Sooo...today's Tuesday.

I had bad dreams again. I hate them. I got to see Damon in my dream, but it wasn't a good one. He was a ghost. Part of me wants to scream why DO I HAVE to be the widow amongst the crowd. Why can it not be someone else...then again, I wouldn't want anyone else to have to go through this, because it is awful. I miss Damon, I don't want to have to go through life without my husband. He wasn't just my husband, he was my best friend, my encourager, he held me accountable before the Lord (if that makes sense)he was my hero, my example, my sunshine, my happiness. He was amazing. Now he is gone and I am alone (physically) and it is hard. The part I loved about Damon is in heaven, yeah his body was part of him and as my husband that was great too, but I can't think about him being in the grave. The Bible says to think on whatsoever things are lovely...I keep replaying that day at Dollywood in my mind. I wish I could do things over. Instead of crying and being hysterical I should have been with him holding his hand. I wasn't with him, I should have never left his side. Why does this have to be Your will Lord. I am no one to question You Lord, because You know the why's and what for's...It just hurts so much and You know that too. As hard as this has been and as much as I have felt isolated and alone, I feel like my relationship with the Lord has become strangely sweeter. It is very hard to explain. The Bible also mentions He will become our husband, that is what I need. I can hardly wait to see my beloved Damon again, and I want to make it to heaven so much more. I hope that is okay to say.

On to other news, I should be (hopefully) getting my laptop back this week sometime... They say they are shipping it the 25th which is Saturday but maybe they might ship it earlier.

I need prayer on finding a few things of Damons. I cannot find his ipod charger cord, it is not where he normally kept it. I cannot find the restore CD's to his old pc, and I cannot find a key that belongs to Judy. Please help me pray I find those things.

I cleaned the house last night, it felt good. I still have yet to cook, maybe some day again. Just brings back so many memories and is much easier to eat a microwave dinner or go out. I worked out last night too! Gooooo me. I didn't do much, a half mile, but for someone who hasn't worked out in a long time I guess it will work. I jogged a good speed for a part of it so that got my heart rate up. I can measure it on my treadmill. I popped little house into my DVD player and went to town. I lifted weights for awhile too, until my arms were aching. I did curls, then from my side straight out horizontally, and then put my arms back behind my waist and curled forward. Needless to say, I feel a bit sore today. But that is good! I need to kick my crunches in now! I feel almost in shape...hahahaha!

I found a trick for Tiggers medicine...I feed him only at morning and night...and I bought wet food and wait till he is bugging me to eat, then roll the pills into the food and make a little ball that he just chomps down. GO ME! He was starting to get pretty feisty with me over the medicine. I got mad at him and said "DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I SPENT ON YOU!" As if he would understand and cooperate a little more. So anyway...he is doing better and thank you all for praying.

Have a good day.

Blah Blogger

I dont want to blog today. ha, I obviously must. Not a long one though.

Rough day, bad dreams...I miss Damon, I am sad. He truly loved me and just was perfect for me. I want to find a hole and crawl in it and not come out for awhile...

SO MAD!!!

I hope it is okay to vent about something really quick. The Vet charged me TWICE for Tiggers care. It is NOT just a small 20 or 50 bucks either. I saw yesterday that there are two charges on my statement. I called them about it they said they needed a printout from the bank. I go to the bank and get a printout, take it to the vet. They are to call me today. Sure enough they do, saying...they need another printout with the bank emblem on the paper saying it for sure had been charged twice. Well poor me, the charges are both still showing under pending so NOTHING can be done. GOOOD thing I had money in the bank to cover their HUGE mistake that they can't do a thing about. THIS MAKES ME MAD! If i was in a bind financially, then this would be a huge huge huger problem than it already is. I said well when it isn't pending how long will it take to get it credited back, she says she will do it immediately but it is up to my bank as to how long it will take to actually go back in. THIS ISN'T MY FAULT yet no one seems to care that a huge financial error has been made on their part! GRRR

Finally Friday

SHEW! Anyone else tired like me?! I am one weary girl! The cat, though I love him and am so thankful to Jesus that he's feeling better, keeps me up at night! He wants out (that is how much better he is) and yowls for me to pay attention. I wear ear plugs and can still hear him over the fan. Am I complaining after praying so hard for him to be okay? I am sorry if I am, just explaining why I am soooo tired. I was up a lot last night from it.

I got my treadmill, it is sitting in it's box ready for me to build tonight. This weekend I am ORGANIZING AND CLEANING!! I need to put all of my important documents in once place and all my pictures in one place. I am tired of everything being spread out. I also need to buy some kind of chest of drawers or decorative boxes for my damon corner. I have several love letters/cards from him or to him that I don't want to lose. I want it all in one place where I KNOW where it is and if I find more things can carry it to it's designated area and not have to worry about losing something. I have to hold on tight to everything of our time together. As the song says "I don't wanna miss a thing" (by aerosmith)although I am sure used in different context. Also purchased one of those fire proof safes for all my important documents, that makes me feel better. I bought new flowers for Damon last night, Yvonne went with me to his grave. I try to get two colors when I buy him flowers...red for my love and yellow because it was his favorite. As long the arrangement has that in it I am usually happy. Last night's has a sunflower in it.

I think Yvonne and Andy are getting a new computer tonight, Michael is excited and so is Yvonne. OH yeah, I forgot, Tam guess what...I bought weights too! So I can be buff looking like you. They are only 10 pounds each. I bought the cheapest ones, they are kinda ugly and manly looking but as I said, they were cheap. :)

Well, I think I the boys are coming over tonight. FINALLY. It's been a long time! I got my PON white skirt, now I need to find a shirt. I think my shoes from the wedding will work. They are white satin ballerina slippers. I will get gloves from a bridal shop, its the easiest. I need to call on my laptop, it's been out three weeks today!

Bye! Oh and thank the Lord this week has been easier than last. I haven't been nearly as depressed and down. Yes, I still think about Damon A LOT and cried for him last night, but it's been better. THANK YOU JESUS.

Dilema

I hope I spelled that word right, in the title. Tigger came home last night...you can so tell he is feeling back to himself, for the most part anyway. I am thinking now that I look back on things, that he had been exhibiting symptoms for about two weeks before this all happened. When I moved him to inside only he would meow and meow and meow, so much so I bought ear plugs so I could sleep at night. Well, the last couple of weeks I had been thinking "man, he's finely calming down" cus he would sleep a lot and wouldn't meow hardly at all. Now that I know he was sick, I am thinking that this is why he was so calm, because last night, mr. earplug returned. THAT CAT! I love him though, crazy as he is. My dilema is, he is on three medications and I am leaving for Idaho in about 2.5 weeks. He has to be on the medicine for the next THREE weeks. By the time I leave two of the three meds will be done and the one left is only to be given once a day. I have thought of doing three things. One of which is boarding, however I found out I can't do that. Tiggers yearly vacc's were due about the time Damon passed, and well I just been doing other things and haven't thought too much about Tigger's vacc's since that time. He has to be up to date to board and I can't get him vaccinated until after he's off the medicine, which is while I am in Idaho. Scratch that. Secondly, I have thought of flying him to Idaho with me...I know, it's crazy but atleast I could guarantee he gets his meds and could watch for any reoccurence of symptoms. But I am doubting that is going to work. Lastly, paying Michael to give him his meds once a day and check on him give him a print out of the symptoms, call the vet, let them know I will be out and if for some reason tigger needs to come in, I will pay upon my return. Not that I look forward to spending anymore, and since Jesus took care of Tigger, I don't think I will need to pay anymore. So what do yall think?

I am really looking forward to going to Idaho soon. It will be nice for a break from everything. I am getting a treadmill tonight too, so I can work off some of my junkless trunk...hahahaha, get it wendy and tam.

I had weird dreams about Damon last night, really weird. I just wish he was here. Last night I was looking at pictures and realizing, I haven't held his hands or felt him holding me in a really long time. He will never be here to hold me again, it was just a weird thought, I didn't really like it. :(

Tigger

WOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!! Praise the LORD! He is going to be fine and is feeling much better! THANK YOU JESUS! THANK YOU JESUS! THANK YOU JESUS!!!

Tigger had the lesser severe from of the two blood diseases and the doctor said he is feeling so much better he is actually getting kind of grumpy. Thats my tigger. He isn't the touchy feely cat like normal cats when he is himself. He was all calm when I took him to the doctor that is how sick he was. OH I am sooo relieved. SO relieved, thank You Jesus again!

Today

I need to keep this short, I am really busy at work.

In my life news:
No word on Tigger
Laptop still isn't back
Took in the picture and wording for Damon's marker today
really busy at work
Need to get his trucks spark plugs changed
Honey has a bump on her ribs that the vet told me a while ago to watch and see if it got bigger. It has gotten bigger, now I am worried about her too. *SIGH*
I am wanting to make a scrapbook of Damon and I's life together
I am ready for my trip to assembly and then Idaho.
Lastly, I miss my husband and I love him and want him here with me.

EHHH!

Firstly about Tigger, the vet called last night and said that Tigger had eaten and drank so that was good. If they could continue to get him to eat then it looked pretty good. I know that is Jesus and no medicine! Continue to pray, please! I should get a call back today to see which form of blood disease it is.

I did a lot of business type of stuff today for Damon. :( Today is 8 weeks. *sigh* 8 weeks ago today around 2:50ish...my life changed forever. FOREVER. I miss him and want him back. I ordered his grave marker today, and I think it is going to be really nice. I have to find a good picture of him or of us together because I am having it set in his marker so people can see his lovely face. :) I am having the scripture he put in my Bride's Bible put on his marker too, in hopes it will touch atleast one person. I hope he would have liked what I picked out. There were so many choices and I wanted soo many different things. It is like how can you describe a person and their life and their characteristics and heart in one small space. What I am thinking I will have his marker say is:

A loving husband, son, brother, and friend. Damon served his Saviour humbly in all ways. "No good thing will He withold from them that walk uprightly" Psalm 84:11b My once in a life time love, my penguin, I love you forever and always. Love- Your Bride
(I am not sure if I have that scripture quoted just right, but will for sure double check for the grave marker)

The marker I selected can have as many words as you want (that will fit) at no extra cost. So with that saying and the picture with his name and date of birth and date of passing as well as the vase, I hope it will look nice. I hope I have done things how he would have and that I have honored him. Damon deserves to be honored and respected for the way he was to me and how he served the Lord, how he treated others. I am hoping this is coming out right. All honor and glory goes to God, He created my precious Damon. Does this make sense? I hope so.

