don't worry momma. I have one rule for this ride, well it's em's car so I have to discuss with her. Nothing but Christmas music. :)

I made two batches of stuff to bring for Ladies retreat. Blackberry gooey cake, and pumpkin gooey cake. mmmmm.

Again

Please pray for me. I need His help letting go of a situation, and bringing a remedy to my heart.

Fairness

I am well aware that I am not the only one in life who suffers hardship. Sadly it has taken this time in my life, and losing my husband, for me to really understand pain and being at the bottom of the pit of despair. As I think about how my life "has turned out" the human side of me feels like it is unfair. Emily and I were talking last night about how we are ready for some fairness. Yet, God is fair. He sees what we cannot see at the moment. The big picture so to say. If I had my choice, I wouldn't be a widow already. I would have held onto my husband and loved him until time is no more. He would have been here, and I would have been in his arms and the world would be right. I would not be wondering how I am going to do this, or that, or why his truck is messing up. Or why people say one thing and do another and it hurts so bad. I would not be feeling lonely or empty. I would be smiling into and losing myself in those beautiful green eyes of his. He would hold me and let me cry, and I would have someone with skin on. We would laugh together again, I woudl make his dinner, and when the world seems in disarray I could sit next to him and be okay. But that isn't how the story goes for this girl. God gave me three WONDERFUL amazing beautiful years, 2 awesome months, and 20 fabulous days of pure bliss as Damon Broyles wife. So even if it never feels fair God, please give me the grace to still praise you as the Rewarder of those who diligently seek You. God Your grace is sufficient, help me to cling to it, even when I feel like I am continually falling.

Please

Please say a prayer for me....thanks.

Clean House

I cleaned the house last night, it finally looks good again. I didn't really do any deep cleaning though, will have to wait. But I did wash and fold some laundry and put things away, do dishes, sweep, vacuum, just all around straightening up. My friend sent me a candle! I like it. Its a yankee candle in Harvest scent! YUMMY! So although I am making my own now, I really think it was a sweet gift and is a good idea to see how it does and how I can make my product better. Since Yankee is a big name in the Candle World.

I couldn't get the laptop to pick up a internet connection this morning...dont know why. I unplugged it twice, both the comcast box and the router, who knows. If it is still that way when I get home I guess I need to call Comcast.

Would you believe I DIDN'T hit snooze this morning? That's the Lord. Because I asked Him to help me get up at 6:00 this morning. I usually hit snooze (no joke) 4-5 times. Last night I tried to get in bed early, and was asleep by 10:15 (thank You Jesus, again) and did not wake up until 5:54 I think. For some reason 5:11 is in my head, but I am not sure. I am sure about the 5:54 part. I think ;) hehe. That is so rare for me to sleep that much, for that long, uninterupted, AND I dreamed about Damon. Shew, what a good night!! He is so CUTE! What a great dream! Makes him feel alive again sort of.

Okay, well that is it! Love yall, me

A Sitcom

I have been told in the past and most recently, today, that my life should be a sitcom. Why...because I do and have some of the craziest things happen in my life! Today, for instance...was going to Marta to get my emissions checked because my registration expires 10/31. I am on my way and a train is crossing, so I wait...and wait....and wait. about 15-20 minutes goes by, finally I can cross and make my way to Marta. I keep looking for where I think it should be and then turn around and realize...DUH it was behind you Kasey. You waited all that time for a place you needed to go that was behind you! GRRRR. LOL...and Emily is right...I have to admit, that is funny. :)

Vehicle Trouble

It is times like this when things really seem to hit hard that he isn't here. Damon's "service engine soon" light came on the other day and his truck has been running REALLY rough off an on. A few days ago I noticed my car started making popping noise when I turned to the right or left. The car I am thinking is an issue with the CV Joints, I spoke with Tom Bannen and it could possibly be under warranty still. PRAY it is. From what I have read its going to cost me 400-500 to get it fixed if that IS the problem and it isn't under warranty. The truck is a coil pack issue, again, only hypothesizing on that one. I do not only miss Damon when bad things happen, don't get me wrong. It is just when things like this happen, I realize HE would have been the one taking care of it, or fixing it and everything would have been okay. I feel so...blech...I dunno, just almost lost when it comes to this sort of thing. I wish I had my husband, not only for this kind of thing, but to comfort me and just be with me through it all. I have a headache. Thank You for the sunshine and the rain Lord, please give me the grace to enjoy both.

Plane Tickets

PLEASE pray yall. I need to find plane tickets for Christmas and they are HIGH right now. Shew. I will be here in TN for Thanksgiving. I really want to buy a ticket, and will buy one regardless but it would sure be nice to get one at a cheaper price. Any prayers would be appreciated.

Also, while I am asking for prayer, pray for me this weekend. I will be going to Ladies Retreat in Townsend. Not far from Pigeon Forge, my least favorite place on the earth at this point. God is a God of peace, a supplier of Joy and Happiness, I know He is able.

I am thankful to have my laptop back. In the end I decided to keep my original laptop, as a personal choice, and am getting an extended warranty. It was the right choice for me, and I am happy.

God is good, amen, Praise the Lord for being a good and great God!

