Tonight

I have invited quite a few people to tonight...pray atleast ONE comes. Just one would be great, more even better. I have invited Damon's former co workers, my co workers. I REALLY want them to come.

Quickly Now

Okay, quickly...I will try to hurry up and say what I gotta say. Or want to say..haha. ANYWAY.

TONIGHT: COME ONE, COME ALL.
7PM THE CHURCH OF GOD, ANTIOCH TN
A wonderful theatrical presentation by the youth department.
You will NOT want to miss this.

SATURDAY
Sis Amy's House (I think 1PM, maybe 2PM)
In House Craft Show, bring to sell, bring money to buy.

Have a wonderful Day. me

New Post

On Damon's Memorial. It is short, but check it out. Leave a memory about him if you wish.

Before 11

I think I was officially asleep (are you ready?) before 11pm last night! WOOOOHOOOO! Thank YOU Jesus. I have such a hard time going to sleep. I stew and think and worry at night, so bad. Sometimes I just have to pray to go to sleep. It's just my personality trait I guess...I am a stewer...good thing I don't smell like stew. EW...hey that rhymed, oh my. ;)

I was thinking about Damon this morning...He was so cute. I remembered when we FIRST met. I thought "he's cute" and he said his thought was "wow" (for the good by the way). We just fit, ya know. God orchestrated our love story and I am so glad that I know what true real deep genuine love is. I wish he was still here, and in reality it's hard to imagine him gone. wow, even as I think of it right now...it's just so odd. I miss him, I love him.

I hope the candles do well, I am so excited. I need to get a few more things, a scale to measure my wax by weight, a glue gun since I can't find mine, my containers to pour in, my bags and labels and tissue paper. I love my name, Solomon Candle Co. woohoo...I like making candles, so much more than stamping. Sorry momma! I will say, IT'S MESSY. Oh I also need a double boiler pan with a pour spout. Pour spouts make it much easier when trying NOT to get wax all over. I am just so excited about all this. :)

Pray for my headache, I have had it since last night. YUCK. I made potato soup last night too, from scratch...cept i used pre packaged mashed potatoes and not cut up ones. YUMMY!

Have a great day.

Solomons Candles

Okay yall, I am selling Candles! WOOHOO!! They are soy wax with cotton core wicks which are sooo much better. From what I understand anyway. They either don't smoke at all, or its a very small amount. I heard not at all. Anyway I will have four flavors for the moment til I can afford more. I will be taking orders at Sister Amy's party or you can email me. Also, if you are coming to the party I will have some candles for sale there. The Solomon is for Damon, gotta double check that its not already in use though. That was a name he really liked for a boy. I think the "mon" part of Solomon reminds me of Da"mon" too. :) My flavors are very fallish/holidayish for the moment. Let me know! I am SO excited!!! :)

To My Momma

Perspective: The Invisible Woman By Nicole JohnsonIt started to happen gradually. One day I was walking my son Jake to school. I was holding his hand and we were about to cross the street when the crossing guard said to him, 'Who is that with you, youngfella?''Nobody,' he shrugged. Nobody? The crossing guard and I laughed. My son is only 5, but as we crossed the street I thought, 'Oh my goodness,nobody?'I would walk into a room and no one would notice. I would say somethingto my family - like 'Turn the TV down, please' - and nothing would happen.Nobody would get up, or even make a move for the remote. I would stand there for a minute, and then I would say again, a little louder, 'Would someone turn the TV down?' Nothing.Just the other night my husband and I were out at a party. We'd been there for about three hours and I was ready to leave. I noticed he was talking to a friend from work. So I walked over, and when there was a break in the conversation, I whispered, 'I'm ready to go when you are.'He just kept right on talking.That's when I started to put all the pieces together. I don't think he can see me. I don't think anyone can see me. I'm invisible.It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, theway one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.I'm invisible.Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'Whatnumber is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.She's going she's going she's gone!One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraidI could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.'It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no onesees.'In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:* No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record oftheir names.* These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would neversee finished.* They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.* The passion of t heir building was fueled by their faith that theeyes of God saw everything.A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tinybird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I seethe sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. Noact of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it willbecome.'At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. B ut it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to hisfriend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.'As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that hasbeen added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women

Oui Vei

Did I spell that right?

What can I say...this past week and weekend was run run run! I was doing something EVERY single night of this past week. Except Friday maybe...hmm, I don't remember. Oh yeah, Ministers Convention. Convention was good and thought provoking and made you take a look at yourself to see where you really stand. Saturday Night was Kims party, and it was lots of fun! She is so sweet! I hope she likes her things for her new apartment. I made her a candle, spiced apple. Hopefully she likes it. Sunday started off with a bang and me talking to my cat as if he understood. He got out by accident (I keep him in because he fights!) I called for him and the little stinker has the audacity to start towards me then take off the other way. The neighbors dog has been loose all night, which he is friendly to me but I am sure my cat looks like a nice meal. Well, I am TRYING to get ready so I can leave for S.S.. I walk around to where Tigger is, and catch him. Already I noticing him smelling the air with his mouth open, that is how cats pick up scent by kind of panting. GREAT, inside for three months and in 20 minutes he remembers his old prowling habits/grounds. I decide to carry him around the other way to try to avoid the dog...then I notice my other neighbors dogs are out...grrr....so I figure hopefully the other dog won't be there and head back the original way. All the while Tigger is getting MORE agitated and trying to claw/bite me the closer we get to his enemy cats yard. Then I see it....the dog, running towards me. I throw Tigger down and tell him to run, LIKE he understands!!! At this point I am in the neighbors yard that I don't really trust and who has given us some problems, whom I haven't even told him about Damon, next to his vehicle by his porch area. I then tell the dog, again like he understands, "I am just trying to catch my cat can't you leave me alone!" Or something to that affect. I then notice the cat I think Tigger used to fight with, grrrrr. Tiggers tail is all fluffed up. The dog goes away and I resume my task. All the while thinking how he's gonna scratch me and get one of my main arteries and I am gonna lay there and bleed to death all by myself. Boy I have an over active imagination. I get Tigger in my hands again and he is really mad now. So I have him by the scruff of the neck as he is howling at me trying to scratch and bite. I am running with a 14pound cat in the air hung by the scruff of his neck. I get inside and realize my other cat will freak out if Tiggers acting that way and then JR will attack Tigger so I think to put him in the bathroom, then he catches his paw on the towel hanger. Not painfully, but an act of desperation to get away from me STILL. I pry his deathgrip loose and throw him in the bathroom shut the door, put Junior out, stop, breath, breathe again and clean the blood off my arm from where he scratched me. It's just a small cut, but still. I then let Tigger out and told him (again, remember he really does understand me here *note sarcasm) "Tigger, you should be a little more thankful, do you KNOW how much I spent on you!" Good grief. He just lays there looking at me, like "hey mom, no big deal" GRRRRRRR. That was all before 10am on Sunday morning.

Fast forward to walk a thon...I jogged quite a ways for myself and actually did a good pace, but I am FEELING it today. MAN, I am so out of shape. Last night was play practice, this play is sooo physical. My neck is hurting, Megan has bruises, and Em's got a fat lip. Someone hit her by accident and it bled and everything. You will see and appreciate our efforts this Wednesday night! More than us and our sacrifices, just pray for it to be annointed. That is all that matters. I am inviting 5 of Damon's co workers, PRAY they come! Oh it would be awesome!

Today...Honey ATE juniors medicine. That dog, I love her, but she has no will power when it comes to wet cat food. So I called the vet, she should be fine. I have her in the car so I can keep an eye on her AND i felt bad because I spanked her for being a bad girl. This Saturday is the craft show at Sister Amy's. I am excited. I am excited for Wednesday...I miss Damon though. Life seems like it would be soo much easier with him here, ya know. It's just weird. I am hungry. Have a good day.

:( :) :( :)

Okay, so I am lonely. I miss Damon. I miss companionship. I miss being loved.

Sad and Happy

I am thinking about Damon right now. I just read my last valentine's card from him about 15 minutes ago. What a gem my husband was. He was sooo much better with words than I was. His cards to me are almost poetic and he didn't even try. I was so bad at that (in my opinion) in comparison to what he would say. I love him so much. I just can't seem to grip he is gone. Part of me feels like it was just yesterday he was here, the other part feels like it has been ages. I never imagined life without him. I miss him so bad. I want him back. I love you Damon Broyles with ALL my heart and soul.

Happy because...yesterday was fun. Sis Amy and Perry and Abby and Sis Emily met me for lunch. All the way from Smyrna. That was nice and thank You Jesus for friends. Without my family and friends and the prayers and mostly God, I would be a mess. The biggest curve ball of my life has just been thrown, yet I am making it because of GOD's unchanging hand. I feel like my family and friends are the fingers.

Tonight and tomorrow is ministers convention...I don't like missing service, at this point I don't know if I am or not. I am running running running this weekend. I am running low on fundage, but I will say it was nice to be a big girl and pay all my own bills. Tomorrow evening I have something going on in Smyrna, Sunday is church and the youth walk thing. Busy is good, I just don't know If I should stay home tonight and try to go to all of tomorrow ministers convention or go tonight and miss a service tomorrow and make it for atleast one of the two services. I need to do dishes and clean my house. Last night I didn't get home from Alabama until 11:30 i think. I don't want to make excuses to miss church. God help me to be faithful.

My New Do

My new bangs....