Last night I mowed, weedeated, and watered the lawn. I watered my poor flowerbed. Man this heat and lack of rain is getting us! In Idaho we have built in sprinklers because it is dry there normally. But I know Tennesseans are used to more rain, right?? I miss Damon, did I mention that.

Well, this is me signing off.

GRR

So it's NOT the plants :(

The vet just called. His prognosis is "guarded". He thinks he has a blood infection brought on by a blood sucking parasite such as a flea or tick :( I buy that expensive flea medicine and apply it every month to two months. We didn't start it as early as usual this year cus' it is so expensive. He is getting a blood smear and sending off to the state lab. If it is one sort of blood infection his prognosis is very good, if it is the other ( I can't rememeber the medical words) then it is very grim. God is God, and He cares. Pray for Tigger.

I think I know why...

Turns out some of the plants I have from the funeral are poisonous to cats. Who'd a known! :( Peace Lilies are VERY poisonous and there is also another plant I have (my favorite) that I found out is poisonous too, its the Dwarf Schefflera. I think that is what it is called anyway. Google for a pic of the second one if you want. I have brought some of the plants here to work to make the place a little more homie, looks like I might have to bring some more in or put them up where he can't reach them. Pray he is okay, I wish I would have known before I had them on the floor. The reason I even suspected this, is because I found some stalks of the second plant I mentioned on the floor this morning. Before I noticed them, the vet had asked me if there was anything he could have gotten into, I didn't think so, then noticed the plants. I just called to let them know. Pray for my Tigger. :(

My Kitty

Well, I don't really know where to start. When Damon and I had been married about a month he brought me home a sweet little bitty two week old kitten. We named him Tigger Woods Broyles. He is all black with yellow eyes. I had to bottle feed him and make him potty. If you don't know mother cats have to lick (sorry to gross ya out) their kittens to get the little ones the tinkle and poo sensation. WHICH I DID NOT DO (FOR WENDY;)I used baby wipes or warm moistened paper towels. So I was in many ways his kitty mommy. As he got older we introduced him to outside and he began spending more and more time out there. Well, before Damon died I was starting to get sick of all the fighting and the scratches and absceses. Not to be gross or anything. After Damon passed I noticed he was limping, and upon further inspection noticed he had an abscess IN his paw :(grr. I found two more spots making a total of three absceses. Mind you the cat IS neutered so why he feels the need to fight, I guess I can chock it up to not neutering him soon enough. I didn't like keeping the cats inside much because of Damon's asthma. I would vacuum the couch and behind things to make sure our house was relatively clean and it wouldn't affect my husband. Tigger was probably outside 80% of the time. Well after Damon passed away I was at my wit's end with that cat. I couldn't keep taking him to the vet all the time for absceses, and I hated seeing him all tore up. I decided to convert him to full time indoor. Fast forward to yesterday, I get home and notice Tigger staggering and his gums were almost white, which means a lack of oxygen. I called the ER vet and they said to bring him in. I am thinking I just lost Damon, this cat is something Damon gave to me, I can't lose him too! The vet's prognosis wasn't good, the treatment wouldn't guarantee he would even live. His liver wasn't doing well, for some reason. It was 12 times the normal reading and he needed a blood transfusion. I know, you are probably thinking, all of this for a cat! Well that cat is a part of what my husband gave to me, one of his gifts and I don't want to lose him! I figured (while praying) that I would try atleast once (with treatment) and if it didn't work then and only then would I put him down. They put a cathetar in him, injected him with steroids and put a fluid iv in him and gave him the transfusion. His temperature at it's highest was almost 105. Normally it should be 102. He tested negative for Feline Lukemia which was good. I asked for prayer at church last night, I just didn't want to lose my cat that Damon gave to me. Well, I had to be at the vet by 6:30 this morning. He was doing "a little better" according to the nurse. I read the notes and his fever had gone down to 101. something and it said "Kitty is feeling much better". He isn't out of the woods by any means yet and I had to take him to a normal vet this morning straight from the ER vet, but God is in control. I have learned everything is in God's hands. You can be loaded with med's and they may or may not do their job. Its ultimately in His hands. Pray for my Tigger. PLEASE. Yes he is "just" a cat, but he is mine and a gift from my husband and God cares because I do, so it's important.

In other news....my green beans were okay I think. Not wonderful, but still perty good. The welcome back was fun and whoever made the chocolate pie thing, YUM.

I think the Lord really answered some prayers for me last night, because I am not aching nearly as much today. I was having a SUPER hard time last week. BAD. God has made me okay for today and I am going to live in Today and try to bless Him in all that I do. I was reading Damon's planner last night from 2003. It had some of the cutest things marked, like the day he proposed to me and how many days til' he saw me. OH that man was so wonderful!

I neeeed to find my white outfit for PON, a blowdryer, mine died...and hairspray. I also need to get hotel reservations for the assembly. Still haven't done that yet. I hope I can find one.

Love n prayers, me

Heya hey

Well, I am still at the Fox's. Thus the internet connction. I miss Damon, so much. I think this week has been one of the hardest so far, and frankly I just wish I had my husband aka love of my life aka best friend ever in the whole wide world aka most wonderful man ever aka my miracle, back. I want him back yall!!!

We went to emily's graduation today, I screamed for her! I even got shushed a bit. Then we went to Famous Daves and I got the briscuit, which has become my BBQ favorite. Morgan and I then went shopping for WMB stuff for the PON, no such luck. As the saying goes anway. I got some cute clothes today too though. The store was having a 40% off sale and I got the cutest denim skirt. Tammy and Morg like. Speaking of Morg, we got a little sumpin sumpin up our sleaves for the gong show. Be there or be square. Sept. 28th, I think is the date.

Well, my honey puppy is in my lap and I love her and am so glad Damon brought her home to me. I love You Jesus. Thank You for You.

Tomorrow is the pastors welcome back, and I need to make a batch of green beans. Love yall.

Tonight

I officially have no plans, so if you do...call me. :) I'm desperate. Helps me be happy if I stay busy.

A song, from Bekka, by Avril

Ironically, Damon thought Avril Lavigne was cute. Not in a "oh I want to drop you and date her" kind of way, he just thought she was cute. Well, if you know me then you know I look NOTHING like Avril. I was always somewhat jealous of this. Yet Bekka emailed me this song and it is sooo true. *sigh* so thanks Bekka.


I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cried
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
And when you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah Yeah

All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me
Yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

Sometimes....

...there are certain memories that just hit you. You know, it's like you have a hard time remembering much from the past yet something will trigger a memory and you think, wow, I haven't thought about that in a long time. This morning was just such a case. I was driving to work thinking about Damon and his asthma attack that took him, for some reason it made me think of the lady who used to be on Bible Answers, Micky something...and her son. He died of an asthma attack too. I told Damon when that happened, which was about two years ago, that it really scared me. I didn't want him to die, I wanted him with me. I was scared by this death because my husband had asthma too and if the Lord didn't intervene or the medicine didn't work then there wasn't much you could do for an attack. What hit me the hardest in this memory was what Damon said in response to my fear, he said "if it's my time to go, it's my time to go." That was comforting to me in a way. He wasn't scared, he was comfortable in the fact that when God called him than it was his time and he was ready. I hope this makes sense. I miss him terribly, horribly in fact. I miss him soooo sooo soo bad. But, I guess y'all knew that. I had a dream about him last night, kind of good but kind of bad. In the dream I knew he was going to die (from an asthma attack) and I was getting to do things with him one last time. Like feel his biceps. hehehe. I hope that is okay to type that. I was riding in the truck with him, my old white truck I had when we first got married. It wasn't altogether good, but atleast I had a dream about him. I been praying for them for a long time.

Go AWAY!

I cannot seem to shake this aching. EEEEH! It just looms over me. I miss him, it hasn't been this bad in awhile. I mean I don't expect to be over him or anything, not at all...just the ache, it's hard to bear. Oh Lord Jesus I wish he was here. I don't like this at all, I miss him so bad I am hurting.

Battlefield of the Mind

Okay, so I am SOOOO thankful for church and fun and excitment in the Lord. AND, friends who I can go out and play basketball with on the court and forget for a little while, the pain going on. My mind forgets (or atleast I don't think about it as much) when I am busy doing something I enjoy. Last night after service I played basketball with the usual group and it was just so much fun. I realized on the way home, when I began thinking about Damon and how much I miss him, how fun it was to play and that I had actually been happy for awhile. Thank You Jesus for basketball with friends.

Sorry I am a bad blogger and not commenting or blogging as much. I was busy at work yesterday and I still don't have my laptop at home. :( I hope to have it back in a week, but it might take longer.

So, I am open tonight, no plans...if anyone is doing anything fun just let me know. ;) Do I sound desperate or what!

I need to find a white ankle length dress. No such luck so far, hopefully soon though.

Oh and I am officially on facebook. Although I don't know the link since I can't access it here at work.

Well, cya. I love you Damon Broyles and miss you so very much.

I know, I know...

...you may be tired of another sad blog from me. Oh well, here it comes. Not that I don't care, but this is a place for me to release in a small part some of my feelings. NO, I don't share all of what I am feeling, but some of it. And that helps. I am feeling the aching return. I miss Damon beyond words and it hurts, so so so bad. Sometimes, like tonight, I feel like I am going to go crazy and it just hurts too much. I went to his grave this evening. I feel like I messed up today, oh God just please take the pain. I don't feel like I can take another step unless HE sends His angels to move my feet for me. I hurt, I hurt more than people can know. I lonely at the house. I don't want to seem like a big sob story, and if I come across that way I apologize. I don't know what to say or do, I pray and try to make it, but sometimes the pain seems almost inbearable. I have learned not to say I am doing better because it seems a bad day hits after that. God has done amazing things for me, HE has carried me thus far and I know He won't let me down in any way shape or form. I don't want to minimize what He has done for me, and obviously if this was too much for me He wouldn't have given it to me to bear. I don't want to fail my God, I don't want to make wrong decisions. I am blogging from the library, the last time I was actively coming here was when Damon was alive. I miss him, only my God knows how much I miss the man I met and fell in love with. The man I gave my heart and soul too. Oh God help me. PLEASE. I want to make it to Heaven so badly, soooo badly. Sometimes it would seem easier if He would call us all home now. I miss Damon, I MISS HIM. I keep saying that, I know. But, I am alone at home. I am so lonely. How am I going to face every day without my man? I can hear Tammy right now "by God's grace and mercy". I wish this cup belonged to someone else and not me. I am weak Lord, help me to hold on, help me to please and bless You. I miss my husband and I am hurting more than I could describe to one person. I feel so alone Jesus, so extremely alone and sad. I miss Damon, oh God he was my miracle and my hero. God help me. PLEASE help me, I need you to stop the rain for awhile Lord Jesus, my Savior.