CHECK IT OUT!!!!

oh thank you thank you thank you!!! To my friend Tammy!! She got the new design for Damon's memorial site up!! YAY! It is sooo him! Tell me what you think, better yet, leave a comment on his memorial!!! PLEASE! DAMON!

A Muddy Soupy Mess!

What a beautiful sight!


This is Bug (aka Kelton) and my Aunt. Bug is Michael's age, they could have sooo much fun together!


Bug's truck in the mud!

Mud and such

I had a LOT of fun today!! I went Mudding with my Aunt, and some other friends. It was sooo fun! Damon would have liked it, for sure! We took my daddys four wheelers and then my friends brought their trucks. I got stuck...ALMOST!! I put the four wheeler into 4 low instead of high...which helps, and started rocking back and forth and with a little gas finally made it out. The mud was up to the top of the tire, and if it wasn't it was close! I have pictures!!! It was miry mud too, the sticky kind. Anyway...I am not sure if I have wind burn or sun burn, but my face is red! I wish Damon was here...we could have had soo much fun together. Plus he would have been SO cute with mud on his face!!

I hear my puppy is doing just fine and have been informed she is being HAND fed. Spoiled thing...she's such a little heart stealer! If you can read this Honey, Mommy loves you and misses you!

I am out folks...I love Damon Broyles!

Hello

Pray for me, pray for my traveling safety, pray for my puppy to be okay, and my boys, aka the cats.

I just need God to wrap His arms around me today, and whisper "sweet peace". I really really do.

...

...I miss my husband. I really really miss him.

I have to leave my puppy when I go to Idaho for the weekend. I know its only for 3 nights, but that dog is my baby. She has been such a source of comfort since Damon has passed. I don't want to leave her. I want her to come with me, but I don't think it wise (financially) to bring her every time. I really want to have some fun. Life shouldn't be based on fun alone, but it gets your mind off of things.

I made Emily a spiced pear candle last night, I hope she liked it. I also made my CPMA candle...if you wanna see it, come to Antioch tonight. :)

Half Day

Well this morning I woke up feeling fine, a little tired but otherwise okay. As I was getting ready to put on my outfit for the day I got NAUSEOUS. Bad. At one point I thought I was going to lose it. Then the headache came. So I called work and told them I would be in when I felt better....so I came in for a half day today the nauseousness is gone, but the headache seems to fade in and out. Momma thinks that I got sick feeling because I took my daily vitamin without eating. I drank some V-8 Fruit Juice with it and thought that would be okay. Anyway...I am here now.

Emily is coming over tonight. I am soooo excited. It is so different to go from having a wonderful dream filled life with the one you love and cherish, to being in a house alone and wondering what to do for the evening to fill the time. Sometimes I get jealous of others because their dreams are coming true and I feel like mine were cut short. God knows, I still cling to the fact He has a bigger plan. I refuse to get angry at Him because the plan that Kasey had for this life didn't work out. I guess it is just hard to feel like you are the one whose life fell apart and you get to see others dreams continuing on. It is normal to feel that, I just don't need to dwell on it. I say all that to say I am glad Emily still comes over and makes my night joyful. Even if it has been 4 months.

I shall see yall later. May the Lord bless you and keep you, and may He make His face to shine upon you.

Heartache

Please pray for a co worker of my moms. The coworker's nephew was hit by a drunk driver last night and was killed, he was 19. This is a great trauma for the family. Life is so so so short. I find myself to be somewhat of an extremist. In all areas of life (almost) I think I find that I am either all or nothing. It is black or white with me. That can be good, or bad. After last night's service I feel so inadequate. There is so much, we as humans, don't understand. Life seems so normal, so routine, we can easily be lulled to sleep by all that goes on around us. I don't want to miss the rapture, I want to be perfected. Though I don't understand the concept of a lot of things, I want to blindly trust Him, and walk hand in hand with my Jesus toward Heaven. There is so much work to do, how do I start, where do I start? What do I do? Recently I started praying with my Dad, one time just him and me, another with him, mom and me. This is really hard for me, but I want my daddy to know Jesus like I do. I am so private when it comes to my walk with the Lord, if I struggle I don't want people to know (not like backslid, just trials), when I pray i am just private about it. It is hard for me to pray publicly especially in front of loved ones. The day Damon passed away, I prayed hard, harder than I think I have EVER prayed before, and I did it in front of my father and everyone else around. NO, I didn't get the answer I THOUGHT should happen, I got the one that needed to happen. But I am hoping that through all of that, and the "this" (meaning every day life now) since Damon has passed will have an impact on not only my father, but the rest of my family, and his, and all that we knew. God's plan is bigger. No, I don't "LIKE" this part of the plan. I didn't WANT to be a widow, BUT, I serve a God who is bigger than my problems and has a plan even bigger than I can really see. He said He is coming back soon. I don't want to teeter totter around and miss it. God just help me to make it. This is no joke, I know when God says something, He means it. I want to make it. I just need to find the fine line between working hard, and feeling so inadequate and worried that I let it get me down.