Eeeek

argh...:) My sinuses. Pray this goes away, they are tickly like sneezishy. Ha, I just created a wonderful word. Sneezishy. My back is somewhat better, its kind of a different pain now, more sharp. I guess I am a drama queen and milk stuff for more than it is really worth. Me a drama queen, nooooo. ;)

I need to get to the school to pack more boxes. Pray for that if you will...oh and I am riding with a group of ladies down to Alabama tonight for a friends mother's viewing. She passed away early yesterday morning. We will be going down and coming back all in one night, tonight. So pray for traveling mercies.

I hope everyone has a wondermous Day. I am feeling fairly good except for the sinus headache and back pain. God is good, God is able, God loves you and He loves me. Not only does He love us, He likes us. That is good. He has to love us right, but to like us makes it all the more personal. Return the favor to Him, you won't regret it. :)

Owwww

Yall please pray for me. Between working out lately, last night at practice, and today lifting and stooping a lot...my back is HURTING. It's more soreness. I am not doubled over in pain or anything but I can feel it as I sit here. I am plumb wore out. I am glad to be busy, it helps me not to think too much...but I am just tuckered. Pray for me. I miss him.

SLEEPY

Last night was a late night. Play practice ended way later than I thought, but was worth it. We are really getting it down (with the help of the Lord). However, Michael ended up getting home much later than planned so I offered to take him to school this morning so he could sleep in an hour later. Which means I had to get up a bit earlier. I am sleepy. Did I mention that already. Hmm...this probably already sounds like one big complaint. Moving on...

Today I will be working at a school moving boxes, and glad to say the temperature in our building has gone from 93 down to 88. WOOHOO. It's almost comfy in here. :)

I did 60 crunches last night! I didn't want to, but with me...if I don't keep it going I usually go down hill fast. Even if I miss one day...I have to keep going to keep it going if that makes sense.

Have a great day everybody. I love you Damon.

awww :(

I thought for sure this nasty looking thing (see picture link below) would be poisonous. Turns out it isn't. I killed one for no reason other than it was nasty looking. I don't like spiders, but I still feel bad killing them. I think I have brown recluses too...:(

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Aboveygs.JPG

Links

i decided to change my blog....and now i can't decide if I realllly like the background enough to keep it. Every time I change I lose my link list, which is a real pain to put back in :( grr....so right now if you aren't on there, it's because I am still in transition and didn't want to spend the time putting them all in, only to lose them if I change.

Headache

Pray for me, I have what I think is a tension headache from not sleeping right or what. A pulled muscle maybe. I have a little knot in my ear lobe too that is really hurting, pray it goes away. It only hurts when i touch it, but it's not a little pain its definitely noticeable. Love yall...me

Out of it...

The "it" is shape. I am out of shape. Last night I went walking with my Nephew. That way if anybody attacks me I can sacrifice him first...JUST kidding. But I am paranoid and it helps to have someone with you ya know. Well, he wants to "jog" ha....HA....hahaHA. (IN BEST SISTER VIVIAN LAUGH) I jogged for maybe 1/10th of a mile, but altogether we walked about three miles. We took a different route back so I am hoping it is still 3 miles, at any rate the way I chose was uphill A LOT. My knees don't hurt its the sides and back of them, like the tendon or something. Can you bruise that? It felt good though and I slept last night. I didn't even wake up until right before my alarm I think. I am still feeling the crunches from two nights ago. I haven't lifted my weights in awhile, but I figure if I am going to do a half marathon pretty soon I need to get goin. Of course it is in May I think. I could be wrong. Tonight I am hoping to get another walk in before play practice at church. Pardon me if I am sweaty :) I will put lots of parfume on for everyones smelling safety. Hopefully...I will be able to jog with Michael here in a month or so. He wanted to jog back and I just don't think this out of shape body is ready yet. All in all from an estimation I have heard to use to determine how many calories you burn while walking, I burned over 400 calories. YAY. Oh and I made dinner last night, I actually COOKED. Not just microwaved. I thawed some chickent out and beat if flat then spread italian bread crumbs and shredded parmigano and rolled it up, seared it to get a nice carmalization then finished the cooking in tomato sauce. I put that over spaghetti noodles. I then steamed some veggies in the microwave and FORGOT about them. *sigh* so I brought those for lunch today. If cooking means healing, then thank You Jesus. I cooked :) I need to get the soundtrack for Megan's wedding, as I am singing. Well, I need to work. Have a great day in the Jesus everybody. And remember kids...don't try this at home.

Lastly...we have another new blogger!! Check him out! http://zacattack96.blogspot.com/

Up and Runnin

I have my portable work station up and running. I won't complain that it is cold in here, because we have been without A/C and I know what HOT weather is. I think I might wear some longer sleeves tomorrow though.

I have a slight headache and am pretty sleepy. I need to go to bed earlier. Last night was midnightish. Do you ever have days where you feel like you make one mistake after another?? I had a weekend like that. *sigh*

Well, see ya. Love n prayers, Damon's Girl.

pc woes

I am at a friends location at our new location...haha, if that made sense. I am using the laptop of hers in her workstation since my computer isnt working at my new work station. I will make this quick. Today is okay, good, not bad. I love you all, may the Lord be near you today, as you seek Him.

Candles

I made some more candles today..mmmmm :)

Checking Out

Grr...I just lost this post.

Due to the heat we are leaving and noon at work and will be moved to another location for next week.

Air Conditioning

Shew....the a/c is off in here, there are no windows that open...that's a bad combination...the last reading on the thermometer in here is 92 degrees. That is not HOT HOT, but in an office...that is hot. I know some who work outside or without a/c 90% of the time so I don't want to complain, well...I guess I do or I wouldn't be saying anything huh. I am thankful for the job, it is just HOT in here.

Guess what! I invited a girl from work to Ladies Retreat, she said she would love to come but has to make sure about some plans first. PRAY yall, I want her to come. Recently she has had some bad stuff going on. Around the same time I lost Damon she had a major heartache in her life too. She is realy sweet. Just pray she can come.

I have a headache, I don't know if its from the heat or what...but I need to be drinking some water. You leave work sticky. I had weeeeird dreams last night. You know I can't hardly ever seem to dream about Damon. I wish I could still see him in my dreams, pray for that please. To be able to talk to him and have a good conversation and feel like he's there again. It would be great I think. I love my husband, and I miss him.

I have no idea what the plans are for tonight. I have caught some of my laundry up, only have one full load to wash and a half load of darks. Need to vaccuum and dust do all that jazz. Guess yall dont really care though huh. :) I am also going to get some more candle making supplies this weekend. And pay bills. Well have a great one. love, me

Apples

So my latest fad of snack food (in the quest to a healthier frontier) is apple and cheddar cheese. I slice up apples and buy cubed cheddar cheese and snack away. I know cheese is really fattening and a bit, well you know, so I don't want to eat to much of it. But it is SOO yummy. Even though cheese is fattening I have heard it is a good thing for you, so in moderation I am liking to eat it with my apples. I had heard of the combination awhile ago but never really tried it until recently. The thing with me is, once I find something I like, I use it so much in the end I don't like it anymore. Like a popular new song on the radio that they play 1 billion times (an exageration of course) and you end up turning the dial after it comes on for the 1 billionth and one time it comes on again. In conclusion if you are looking for a healthy snack, slice up a gala apple and pour some nice orange (fall colored) delicious cubes of cheddar cheese on a plate along with your crispy apple and fall into the arms of yummy goodness. :) My next conquest is to make the apple cheddar pie.

The gong show was funny, I really liked all of Megans skits. They were so funny. Seriously...man. She needs to do that more often. Morgan was worried about her voice because she had been kind of hoarse. Well, I don't think it mattered. Michael stole the show! I am glad he had fun, although last night I was a bit disappointed because Morgan and I had worked really hard on that song. God knew and He knew who needed what. Michael has suffered a great loss like we all have, so anything to continue to bring him out of his shell and build his confidence is a blessing. Although I DO want to sing that song again some point down the road, because as I said yesterday, it carries a great message. Bradley was so great last night, he impersonated Groucho Marks (did I spell that right?) and did a great job. You could tell how proud of himself he was. Last night, he looked the closest I have seen him looking to "the old Bradley" that I have seen in a long time. It was great! If you get a chance, check out mommas blog. She has posted more lately and has a new template too.

Tonight I need to get on the treadmill and start a baby blanket for a friend. The month of October is jam packed. This weekend is the only relatively free weekend, although I think the youth are playing football on Saturday. Next weekend I am either going to visit a friend, or doing the VLB fundraiser, not sure yet. The weekend after that is the craft show I am going to at a friends house. I need to get my candles made for then. I would like to have about 20 ready to sale. Also hoping Mom will send some cards to sell and that I can sell some of my dads honey I have at the house. I need to get the stuff that cleans wax off easily, cus it sure is a mess to clean up. The weekend after that I fly home. SHHHH. I am surprising my friend, she is having her baby shower for her first baby. I wanted to surprise her and see my new cousin, which my first cousin will be having very shortly. So the new baby will be my second cousin. My cousins and I are pretty close, so I feel more like an Aunt then cousin. Then the weekend after that is Ladies Retreat. Pray for me, that will be in a tough area. It is in the same area that Damon passed away. That place holds so many wonderful memories for me, but also is the place I lost my husband. So I just want to be okay up there. I want to go, because like mom says, sometimes the hardest things bring the greatest victories.

Well (I have noticed I use that word a lot), I guess I need to sign off.