September 8th!!!

That is my birthday, so don't don't don't forget. I will be 25!!! MAN, a quarter century. Man, OLD.

Today has been a hard day, and I won't get my laptop back for another two weeks probably so I am at the Fox home posting. I miss Damon.

I dunno, I just don't feel much like blogging right now, so I will see y'all later.

OLD

I turn 25 in 33 days!! MAN! OLD! Damon proposed to me 4 years ago on my birthday. :( I miss him.

I miss...

...you guess it, DAMON! I miss him so bad, sooo soo oh so bad. You know when we were dating and engaged I would miss him. But I knew there would be a time somewhere down the road where I would see him again. Now, this is final. There will be no more Damon as I know him. YES I PLAN WITH MY WHOLE HEART on seeing him again in heaven some day, and then it won't matter, but Damon as I know him will not be the same Damon there. I can't understand the passing from this life to the next. No one can. I think about what he thought when he went from conciousness and walked through Heaven's gates. I wonder wonder wonder. I won't understand until it is my time. I miss him. So very much, he was so amazing and wonderful and I can't hardly believe that the man I shared my heart and life with, the innermost part of my soul, that man is not with me. It feels odd and off kilter. I want him back.

Goodwill

So, I am wearing my super cute new looking skirt from Goodwill today. It is in awesome shape and I think I paid 2 or 3 bucks for it. I got another skirt from good will that I tooootally like. It's a coldwater creek and is sooo soft, I paid 4 for it. I like goodwill now, I wouldn't have said that before I don't guess, but the older you get the cooler that once non-cool things, become. If that makes sense.

Yesterday was sort of a hard day for me. I REALLY miss Damon. There are days that are better/or worse than others. Yesterday was a rough day. I miss everything about him, and it seems I still can't really believe he is gone. GONE. sSorry if I am depressing anyone, just my thoughts I guess. I love him, the more I think about him the more I realize how amazing he was and how wonderful our life together had become. When I wrote my checklist for the perfect man, God put more in Damon than I could have ever handpicked myself. Amazing to know that God chose the man I would marry especially for me and how HE knows so much better what I would want/need in my spouse. I hope I gave as much of myself to Damon as he did for me. I think back on the mistakes I made through our married life, getting upset over nothing. I wish I could take it all back. Never take life for granted, NEVER. Things that seem big, are not. Oh I wish I could take back every mean thing I ever did or said. Not that I was just a big grump all the time, but good grief, I could have done things so much better.

Pray for me and about my future. I want more than anything, more than life itself to be in the perfect will of God and pleasing Him and serving Him until I walk through Heaven's gates. God let it be so and mould my heart to be a woman after Yours. Now, would be the time, if i wanted to go to college...to do so. Or if I wanted to take a lesser paying job, but one that I would love. I have always said I would love to work in a retirment center in some form or fashion. I don't know how, I don't particularly want to be a nurse or a care person, just someone that actually sits and talks to them or organizes fun time. Shows that there is someone there to care! I could go to college and get my associates degree. My dilemma is, I am making more now than I ever have before (not to be bragging, but only by God's grace and mercy) and I am scared to let go of this wage and benefits because I doubt I would find it again and I DO have to take care of myself now. That is the reality of it. Yes Damon took care of many things and I am so thankful that he took care of me even after he made heaven, though I would trade it all and be a popper to have my man back. I just need wisdom and direction. I want God first and foremost.

I am really missing our laptop. :( I called last week and still haven't heard back from them. It is going on two weeks and I WANT it back! GRRR. I miss internet at home.

Looks like I will fly to Idaho for a couple of weeks in September, I am looking forward too it. It is strange that I have two homes now. TN truly is home now, and so is Idaho too. Weird. I just wish DAMON WAS HERE! AAAAHHHH! Did I mention I wish he was here?!

I kept embarassing Bekka last night, muwaahahaha. Not in a mean way, but it was so cute. As Josh and Chandler would say..."once again, no one was embarassed" See, a group of 10 of us went to play putt putt Saturday night. Well, almost all of us went out to eat at Jim n Nicks afterwards and Bekka and Michael were sitting next to each other. I was sitting across from them next to Cha and Josh and I being the wonderful Aunt that I am kept teasing them, (not mercilessly, I am not a monster) and Josh would say (rather facetiously) "once again, no one was embarassed." or something like that, making the point that I infact was embarassing them over and over again although I think they liked it. So last night, I was teasing Bekka and Michael again, and Chandler turned around and said to the effect of, once again, no one was embarassed. I guess ya had to be there. Damon would be cracking up over all of this. I hope I am doing his job and mine with all the teasing.

Well, I hope you all have a good day. Love, me

Damon's memorial

I posted something new. My Penguin

Forgot to mention

That I got SOAKED last night! UHHHH!!! I avoided one mishap by sis amy (she is trying to do paybacks because of one small little tiny incident that took place earlier this week muwaahahahaha!) when she tried to bomb me with a water baloon. She missed and I got her! THEN, good ol' (and I do mean OL, as in OLD) Brother Bryon took a BIG bowl and filled it with water. I saw him doing this but did not think it was meant for me. WRONG. It was for me. So, I not only was a poor beat boxer last night, I was a wet beat boxer. Be afraid people, I don't know when or where, but I WILL get you.

So the saga continues...

I am really starting to feel old. I know I know...I am 24 almost 25 and that is not remotely old. But I am starting to see younger and younger ones all around me and I am on the older end of the VLB Age group. *sigh* Rachel and I were the ONLY older VLB's last night in class. I just feel old. WHEN did time happen? I graduated HS almost eight years ago, that is just wrong!

The story on the saga is...the cross competition. YES I KNOW, it's not about winning. yada yada. I DID pray about what our cross should define and what it should be about, and we have worked super hard and that thing is suuuuuuuuuper massive. I did the spiritual side of it, but just as much as I have done all that I am still competitive. I STILL want to win. That is me and that is how it is, NOW I will say, if I got in a really wrong attitude about it and threw a fit y'all could smack me down and say "whatchou talkin'bout willis"!!! I saw another team's cross last night (with permission of the team leader from that team) and I have to say it is AWESOME. If they won, even though I want to win, I could see why. It's really really really put together and I think it just looks great. It's clean and streamlined, in design, super awesome. We have yet to stand ours up and I am getting to church early tonight IN HOPES that it will stand up okay. I don't think people know how big it is. But its about 12 feet tall and 8 feet wide. So...it's big. I just want it to stand, I have anchoring provisions at church, I am hoping the bottom level will hold the weight though.

I miss Damon. I have been thinking a lot about him today. I was talking to my momma a few nights ago and it's almost as if I feel guilty because I don't have more sad days. By no means am I over the love of my life. I think of him often, I read the love letters he wrote me and look at our pictures, I am still completely in love with him. He was my hero, he IS my hero, yet I wonder why I am not as sad as others still seem to be. I know God is my helper and I don't want to discredit anything HE has done for me, but I don't want people to think I didn't love Damon or that I am over him already. It's not the case! I WILL ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS love that man, goodness he was totally supremely wonderfully amazing. I wish he was here. He made life complete. I think I can say that, because even in God's perfect creation of Adam HE said it wasn't good for man to be alone. Though Jesus is my all in all, I think/know He also created that part of our life that loves to be filled by a Godly companion. I hope that made sense.

In other news...I have a few things I need to do. Get Damon's trucks spark plugs changed, the lawnmower's engine looked at, and....well, I can't remember. Those are the main two things I am thinking about fixing wise. His truck didn't start having issues until after he went to heaven, otherwise he would have fixed it before vacation. I miss him, man I miss him. He was so HOT! (i know, i know...don't gag at my mushiness, or if you don't agree. tis' my opinion and i'm stickin' to it!)

I am sad VBS is coming to a close. Sometimes I wish time would stop so you could enjoy things longer. Morgan and I did our beat boxing last night, Wendy said it was embarassing. I hope it turned out good, Megan wants us to do it again tonight and get it on video. HAR HAR, nooooo. Tis' going to take some serious convincing to repeat that ON video.

In closing... CHECK IT OUT!

HUMPH!!

I write a nice long entertaining, somewhat chipper blog, and I have ZERO comments. GRRR. Yet I write a 20 word or less post about the new yummy cinnamon sunchips and it says I have 11 comments (two of which were deleted) HELLO! COMMENT!

Another NEW BLOGGER!!

*drum roll please!!**

Antioch Youth Blog

The new and cool and hip blog for The Church of God Youth at Antioch!! Please read, and comment and read some more, then comment again. It is new and we want to get as much involvment as possible. PLEASE. Pass the word around! I will beg publicly if you wish!


Last night was sooo fun at VBS! My team, well the team I was on, won the relay race. It was fun yet gross. I do not do well with bananas. I am very very picky, they have to be ripe. (not black, but starting to turn brown) If they aren't ripe it just is sick to me. Well wouldn't you know, the first station we had to race too (there was 5 of us and we all had to do whatever was at each station, there were 5 stations) was to eat a full banana and act like a monkey. I gagged but finished it off. Oh it was hard for me, I was sooo trying not to gag. I think I did just once, maybe twice. THe next station you had to sing "I'm a little teapot" while doing the motions, the next station you had to reach into a bag and grab whatever it was (no looking) and eat it. I got apple sauce, THANK YOU LORD! If I had gotten the vienna sausages...oh man YUCK! The next thing was to sing Jesus loves me in an animal voice, and the final station was to drink Lemonade (although this wasn't very sweet, kinda gross if you ask me) without using your hands. Our team had the quickest time of 4 minutes and 31 seconds! WOOOHOO Josh's team won the wood chuck again, this is war. I don't want them to win!!!! You have to answer these riddle/questions from the Bible, whoever has the right answers wins Whipple the Witnessing Woodchuck for the night. My team has won once, Josh's twice. Whoever wins it the most gets something, what I am not sure, but something. So its 2 to 1 right now. GRRR. Our cross is really starting to look good although I am getting panicked because we have one night left and it isn't finished. We have to take it down and put it away every night so you cant really leave things as they are! :( I hope it works out, I am seriously going to be praying today. I don't wanna let the team down.