I played the drums last night at church. It was kind of fun ya know! I used to play actively in High School. I played bass and snare in marching band, set in Jazz, percussion section in concert. I played set for about three to four years in Idaho at church, then just sorta quit for different reasons. I had told a few people at church that I played. Josh Y. being one of them. Well it was a huge blessing for Brother Dennis to be there last night, and sis Beverly wasn't able to come so Josh played piano. He normally covers drums...he asked me to play them for song service. For some reason I just went on up there. Well the Lord I reckon. I have wanted to before...just never got up the nerve, last night it just flowed and happened. I have found that is how life is, atleast for me. I worry and stress about this way or that, but it seems that God just directs my steps so they flow together. I may not realize that I am on the path until a few days later, but He DOES direct it. Even something as small as playing the drums. I really really need to set up the set...lol, that sounded funny, anyway...if I am going to play I need to set it up to fit my arm/leg lengths, etc.. I admit...I wanna play again now. I do need to practice fills. I have always been to skeered to actually do a fill in front of people. Loudly anyway.

Thanks to the Lord my first craft show as a candle maker went wondrefully! I sold all nine of them and have orders for more!! It was fun, exciting, hard work, and totally rewarding!! So far, I have gotten good reviews about them!! I had some left over wax in one fragrance so poured it into a jar, and let it set. I had left overs from another and poured that on top of the other after it had set, so now I have a really pretty brown and orange (Spices Wassail/Pumpkin Souffle) candle. :) It is burning really evenly too. I am impressed!!

Well, the verse playing through my mind is one I also saw on Tam's blog this morning. I thought about it last night and then saw it there this morning, must be the Lord huh! Psalm 27:4 "One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in his temple"

Somebody's...

...gettin' old!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOAH!!!!

I did that in spiderman colors!!

I love you buddy.

Aunt Kasey

Friday

Today is Friday, it has been hard so far. I hate worrying. Pray for me not to worry, my mind seems to be my worst enemy. I worry should I do this or that....I just want to make it to Heaven.

I dont want to waste to much time at work, so this will be quick.

My wicks wont come in, so I don't know if I will have candles ready for the craft show tomorrow.

I miss my husband. I don't want to complain, but life feels lonely, sad, and hard. I am still blessed, and I will still praise His name, thank You Jesus. But now yall know what to pray about.

GUESS WHAT!?! GUESS WHAT!?! GUESS WHAT!?!

Remember how I asked you all to pray that atleast one of the people that I invited would come? (I think ya'll know where I am going with this) Well GUESS WHAT!!?!?!?! Not only did ONE of Damon's co-workers come, but TWO! WAHOOOOOOOOOOO, Thank YOU Jesus!! HOW cool is that?! O man, I was soo excited and thankful to the Lord. I am tellin yall, I did not remotely expect that! I started crying when I saw them. Blubbering would be more like it.

On the way to church last night (I had Gina, Michael, and Brittany S.) Honey started acting really weird. She had no balance and started curling up on one side. A few minutes before this started happening, I noticed her trying to get up front and it was like she had slipped and was just slipping and slipping in between the back and front seats. So a few minutes later she came up front again and she couldn't stand straight and was falling over. I looked at her gums and they were like purplish red, I thought she was choking on something. We discovered she was breathing and were really praying, then it was like she came out of it. A few minutes later she started curling up again onto one side and her eyes got all bulgy looking. She did this a total of three times. I called my vet, closed, called emergency vet, closed. GRRR, this was 20 minutes before church started. We brought her inside to the sanctuary and about 5-7 people gathered around her and we prayed. Some even laid hands on her. I was really tore up, this is my baby, a part of my life and healing process after Damon passed. I did NOT want to lose her. After prayer she seemed to be fine. I kept her in one of the sunday school rooms ( I hope this doesn't seem disrespectful to some, Honey is almost the official church dog, everyone pretty much knows her and her name and that she is pretty much anywhere I am, long as it isn't too hot or too cold) and kept checking on her. She was doing good and mainly just wanted out to be with me. Anyway, after all of that, you can see why God bringing Damon's former co-workers was such a uplifting thing for me. Not only an answer to prayer, but Sonshine after the storm.

The skit went really well I think. It seemed to go sooo fast. You practice and practice and pray and put your heart into it, then it's like BAM! Done! I watched it on video last night and man, I am totally losing more weight. EWWW. I don't think God created me to ever be super skinny, but shew... yuckiness. Believe it or not, that running last weekend was awesome. I really would love to keep doing that atleast once a week with a friend. Then just jog at home on the treadmill throughout the week.

I guess this is the post for the day. :) I should get some of my candle stuff TODAY! Yeehaw!

Memory Loss

Since Damon has been gone I have had the WORST memory. I used to be sharp as a tack when it came to remembering thigns (not bragging) a steel trap mind as they would say. Since his passing on, I cannot seem to remember a lot of things for work. I just wonder if you can really lose a part of your memory skills if a serious trauma occurs in your life. Does anyone know?

Tonight

I have invited quite a few people to tonight...pray atleast ONE comes. Just one would be great, more even better. I have invited Damon's former co workers, my co workers. I REALLY want them to come.

Quickly Now

Okay, quickly...I will try to hurry up and say what I gotta say. Or want to say..haha. ANYWAY.

TONIGHT: COME ONE, COME ALL.
7PM THE CHURCH OF GOD, ANTIOCH TN
A wonderful theatrical presentation by the youth department.
You will NOT want to miss this.

SATURDAY
Sis Amy's House (I think 1PM, maybe 2PM)
In House Craft Show, bring to sell, bring money to buy.