Walk To School

Was really fun. I hope our church gets to do that again. It was fun to meet so many people, and I am praying that God will just bring them back because they feel something different there. My boss was impressed with my church family, or so it seemed anyway. She mentioned it later on here at work. It's funny, I work for 3 people, one of which is a health coordinator. Well the National Walk to School day is part of her stuff, and OUR church was the host site for the drop off location. HOW COOL! Thank YOU Jesus.

The Air is out here at work. It is HOT in here. They went for a fan run earlier, just to let you know how hot it is. It is cooler outside. So needless to say we wont be putting our summer clothes away anytime soon, of course I don't really do that anyway so :) But we will have no heat or a/c until sometime in December. They are replacing it here at the board.

Tonight Morgan and I sing, pray for us. Not just to sing well, though honestly I DO like to do well. I know it is for God, and truly that is all that matters but I like to sound good. My voice after all is HIS, and I want to do my best not only for Him, but for others. I don't want to be a show off, God help me not to be. I truly love love love to sing. I feel it is His gift to me, I am so glad for it. I can't express how much I enjoy singing. Anyway, I want to not only sound good, but be under the annointing. The song we are singing is so profound. I feel like there are some songs that are not necessarily traditional sounding Hymn music (tho some of the classic Hymms are my favorite) but the music to the song convey the depth of agony or seriousness of the message. Never Alone by Barlow Girl is one of those songs. It is somewhat "rockish" but to me, it still has a good worshipful tone to it, and the music conveys when you are at the bottom of your despair NEEDING to hear from God. I feel like Shackles is one of those songs...yes it is upbeat and rather hip hop sounding, but it still conveys worship and makes you want to get off your feet and say YES WITH JESUS, I CAN do ALL things. Get out of the pity party self. Trust me, I don't like worldly Christian music...what's the point, but I don't feel these songs to be in that category and if it can touch ONE person it is worth it all.

Well, that be all folks. For the record, again, and as if yall didnt already know. My heart belongs to you Damon Broyles, forever and always. I love you.

Veg-i-tu-buls

For lunch I went to cracker barrel and had the smothered grilled chicken with carrots, green beans, and hashbrown casserole. I took off part of the cheese and bacon from the chicken, and ate all of my veggies except the little bits that were hard to get off the plate and did NOT eat all of my hashbrown casserole, though that was one of my favorite parts. Tonight I am gonna do some light grocery shopping and try to buy lots of vegitables and fruit. And more water.

Today has been an okay day, pretty good. Struggles off and on, but okay. I miss Damon, as always, but some days are more bearable. I was thinking this morning as I stood on the porch how much God has changed me since Damon died. How His grace has brought me through moment by moment, though I couldn't necessarily see it. You see, when Damon first passed the mornings when I would wake up were so eary, so alone, so sad. I just wanted to sleep...this morning as I stood on the front steps looking out I realized I wasn't that way anymore, and truly my grief, though still present, has changed. God is so good. I wish I could be more for Him. I feel I fail so much and I really want to do my best. I won't say that I don't have hard times, because that wouldn't be the truth. I won't say it isn't hard to be alone, and come home to a house where my husband used to wait for me with a beautiful smile on his face. That would be a lie too. It is hard, very hard, but it is like I heard recently...we don't know what would be on the other side of what God's will if He had given us what we truly wanted. Yes I want Damon back, but God knows the future and the reason why it was Damon's time. Like the king in the Bible who requested more time and it was given him and in the end it was for the kings downfall. I am not saying my husband would have fell, or that I would have fell should he have remained alive. I AM saying that for whatever reason, which I don't really like, there is a reason and I just need to rest in that reason. Because who knows, if I had got what I wanted, what the future would have held. I can say, that for three years two months and thirty days, I had the most wonderful blessed life a person could ask for. I had a husband who deserved so much and loved me despite my weaknesses and downfalls. As a country song goes, I could not ask for more. Thank you Lord. Thank You for Damon.

Yes Momma

My mom has informed me (in her motherly way) that I need to take better care of myself. I.e. rest, water, fruits, veggies. Yes please to the first, okay on the second...if I have to on the third, and blech on the fourth. She is just worried about me, and I can't understand it cus I am a mother. That is one thing I hope I have learned from Damons passing. You can't understand until you have walked the shoes that person is in. So I can't fully understand momma's worrying, but I can try to make her feel better by doing what she would like me to, considering it wouldn't hurt anyway. So, this morning I have already had a half of an apple for breakfast and and am done with my first bottle of water AND have taken my one a day, daily vitamin. GO ME, see momma, I do good for you. :)

Thank the Lord my headache is gone AND I was asleep before 11 last night. MAN that felt good. Don't know how long it has been since that has happened. You see, the Andy Griffith show comes on at 10 and runs two episodes, ending at 11. For some reason, I find this show comforting and appealing. I have not always felt this way, perhaps its because its 99% clean (100% if you ignore the occasional smoking and barney or andy thinking a girl is hot) or because my dad and damon liked this show. Who knows...I just like it. But by the time its over, then I do my Bible reading and praying...well sometimes it has almost been 1am. Mainly cus I worry a lot at night too. So I am thinking...that I need to do my main praying at some other time than right before bed, because knowing my tendencies...I think it would help to avoid the whole time of worrying thing. Anyway, that is my story and I am sticking to it.

Tomorrow is the gong show, Morgan and I are singing. I really want us to be annointed to sing what we are singing. Not only is it a cool song (it's called Shackles, Mandisa sang it on American Idol) but it talks how we need to take these shackles off our feet so we can TRULY praise the Lord. Forget everything, lay it down, and be happy. Ya know, it speaks volumes to me, and I don't want to be just a relayer of words or a performer of song, I love music and I want it to bless someone like it blesses me. I want people to get up off their feet and realize we ARE living below our priviledges and just shout for joy to the King.

Well, I think this is a pretty long blog for the day. Pray for my cousin Marissa, she is really pregnant and getting to the miserable ready to have this baby point. Pray for her to feel comfort and for the baby to come soon.

Tonight

Pray for me, I have a headache and just don't feel real well. I am mowing Damon's one remaining lawn customer's lawn tonight. Michael is helping me, which I really appreciate, but I am just feeling tired in body and bothered in mind. I really need to let the Lord help me, I wish I could just be like Damon. *sigh*

Money is evil

Okay, so not literally. The love of it is...at any rate I made a mistake on my checking account. I have tried to be very very good like Damon was with the checkbook. To honor him ya know. I had a checkbook before but didn't balance things to the penny like he did. I rounded up so that I would have a pad in there I didn't even know about. I knew it was there, but not how much, ya know. Well I have been really good about writing in things like he did and using the calculator like he did to balance it correctly and keep it looking neat. Just like he would do. However, I got a statement in the mail Friday saying I had over drafted. So I went to the bank as soon as I could get myself together and they printed off the last two banking periods. I had everything in there correctly with the exception of two things. Mcdonalds for 3 something...no big deal, cus Damon almost always kept a 20 dollar pad in there. However, I FORGOT to write in the hotel charge for assembly. A whopping 143 bucks that I had forgotten to deduct. :( MAN. So I had been using my debit car for a week, not knowing that each time was using and using more money I DIDN'T have in there. Needless to say they total bank charges were over $300. I called the bank this morning and they are going to refund $150 since we had been good customers, but this requires me to sign up for over draft protection, which you either have to open a credit card, a savings account, or a line of credit to cover should this ever happen again. GRR...I am DEBT free (with the exception of a pledge to a Christian radio station and library fees) and I DON'T want to open a credit card or line of credit. ESPECIALLY since Damon did NOT like credit cards. I want to honor him so much in all of my decisions, do things the way he would. I wish I wouldn't have messed up. I have tried so much to run things like he would, I wish I hadn't made this mistake.

GRR

Wellllll.....1 comment on my Hick post. surely I thought I would get more than that. YES, I am comment happy, so get over it. HEHE, guess that isn't nice to say. I been trying to be better about making comments too. I know I am so bad about that, asking for them, and not giving any.

I have invited some more people to Revival...I don't know what will happen, but God does. I hope they come, one person said they had to work almost as soon as the words were outa my mouth. Makes one feel shot down, but I am gonna pray for them to be able to come. One day people will realize they need to give some time to God too. I don't say that rudely, I mean I need to give Him more time. Good grief, everything I do for Him is eternal...so I need to do more. Anyway...this is probably coming out all wrong. Pray those I invite, will wanna come.

I am soo so sooo sleepy lately. I bought vitamins for myself, but forget yesterday and today...hard to get into the habit. I go to bed around 1130-1230 and get up around 630. Thats not a tiny amount of sleep so I am wondering do I really need more sleep or is something wrong with me. I know I need to eat more vegetables and fruit and drink more water. See ya later. Today has been a pretty good day. I think of Damon so much sometimes, other times not as much but he is almost always on my mind in some way I am sure. He is in my heart, so he has to be on my mind a lot, right.

Rodeo...God's number one sport....

Now, before you freak out...let me share the story behind my blog title.
My wonderful loving put together beautiful friend...Emily...whom thinks I am a total hick, calls me this morning and says "I have something funny that I wanted to share with you". By the tone in her voice and the slight snicker, you could obviously tell she thought it was very funny. So I asked her "what?", she says "a truck just went by me, with a trailer that said RODEO in big letters, God's number one sport." Thats my friend Emily. LOL She then said "I don't get it" and I said "I don't either, but when you saw it you thought man that is redneck and then you thought of me, didn't you?" She said "*laugh laugh* well because it said rodeo I did" uh huh, sure. Well world I am not ashamed, I am hick hear me roar. I like four wheeling in the mud, riding my horses, camping old style, going hunting, rodeos, anything that is outdoors and doesn't include rapids or weird things in the water...I can handle. Except worms, yuck, worms are gross. SICK. Hey, for the record, thanks to my sweet husband...I even like John Deere. Yep, you heard me right, and that my friends I believe was the first time Em really called me a hick, was when she saw my John Deere phone case. Well, hand me a flannel shirt, and cook me some pork and beans over the fire or for that matter just put the can under the hood of a truck by the motor after it has been driven awhile. That should cook'er. Get'r done yall. YEE HAW.