I was out really late last night. I was trying to help Andy and Yvonne get their virus wear updated and turned on. I think they have already been hit with something though, because the pc is going suuuuper slow. I got it downloaded and then the computer just shut off so I am going over there today and calling bellsouth to complain nicely. :)

I love you mommy! Just wanted to send a shout out to you :)

that's all folks. And remember, check out Antioch's cooolest hippest blog ever

YUM

NEW Sun Chips Cinnamon Flavor. They taste like churros, yummy yummmy yummmmmy!!

Okay...so here's the story

You have not, because you ask not. Sister Vicky's class last night really got me to thinking. **Oh, and I will jump to a happier-not-so-deep mode of convo in a minute.** When I feel like the sky is beneath me and the floor above my head (another words, I don't know which way is up) I need to pray ALL the more. I don't like the general population to know my problems. In reality, yes I am a not so quiet person (no comments Wendy), but when it comes to private or spiritual matters for the most part I don't like anybody and everybody to know. I am very select with who I tell. It is even hard to pray in front of people sometimes. Not because I am ashamed I don't feel, just because it's a private communion with God and I don't want the whole world (so to say) knowing what I am struggling with or praying about. IF that makes sense. At any rate, I am a worrier. There I said it. A constant muller, is that a word. Not mullet, but mullER. I mull things over. I don't even know if I am spelling that right. Glass half full, broken on the floor, kool-aid everywhere type of gal. Damon helped me so much in this area. In fact, he hoped for my deliverance of worrying and for his memory and my love for him I would TRULY love love love for the chains to be broken for me. I have to do my part though. I want to please the Lord with all of my heart and soul, and I want the desire to remain so forever and always. So back to Sis Vickys class, it was about praying and in my opinion pressing to pray. I want to press to pray, and I asked the Lord to teach me to pray. Yes, I pray daily throughout the day, but Lord God teach me to prevail and pray and press. So that was my thought, I have not because I ask not. I talk to my select few about problems, but how often do I really take it to Jesus (the one who DIED on the cross for me) before I go asking for advice. Nothing wrong in advice, that is not my point, I just need to pray about things more before anything else. I hope I have gotten my line of thinking across. I seem to have troubles at that.

Okay, now to happy things. Is it okay to feel cute, cus I felt cute last night in my new 40% off dress. I like sales, don't you! I hope it is not bad to feel that way, I don't want to be wrong or anything, my utmost concern is still looking modest YET cute and I hope I accomplished it. I liked the dress, and I am wearing my new skirt today. I don't think I will wear it tonight though because she said we are having a relay race and to dress accordingly. Or something like that. I have worn navy blue two days in a row now. Navy blue was our wedding color, one of them anyway. Pale Yellow and Navy blue, with cream and white flowers.

Oh and my team won Wipple the Witnessing Woodchuck last night! GO TEAM!

I have been praying about our cross too. I REALLY want to beat Josh and I hope that isn't bad :) I finally have my thought for the main theme. "He paid a debt He did not owe" I am not going to elaborate much more on that because I have a feeling there are traitors in our midst. :p

Would you guess it, but I won the vocal challenge last night! Not me, miss big mouth. You could either sing, or talk, but whatever you did you had to do it continuously. I did both and it was harder than I thought it would be.

Today I am working a full day and will have to rush rush rush after I get off to pick up a few supplies to use on the cross tonight then head to the riddell fort. Oh and bekka, if you really want to leave me 60 comments than feel free, but you don't have too. I am going to miss you guys. Mainly I will miss teasing you and your brother. I am glad I finally got him to laugh without threatening him. GOLL-EEEE I am going to miss the Arkansas accent too. Since you two have been here I have even heard it come out in Rachel too! I wish yall would MOVE here. I know someone else does too *cough cough* Michael.

well, ta-ta.

Questions, Peace.

Pray, I have lots of questions that I need the Lord to direct me with. Where to go, what to do, my feelings, life. ETC.!

Peace, I need it. I am lots of turmoil today. LOTS. I just need His peace.

Hello Today

VBS was fun last night, a lot of fun. The team I was on won one of the outside games, and personally I think my creative challenge team is going to win too ;) I am just kidding for anyone who does not know me. I mean I really really want to win, but I don't want to be a bad sport either.

I am wearing my new dress today and it is soo cute. I got it 40% off and its a navy blue cotton wrap dress. Surprisingly modest too!

I am struggling a lot with my mind lately..it seems. I just want to make it to heaven and want every action helping that desire. Not hindering. I dunno how to explain it, I just feel weird.

My laptop is out for a couple of weeks, maybe even three, it looks like. The only internet I have is at work, or if I go to a friend's house who has it. So, that is why I am not emailing or commenting too awful much. I miss Damon.

Last Night, Today...and VBS. Oh and the weekend too.

Last night was a hard night for me. I wanted to go home...yet I felt REALLY lonely when I got there. So, after making a pizza and reading my book and drinking a jones soda...at 9:30ish PM I went to walmart to buy something. Anything. Mainly, I was looking for the hair stuff I used at Morgans Sunday morning. I REALLY liked it and it did a good job on my hair. Wouldn't you know it, they didn't have it. It is Aveeno something. I normally don't buy aveeno, but this stuff WORKED. I check the isles THREE times, nope nada zilch. So...oh and I know I can't buy the pain away, I am aware I need to be careful about filling myself with "thing" to make me feel better. I pray I ALWAYS stay that way. Wouldn't you know it though...I go fully prepared to buy stuff and my mother and husband are still inside of me and I am too cheap to buy anything. That wasn't an insult, actually now that I am older and wiser, I think it is smart to be cheap or shall I say...thrifty. I bought a shirt, some face wash stuff, body wash stuff (that I used at morgans that smelled GOOOD), a pair of shoes and a few other things. I found a few things, but not much. Funny how when you want to find something, you can't and when you DON'T want to...there is a STORE full of things you could see yourself having. *sigh*

I find myself feeling depressed from time to time lately, and jealous. I know..I need to get over it...just pray for me.

I let Morgan Fox AND Chandler Fox drive my car. I don't know how wise I am, but they both did good. I think I freaked Cha out a bit though, he was just kinda close to a ford's bumper in the drive through and I was freaking. No scrapes though. I think I might have really been praying at some point. Not that he isn't a good driver, I guess it's different when I am in the back seat. I don't worry. But when I am up front and see everything...shew.

Mini Golf was really fun and I had a good time. At some points I think I am gone too much and staying toooo busy. But, what am I to do. It's like I want to go home and relax, then I get there and after a half hour I am ready to go again.

I am soo excited about VBS tonight. A week long distraction and hopefully more than that. I really want to press into the Lord and what He has for me and everyone else. YES I am looking forward to the fun and games, but my soul is looking forward to resting in my Saviours arms and relaxing. I just need Him to hold me. I am team leader for one of the extreme challenge things. I am against two other teams...all I can say is. Put on your game face...yall are going DOWN. muwaahahahahha

Today, well, I am at work. I want to buy a Toby Mac CD. Oh and good news, I get to pick up my Cd's of all my data from the hard drive today. WOOHOO, thank you for praying. I am so glad that stuff is safe!

bye

Sunday Morning

Lets just say mini golf with 8 people takes a REALLY long time. There were 4 of us that got a hole in one last night. Me, Morgan, Michael, and Chandler. I think Chandler won though, not really sure. We had a fun time but I wish we had gotten home earlier. :( I have to teach (want to teach) Sunday School and I feel bad because I haven't studied as I need to. Its for the little ones but I like to put some more time into it and prayer. Anyway, today is volleyball/soccer with the youth. I will do volleyball, but I have NEVER been a soccer person. We shall see. bye, pray for me, hard night last night.

TOMORROW!!! Opry Mills

Tomorrow Tammy Trent is singing at Opry Mills at 1PM. I SOOO wanna be there. She is a widow too, even lost her husband on vacation, like I did. I wanna see her sing and maybe talk to her. Though I am not counting on it to happen. I am hoping to make it, I will have to work out VBS set up and the mail coming and getting Morgan. I am hoping Morgan can go with me, maybe she can get a little diva singster inspiration and make smyrna famous!!

A Productive Evening

So...last night was a good one. As far as getting things done goes. I mowed the lawn and weed eated, and used the blower to clean the deck off. I watered my flower bed and even my lawn too. Inside I dusted, vaccumed, swept, mopped, did dishes, cleaned the kitchen up and even did some laundry. Oh, and I cleaned the bathroom too. I could have gone more in depth and cleaned the shower, but didn't feel like it. At any rate, I got a lot done and felt purdy good about the whole evening. I EVEN read some more of my book and just chilled out.

Yesterday was a WEIRD day for me. I don't quite know if I have had one like that yet. I was pretty sad throughout the day, I would think of Damon and just cry. I looked at his pictures and just kept telling the Lord over and over "look how perfect he was" "we were perfect together", but I realized that God already knew that. That is why I had the pleasure and blessing of being his wife, if only for a short time. It made my life complete for a little over three years and changed my heart for all of eternity. When I get to heaven I am going to thank Jesus and then Damon for all that they accomplished for me. I don't want to be a "take take taker" but I guess you don't "fully" realize things until those things are gone. I knew I was tremendously blessed by Damon and our marriage, but man...I was ABOVE tremendously blessed. I can't even explain the thankfulness I have for my man and our marriage. I HOPE I blessed Damon even half as much as he did me. I mean I hope I fully returned the favor to Damon, he was just soooo much to me that I hope I was that I made that much of an impact on his life as well. Anyway, after my very very rough emotional day, I finally found which way was up that evening at bed time. No, I don't have the answers for my questions about life or where I should go or what to do, but I know this. If I give it to God, I can't go wrong. If I acknowledge Him, the Bible says He SHALL, not might, but SHALL direct my paths. Check out this scripture: Psalm 91:11 For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways. That was encouraging to me. Even though I feel miscombobulated, God IS with me in everything. Cool huh.