Have a wonderful Day. me

New Post

On Damon's Memorial. It is short, but check it out. Leave a memory about him if you wish.

Before 11

I think I was officially asleep (are you ready?) before 11pm last night! WOOOOHOOOO! Thank YOU Jesus. I have such a hard time going to sleep. I stew and think and worry at night, so bad. Sometimes I just have to pray to go to sleep. It's just my personality trait I guess...I am a stewer...good thing I don't smell like stew. EW...hey that rhymed, oh my. ;)

I was thinking about Damon this morning...He was so cute. I remembered when we FIRST met. I thought "he's cute" and he said his thought was "wow" (for the good by the way). We just fit, ya know. God orchestrated our love story and I am so glad that I know what true real deep genuine love is. I wish he was still here, and in reality it's hard to imagine him gone. wow, even as I think of it right now...it's just so odd. I miss him, I love him.

I hope the candles do well, I am so excited. I need to get a few more things, a scale to measure my wax by weight, a glue gun since I can't find mine, my containers to pour in, my bags and labels and tissue paper. I love my name, Solomon Candle Co. woohoo...I like making candles, so much more than stamping. Sorry momma! I will say, IT'S MESSY. Oh I also need a double boiler pan with a pour spout. Pour spouts make it much easier when trying NOT to get wax all over. I am just so excited about all this. :)

Pray for my headache, I have had it since last night. YUCK. I made potato soup last night too, from scratch...cept i used pre packaged mashed potatoes and not cut up ones. YUMMY!

Have a great day.

Solomons Candles

Okay yall, I am selling Candles! WOOHOO!! They are soy wax with cotton core wicks which are sooo much better. From what I understand anyway. They either don't smoke at all, or its a very small amount. I heard not at all. Anyway I will have four flavors for the moment til I can afford more. I will be taking orders at Sister Amy's party or you can email me. Also, if you are coming to the party I will have some candles for sale there. The Solomon is for Damon, gotta double check that its not already in use though. That was a name he really liked for a boy. I think the "mon" part of Solomon reminds me of Da"mon" too. :) My flavors are very fallish/holidayish for the moment. Let me know! I am SO excited!!! :)

To My Momma

Perspective: The Invisible Woman By Nicole JohnsonIt started to happen gradually. One day I was walking my son Jake to school. I was holding his hand and we were about to cross the street when the crossing guard said to him, 'Who is that with you, youngfella?''Nobody,' he shrugged. Nobody? The crossing guard and I laughed. My son is only 5, but as we crossed the street I thought, 'Oh my goodness,nobody?'I would walk into a room and no one would notice. I would say somethingto my family - like 'Turn the TV down, please' - and nothing would happen.Nobody would get up, or even make a move for the remote. I would stand there for a minute, and then I would say again, a little louder, 'Would someone turn the TV down?' Nothing.Just the other night my husband and I were out at a party. We'd been there for about three hours and I was ready to leave. I noticed he was talking to a friend from work. So I walked over, and when there was a break in the conversation, I whispered, 'I'm ready to go when you are.'He just kept right on talking.That's when I started to put all the pieces together. I don't think he can see me. I don't think anyone can see me. I'm invisible.It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, theway one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.I'm invisible.Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'Whatnumber is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.She's going she's going she's gone!One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraidI could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.'It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no onesees.'In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:* No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record oftheir names.* These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would neversee finished.* They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.* The passion of t heir building was fueled by their faith that theeyes of God saw everything.A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tinybird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I seethe sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. Noact of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it willbecome.'At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. B ut it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to hisfriend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.'As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that hasbeen added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women

Oui Vei

Did I spell that right?

What can I say...this past week and weekend was run run run! I was doing something EVERY single night of this past week. Except Friday maybe...hmm, I don't remember. Oh yeah, Ministers Convention. Convention was good and thought provoking and made you take a look at yourself to see where you really stand. Saturday Night was Kims party, and it was lots of fun! She is so sweet! I hope she likes her things for her new apartment. I made her a candle, spiced apple. Hopefully she likes it. Sunday started off with a bang and me talking to my cat as if he understood. He got out by accident (I keep him in because he fights!) I called for him and the little stinker has the audacity to start towards me then take off the other way. The neighbors dog has been loose all night, which he is friendly to me but I am sure my cat looks like a nice meal. Well, I am TRYING to get ready so I can leave for S.S.. I walk around to where Tigger is, and catch him. Already I noticing him smelling the air with his mouth open, that is how cats pick up scent by kind of panting. GREAT, inside for three months and in 20 minutes he remembers his old prowling habits/grounds. I decide to carry him around the other way to try to avoid the dog...then I notice my other neighbors dogs are out...grrr....so I figure hopefully the other dog won't be there and head back the original way. All the while Tigger is getting MORE agitated and trying to claw/bite me the closer we get to his enemy cats yard. Then I see it....the dog, running towards me. I throw Tigger down and tell him to run, LIKE he understands!!! At this point I am in the neighbors yard that I don't really trust and who has given us some problems, whom I haven't even told him about Damon, next to his vehicle by his porch area. I then tell the dog, again like he understands, "I am just trying to catch my cat can't you leave me alone!" Or something to that affect. I then notice the cat I think Tigger used to fight with, grrrrr. Tiggers tail is all fluffed up. The dog goes away and I resume my task. All the while thinking how he's gonna scratch me and get one of my main arteries and I am gonna lay there and bleed to death all by myself. Boy I have an over active imagination. I get Tigger in my hands again and he is really mad now. So I have him by the scruff of the neck as he is howling at me trying to scratch and bite. I am running with a 14pound cat in the air hung by the scruff of his neck. I get inside and realize my other cat will freak out if Tiggers acting that way and then JR will attack Tigger so I think to put him in the bathroom, then he catches his paw on the towel hanger. Not painfully, but an act of desperation to get away from me STILL. I pry his deathgrip loose and throw him in the bathroom shut the door, put Junior out, stop, breath, breathe again and clean the blood off my arm from where he scratched me. It's just a small cut, but still. I then let Tigger out and told him (again, remember he really does understand me here *note sarcasm) "Tigger, you should be a little more thankful, do you KNOW how much I spent on you!" Good grief. He just lays there looking at me, like "hey mom, no big deal" GRRRRRRR. That was all before 10am on Sunday morning.