I am proud to say, while I am hick, I do believe I retain some of my womanly niceness. Atleast I hope.

A story and a story.

My blog for today:
Revival was good last night, I had a good time. For some reason I am feeling a bit sad right now. Can't explain it, I wish it would go away at least a little bit. We have been moving stuff at work this week from our portables to another school building, hard work I tell ya. My cats are both doing very well and I love them. Poor honey, it was pouring this morning and she did NOT want to go potty out in the rain. But finally she ventured out to do her business. I know yall just needed to hear that (or shall I say read) on my blog huh. Sorry. Pray for me, pray for others, pray pray pray. I miss Damon.

Now, for the other story...

Shirley Goodnest and Marcy

A mom was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school. He didn't want his mother to walk with him. She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe. So she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a neighbor, Mrs. Goodnest, if she would please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, so he probably wouldn't notice her.

Mrs. Goodnest said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed. The next school day, Mrs. Goodnest and her little girl, Marcy, set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor boy he knew. She did this for the whole week.As the boys walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week. Finally he said to Timmy, Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week? Do you know her?Timmy nonchalantly replied, 'Yeah, I know who she is". The friend said, "Well, who is she?" "That's just Shirley Goodnest", Timmy replied, "and her daughter Marcy". "Shirley Goodnest? Who is she and why is she following us?" "Well", Timmy explained, "every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, 'cuz she worries about me so much. And in the Psalm, it says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy' shall follow me all the days of my life', so I guess I'll just have to get used to it"!

First Cup

Since Damons been in Heaven. First cup of....*drum roll please*

COFFEE!!

man it is sooooooooo good.

I didn't plan on drinking any anymore because of a few reasons but mainly I knew he didn't like it and I wanted to honor him by not drinking it. The more I smelled the coffee, the more it smelled so good. And I think he would want me to do something I enjoy. Besides, he was fine as long as I chewed some kind of gum or washed my face so he couldn't detect any smell of it. I hope I haven't let him down, it was good though. I think this feels like some kinda little milestone.

180

My kitty has done a 180 degree turn from where he was. YAHOO!!! Thank You JESUS!! For anyone who prayed, thank you very very much. Last night he ate a little bit on his own and I decided to put most of the food up so he would be hungrier in the morning. This morning he was playing and running, and he even ate the food off my finger that I so inconspicuously hid his medicine in. *tee hee* I am sneaky. I put more wet food down and saw him eating it as I was eating my breakfast. Isn't that wondermous. Makes his mama happy and thankful to the Lord.

Well, I started making a few crafts last night. I stopped by hobby lobby and picked up the supplies to make candles. I bought some stuff to pour and leave in a container and then some to put in a mold then decorate. A friend of mine is having a craft bizarre and asked me if I would like to bring some things so I am trying to come up with a few ideas, outside of baking. I made a potpourri thing for Yvonne last night that was really cute, but I think I need to add a little more sumpin sumpin (as Morgan would say). She got the beginner one, but hopefully she liked it. Anyway, it was fun. I then filled a vase with red colored potpourri and filled it with fake sunflowers (yellow for Damon) and three (again...fake) red roses, one for every year of our marriage, and it was PURTY! I actually was kind of surprised...might start making those too.

Wendy stopped by last night and picked up the honey she ordered from my Daddy. If anyone elese wants to order honey, let me know. He has a batch he just did I think. He keeps the bees in the back yard/dry lot area of their house, he took that up after I moved out. Weird, but he likes it. :) And it tastes WAY better than anything you buy in the store, there really is a difference.

Tonight starts revival, we go through Sunday. I am glad to have something going for five nights, and I hope that doesn't sound bad. God knows, sometimes I get pretty lonely...well a lot of sometimes and it helps to have something going. Especially if that means church, woohoo. I wanna invite someone, but need prayer for the Lord to open the doors. Pray for this, that I will have the opportunity. Well, I am off here I guess.

Anybody??

I wrote a LONG post and I get one comment (thanks Bekka). *hmmph*

I was just looking at picture of Damon and I remembered this scar he had on his ear from a hair cut gone wrong. He never would let me cut his hair. Hearing about all the weddings coming up (Megan and Gracie) makes me nostalgic to that time in my life. What a grand and glorious feeling it was. I wish I could have those days back. If I had only known he would be gone so soon, I think I would have stopped to drink in every drop of every day of our lives together. Time passes so quickly. I miss him so much.

Today...

This shall be a long post. My aunt sent me something via email that I thought was really cool. Oh and I do have a blog after this, so make sure ya read all the way down.

Check it out
Beauty of Math!

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

Brilliant, isn't it?

And look at this symmetry:

1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111=12345678987654321

Now, take a look at this...


101%

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:

What Equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been in situations where someone wants you to GIVE OVER
100%.

How about ACHIEVING 101%?

What equals 100% in life?


Here's a little mathematical formula that might help answer these
questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

If:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%


And:

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%


But:

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%


THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:


L-O-V-E-O-F-G-O-D

12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%


Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:

While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will
get you there, It's the Love of God that will put you over the top!


Isn't that interesting. I thought it was. I am really ready to change my layout. I don't need to, I want to.
In other news...Junior is feeling better and showing interest in food, but not eating it. So I had to force feed him, that is what the vet was going to do, so I saved myself some money (at least for today) by doing it myself. A lovely mixture of wet food, milk, and tuna juice. YUMMY, anyone hungry. My house smells lovely, as you can imagine. He got downright ugly sounding though, he didn't like me putting dropper fulls of stuff down his mouth against his will and wanted me to know it too. But, I keep going, because I can tell he feels better. I just wish he would eat. PLEASE pray he eats.

I miss Damon, duh, sure y'all knew that. Its every day life that is hard to me. It's not going to be a 6 month wait, or a year wait, he isn't ever coming back to this life. I know I will see him in Heaven, and it will be glorious. But now, I miss my husband. I miss day to day things, getting ready while he was getting ready. Taking care of him and fixing his meals. Grocery shopping trying to find the things he liked, laying next to him at night as we did our devotionals. I miss going to side jobs with him and watching him do what he truly liked. He was so amazing. I liked watching him sleep and the sweetness of his face. I loved his unassuming manner. He was who he was, humble and kind, he had nothing to prove. He was himself and honest before the Lord and that is so awesome to find in this world of you have to show off to be noticed, etc. His light shined daily, without him even trying. I love him. I miss him. I am so much better off for having known him, and for being his wife. I am so happy that he made his all time #1 goal, but honestly....I want him here with me. I know this was Gods will, but I know God understands that I don't LIKE having to live every day without Damon physically here. I don't like NOT waking up to him, I don't like it at all. This wasn't the plan for my life, or shall I say, MY plan. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever have happiness again. There are moments of happiness in my life right now, but nothing like life was with Damon. At times, it feels really unfair that people around you get to go on with life, and have their dreams coming true. If you have faced sorrow, you know how I feel. My friends and family are having babies...yet here I am without the man who would have made the most wonderful father, with no hope of having his children. God knows my future, and for whatever reason June 19th 2007 WAS Damon's time. It is hard to rest in the fact somewhere out there, there is a plan for me. There is a song I sing now....it goes like this...

I had fought so hard and thought that all my battles had been won, only to find the war had just begun.

When Damon and I were brought together I thought that I had finally made it. I had finally achieved my dream, I was truly living out my day to day dream. I thought my loneliness battles were over and that I finally had the person in my life I had dreamed of. I never knew that three short years, 2 months and 30 days later...my war had truly just begun. But as the rest of the song goes..."Is He not strong enough, is He not pure enough, to break me, pour me out and start again. Is He not brave enough, to take one chance on me, please can I have one chance to start again." I don't know what my future holds, I don't know what tomorrow holds. But I know I want to hold the Keeper of tomorrows Hand. I guess that is enough reminiscing for the day. Ciao.

Thank You

Thank you to whoever prayed for Junior. Keep it coming. But I DID get to bring both my boys home. They said his blood is looking much better! PTLORD! His temperature was 105 something, that is why he didn't want to eat. Now it is back down to normal and you can so tell. He isn't as skinny as I thought. He has only lost 1.5 to 2 pounds. Which is still alot for a cat. Anyway, just pray his fever will keep down and that he will eat. If I can get him to eat, it will be okay, thank You LORD!

Momma

Pray for my momma too please, she was not feeling well last night. Please pray for her to be well.

Junior

Is not doing well in my opinion. PLEASE PLEASE pray for him. I am really tired ya'll. I know God is able, I know He is a good God. I need Him to intervene. I am overwhelmed with heartache at the moment. I hope I don't sound silly or whiney, I just REALLY need Him to help me right now. I want my kitty to be okay, he isn't eating much. My normally fatter boy has lost so much weight his back bone is very feelable and his eyes almost look sunk in his head. I can't get him to eat wet food, grilled chicken, warm milk. I gave him his meds last night and he threw up about two minutes later. I KNOW God touched Tigger, I need Him to touch Junior. I want my boy to be okay. I miss him being okay. *sigh* I had weird dreams last night...woke up sad. I miss Damon. I say it alot, but my life has changed. Every single day I woke up to my husband for over three years (except if he was at mens retreat or I was visiting) and now that is gone. I know HE is happy, he is in heaven. But I am here, and my life every single day is without Damon and I miss him. My life will never be the same. God has a plan bigger than this, I just wish I could see it. I wish for Damon back to be honest. I know...lovely uplifting blog, huh. Pray for me, I need it. And pray for my kitty, Junior. PLEASE, he looks so sick and tired.