Okay...and I admit (thanks to Wendy's comment about Michael sounding like my needy comment self :p) that I am getting a bit jealous of all the comments that Michael is giving bekka while his AUNT whom has bought him many a buffalo wing and dr pepper and has encouraged him in this WHOLE smokin hot pursual deal, gets hardly a hello!! Where's the love anymore! ;)

Okay, peace out homies...oh, I am going to have to get a hard drive enclosure, or pay CompUSA to back up my data for me. Good news is, the hard drive is fine. Mr P just didnt have the necessary hardware to save it. Metro is apparently a bit archaic when it comes to new technology. My laptop is 8 months old and he said the technology was too new for what he had. At any rate I am ready to get this done, cus I am missing my wireless at home :(

I hope lots of people are coming to church tonight to help set up for VBS. peace and love.

One more for the night

I still have no pc at home, thus no internet.

I do not intend to be a sob story, but PLEASE pray for me today. I don't know, but today has been very very very hard for me. I am in need of a miracle from Jesus. I am broken today. I can't convey the pain, because a) I don't want my momma to worry, and b)I couldn't describe what I am feeling. I could try, but it would do no good.

I know, my blog is a downer. I am sorry to depress anyone. Part of me wants to hang out with someone tonight, anyone (of my friends of course) to take my mind off of things...but I need to work at home. I have a lot to get finished before VBS set up and morgan spending the night, and VBS next week.

Love and prayers always.

Rough Day

That would describe how my day has been...rough.

Currently I am feeling: lonely, sad, bothered, worried, somewhat bitter.

The bitter part is at myself though, no worries. I miss Damon, I miss our life together. I am lonely. I miss being held and kissed, and told "I love You" and that I am "beautiful". I miss those things. In short, I miss my husband. I miss waking up every day to hear his annoying alarm go off and to see his sweet face sleeping. I miss hearing his voice when he called me "babe". I miss going to side jobs with him. I even miss cutting grass with him. I miss the way he said my first and middle name together and how he would call me sweet heart. I miss how he would hold me when I was scared or worrying, and what it felt like to lay on his chest and the whole world would go away. I miss how he held my hand and rubbed my thumb while he was holding it. I miss how hug me. I miss how he looked into my eyes. I miss the way he talked to our dog when he got home and she was so excited to see him. I miss his excitment over a new toy for his truck or for painting. I miss seeing him pull in the driveway at night after working a long day. I miss going out for buffalo chicken. I miss going grocery shopping to provide a good dinner for him and the way he would compliment my dinners. I miss the dreams we shared together, the dreams that didn't come true. I miss being wanted and cared for, being someone's one and only. I miss his trueness, his balance with God, his ability to make me happy and make my worries fade. I miss his strength, both physical and spiritual. I miss seeing him every single day and calling him on my way to work each morning, and at break, and lunch, and on my way home. I miss talking to him. I miss belonging to him, having him as my own and vice versa. My heart is absolutely broken, my mind in torment, which way is up? Lord heal me and hold me, let me serve You until I see You face to face. Guide my heart, my mind, my soul, my everything so that I may please You. Impress upon me YOUR will above my own, and bring EVERY thought into subjection under Christ.

My Wednesday and Weekend Plans

Last night was sooo fun!! I had the EASIEST extreme Bible pictionary challenge. My word to draw was "three", and I was hoping that my team would simply count(one, two, three) when I drew three little lines. Sure nough' I can count on Josh Yohe to take one for the team! WOOHOO!! I think the funniest "drawee" of the night was Tammy Fox. They took almost three minutes to guess what word her drawing was, and then find the scripture. That's okay though, she's still cool. Then I played basketball...sort of. Seeing as all the people out there had real shoes on, and Katie, Morgan, and I had flip flops on...I was kind of scared for my feet. They play pretty rough and I didn't want to get stomped or hurt. As it was I got hit in the mouth, but it wasn't too bad. Oh, I messed up a few times by not getting the ball, but I had one spotlight moment. Someone threw me the ball and BAM (in best morgan voice) nothin but net. *sings "we are the champions". Oh, and the pictionary team DID sing that song after we BEAT the other team, the losing team, you know...that Tammy was on. Should have drawn faster Tam :p JUST KIDDING, you KNOW I am.

Michael got Bekka some beautimou flowers last night! He splurged a bit with the money, but they were beautiful and she REALLY liked them. I am not sure if there were 12 or 18, I think maybe just 12.

This weekend, Morgan is sposed to be spending the night and we are setting up for VBS Friday, Saturday, and part of Sunday. I know Josh is wanting to get the youth together to play volleyball on Sunday afternoon, so we shall see. I LOOOVE Volleyball and am HALFWAY decent at it. Am thinking of trying to get a group of the youth together to go do putt putt on Saturday night or something. I guess I am staying busy, maybe too busy.

I am still struggling with my mind and thoughts, and emotions. As much as all of you tell me not to worry. I do. I am trying to do better. I understand...I have gone through a huge upset in my life, but I still can't fight the worries that I am somehow not pleasing God. Now...for those of you who don't know..disclaimer here...God is not the author of confusion and this worry is brought on by nothing but myself. NOT HIM. (for those who read my blog that do not know me personally) I am just simply trying to do my best for Him, yet I feel like I do not know which end is up anymore. I am struggling with a few things that some know about and I really want the Lords will in them. I am trying. My power went off at 4:30 this morning. So I prayed for a long while then it came back on and I fell asleep. I want the Lords motivations in my heart. YES I am human, but I want to be an obedient human.

Anyway...that is my blog for now. Still havent gotten my Laptop back from the IT guy at work. :( NO internet for a long while I guess.

Hi momma, I know you're reading.

I love you Damon Broyles, forever and always.

Fruit Tea

Has anyone ever had it. I am not talking about the mango teas by snapple or fruit flavored green tea's. Its like they literally mix regular tea with pineapple and orange juice. Or something like that. Its from Calypso Cafe, some jamaican inspired place. Anyway, it isn't as good as the Lunchbox's but it is pretty good. I had their calypso nachos...and I was SO hungry. I had eaten a granola bar and it was 12 and I was ready to eat, well...the nachos didn't hit the spot. I barely ate a 1/3 of them and threw them away. I dunno why. Just didnt fit my appetite today. *sigh* I am feeling bothered too...again, I dunno why. I just want to make it to Heaven. That is all I care about, and my family and Damon's making it too. What is WRONG WITH ME!

Two Nephews and Walmart

My favorite little man came over last night, that would be the mini me of Damon...NOAH! And Michael too. Except Michael had one main topic of conversation for the night, and I don't think I need to tell you all what it is for you to guess. BEKKA BEKKA BEKKA! Goodness. He wants to get you more flowers by the way, but I didn't know if that would be okay or not (with the fam)...so who knows. You might get some you might not. :) Guess I need to call Rachel about this.

Anyway, they helped me grocery shop. I think I need to take Michael more often, he pushes my cart for me and Noah is our entertainment, makes shopping somewhat fun. I am not a big shopper. I don't even like malls. YUCK. I dunno why, I don't really like chocolate either. Hmm, I am not your typical gal I guess. I bought some roses for Damon too. 18 red ones. I miss him.

I guess I don't have much to write about these days. Michael will have internet this weekend at his house. Since my laptop is down and out at the moment, the only internet connection I have is at work and if I go to a friends. I could go to the Library too, just haven't done that yet.

Life is soooo uncertain. *sigh* I don't know where my pathway is taking me, Lord shine Your light please. I say that sincerely too, I really want to know HIS will for my life. I need to reserve a room for assembly, but then I need to figure out when I am going for a visit to Idaho. I dont know what to do.

Hold On- 33 Miles

I saw this group at Opry Mills a couple weeks ago. This song really touched me and the circumstances of my life right now.


Hold On
by Jess Cates/Wendy Mills

I've been there a thousand times
Felt the rain like a thousand knives and it hurts
I know it hurts
I've been there like a fighter plane
Trying to fly my way thru a hurricane and it's hard
I know it's hard
Don't be afraid
You'll make it thru
Just call out to me
And I'll come running to you

Chorus:
Hold On
Hold On
When the current pulls you under
And your heart beats like thunder
Just give me your hand
And hold on
Hold on
Until the storm is over
And I'll be fighting for you
Just give me your hand
And Hold on

Verse 2
I'll give you hope
I'll give you faith
And if it's dark I'll light the way for you
For You
By your side until the end
Until you're standing tall again
I'm here
I'll always be here
Always be here
ANd if the tide sweeps you out to sea
When your strength is gone and it's hard to believe

Hold On
Hold On
When the current pulls you under
And your heart beats like thunder
Just give me your hand
And hold on
Hold on
Until the storm is over
And I'll be fighting for you
Just give me your hand
And Hold on

Hold On
Hold On
When the current pulls you under
And your heart beats like thunder
Just give me your hand
And hold on
Hold on
Until the storm is over
And I'll be fighting for you
Just give me your hand
And Hold on

Hard Drive Day

I get my HD pulled today, I hope everything is good and my data can be backed up. Looks like I will be without my laptop for atleast a couple of weeks. This IS REALLY SAD. How am I going to post everyday to Damon's blog and so forth. His memorial?! :( I don't like to get on too much at work because I need to be working not blogging. I need to clean my house and weed eat, and grocery shop, and and and...*sigh*

I am going through the WEIRDEST emotions lately. Have I mentioned that, I am sure I have. I mention almost anything that is on my mind. If you know me, you know I have few secrets...hello world..here's Kasey.

I don't really know what to blog about, except that I went through a tank of gas from Thursday night to Monday night...goolllly. 41 buckaroo's 4 days! All for the sake of hanging out with people. Life is so weird now. SO WEIRD. I cannot even begin to understand mysefl anymore, atleast it seems.

Uhh...what to say...Well, I need to get busy.

I miss you my sweet penguin and I wish you were here.

Oh...I want to get a jeep wrangler, something to sling mud with. That would make damon happy. Not a new one or anything a nice old used one!

The Riddells

I am here at the house...the Riddells House. Good/Bad news on the laptop. I am going to have to send it away to HP. Which means they will clear EVERYTHING that might be anything on my pc. Which means....(I like that term "which means") I need to get my hard drive "slaved" to another PC so I can back everything up. I love you Damon Broyles...and I wish you were here.