Fast forward to walk a thon...I jogged quite a ways for myself and actually did a good pace, but I am FEELING it today. MAN, I am so out of shape. Last night was play practice, this play is sooo physical. My neck is hurting, Megan has bruises, and Em's got a fat lip. Someone hit her by accident and it bled and everything. You will see and appreciate our efforts this Wednesday night! More than us and our sacrifices, just pray for it to be annointed. That is all that matters. I am inviting 5 of Damon's co workers, PRAY they come! Oh it would be awesome!

Today...Honey ATE juniors medicine. That dog, I love her, but she has no will power when it comes to wet cat food. So I called the vet, she should be fine. I have her in the car so I can keep an eye on her AND i felt bad because I spanked her for being a bad girl. This Saturday is the craft show at Sister Amy's. I am excited. I am excited for Wednesday...I miss Damon though. Life seems like it would be soo much easier with him here, ya know. It's just weird. I am hungry. Have a good day.

:( :) :( :)

Okay, so I am lonely. I miss Damon. I miss companionship. I miss being loved.

Sad and Happy

I am thinking about Damon right now. I just read my last valentine's card from him about 15 minutes ago. What a gem my husband was. He was sooo much better with words than I was. His cards to me are almost poetic and he didn't even try. I was so bad at that (in my opinion) in comparison to what he would say. I love him so much. I just can't seem to grip he is gone. Part of me feels like it was just yesterday he was here, the other part feels like it has been ages. I never imagined life without him. I miss him so bad. I want him back. I love you Damon Broyles with ALL my heart and soul.

Happy because...yesterday was fun. Sis Amy and Perry and Abby and Sis Emily met me for lunch. All the way from Smyrna. That was nice and thank You Jesus for friends. Without my family and friends and the prayers and mostly God, I would be a mess. The biggest curve ball of my life has just been thrown, yet I am making it because of GOD's unchanging hand. I feel like my family and friends are the fingers.

Tonight and tomorrow is ministers convention...I don't like missing service, at this point I don't know if I am or not. I am running running running this weekend. I am running low on fundage, but I will say it was nice to be a big girl and pay all my own bills. Tomorrow evening I have something going on in Smyrna, Sunday is church and the youth walk thing. Busy is good, I just don't know If I should stay home tonight and try to go to all of tomorrow ministers convention or go tonight and miss a service tomorrow and make it for atleast one of the two services. I need to do dishes and clean my house. Last night I didn't get home from Alabama until 11:30 i think. I don't want to make excuses to miss church. God help me to be faithful.

My New Do

My new bangs....

Eeeek

argh...:) My sinuses. Pray this goes away, they are tickly like sneezishy. Ha, I just created a wonderful word. Sneezishy. My back is somewhat better, its kind of a different pain now, more sharp. I guess I am a drama queen and milk stuff for more than it is really worth. Me a drama queen, nooooo. ;)

I need to get to the school to pack more boxes. Pray for that if you will...oh and I am riding with a group of ladies down to Alabama tonight for a friends mother's viewing. She passed away early yesterday morning. We will be going down and coming back all in one night, tonight. So pray for traveling mercies.

I hope everyone has a wondermous Day. I am feeling fairly good except for the sinus headache and back pain. God is good, God is able, God loves you and He loves me. Not only does He love us, He likes us. That is good. He has to love us right, but to like us makes it all the more personal. Return the favor to Him, you won't regret it. :)

Owwww

Yall please pray for me. Between working out lately, last night at practice, and today lifting and stooping a lot...my back is HURTING. It's more soreness. I am not doubled over in pain or anything but I can feel it as I sit here. I am plumb wore out. I am glad to be busy, it helps me not to think too much...but I am just tuckered. Pray for me. I miss him.

SLEEPY

Last night was a late night. Play practice ended way later than I thought, but was worth it. We are really getting it down (with the help of the Lord). However, Michael ended up getting home much later than planned so I offered to take him to school this morning so he could sleep in an hour later. Which means I had to get up a bit earlier. I am sleepy. Did I mention that already. Hmm...this probably already sounds like one big complaint. Moving on...