Anybody

OUT THERE???

Aside from picking my kitty up, I am planless. Anybody else planless out there? I wanna go play football, I wish the youth were doing that tonight. *sigh*

This is me signing off,

lonely in old hick

Big Faith

Well....pray for me today and mostly pray for my OTHER kitty. He has the same thing Tigger did, though, thank the Lord not as serious a case. I noticed he seemed more quiet lately but his gums still were a fairly good shade of pink. A sign of this sickness is pale gums. It is called hemobartenella (I think that is the correct spelling). Last night I noticed him being really quiet, and my test of how they are feeling (don't laugh) is to scratch their stomach because neither of them like that and get mad. He got mad, but it took him longer than usual. I checked his gums again and noticed they were paler. Then I picked him up and he started meowing really loud like he was mad, I set him down and he just went what seemed like, straight over and (not to be gross) but doodied on the floor as he was laying there. It was like a seizure or something. :( I FREAKED out and started crying and called my momma and Yvonne. Yvonne came down almost right away and she calmed me down a lot. Well the Lord used her to do that. She read the Bible to me and prayed with me and for Jr. This morning he was still laying down but atleast picked up his tale when I scratched by it, he likes that. I thought that was better. I went to pick him up to put him in the crate to take to the vet and this time he got mad sounding again and his back legs seemed paralyzed and he did number 1 and 2 on himself. Again, sorry if I gross you out. The vet called about an hour and a half later saying he had hemobart as well, but not as serious as Tigger's case. I am thankful for that, and get to pick him up tonight after work. He will be on atleast two medicines and maybe three like Tigger was, I am not sure.

Just pray for me to be sane. When he got sick last night I feel like I lost it. I am so tired of tragedy...so to say. I know he is only a cat, but I feel like it has piled and piled on top of me. Yet I want to remain like Job and praise the Lord, but when that happened I don't remember calling on the Lord. I remember freaking out and crying and getting so scared. I want to be stronger and more grounded than that. I need the Lords help.

Pray myself out of being human

My friend Tammy wrote a song about that, and today I so wish I could do it. I wish I was perfected already. I try so hard each day to please the Lord, yet I fall on my face. The Bible has a verse about a man who falls 7 times and gets back up 7 times, being wiser than the one who stays down. So I want to get back up, I just wish I didn't fall. I truly had the most wonderful husband in the world, and I miss him. No offence ladies...to all of your hubbies ;) just mine was the best. In my most humble (hahaha) opinion. He was everything good and wonderful in my life, and I never want to forget what he was, who he was, and how he was to the Lord and to me. Tonight I think I am going to clean and cook. I want to be ready for the weekend. I am still not sure if I am getting another dog, I need to ask my landlord (andys dad) first to make sure he is okay with it. I am going to see how much fencing materials would be to redo the back yard fence. Damon and I had talked about it before he passed away when we were having all the trouble with the neighbor. Except I don't think I will do a privacy fence, but a tall chain link. Who knows...I want to be able to make it so the dog (if I got one) could have the back yard to be in while I am gone at work. What would be awesome would be if I could have a doggy door put in so they could go in and out as they pleased, but I am not going to do that since I am only renting. Anyway, enough of dreaming.

Last Night

Last night was pretty fun. Emily came over and spent the night...since she works in Hermitage and lives in Smyrna it worked out good for her.

I have an announcement to make: Last night was the first time I have made buffalo chicken from scratch, since Damon went to Heaven. It was pretty good to. YUM and go me and THANK YOU JESUS. It has been hard to cook, and I tell you....it probably still will be, but having Michael and Emily to cook for last night made it easier.

Tonight I need to get to church early to help Emily out.

Oh yeah, we went to Wal-Mart last night around 8 something and didn't get out until 9:30ish...no wonder I was tired. Then came home and watched a movie. Was nice to have company. I even cleaned my house a little bit. All in all a productive evening for this chick.

My cat is so weird and cute, when i get my laptop back I am hopefully going to post the pics I took of him last night. Since I have moved him inside he has been so hyper, especially since feeling better. Well, I bought them a cat gym that they barely even looked at! GRRR, I bring home some clothes I got in Idaho...well the bag is kind of big and hot pink...Tigger loves that thing. So to say. He runs and then dives into it and turns around and stares back out at you. If I had known he would have liked something that much that was free, I never woulda wasted the money on a cat gym. Wendy you need a cat gym??

Thats it for today. I love you guys and momma I mim you. I miss Damon a lot lately. I mean I think about him every single day, but it hasn't been this acute in a couple of weeks. Yesterday was definitely better, but it still hurts a lot. A super lot.

Do you like the name Solomon's Traditions for my store?? Damon liked the name Solomon if we ever had a boy.

One more thing

Pray for me, I am thinking about getting another dog. One that is medium sized, for a little more protection and a companion for honey and I. I just need to pray about it. I already have one dog and one cat that are indoor and one cat that is indoor/outdoor. I am in a small place, I just think it would be kind of therapeutic to have something new to keep my mind busy, if that makes sense. The house is so empty and quiet, might be nice, ya know? I went to the pound today and have three that I am really looking at...the only thing is, I was wanting a male and all three that I like are female. SIGH The lady said I can bring Honey in on Saturday and introduce her to them and see how she does. Two are labs and one is a lab retriever mix. The mix is really pretty and sweet, the black lab is totally emaciated so I would be a mommy/nurse for awhile which interests me, yet she is going to be HUGE. 70lbs ish...man o man, that is big. The chocolate lab is the perfect size but already full groan and I sort of wanted a puppy to raise a long with honey. But she is the sweetest of all three in my opinion, well they are all sweet and somewhat pitiful. There is another puppy there that is sooooooo cute, and another. I really wish I could take almost all of them. It is so sad, I prayed that every single one of them would get adopted. There is one dog, he didnt really win me over but I think he is still young and has been in there a long time and he is kind of cute and he didn't bark and is a male. So who knows, I am just going to pray about this. Pray with me. I know it will mean: more food, more flea meds, more vet care, more work for someone to take care of. Anyway, anyone have any thoughts, they must be nice though :) You can disagree, just do it nicely.

New thoughts

Pray for me, I am thinking of starting my own business. I want it to be an old timey retro-ish home cookin kind of store. I don't know, just in the thought process.

I shall share this story...

This may sound weird, but as I was walking to the baggage claim area I realized that this was the first time (since meeting Damon) that I had walked that aisle and my husband wasn't going to be waiting for me. I was really sad and cried a little. While I was on the plane (I think that is when I asked Him) I asked the Lord to let me see Damon. I know it may sound weird, and I don't know what I really expected, but I prayed it anyway. As I came around the walkway, posted on the pillar he would wait behind, was a big sign saying "WET PAINT". How cool is that. I believe that was Jesus answering my prayer. My Damon would hang signs in the school after they had painted saying wet paint, and not to mention him being a painter. I was happy. I miss my husband horribly. The pain has been really bad today, today has just been plain hard. Shew...I need some sunshine and as the song says...Lord I need You to lift this load cus' I can't take it no more. I really need prayer, seriously.

Trying to Remember

That this is the day that the Lord hath made, I will rejoice and be glad in it. I hope it is okay not to feel rejoiceful. I dont want to be a complainer before God, I am just so sad and down today. Horribly.

Quickly

I will post quickly....

Ever feel like you are hanging on by a thread?? Man, I am such a worrier. I DO NOT like it. I wish I could KNOW what God would have or be happy with and just do it and not stress myself over everything. I make it so hard on myself. I just want to make heaven my home, I know worry isn't from God. I just have such a hard time getting out of my thought patterns. God please lead me in Your PATHWAY!

I am going over to the Fox's tonight for dinner, I went grocery shopping last night, and look now I don't even have to use my own, I get to eat someone elses. LOL. I actually bought food to cook last night too. Go me. Most of it is pre made, I am just not into full out cooking again. It is hard to cook for one. I had just got the cooking for two thing down. I loved preparing satisfying meals for Damon, just isn't the same now.

Pray for me to have direction for my future, I am thinking about a lot of different things. School, housing, business, etc.. I want to be in the perfect will of God.

Tag Game

I think we should start a new game: It would be a game of reverse tag, you give your friend a list of mutual friends and say 8 randoms thoughts or impressions of that friend. Mostly positive, but if they can handle it be honest about quirks or faults. (I hope I am doing this right)

Momma:
1. She loves the Lord with all her heart soul and mind.
2. She loved my husband very very much, and had a great relationship with him
3. She can make some good sticky bun things in a bundt pan
4. She gave of herself so much for me to have a wonderful child hood
5. She looks 5 years younger than what she really is, she is beautimous.
6. She likes to watch "What Not to Wear"
7. She is a good listener
8. She is a joyful soul that brings joy to pretty much everyone around her.