I didn't get accomplished what I had planned to do today. I did however help the fox girls get their blogs set up.

Have I mentioned I miss Damon. :( Do you KNOW how perfect he was for me?! DO YOU KNOW! Well if you don't, he was amazingly wonderful to me and I loved/love him more than words could possibly describe.

DRUM ROLL PLEASE

YET ANOTHER NEW BLOGGER!!!! Tammy Fox!

Check it out and maker her feel welcome!

Check it Out!

*hears trumpet playing loudly in the distance* Folks, we have a new blogger among the ranks.

Introducing:

Morgan Fox

http://sunshine94.blogspot.com

Guess what else?! Tammy is going to be getting one too! Woohoo, more on that later.

Next we are trying to convince Chandler!

So anyway, please go check her blog out, you know how people that are needy..such as Morgan and myself, well we loooove comments. Make her feel special. Peace out home fries!

Laptop Update

I have been told...he thinks it is the Mother Board...that he (the IT guy) is 90% sure that is what it is and that I would not lose any data if that is the problem. It is still under warranty, I guess I will be making a run to CompUSA tonight.

My Laptop

Some may find this silly, but God cares. I NEED you all to pray for my laptop. The Tech guy here at work can't even get it to start up and he said that usually denotes a serious hard ware problem. I have not backed up quite a few of the pictures that are on there and they HAVE been deleted from my dig. camera. Which means...if I lose those pictures of Damon and our life together I am gonna be heartbroken. PLEASE PLEASE pray it will be okay. PLEASE. Just long enough to back stuff up so I don't lose it.

I am really worried about this.

Weird

I have had a weird weekend. Good and Bad. I am just having a hard time with my emotions...realizing Damon is gone. I just can't seem too. It feels sooo weird. Like he's been gone for ages yet, I can't comprehend it and can't believe he IS gone. I just feel like a big jumbled mess inside. I guess I can't really describe all of my emotions on here. I feel bothered. I miss my husband. I wish he was here, I wish I had him. He made me happy. I have NO idea what to feel. WHAT is normal...yes I laughed this weekend and had fun. Then I thought about things and felt like a big doof and would cry. I mean...I just don't know. *BIG SIGH* I REALLY need you all to continue to pray for me. I miss him, so much. I just wish he was here.

McDonalds

Thats my dinner tonight. I am at the fox's right now...I am sad...see ya

Big Book

I finished my 507 page book today. I think I started it Monday. Its a whopper of a book. A bit depressing, yet makes you want to keep reading. Its "A Voice in the Wind" by Francine Rivers. I guess I need to pass it to Rachel now.

I hope this doesn't sound whiny. But I feel lonely. I know God is always there, but He created woman so man would not be alone. Though Damon's passing is God's PERFECT will, and I don't question it...I am feeling the void right now. I guess I can't convey the feeling of what it is to lose your life's love, your soul mate. *sigh* my loss, is Heaven's gain and I will praise Jesus.

Tonight seems dreary.

Good Grief Charlie Brown

I think I am conceited now, thanks Michael. :)

Layout

I am ready for a new one...the pink is starting to get to me. I need to change it something else, yet I don't like spending the time to actually do that. It took me months to get up the go to'ness to create this one then by the time I was done I was soo happy. Now, I want to change it, yet I don't have the determination yet. Any volunteers.

Becki- I am horrible and said I was sending your fry sauce, but haven't yet. *sigh* I am bad.

Today is proving to be a bit better. I got one dream about him last night, woo hoo! I have a sinus headache and feel like I am getting sick. I have had some symptoms but just little ones...I know mom, ECHINACEA. Just haven't done it yet. Tonight I want to do something, yet I wanna stay home because I need to weed eat and clean the house a bit. I also need to grocery shop again. I want to buy a house too, but I can't do that. I need to wait until I am not acting out of grief. And I don't know where I would buy one at. My life...needs direction. Waiting on the map quest from Jesus though, in the mean time I will just sit down and enjoy the ride.

I love you Damon, and I miss you.

peace homies

Pray

I really need you all to pray for me. I am struggling right now. The Lord is still my King and my Helper. I just really really am missing my beloved Damon right now. I need Jesus to take this pain for me. I need Him too. I am okay momma, please don't worry. Jesus is holding me.

Hard Day

Please pray for me. This is proving to be a hard day. I miss my lover. I don't say that to sound gross or wrong, but that is truly what he was to me. Lover of my heart and soul, and I was the same to him. I loved everything about him and now it is gone. I will see him in Heaven, but that doesn't help the loneliness right NOW. Maybe it does...too some extent. I just really really miss my sweet husband.

One Month

Today is one month since the day Damon beat me to Heaven. July 19th. He died June 19th. I am having a new sort of emotions hit me lately. I hope it doesn't sound bad, but I miss the way he loved on me. I am lonely, he was my best good friend. He was my love, I had a verse in Song of Solomon 3 that reminded me of him. He was my true love, my hearts desire.

My Baby

I love my husband. I am so glad I know what love is now, our life together was such a blessing and taught me so many things. thank You Jesus for Damon.

I wish he was still here, but he isn't. I really wish he was here. *sigh* I miss him.

WOW

I just read bekah's (or is it bekka) blog. But I don't know how to comment, help. :( Do you have it set up for comments Bekah? Bekka? :) Btw, I will tell Michael and YES I WILL embarass him....well, maybe I could go easy on him.

My computers sound is not working. I don't know how to fix it, I am going to have to take it to someone. Damon always did this :( Oh and just so people who prayed for me will know. I had good dreams :)

Sad

That is me...I am sad. I miss my husband. I miss my best friend. I miss my love...I just miss him. Plain and simple. Rachel, Matthew, Rebekah, Michael and I went to a free concernt tonight. The group is called 33 miles, they are pretty good and some of their songs were really uplifting. They are Christian by the way. It was fun, I just kept thinking about Damon and what he is doing in heaven and how I cannot believe he is gone. I miss him so bad.

Oh and go check Michaels blog, see my link section for the address. He wanted me to post FOR him, about his fun times with a perty girl from Arkansas. :)

No Title

I seem to have a hard time thinking of a title....so I will just ask you, as I know a lot of you are, to pray for me. My day has started a bit rough, memories and so on and bad dreams. But God is making it better. I have to remember reality and not those awful dreams. Damon DID love me until the end. I HATE these dreams, I HATE them.

Ar-Kansas

Michael, Rachel, myself and the fellow arkansians had a fun night tonight. The arkansians would be Matthew and Bekah, Rachels brother and sister. We played mini golf, and did the batting cages, and Michael, Matthew, and Bekah did the go karts. Bekah won the second time. Lots of fun and Michael saw a WHOLE new side to Rachels personality. I won't go too much into details, because...well lets just say it is something that Damon and I's sick personalitys and fascinations with the many facets of feces would enjoy...but Rachel is to embarassed to admit to it. :) I love my husband...he made life so fun. We had the weirdest shared interests...such has passing gas and feces. I know, most of you are grossed out. And don't worry, it was not like we are weirdo's that REALLY were truly obsessed, but more of a running joke to gross other people out. :) Anyway..enough on that subject.

Sometimes I am afraid people will see me smiling or laughing, or reading my blog about something fun I did and wonder why I am not sad, like I didn't love Damon enough or something. I guess I feel guilty for having a good day sometimes. The truth of the matter is, I loved and continue to love Damon MORE than I ever knew possible to love any human being and I will NEVER forget my wonderful husband, and I DO want him back. But, if a good day comes my way from the Lord, I need to take Him up on it. In reality the bad days do come and they are very hard to get through, the break in the clouds, or silver lining are a welcome time for me. The Lord gives me those times so I CAN bear the pain through Jesus Christ. The pain is sooo great and so deep, that I need these moments. Damon would want me to make it, to live, to breathe, to go on. I want to do those things FOR him, to live in his legacy and to continue his memory in every life possible. Yet, it also saddens me, because my life is now without him. That is very hard. I wish it were different, God has another plan and I have to accept it and try to please Him within this storm in my life. It is hard to lose the man I became ONE flesh with. So hard. I wish he was here.

I need to go to bed for the night, work in da mornin. Pray for me, and I pray for my blogger buddies and love ya.

Amsouth

They are mean. I understand they have to obey the law, that is fine, but you could treat people with some care. They knew my husband had died, they knew I was trying to take care of things...yet they were inconsiderate and acted like it was a chore to help me. Makes me upset. You know, why, why can people NOT be nice? I know why, they need Jesus. I didn't go in there rude, I simply asked for some help. Although I will say it was very hard to continue to be nice when he acted that way. I tried though and probably could have done better. I just don't know the line of not letting someone treat you poorly and being mean. I don't wanna be walked on, but feel like if I say something then I am being rude. Sigh. Just pray for me, this stuff is hard enough...let alone all of this mess.

Home

I am home now and thank you to everyone who prayed. I won't say it was an easy trip because it wasn't but God seems to give me moments of sunshine that make the clouds bearable. If that makes sense. I dont really know what to post. I seem to be having a lot of different emotions. I am in a "miss" mood lately. I am just thinking about Damon and just wanting him with me and feeling lonely. God will never leave me, I know I am not a lone. Yet I think this is normal to wish for Damon like this. I want to please the Lord in all things like he did. Damon was SUCH an example to me, I so desire to be like Jesus first and then Damon. Damon was Christlike, and he was an example I can remember and really know what a pure example was. Pray for our families and myself. I know you do, and I thank you all. I love and appreciate everything. May God bless you and keep you and may He make His face to shine upon you.

Still Here

At the hotel room. It is the last day of state convention and I am tired. There have been some great services, but it has been hard without Damon here. I guess it's the hardest it's been in awhile. I love that man and I wish he was still with me, and that's okay. But, I can accept that God has another plan and I must live according to His will for me. I might not like this part of the plan and wish I could change it, that is okay too, but recognizing He knows best is the main key.

Damon is my hero, and was a wonderful man. Wonderful is not even the word to describe him. I mean you could partially describe him with that word, but I don't know if I could find one word that would cover all of his facets. He was amazing, wonderful, caring, compassionate, a child of the King who did all he could to please Him, and he was/IS my love. He loved me with a great love, bigger than I could have ever thought of or dreamed for the story of my life. And I will love him forever and always for that. That love will change in heaven, but I don't guess it will matter there. I will see him again, and that is awesome. I miss him immensely. The ache sometimes just makes me break down and I cry/scream/cry some more. I guess that is normal.