Today I will be working at a school moving boxes, and glad to say the temperature in our building has gone from 93 down to 88. WOOHOO. It's almost comfy in here. :)

I did 60 crunches last night! I didn't want to, but with me...if I don't keep it going I usually go down hill fast. Even if I miss one day...I have to keep going to keep it going if that makes sense.

Have a great day everybody. I love you Damon.

awww :(

I thought for sure this nasty looking thing (see picture link below) would be poisonous. Turns out it isn't. I killed one for no reason other than it was nasty looking. I don't like spiders, but I still feel bad killing them. I think I have brown recluses too...:(

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Aboveygs.JPG

Links

i decided to change my blog....and now i can't decide if I realllly like the background enough to keep it. Every time I change I lose my link list, which is a real pain to put back in :( grr....so right now if you aren't on there, it's because I am still in transition and didn't want to spend the time putting them all in, only to lose them if I change.

Headache

Pray for me, I have what I think is a tension headache from not sleeping right or what. A pulled muscle maybe. I have a little knot in my ear lobe too that is really hurting, pray it goes away. It only hurts when i touch it, but it's not a little pain its definitely noticeable. Love yall...me

Out of it...

The "it" is shape. I am out of shape. Last night I went walking with my Nephew. That way if anybody attacks me I can sacrifice him first...JUST kidding. But I am paranoid and it helps to have someone with you ya know. Well, he wants to "jog" ha....HA....hahaHA. (IN BEST SISTER VIVIAN LAUGH) I jogged for maybe 1/10th of a mile, but altogether we walked about three miles. We took a different route back so I am hoping it is still 3 miles, at any rate the way I chose was uphill A LOT. My knees don't hurt its the sides and back of them, like the tendon or something. Can you bruise that? It felt good though and I slept last night. I didn't even wake up until right before my alarm I think. I am still feeling the crunches from two nights ago. I haven't lifted my weights in awhile, but I figure if I am going to do a half marathon pretty soon I need to get goin. Of course it is in May I think. I could be wrong. Tonight I am hoping to get another walk in before play practice at church. Pardon me if I am sweaty :) I will put lots of parfume on for everyones smelling safety. Hopefully...I will be able to jog with Michael here in a month or so. He wanted to jog back and I just don't think this out of shape body is ready yet. All in all from an estimation I have heard to use to determine how many calories you burn while walking, I burned over 400 calories. YAY. Oh and I made dinner last night, I actually COOKED. Not just microwaved. I thawed some chickent out and beat if flat then spread italian bread crumbs and shredded parmigano and rolled it up, seared it to get a nice carmalization then finished the cooking in tomato sauce. I put that over spaghetti noodles. I then steamed some veggies in the microwave and FORGOT about them. *sigh* so I brought those for lunch today. If cooking means healing, then thank You Jesus. I cooked :) I need to get the soundtrack for Megan's wedding, as I am singing. Well, I need to work. Have a great day in the Jesus everybody. And remember kids...don't try this at home.

Lastly...we have another new blogger!! Check him out! http://zacattack96.blogspot.com/

Up and Runnin

I have my portable work station up and running. I won't complain that it is cold in here, because we have been without A/C and I know what HOT weather is. I think I might wear some longer sleeves tomorrow though.

I have a slight headache and am pretty sleepy. I need to go to bed earlier. Last night was midnightish. Do you ever have days where you feel like you make one mistake after another?? I had a weekend like that. *sigh*

Well, see ya. Love n prayers, Damon's Girl.

pc woes

I am at a friends location at our new location...haha, if that made sense. I am using the laptop of hers in her workstation since my computer isnt working at my new work station. I will make this quick. Today is okay, good, not bad. I love you all, may the Lord be near you today, as you seek Him.

Candles

I made some more candles today..mmmmm :)

Checking Out

Grr...I just lost this post.

Due to the heat we are leaving and noon at work and will be moved to another location for next week.

Air Conditioning

Shew....the a/c is off in here, there are no windows that open...that's a bad combination...the last reading on the thermometer in here is 92 degrees. That is not HOT HOT, but in an office...that is hot. I know some who work outside or without a/c 90% of the time so I don't want to complain, well...I guess I do or I wouldn't be saying anything huh. I am thankful for the job, it is just HOT in here.

Guess what! I invited a girl from work to Ladies Retreat, she said she would love to come but has to make sure about some plans first. PRAY yall, I want her to come. Recently she has had some bad stuff going on. Around the same time I lost Damon she had a major heartache in her life too. She is realy sweet. Just pray she can come.

I have a headache, I don't know if its from the heat or what...but I need to be drinking some water. You leave work sticky. I had weeeeird dreams last night. You know I can't hardly ever seem to dream about Damon. I wish I could still see him in my dreams, pray for that please. To be able to talk to him and have a good conversation and feel like he's there again. It would be great I think. I love my husband, and I miss him.