Wendy:
1. CRACKS ME UP!
2. Will speak her mind
3. Is very good at watching and observing
4. Set me up with my WONDERFUL amazing hot husband
5. posts hilarious stuff on myspace
6. Can play a mean game of volleyball, literally.
7. Did I mention she set me up with my super hot husband!
8. Likes to create indian names for her friends.

Tammy:
1. Stands in the gap
2. Cooks some good mexican food
3. cleans a mean house, although I did actually find dust one time. :0
4. Has a beautiful daughter who is sunshine to life.
5. Sings the song that the Lord laid on my heart in the emergency room June 19th, I WILL TRUST HIM
6. Looks super hot and cool
7. Is a person you can pretty much read what she is thinking, MOST of the time.
8. Has a hilarious laugh.

I dont know if anyone else tagged me, but I need to go now. :) I will do more later if I have time. :)

Hard Day

Golly, today has been hard. I have really been thinking about Damon today and missing him. I went grocery shopping tonight, I used to have someone to love to cook for and prepare for, now it is me. Do you know how lonely that is? *sigh* I am hoping a friend of mind will come to TN ladies retreat this year. I am in a weird stage right now. I am wanting to quit my job and maybe go to school, what kind of school I am not sure. Was thinking of going to esthician school and becoming certified to do facials, then I have thought maybe not that and to open my own business. I just wish I knew some answers in life. My world has turned literally upside down and I have no idea which way to go. I am lonely, missing Damon, sad, I dunno...I have lots of things to be thankful for and perhaps I am bad for even writing this. I don't want to lose sight of the prize, to let this storm surround me so much that I don't see the silver lining. I really need you Jesus to help me, YOU know where I am weak, please bind me up I pray. I want to please You so so much, and I feel like I fail on a lot of things, I really need Your help. Help me all the way to Heaven's doors. PLEASE.

HI

I am back in TN. I miss Idaho though, being honest. *sigh* I could have stayed out there longer, but work calls. I return full time for the first time since Damons passing to heaven. Scary business.

Since I am getting nagged by someone who shall remain nameless...EMILY. I am gonna get off here now. I am wearing my new dress today momma, I was told I looked sharp. :) WOOHOO. Nice to look sharp sometimes. Now if I could act sharp.

Did I mention I miss Damon. I am so ready for my laptop to be back. I wanna do Tams tag game. Ciao all.

Tagged

Rules:
1. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
2. People who are tagged need to write in their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
3. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
4. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

My 8 Random Facts/Habits

1. I cannot STAND for my hands to smell like food after I have eaten. I have to go and wash them ASAP, or if that isn't possible use Hand Sanitizer.

2. I won my first rodeo queen title at the age of 4.

3. When I was 9'ish I was afraid "the aliens" were coming to get me.

4. When I was younger, I would make a fort in the living room on new years eve and watch the ball fall in NYC on TV.

5. I have a scar under my chin from falling off my horse (age 5 I think) and hitting the pavement.

6. My dad and I used to have tomato fights at the end of the season with the tomatoes left in the garden.

7. I once fell asleep on top of my horse salty. I think I was asleep anyway, I was young I know that.

8. I am double jointed in my left pointer finger, I think I am, I can bend it at the first joint without moving the rest of my finger. Cool huh

I tag: No one, because, well....I don't know if there are 8 others I know well enough to tag to haven't been tagged already and mainly I don't really want to. Thinking of 8 interesting things about me was sorta hard.

Thursday....

I have been missing Damon a lot more lately. I think about him and really wish he was here. *sigh* this hurts and is really hard.

Today is spa day, I am excited and nervous. I hope I like it.

I need to get off here, but I had a great time last night with some old friends. We went to the Cheesecake Factory then shopped in the mall. I got a great sale on some body lotions and sprays and also bought my friend a baby outfit for her coming son. Baby Gap has the cutest bags. Good thing they have a clearance section, that place is expensive, but super cute! Ciao

Pray for Me PLEASE

I am sick still and I feel like I can't breathe to well at times. I know it is mainly a fear thing, though the junk in my lungs doesn't help. I just need the Lord to completely heal me and help me to be well again! I know He still heals.

In other news, my birthday gift to the spa from my Aunt is this Thursday. I only have to pay for a small part of it, so it will be really nice. I am so excited and hope I am totally relaxed after I am done, I could use some relaxation. As I am sure a lot of people could.

The time has gone so quickly for me here. I am torn, part of me isn't ready to leave, yet the other part of me misses TN. I know this is hard on my parents, I am not a parent so I can't fully understand, yet I would imagine it would be extremely painful to see a child move so far away. I need to pray for God's comfort for them, I would appreciate any prayers that you all would offer up for them as well. Tomorrow, I am taking lunch (KFC, at her request) to my grandma. Thursday is spa day, and Friday we are going to my grandparents house. I fly home Saturday, and Lord willings should arrive Saturday Afternoon. I need to go see my horse too. I haven't even been down to see her yet. I tell you, it seems like time has flown by.

Someboday told a wonderful story at church tonight that I would like to share. (I am adding a few of my thoughts to the story too) A commercial came on the radio station they were listening too and was to the effect of a man pulling petals off a flower saying she loves me, she loves me not. This person said, how they didn't want God to feel that way about him because of his actions, "he loves me today, he doesn't love me today, he loves me today, he doesn't love me today" the Bible says if we love Him, we keep HIS commandments. Then this person said, how awful it would be to get to the final petal and it be the day when he loved Him not. We never know the end of our road, or when our last petal will be plucked so to say, may we be found loving HIM still that day and serving Him with our whole heart. On that note, I had the opportunity to witness to a friend of mine yesterday (a friend of a friend really) and I would love for the seed to have been planted. pray that the Lord will continue to work on this persons heart and bring them to HIM. God is a God of love and peace, and I prayed I conveyed the love of the Lord to this person.

Good night folks. pray for my cough and my lungs.

I love u Damon.

Damon would have liked tonight...

...I thought of him and how he would have enjoyed the evening I had tonight. I went four wheeling, both ATV and in a truck with a friends of moms, sons. If that made sense. There was two of them, one of me, and their other friends and I am not sure of all three names, but two of them were Ryan and Megan. We had a fun night of riding through lots of mud, but then someone had the idea to take the truck through a hole they got the four wheeler stuck in earlier. Guess what, the truck got stuck too. Then the other dude got his truck to pull the stuck truck out (which I was in). I imagine yall can guess what happened next,...ready....that truck got stuck too! OH mercy. So I have to get out of the truck where the water and mud are almost level with the bottom of the truck and sink, there was a ridge I could climb out on but it was still pretty deep. I was REALLY muddy at this point, my shoes were covered, my legs, my arms and face were spattered, I had chunks of mud in my hair still when I got home tonight, and there were even mud clauds in my ear. YUCK! I rode the four wheeler back to my dads truck, now mind you not only am I using Dad's truck, but mom and dad's nice newer four wheelers. I told them to be careful, people I have never met before in my life and I let them borrow expensive things. I was praying, how smart am I though?? Anyway, we got Dad's truck down there, well I drove it down to the spot, and the dude pulled the first truck out. SHEW. Okay, the second truck (the original one stuck) was REALLLY deep. I realy was scared my dads truck was going to bog down and it would end up getting stuck too. I was literally praying that it would NOT get stuck. THANK YOU JESUS, it came out fine, though a little scary at moments. It took a few attempts to get the second truck out. Damon would have loved this place, he would have had the best time. Sometimes I feel like I forget, I get caught up having fun and forget my husband is REALLY gone. It seems like reality slips me at times. Who knows, maybe it is good. Maybe if I really kept thinking about him being gone all the time, I would be sad. Only God knows. I do know a few things in life: My husband was the greatest man I have ever met and I had the pleasure of being his wife, I love my Lord and am so thankful to Him that I am His child, I want to make it to Heaven more than life itself. I love You Jesus, and thank YOU so much for Your mercy, grace, love, and everything You are and have done for me. I love you Richard Damon, forever and always and always and forever...your Bride.

Number One

What is your greatest dream/wish in all of the whole wide world?

Mine: Making it to Heaven and serving the Lord purely and honestly and having the actions to back up my words.

That is what has been on my mind lately...making it, doing whatever I need to to make it to Heaven. Damon made it. I want to be like Damon was, he was amazing. My hero and my love. Damon had it figured out, yet he didn't feel like it. He was so much a joy, a light, a inspiration, and a pure example. I want to be like him.

Tomorrow momma and I are hanging out, and tomorrow night I am supposed to be going four wheeling on an ATV. My Aunt gave me a card entitling me to a certain dollar amount a spa here in Idaho. I am so excited about this!

I got to spend time with one of my bridesmaids from my wedding today. Sylvia. It was nice and refreshing and wonderful. I have missed her. I miss my TN people, I love you guys. It is nice to be home with family though. :)

My cold has settled into my chest, YUCK. I feel like I can't breathe and that is kinda scary. Pray it goes away. We serve an amazing God and He can touch me. I need to get better so I don't cough as much.

Well, that is what has been up today...oh yeah, man those arctic circle milkshakes sure are good Sis Becki, not nearly as good as the fry sauce though. MMM MMM JEALOUS? ;) hehe, just kidding.

8:25

Tonight, at that time I will be 25 years old, according to mom. Around 11:30 tonight four years ago today Damon proposed to me and my life changed forever. Today has been bittersweet for me. I have been doing pretty good with missing Damon but it has hit me hard today, he isn't here. I am sad, really sad. I feel bad, mom had the people sing to me today at the breakfast place and I just didn't feel into it. I hope they don't think I was a jerk, I am just sad. Sad and sick. I think my ears have been plugged for two or three days now. My life isn't what I thought it would be right now, I am still abundantly blessed and I don't want to mumble and complain or make all of those around me miserable. I need Jesus to catch my tears right now and to hold me. I miss my Damon. I miss him bad. I wish this wasn't my cup to bear. Mom needs my help getting ready for my party tonight, we have a lot to do. Pray I get happy and have a good time.