Well, I hope everyone stays safe and happy today and that you serve the Lord with all your heart, soul, and mind. I want to do the same.

Motivation

It came last night. I vacummed, dusted, swept the kitchen, did laundry AND folded laundry. I even packed. WOOOT! I slept fairly well last night, and only woke up once. I don't really remember any dreams and the cat was silent all night. I seem to wake up thinking of Damon. I really miss him, he was so much for me and to me. I love you Damon with all my heart. Well, pray for me today at work and the trip to Cleveland.

luv n prayers,
Damon's Kasey

SCREAM!!!

I am screaming right now! I am feeling EXTREMELY lonely. I MISS DAMON! I am praying too, Jesus can help me. Right now I am really hurt.

Lots to do...

As the title denotes, I have lots to do. The motivation is slow in coming though. I baked fries tonight because I kept thinking about Becki and the bottle of fry sauce sitting in the fridge. She told me to enjoy it, so who am I to question my elders?

I need to pack for convention tonight because I am probably leaving directly from work tomorrow. Life seems so weird now. I would ask that you pray for me as I travel through the chattanooga area tomorrow. That was one of the last places, happy places, we went through before Damon went to heaven. In my mind it feels bitter sweet, but I know the Lord will help me. I bought a red shirt for the VLB part of the convention because I didn't have any VLB colors...I just remembered a red and black shirt...oh well it was pretty cheap at wal-mart. I am so excited to turn in Damon's offering that he had been working on. Change to change the world. I love him and I want to do this for him. I wish he was with me, but he is in my heart and I am sure the conventions in Heaven are waaay cooler!

I can't say I have had an easy day. I don't think I have had an easy day since he went home, but some days have been easier than others. Yesterday was good, until the memorial service. It was a great memorial service, and I hope I conveyed the point I was trying to get across. But, it brought up so many memories. Sometimes I feel like, I can't believe he is gone. There are other times that I realize, this side of heaven, I won't see Damon in my every day life anymore. That is sad. The love of my life is gone from me. Yes he is present with Jesus, but he is NOT present with me. Physically. That is hard. Then there are times when it feels like he has been gone for ages, yet I can't believe the time that has passed. Sometimes, I am happy for him and determined. Then I feel sad and ,not that I am mad at God, but just the circumstances that seem so unfair. I have so many emotions. I guess I know one thing (and I keep saying it, but it's true) that I want to make Heaven more now, than ever before. That I want to be like my husband was, and like Jesus.

I need to clean up the house and so many other things. I wish he was here. Have a good night.

Pray for Me Please

I am having a rough morning. I know God is with me, but I also know this is normal to miss Damon. Just please pray for me. I am pretty sad.

Him

I miss him. I had a really good day, but the memorial...great as it was, well I just miss him now. He was more wonderful than words can describe. I miss him...that is just what I feel right now...miss'ish.

Sleep

I slept fairly well last night, and my cat wasn't even bad. I left him in the house with me instead of putting him in the laundry room and he only meowed a little bit. I am hoping he is getting used to being inside. I got up before my alarm and now I need to get ready for work. I know that I need to be thankful for a job, however I am just dreading going in today. PLEASE pray for this situation. I don't even want to go in with the news I received yesterday.

I posted on Damon's memorial page today. www.damonbroyles.com
I am hoping to have a guest book option at some point so that it's a bit easier to comment.

I miss Damon today, like always I guess. Some days are harder than others, and sometimes it is moments. I have so many questions as to why and so on. I am not blaming the Lord, sometimes it just feels so unfair. I know that God will bring this time about for my good, someday. I just have to remember how God blessed me with Damon even though it was for a short time. He was truly a wonderful amazing man that changed my life for the better.

Have a good day.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs! I MISS him. I miss my husband horribly. I want him back. It was his time to meet Jesus, I know, but I still miss him and I still want him back. I don't like being without him. I am lonely.
I WILL get through this and it will only be God that does get me through it. My feelings, He understands them all, and He cares, AND He can handle them. I don't feel theres anything wrong with missing and wanting Damon back. I am not mad at God. I know it was Damon's appointed time, but that doesnt make the hurt go away or me not want him back.

Pray for me and about my job. I got some news that has really upset me today. Currently I am only working part time, just until I can get back on my feet so to say. Well, I already work for two people. I am a secretary to the Math and Science coordinators (one for each subject) for Metro Schools. They decide the curriculum etc.. (I think anyway) for all of metro's 74,000 students, etc.. Well as you can imagine I have been busy enough in the past where I was really pretty stressed. They have restructured my department and I found out today that they are putting another boss over me. So now I will be working for three different departments. The bad thing is, my cubicle neighbor is my new bosses soon to be former secretary and I have seen how she has treated my cube neighbor and the stress. I don't WANT to work for her, let alone have someone else added to me. I dont know what to do. This really really makes me unhappy. I talked to Damon about it before vacation and I really can't remember what he said, except he probably would have said something like "well, just see what happens". I know Damon has worked for people that he really didn't want to, he pressed on. Part of me wants to say this is a door shut, another part wants to say, be a witness to this woman. Not that I am some great person, but if damon's death as taught me one thing, its that Heaven and Heaven alone are the only major gains in life and really all that matters. If we miss Heaven, we miss it all.

If you all would PLEASE pray. I just feel lonely and sad. I don't mean to be a downer on my blog, but I really just need the Lord to uplift me. I need some friends to come over or something.

Good Thought for the Day

It took a miracle to put the stars in place;
It took a miracle to hang the world in space.
But when He saved my soul, cleansed and made me whole,
It took a miracle of love and grace! —Peterson

God's grace gets me through every day. I may not see it or feel it, but when the day is done I can look back and realize this time in my life would be impossible without my Jesus.

I miss you Damon and I love you soo sooo sooo much. I look forward to Heaven.

Have a good day.

Remeberance Service for Damon

Location:
The Church of God
Antioch, Tennessee

6065 Mt. View Road
Antioch, TN 37013
Phone: (615) 641-2449

www.tcoga.com
www.thechurchofgodantioch.com

Date: July 11th
Time: 7PM

I would love it if you can come, Damon was a wonderful man and continues to be a light in my heart and soul- and example to my spiritual path.

Love and Prayers,
Damon's Kasey

First Day Back

I worked a half day today. I am thankful to the Lord for helping me. It was pretty hard to go through the motions this morning, but God is faithful and I made it. I will continue to work half days (Lord willing) until I can figure a few things out.

Pray for our (me and damon) neighbor, Mr. Ryan. I felt to go talk to him about the Lord, and Damon and I went a couple of months back and I didn't really get much out. I asked him if i could bring him some CDs of church services and he didn't want them. My Brother in law said he has talked to him straight about the Lord and that Mr. Ryan wasn't receptive to that either. Well, he is supposedly on his death bed. I went to the hospital today to visit him and they couldn't find his name. I need to check his house, but would prefer not to go alone. I just need wisdom. I want to pleaes the Lord on this.

I miss Damon a lot, and I wish I had him back. I know he wouldn't want to come back right now, but I also know that he wouldn't have wanted to leave me either. I must remain faithful and I will see him again. The Lord is my helper and I need all of His help I can get. Pray for me. luv, Damons Kasey

Sunday

I miss my husband. A lot. I found some old cards from him today, they warmed my heart yet reminded me of how easy it is to take life for granted. I just always thought I would have him right there with me. I never thought I would be without him in this life. Don't take your loved ones for granted, whether its your mom or dad, your brother or sister, or even your spouse. You never know what could happen. I know that it was Damon's appointed time to meet the Lord, yet I still miss him and God knows that. God knew before I ever met Damon, that one day we would be married and so deeply in love, and that three years, two months and 30 days after we became man and wife, that Damon would beat me to heaven. He knew the strength I would/do need to make it each day without the love of my life. I never knew before my sweet Damon, that you could ever love one person so much. I love him so much it hurts. The pain I have sometimes is awful. I guess I am scared that everyone will forget. I am going to have to live without him, day in and day out. I don't like that, but I choose to live and live for Damon and I's Savior, because I want to make it to heaven. I want to see my beloved's face again someday. Honestly, I wish this wasn't the plan for my life. I don't like it, I really don't. Yet who am I to tell God, ummm your plan is wrong. God knows the end from the begining. I just want to make it. Love n prayers, Damons Girl

A Good Thought

Run the race with eternity in view.

You know I have wanted to go to heaven ever since I have been serving the Lord. I guess everyone wants to go to heaven. But there is a difference in wanting to go to heaven and LIVING to go to heaven. Making decisions every day that will help you attain your goal OF heaven. Responding kindly when you want to bite the persons head off, remaining calm when traffic is ridiculous, letting your nephews know the right way to behave when really you would just like to tell them to knock it off. There is a difference between sin and fault. No, it may not be wrong to get upset at the traffic, but yes it would be wrong to be screaming and cussing at the driver who just made you mad. However, what I do with the anger makes the difference. God gave me the emotions that I am feeling. The sadness, anger (not at Him though, thankfully), hurt, doubting. But I wonder, did He give us those emotions to be used as WE typically use them. For instance, fear. There are two different kinds of fear, one is to fear the Lord i.e. reverance or respect, and fear from the enemy which has torment. I hope this makes sense. I guess I say all of this because I have gone through a gauntlet of emotions, but God is big enough to handle all of this and even though I may not be able to understand a thing. My God can handle ME. He can direct my heart, if I have to cling to Him with a single thread, he will make sure that thread hangs strong. My heart is to please HIM. Plus, I want to see Damon again too :)

love n prayers,

Damons Girl

Pray

Pray for me. I just need prayer. I want to make it to heaven so badly...yet I feel like my emotions are raw and that I am not thinking about Heaven enough. I want to have a pure heart. I am just thinking...I am a brooder by nature.

A New Blogger

Michael, as in my nephew, has joined the blogging ranks. check it out.