I have no idea what the plans are for tonight. I have caught some of my laundry up, only have one full load to wash and a half load of darks. Need to vaccuum and dust do all that jazz. Guess yall dont really care though huh. :) I am also going to get some more candle making supplies this weekend. And pay bills. Well have a great one. love, me

Apples

So my latest fad of snack food (in the quest to a healthier frontier) is apple and cheddar cheese. I slice up apples and buy cubed cheddar cheese and snack away. I know cheese is really fattening and a bit, well you know, so I don't want to eat to much of it. But it is SOO yummy. Even though cheese is fattening I have heard it is a good thing for you, so in moderation I am liking to eat it with my apples. I had heard of the combination awhile ago but never really tried it until recently. The thing with me is, once I find something I like, I use it so much in the end I don't like it anymore. Like a popular new song on the radio that they play 1 billion times (an exageration of course) and you end up turning the dial after it comes on for the 1 billionth and one time it comes on again. In conclusion if you are looking for a healthy snack, slice up a gala apple and pour some nice orange (fall colored) delicious cubes of cheddar cheese on a plate along with your crispy apple and fall into the arms of yummy goodness. :) My next conquest is to make the apple cheddar pie.

The gong show was funny, I really liked all of Megans skits. They were so funny. Seriously...man. She needs to do that more often. Morgan was worried about her voice because she had been kind of hoarse. Well, I don't think it mattered. Michael stole the show! I am glad he had fun, although last night I was a bit disappointed because Morgan and I had worked really hard on that song. God knew and He knew who needed what. Michael has suffered a great loss like we all have, so anything to continue to bring him out of his shell and build his confidence is a blessing. Although I DO want to sing that song again some point down the road, because as I said yesterday, it carries a great message. Bradley was so great last night, he impersonated Groucho Marks (did I spell that right?) and did a great job. You could tell how proud of himself he was. Last night, he looked the closest I have seen him looking to "the old Bradley" that I have seen in a long time. It was great! If you get a chance, check out mommas blog. She has posted more lately and has a new template too.

Tonight I need to get on the treadmill and start a baby blanket for a friend. The month of October is jam packed. This weekend is the only relatively free weekend, although I think the youth are playing football on Saturday. Next weekend I am either going to visit a friend, or doing the VLB fundraiser, not sure yet. The weekend after that is the craft show I am going to at a friends house. I need to get my candles made for then. I would like to have about 20 ready to sale. Also hoping Mom will send some cards to sell and that I can sell some of my dads honey I have at the house. I need to get the stuff that cleans wax off easily, cus it sure is a mess to clean up. The weekend after that I fly home. SHHHH. I am surprising my friend, she is having her baby shower for her first baby. I wanted to surprise her and see my new cousin, which my first cousin will be having very shortly. So the new baby will be my second cousin. My cousins and I are pretty close, so I feel more like an Aunt then cousin. Then the weekend after that is Ladies Retreat. Pray for me, that will be in a tough area. It is in the same area that Damon passed away. That place holds so many wonderful memories for me, but also is the place I lost my husband. So I just want to be okay up there. I want to go, because like mom says, sometimes the hardest things bring the greatest victories.

Well (I have noticed I use that word a lot), I guess I need to sign off.

Walk To School

Was really fun. I hope our church gets to do that again. It was fun to meet so many people, and I am praying that God will just bring them back because they feel something different there. My boss was impressed with my church family, or so it seemed anyway. She mentioned it later on here at work. It's funny, I work for 3 people, one of which is a health coordinator. Well the National Walk to School day is part of her stuff, and OUR church was the host site for the drop off location. HOW COOL! Thank YOU Jesus.

The Air is out here at work. It is HOT in here. They went for a fan run earlier, just to let you know how hot it is. It is cooler outside. So needless to say we wont be putting our summer clothes away anytime soon, of course I don't really do that anyway so :) But we will have no heat or a/c until sometime in December. They are replacing it here at the board.

Tonight Morgan and I sing, pray for us. Not just to sing well, though honestly I DO like to do well. I know it is for God, and truly that is all that matters but I like to sound good. My voice after all is HIS, and I want to do my best not only for Him, but for others. I don't want to be a show off, God help me not to be. I truly love love love to sing. I feel it is His gift to me, I am so glad for it. I can't express how much I enjoy singing. Anyway, I want to not only sound good, but be under the annointing. The song we are singing is so profound. I feel like there are some songs that are not necessarily traditional sounding Hymn music (tho some of the classic Hymms are my favorite) but the music to the song convey the depth of agony or seriousness of the message. Never Alone by Barlow Girl is one of those songs. It is somewhat "rockish" but to me, it still has a good worshipful tone to it, and the music conveys when you are at the bottom of your despair NEEDING to hear from God. I feel like Shackles is one of those songs...yes it is upbeat and rather hip hop sounding, but it still conveys worship and makes you want to get off your feet and say YES WITH JESUS, I CAN do ALL things. Get out of the pity party self. Trust me, I don't like worldly Christian music...what's the point, but I don't feel these songs to be in that category and if it can touch ONE person it is worth it all.

Well, that be all folks. For the record, again, and as if yall didnt already know. My heart belongs to you Damon Broyles, forever and always. I love you.

Veg-i-tu-buls

For lunch I went to cracker barrel and had the smothered grilled chicken with carrots, green beans, and hashbrown casserole. I took off part of the cheese and bacon from the chicken, and ate all of my veggies except the little bits that were hard to get off the plate and did NOT eat all of my hashbrown casserole, though that was one of my favorite parts. Tonight I am gonna do some light grocery shopping and try to buy lots of vegitables and fruit. And more water.