Blogger is being weird with me commenting again, well I think it's the connection, anyway Tammy- Thank you for your blog, that was sweet!

Autumn, tell Ambrie (I am not sure that is spelled right) that I love her too and thank you for the birthday wish. Tell your mom hello. And whole family.

Yvonne, I love you too and thank you for the call.

FYI

Honey prices are as follows:
5# Jar, $10
3# Jar, $6.50
Jar with Honey Comb $6
Big Bear $4
Little Bear $2.50

When I say little and big bear, its the same as what in the store how you see the big bear jars of honey and the little bear jars of honey. I don't know the ounce size.

On the laptop thing, I dont really want to get a new one. I know, I know..but I am leaning towards waiting and just getting the old one back. I dont like Vista. I am not 100 percent, but I am just not ready to let it go yet.

Moms yard sale is going good today, she is making mucho mula. We prayed and the Lord has provided. Pray for my nose, that it will stop leaking. YUCK.

WELL!

Only two responses on the laptop issue? Do I need to beg again??

Its official, I am SICK. Yucko, sicky sick sick.

Mom is having her yardsale, already made 25 buckaroos on the first sale, not bad huh. She is selling dads honey too. For those who don't know, my dad raises bees and has honey for sale, so if you want to buy some, let me know before I leave here and I can bring it back for you. He has the jar with the honey comb in it, small bear, big bear, 3 pound jar, and 5 pound jar. I am bringing a jar with the honey comb in it for myself, or I might give it away to someone. Mom and Dad brought some to Andy and Yvonne and Andy thought it was really good!

Well, sianara. if thats how you spell it.

For the record: I love you Damon Broyles.

Laptop Woes

Well, CompUSA called today. HP contacted them and said they are taking too long with the repair and I have two choices. A) they will issue the amount of money Damon spent on the laptop so another laptop can be bought, or B) I can wait for them to fix my laptop, but there is no ETA as to when it will be back.

I am torn, I really don't want to be without the internet for the next 2-3 months, but good grief...is internet really that important that I can't wait for the original laptop Damon and I bought as a Christmas present for each other? I know what Damon would say, he would say take the money and get a new one. But Damon isn't here and that laptop he bought me is a part of our life together, materialistic or not.

Opinions, prayers??? What think ye?

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Well....well. My birthday is Saturday. Today might be hot enough to get in the pool again, yesterday was COLD. I think the high might have been 75. I love Mountain Air, you just cant describe it to someone. You have to experience it for yourself. For some reason (pardon the lack of paragraphs, I am not feeling a very paragraphy right now)I cannot comment on peoples blogs at the moment. I tried to comment on Damons and gave up after 20 minutes. I guess it was about 20 minutes. We are having a yard sale tomorrow, then my birthday celebration Saturday. I need to make signs for mom today, she is selling some of dads honey too. I really need the Lord. I want to know both sides of the many sides of God. I know I will never truly understand or fathom Him, but I serve so much out of the fear aspect of things, I would love to press through that to the love and grace side of things as well. I just want to make it to Heaven, with all of my heart and soul. That is all that matters to me. I want to be perfected before Him. Sure, things in life are nice, but if they effect my relationship with my Creator in a negative light, I don't need them. I am really just burdened right now. I want to have a relaxed vacation. I don't want to sound like I am whining, but please pray I could have peace just for these two weeks, so I can relax. PLEASE. I love the Lord, and I want to please Him so much.

WOOHOO

I got moms laptop up and running with internet. Thank YOU Jesus. I prayed He would get it to work correctly and He did.

I am getting my hair cut today. Not too short, just getting some layers put in. Right now it is mostly one length with the exception of my bangs so I am wanting some more movement in it. I was thinking about getting another perm put in because people are telling me they really like it wavy, but I dont want to ruin my hair. My hair is naturally wavy to some extent, but the perm helps. Enough about my hair.

My Friend Lisa is coming over today to go swimming, HOPEFULLY, it has gotten a bit chilly with the thunderstorm that rolled in last night. Mom had to cover the pool up, I need to go out and clean it before I leave to go get my hair done.

I need to pray and read my Bible. You know what I think, God is bigger than any storm. Lord Jesus help me to HEAR Your VOICE, an no other.

Well, that is all for today.

Miss Me Yet?

Well, it feels like it has been a long time. I am here, safe, and sunburned. :) My mom's computer is being fixed right now and my laptop apparently still isn't in. Thus, no interent connection at my parents. I am at a friends house right now posting.

My parents bought me a pool. WOOOHOOO! I am getting a tan. It's really nice and I am glad they got it, I have been swimming every day since Monday and the water is 76-78 degrees. So it feels nice.

My flight went well, I just don't like connecting in Atlanta because it makes such a long flight from there to Idaho. Speaking of Idaho, the weather is REALLLY nice here. It was 101 here yesterday and didn't feel NEARLY as hot as TN does when it is 101 there.

My parents had some friends over last night and had a cook out. My dad cooked up a toooon of meat. Man o man, I have never seen so much meat cooked at one time. It was fun, dad actually went grocery shopping with mom and I yesterday. A family shopping trip, so weird, yet so cool. My momma got me some more new clothes and I think they are cuuuute!

I miss my friends, know that I love you and think about you. I am having a great time with my family though, and am thankful for this vacation.

well, I don't know when I will post again, and remember...my birthday is THIS Saturday. :)

Real Quick

Assembly was grreat! Laptop is not in yet, guess I will have to wait unless it comes in tomorrow before I leave.

I am sleepy and posting at the fox's. I am sad it is all over.

Pray for safe travel. Love you all.

Todays Flavor

Blueberry Lime Poleta. YUM. Tangy.

It's Raining It's Pouring

No old man snoring! YEE HAW, RAIN! This place was beginning to get a wee bit brown. Beginning...no, it was just plumb brown!

Davids Bridal didnt have any gloves I liked...22.00 was the cheapest. Guess I will hit party city like the others. Assembly for me, starts tomorrow. I haven't even packed yet. My house is clean, so I won't have to worry about that. Looks like I won't get my lawn mowed before I leave, I should have done it last night. I need to leave BY 7 in the morning. At the latest. I have printed off my directions to the hotel (which will be my first stop) then directions from the hotel to assembly. I hope I find everything okay. It will be weird to be without Damon. Doesn't feel right. I am sad today. I am just grrrrrrrrr'd at the moment. If that makes sense

Well, I think I was going to talk about something else, but I have forgotten. Perks to getting older. :)

I can't decide

I put a new song on here....I can't decide if I like it or not. I have thought about it more than once...this song came out a few months (I think it was a few months) before Damon died and he, not knowing he would be dying very shortly, really liked the song. He commented how he liked it...how true it would become for me. Now, I am sure he didn't tell Peter that he wouldn't enter heaven's gates until I got there, but the sentiment of the song is what I am talking about. I just can't decide if it makes me happy in remembering him, or sad, in the fact that he is gone from earth. Yet he is present with the Lord. *sigh* I rarely explain myself correctly, atleast it seems. Damon got me, he understood me 9 times outa 10. I miss him, I miss us, I miss our life and dreams together. You know, the wedding was wonderful, but life together each and every day, was so much more fun and rewarding. I miss that life. He was happiness. Pure and simple. Don't take your loved ones for granted, life IS fragile.

by the way...here is the popsicle website...though it has no information other than a address. Pure YUMMINESS

GUESS WHAT WEIRD FOOD I ATE!

if you know then you can't share!!!!!


guess now!







give up?





give up now?





one more time...




.....okay, I KNOW you give up now. So I will tell you.


I ate.....





*drum roll*





A rose flavored popsicle. They are called poletas or something, i.e. Mexican Popsicle. My bosses kept raving about them and I told one of them that I had never had one. She said okay we will go get you one. As I looked over the flavors....I saw the word ROSE. I asked her, what does a rose flavored popsicle taste like? She said...."it tastes like a rose smells" Let me tell you, it was soooo good! YUM I think it even had little pieces of crushed rose petals in it. So small, like cinnamon. Anyway, I don't know how much it was, it seemed like a designer popsicle or something, my boss paid. If you want to try one, let me know and we will sooo go there. It really tastes like a rose smells. I just thought I would blog about my exciting event of the day!

Laptop Update

PRAY PRAY PRAY! I should be getting my laptop back either today or tomorrow. I soo want to get it back before I leave for Idaho. *sigh* PRAY!

Appreciative

That is what I am right now, for my family. Mainly, I want to talk about Michael, my nephew. He is a great young man who is learning and growing so much in the Lord. He is more like his uncle than he realizes and if he keeps it up will become just like Damon. Which I hope he does keep this up! I love you Michael, you are a great nephew, and though I have had my sadness lately...you really have done more for my heart than you will ever know. I find you becoming some I can talk to, someone who is a good listener, and at the same time gives good advice. You are not just a family member, I feel I can say you are a friend. My friend. Don't worry about mowing my lawn, lol...as you know Damon didn't always mow it, sometimes I did. I can still take care of it. I am glad the Lord not only gave me Damon, but three wondeful nephews who bring sunshine to my life. You are an amazing young man Michael, you are not a boy any more. That scripture about putting away childish things is becoming your life now. You are becoming a man of the Lord and that is a wonderful thing to see. I was so proud of you Sunday morning and I can just imagine it would have made Damon smile. Keep your chin up, Damon and I were and are sooooo proud of you. I love you, your Aunt Kasey

Good/Bad

There is a paint crew here in the office today. The sound of the roller going over the wall is strangley comforting and almost lulls me to sleep. Yet going in and smelling the paint, and seeing the same paint tools that Damon used, brings back many memories. I never thought I would marry a painter, or that the painter profession would seem "hot", but it is. Damon was a hottie hard working man, and I am glad he was mine. Anyway, so now I am sort of sad. I feel numb today. This week is starting hard. You think you are doing better, then it feels the complete opposite at times.