Michael

comment for the lad :)

:(

Why isn't anyone commenting anymore? yes I am still needy. So commment! oh and please ;)

I went grocery shopping and it was hard, but not impossible. I know the Lord will help me through each step. I think I could take a nap. I feel really sleepy, but I dont know if that is good because I have had trouble sleeping through the night and I think I would sleep better if I was REALLY tired.

store

I guess I need to breakdown and buy some groceries. I am thankful that I have access to food and the means to buy it. I know there are people out there starving. I just am so used to cooking for him. I didnt really cook before I got married, except on holidays. I liked to cook and was a good cook, I just ate out or whatever mom or dad had made. But I can't keep eating out for the rest of my life, a its not healthy, and b it is getting expensive. I need to go to the store today to get some copies of photos made and buy some flowers to take to his grave, so I will go grocery shopping then. I also need to pick the cat up at the vet. He had an abscess in his paw. I wish he would stop fighting. I also need to get ready for state convention. I am so excited to turn in Damons mission offering that he had been working on. I can't really remember my dreams to well, I know I had some. I got the opportunity to talk to Damons dad last night. I believe he is softening before the Lord, so pray for him. His name is Richard. Pray for my dad too, I can see a difference in him as well. I miss Damon, and I wish he was here. I love that man and always will, I say it a lot, but he is my hero. My example. I am so very proud of him.

I Wish You Were Here

I love you Damon Broyles and you are soooo wonderful. I know you are in heaven, but you are here with me, in my heart. Forever and always babe. I am so so so glad you are my guy. I love you baby with all my heart and soul and will see you in Heaven some day. That is my goal Damon, to make Heaven. WITH ALL MY HEART I wanna make it there. JESUS hold my hand, all the way to Heaven. PLEASE over ride my heart and soul with You Jesus. Always. May I always bless you and serve You. ALWAYS.

Pray for my daddy and Richard (Damons dad). Pray for Michael too. Pray for me. Pray for us all.

Thursday, and missing him

I miss Damon today. I don't want that to sound bad, like there is a day that passes where I don't. But yesterday wasn't bad. Today I am thinking about my husband. I asked the Lord to tell him I love him, that he IS my hero still, and that he is my blessing. I hope the Lord can tell them stuff like that in heaven. I HOPE. I want him to know how very very much I love him and how he (by Gods mercies) has changed my life so much for the better, and how many others lives he has changed. He was such an amazing person, and he didn't even realize. I guess that's good because then we would all be conceited if we knew what good we did, right. *sigh* I miss you Damon Broyles and I wish you were here. I really do. I know you are in heaven, but if I could, I would wish you back. Cus' I love you with all my heart and all of my soul, and all of all of me. If that makes sense. I love you Damon boo boo boo. A lot A lot A lot. We used to say stuff like that when we were dating. Well, if anyone wants to call me today they can. I have to go to the vet. Not for me, for the cat.

Heaven, YES! PLEASE!

I JUST WANT TO MAKE IT TO HEAVEN!! I just wanna make it! I need prayer. I don't seem to understand my emotions. I don't ever want to cling to anyone or anything but my Jesus. Please pray for me. I know my Lord is there for me, I KNOW it. I just want to bless and please Him in ALL I do. I need help understanding my thoughts right now. I love my husband, and I wish he was with me.

Living In His Legacy

Today, I continued a Damon tradition. I am not sure who knows or who doesn't, but Damon used to cut lawns as a side business. He had at one time I think up to 12 lawns that he cut by himself (and sometimes with his nephews) and we continued to cut after we were married. I believe we only cut them for the one season after we were married...I can't remember if we cut them the second year of marriage or not. ANYWAY...I say all of that to say this. Damon has one lawn left that he had continued to cut because it is so close to the house and I am not sure if he just wanted to try to help the people out as they are older. Well, the boys and I tackled that lawn today. I hope the Lord let Damon see it :) hehehe. I have cut it before, but I had all three nephews in the truck and Honey was riding shot gun, along with Michael. I have pulled a horsetrailer a long time before I ever met Damon, but his lawn trailer, in my opinion is hard to hook up. So, I prayed that the Lord would help me and it actually went more smoothly than I can ever remember before. We got everything loaded up and were finished in about an hour. Of course Damon had it done that quickly by himself, and I had Michael's help and then the two younger ones used the blower to cleanoff the porch and walkways (I hope anyway). I just hope that he could see all of us and was laughing. It wasn't sad, and there are no tears in heaven, so I try to keep everything happy for Damon so that he might see bits and pieces of my life and know that I love him and will be okay. I need to get cleaned up now though, sweat and fresh cut lawn are a unique smell. They actually remind me of the times I had with Damon. However, I think clean smells better. :) So, talk to you all later. Pray for me today. I usually wake up thinking about him, but just a FYI and praise, I don't think I had bad dreams last night either. So PTLord.

Damons Kasey

I'm not gonna tell you again!

Are the words that just came from Noah's mouth, as he threatens his much older and heavier brother to stop tormenting him. They add some interesting highlights to life.

Do you ever feel like you just open your mouth when you shouldn't. Sometimes it is so much easier to unload and vent about someone and their injustice to you, than to do as you should and just take it to the Lord. I feel like a failure at that, and Lord I am sorry. I don't know when it is a need to talk to someone and when not to. I don't want any words coming out of my mouth that would displease the Lord. I want to be careful. *sigh* any advice.

I am so glad the Lord blessed me with such a wonderful man as Damon.

Oh yeah, pray for Damon's truck. It needs a spark plug changed, (i think), and he always did that and I don't know how much it will cost. God can make it better.
luv n prayers
Mrs. Damon

home alone

no, not the movie. Me. I am home alone. Well, just me and Jesus. :) I have cleaned house, even mopped and did some laundry. I put Damon's clothes away finally. I am wearing his Dr. Pepper shirt that he was wearing that Day. I had to fix it, but it looks pretty good. Okay, I take back the title...the boys just walked in. My nephews. Okay, well bye. pray for me. I miss him so much, but I will make it with the Lords grace and mercy.


love,

Damon's Kasey

GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

Why isn't ANYONE posting??!??!! I know camp does NOT last 10 days. I am really, REALLY, really wanting to read something new. Not to mention I need comments myself. I don't want to sound needy, but I AM. So post, comment, and post some more. :(

I miss him, and am cleaning house. Cept for right now because I am on the pc. SIGH

Tuesday

I miss my husband. I had a dream about him last night, but it wasn't bad. Wouldn't mind if I had more dreams of him that were good. :) I love him and I want him back. I guess that won't happen though so I am keeping him alive in my memory and heart. I wish I could touch his face just one more time. I must wait until heaven to see him again, and though seeing him in heaven wouldn't be as monumental as it would be here on earth (because we will be more focused on God) I am still sooooo looking forward to seeing his beautiful face. Damon is the most amazing man I will ever know. I am so grateful for that, although I would like it more if he was here. I say that a lot, but it's true. I know he is in heaven, but I would still rather him be here until we could make it TOGETHER. Like in the Rapture or something. :)Then I could have and hold him everyday.

Pray for Tammy, she has a really bad headache/migraine. I am the only one up at the moment. Aside from the dogs. Morgans ear is really hurting so she is still in bed.

Andy mowed my lawn for me yesterday, and I had to go to Wal-Mart *sigh* to get the oil changed. Damon always did that for me. One time he even helped me so I changed the oil myself (with a lot of his help of course). I was so proud of myself. I wish I had helped him more so I would know how to do it today. I got a bunch of pictures developed last night. I got some frames and need to get a few more. One of them, he looks sooooooooo good (he looks good in all of them, but this one is like he's giving me a model stare or something, wowza). I could kiss the picture, but I don't want to mess it up. I hope that is alright to say that. :)

Pray for me, for the familys. Mom said dad is still taking it very hard. Not that we all aren't, but he needs the Lord. So does Damon's dad. Pray for them all to give their hearts to the Lord. That is what Damon would have wanted.

A New Book

Sister Maudie gave me a book that I am really enjoying. It is called The Grieving Christian (I think!). Praise the Lord, I don't remember a bad dream last night. WOOHOO! Thank You Jesus!

I miss Damon, I love Damon, I want Damon back, and that is okay. My husband was/is the love of my heart and life and I am forever grateful to the Lord for letting me experience TRUE love. Damon is my hero and my example. I love him with all of my heart and soul and look forward to seeing him in heaven. My beloved hero has made his goal and destination.

I am at Tammy and Steve's right now trying to protect honey from Morgans very hyper Dakota! Poor honey! My cat got in a fight last night with the stray cat Damon had started feeding. I was right there and they would NOT stop, I was hitting them with a stick and kicking them (not really hard)and they just wouldn't quit. I felt bad for the stray cat because he is still younger and smaller than my cat and he had tried to walk away but Tigger went after him. I am scratched up on my arm and finally got Tigger away from him and in the house. I am a huge animal lover and wouldn't normally have done all that but if you had seen it, it was horrible. I am tired of Tigger fighting. We got him neutered too late in his life and its like he still thinks he is a Tom Cat. grrr

Continue to pray for me, I miss Damon, and I want him back...A LOT! But I will stand with my Jesus. I refuse to let the devil get a hold of me. GRRR, he makes me mad.
Oh yeah, pray for autumn, she goes home today. Safe flight and all.

luv n prayers- Mrs Damon

Blessed

If you read this before 6pm central time, pray for me. I am singing a new soundtrack tonight. Older song, but new song for me to sing. Anyway, I am singing Blessed, made popular by Rachael Lampa. I can do about 95% of it, but this one part...well, sometimes I hit it, and sometimes I don't.

I wanted to go to Brother Pruitts funeral tomorrow, but don't know if I will make it or not. I need to finish all of my thank you cards from everyones attendance and giving at the funeral and all of the cards I have received in the mail. I really appreciate all of the support.

I miss Damon today, like everyday, but I have been thinking about him a lot today. I know I can do all things through Christ, so I know I can make it. It's still the hardest thing I have ever faced in my life though. His Word says He will NEVER give me more than I can handle, so obviously I can handle this. I need to think positive. I am not gonna let the doofus devil steal my joy. he can't have me, so he needs to get over it! Better yet take it up with my God.

I am at Crystal and Emily's right now, we are watching some movie and it is about time to get going to church. Pray for me. I keep reading the highlighted verses in Damon's Bible and they bless me so much. I knew I had a wonderful man, but the more I read what he had highlighted, the more I see how amazingly wonderful a man the Lord blessed me with. I love him so much and I miss him, and I am hanging on to Jesus so I can be at that "glad reunion day". I love you Mr Broyles, love your Mrs'