Today has been an okay day, pretty good. Struggles off and on, but okay. I miss Damon, as always, but some days are more bearable. I was thinking this morning as I stood on the porch how much God has changed me since Damon died. How His grace has brought me through moment by moment, though I couldn't necessarily see it. You see, when Damon first passed the mornings when I would wake up were so eary, so alone, so sad. I just wanted to sleep...this morning as I stood on the front steps looking out I realized I wasn't that way anymore, and truly my grief, though still present, has changed. God is so good. I wish I could be more for Him. I feel I fail so much and I really want to do my best. I won't say that I don't have hard times, because that wouldn't be the truth. I won't say it isn't hard to be alone, and come home to a house where my husband used to wait for me with a beautiful smile on his face. That would be a lie too. It is hard, very hard, but it is like I heard recently...we don't know what would be on the other side of what God's will if He had given us what we truly wanted. Yes I want Damon back, but God knows the future and the reason why it was Damon's time. Like the king in the Bible who requested more time and it was given him and in the end it was for the kings downfall. I am not saying my husband would have fell, or that I would have fell should he have remained alive. I AM saying that for whatever reason, which I don't really like, there is a reason and I just need to rest in that reason. Because who knows, if I had got what I wanted, what the future would have held. I can say, that for three years two months and thirty days, I had the most wonderful blessed life a person could ask for. I had a husband who deserved so much and loved me despite my weaknesses and downfalls. As a country song goes, I could not ask for more. Thank you Lord. Thank You for Damon.

Yes Momma

My mom has informed me (in her motherly way) that I need to take better care of myself. I.e. rest, water, fruits, veggies. Yes please to the first, okay on the second...if I have to on the third, and blech on the fourth. She is just worried about me, and I can't understand it cus I am a mother. That is one thing I hope I have learned from Damons passing. You can't understand until you have walked the shoes that person is in. So I can't fully understand momma's worrying, but I can try to make her feel better by doing what she would like me to, considering it wouldn't hurt anyway. So, this morning I have already had a half of an apple for breakfast and and am done with my first bottle of water AND have taken my one a day, daily vitamin. GO ME, see momma, I do good for you. :)

Thank the Lord my headache is gone AND I was asleep before 11 last night. MAN that felt good. Don't know how long it has been since that has happened. You see, the Andy Griffith show comes on at 10 and runs two episodes, ending at 11. For some reason, I find this show comforting and appealing. I have not always felt this way, perhaps its because its 99% clean (100% if you ignore the occasional smoking and barney or andy thinking a girl is hot) or because my dad and damon liked this show. Who knows...I just like it. But by the time its over, then I do my Bible reading and praying...well sometimes it has almost been 1am. Mainly cus I worry a lot at night too. So I am thinking...that I need to do my main praying at some other time than right before bed, because knowing my tendencies...I think it would help to avoid the whole time of worrying thing. Anyway, that is my story and I am sticking to it.

Tomorrow is the gong show, Morgan and I are singing. I really want us to be annointed to sing what we are singing. Not only is it a cool song (it's called Shackles, Mandisa sang it on American Idol) but it talks how we need to take these shackles off our feet so we can TRULY praise the Lord. Forget everything, lay it down, and be happy. Ya know, it speaks volumes to me, and I don't want to be just a relayer of words or a performer of song, I love music and I want it to bless someone like it blesses me. I want people to get up off their feet and realize we ARE living below our priviledges and just shout for joy to the King.

Well, I think this is a pretty long blog for the day. Pray for my cousin Marissa, she is really pregnant and getting to the miserable ready to have this baby point. Pray for her to feel comfort and for the baby to come soon.

Tonight

Pray for me, I have a headache and just don't feel real well. I am mowing Damon's one remaining lawn customer's lawn tonight. Michael is helping me, which I really appreciate, but I am just feeling tired in body and bothered in mind. I really need to let the Lord help me, I wish I could just be like Damon. *sigh*

Money is evil

Okay, so not literally. The love of it is...at any rate I made a mistake on my checking account. I have tried to be very very good like Damon was with the checkbook. To honor him ya know. I had a checkbook before but didn't balance things to the penny like he did. I rounded up so that I would have a pad in there I didn't even know about. I knew it was there, but not how much, ya know. Well I have been really good about writing in things like he did and using the calculator like he did to balance it correctly and keep it looking neat. Just like he would do. However, I got a statement in the mail Friday saying I had over drafted. So I went to the bank as soon as I could get myself together and they printed off the last two banking periods. I had everything in there correctly with the exception of two things. Mcdonalds for 3 something...no big deal, cus Damon almost always kept a 20 dollar pad in there. However, I FORGOT to write in the hotel charge for assembly. A whopping 143 bucks that I had forgotten to deduct. :( MAN. So I had been using my debit car for a week, not knowing that each time was using and using more money I DIDN'T have in there. Needless to say they total bank charges were over $300. I called the bank this morning and they are going to refund $150 since we had been good customers, but this requires me to sign up for over draft protection, which you either have to open a credit card, a savings account, or a line of credit to cover should this ever happen again. GRR...I am DEBT free (with the exception of a pledge to a Christian radio station and library fees) and I DON'T want to open a credit card or line of credit. ESPECIALLY since Damon did NOT like credit cards. I want to honor him so much in all of my decisions, do things the way he would. I wish I wouldn't have messed up. I have tried so much to run things like he would, I wish I hadn't made this mistake.