Monday

As you know, today is monday. I was at work a little after eight this morning and working a half day today. I have alot to do today and am glad it is cooler. I am hoping atleast 10 degrees cooler. The humidity was noticeable yesterday, yuck.

The laptop still isn't back. I am getting aggrivated, I know there are worse things in life. Seriously. But Damon gave that to me and I him, as our Christmas present. I want it back! I am somewhat worried about Tigger too. I just need to pray and leave him in Gods hands. Yep, God cares about my cat, because it is a desire of my heart so He cares. He is doing fine, but I leave soon for assembly and making sure his meds are administered properly and so on. Well it just worries me.

I dont need to take up any more time posting at work, pray for me. God knows the needs. I want to make heaven, more than anything.

HELP!

I am trying to put a song on Michaels blog...well, I would if I could even FIND it online. Good Directions by Billy Currington. If someone much wiser out there can find a way or find a code for me to do this with, I would be very much appreciative. Danke.

My eyes are tired, I have been thinking about Damon a lot today. As usual. I don't like the fact he is gone, and to be honest I wish he was here. I know God's plan is even bigger than I can see at this moment but I feel alone and without my best friend, the love of my life. I refuse to be mad about the situation, but I don't think there is anything wrong with wishing it could change.

I have a REALLY busy week this week. SIGH. But as the Bible says this is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Monday I need to clean my car out and mow the lawn and clean house. Tuesday I am running around a lot. Wednesday I need to pack for assembly. thursday I drive up early morning for PON practice. WOO...my birthday is soon. I wish he was here, 4 years ago on my bday he proposed.

the demo derby was awesome. I feel I got my fill of redneckisms for the night and am good for another month or so. I wish they had them more often though.

Saturday Happenings

I am super lazy today...sort of. I woke up at 11ish, that rarely happens and it felt GOOD. I am getting perpetually sore. I dont know if it is from working out or what, but I am sore almost every morning I wake up now. I think I remember being like that when I was working out for the wedding. I had lots of dreams about Damon last night, they weren't good. Makes me sad. I had to go get my oil changed for the second time today. Damon always did it for me. I dont like him NOT changing my oil. I am heading to the fair tonight to the demolition derby, my Damon would be proud. I love that man. See yall later

Favorites

Friday Nights and Saturdays have been my favorite for the past three years. Now, they represent loneliness and the fact I will have to TRY to find someone to hang out with. When Damon and I were together, we could do anything, big or small and it was a blessing and fun. Now it is just not the case, I feel very very lonely and sad right now. It is 2 something and I am thinking what am I going to do tonight. He is gone, gone for good until heaven. I am husbandless. It's a very very sad thing to feel alone. I need a best friend again, Damon was my best friend. He was my everything besides the Lord. He filled every need, he was perfect. Dont take your loved ones for granted.

Friday Night

Well, it is Friday night. I officially have NO plans and am feeling lonely already. I am just one big sob story, huh. I guess it is just me, the cats, and honey. :(

Hello

I posted a new post on Damons Memorial Website. Go check it out if you would like.

I am hoping to get more word on my laptop this weekend and hope to have it back BEFORE assembly.

Pray for me to get back on a financial schedule. I know it may seem a weird request, but when Damon was here we ran smoothly and had a schedule as to what bills were paid on what paychecks etc.. Well since he went to Heaven (I dont like using the word "died") the Lord has really blessed me by people giving me the support they know how to give, which is monetary...not bragging, just the truth. I just paid the bills whenever they came in so that I wouldn't have to worry about them. INSTEAD OF waiting till paycheck Friday to actually sit down and write them out in a organized way like Damon did. I didn't get married until I was 21 and had had a checking account since I was 16 and had bills that I paid, but when I got married Damon just continued in assuming the bill payor responsibility. It is weird to get back into the swing of things and I am having somewhat of a struggle with it. I want to be a wise and good steward of the money God blesses me with. He knows I would rather have Damon here and live in a shack then have all the money in the world and be without my love. It IS a blessing and a responsibility before the Lord though and I just need to do my part and get back on a schedule with things. I am stressing over it and I want to do the right things. I hope this makes sense.

I need to get to work. Pray for my work situation, having so many bosses is stressing me and I want to be where the Lord wants me. I dont want to quit just because things get rough.

prayers, me

ANOTHER NEW BLOGGER!!!

Check this out!!! We have yet another new blogger amongst us!

Yvonne!

Comment away people! You KNOW you want too!

Asthma

stinks. It really does.

Miss, Miss, Miss.

I invited one of Damon's painter friends to church yesterday (I invited him to come Sunday). I haven't heard back from him. GRRRR. I am going to invite the other via email today, I think. There were two that really were on Damon's prayer list from work and so I am trying to invite them. Bro Jerry said something that stuck with me last week, he said if we knew we only had two weeks until Jesus came and we KNEW He was coming at the end of those two weeks who would we be bringing to church and what would we do to get them there. I thought of this one person that Damon has had on his prayer list, I would be begging him to come to Jesus. My family too of course, first and foremost, but for some reason this person and my dad immediately came to mind. Pray for him to come and the other guy too. They need Jesus. We all do and I just want them to be saved. I am debating on bugging the one guy yet again since I still haven't heard back from him. I dunno, I want to be wise in it all. If that makes sense. Pray for my dad and Damon's. They both have took this hard. My dad feels like he failed Damon because he couldn't help him, as he was right next to Damon the whole time up to the ride to the ambulance. He blames himself, and Richard, well he doesnt have the Lord and doesn't know how to deal with it.

I keep thinking about Damon. Two weeks ago I had a really really rough week. Last week was purty good, this week is a mix. I think about him a LOT, and miss him, yet sometimes I am happy too. It is weird. I love him still, with everything in me. He was my miracle, Damon has taught me so much. Our life together was amazing and beautiful and truly was a 3 year 2month and 30 day gift from God. Though Damon is gone, I can keep those memories and time in my heart and hopefully keep the legacy of what we had together, alive for much longer then the three years we had together.

Bellsouth gets my stinky award for the day. They have put Andy and Yvonne through the ringer and they better be getting some kind of money back for what they have done to them. It is the worst customer service and product I have seen in sooooo long. HORRIBLE. Not to be mean, but the truth.

Just a reminder, my birthday is coming up. SEPTEMBER 8TH, so remember :) I accept cash, check, or visa...JUST KIDDING!!!

Happy Birthday Wendy!

Icky Chicky

I used that phrase a long time ago and Damon liked it, so I thought I would use it again. I don't know if you gathered from the title, but I am SICK. YUCK. My throat hurts, I have drainage, and my ears are plugged. Not to be gross but I am spitting all the time from all this drainage...or using a tissue. Whichever is easier at the moment. I woke up feeling like I couldn't breathe. I dunno, seems like since Damon died I have been freaked out from time to time about not being able to breathe. Fear is from the enemy, but just please pray for me about that.

I worked out again last night, lifted weights till my arms ached and then did my treadmill. I even did incline, I shaved about 4 minutes off my time and I was pretty proud of myself. Thank You Jesus! He is helping me with will power to do this. I am sure of it. I had forgotten what got me into my weight loss groove when I worked out. I don't so much look at minutes as acheiving a distance goal. That is what it is all about for me is making my distance goal regardless of minutes. After I reach the distance I want I cool down for a minute or so.

I got new hairspray because I ran out, same brand but different level...well it is making me sneeze....the smell. I hope I remember this next time I need hairspray. The other stuff smelled better and didnt make me sneeze.

Tigger finished one of his medicines today, two more to finish and he is feeling mighty frisky! Pray for honeys side, that bump that sposed' to be operated on, it seems to move and go down then kind of get bigger. Weird. I just want Jesus to heal it, I want Damon's princess to be okay. He loved the dog, and I don't wanna lose her. She wasn't just a dog to him, he called her his daughter. Pray for this stray dog I have seen around my house...the poor thing is mid size and kind of cute and looks like it has mange :( it limps and is sort of skinny. Well...honey chased it this morning, mind you it is quadruple the size of her. I tried to call it back, but it kept running :(. I hope it finds a good home and its mange goes away.

I am sad today. I dont think I had bad dreams last night, but I keep thinking of Dollywood and that day. It may sound weird...I just wish, I wish I hadn't taken life and Damon for granted. Every day with him was a gift and I didn't even realize. Now he is gone and I will never have another day as his wife and live the joy of life of being with him. I will see him in heaven, I know this...I have to do my part to make it, but it won't be the same and at that point I won't care. I am just saying...I wish I would have realized how fragile life was, and just lived every day perfectly and not got mad over stupid things. People say its part of being human and being married, I just wouldn't have done a thing if I had known I would have only had 3 years 2 months and 30 days with the most wonderful man I will ever know. Good grief...I am crying now. Have a good day.